2Originally written in January 2015.
"It hurts", he thought as he laid down on his side. "It hurts more than I thought."
Tetsuya's spring break was already on its half and the phantom sixth man couldn't be feeling worse right now. All his memories of middle school were still too vivid, too close to him. It has been less than a week since he left Teiko and everything was so recent. He still could see the despair in Shige's eyes. The madness in Akashi's.
He also could recall the emptiness in Aomine's voice when he said 'it's over'.
Aomine Daiki was his first love when he was 12. In Kuroko's eyes, Aomine-kun was so cool, so good, so handsome, so perfect. The power forward was all he wanted to become and even more. Tetsuya used to think that the strong thumping coming from his heart was due to overworking himself during the training, but when he discovered that his partner also had this same feelings towards him, he was sure of his love.
In the autumn of their first year of middle school, they started to date - a pure, innocent relationship between two kids who acted more like best friends than boyfriends, but their love for each other was still genuine. Everyone around them were fine with it - Akashi and Nijimura agreed as long as their basketball weren't affected, Murasakibara couldn't care less about them and Midorima, while embarassed, warned them that the compability between Virgo and Aquarius was very low (it was not like they cared about it, though). They should have heard his advice.
Starting second year, Kise joined the team, always fawning over both of them, but they were chill with it. They trusted each other, after all. This was also the year where their relationship started to get serious. They started to act more like a couple - they used to hold hands and everything, and Kuroko's first kiss was taken on his birthday, but they never did it again until a lazy day in the middle of summer, both laying down in Tetsuya's room, Daiki's changing voice breaking mid-sentence, some words coming stronger than others. "Tetsu, let me give you a kiss", and so he agreed to his boyfriend's demand. A kiss turned into another one and another one on his neck and when Kuroko's senses came back, he was already sitting on Aomine's lap, his arms wrapped around the taller one's shoulders, whose hands were firm on his back. Before anything else could happen, Daiki pushed him away, laughing and asking if he had any multiplayer videogame. Kisses became more usual after this incident, although never in public - at least, not around other people - and sleeping at each other's houses was already routine.
After summer, though, his boyfriend seemed to got even better at basketball, which was really good to the team but not very good to Aomine himself, and even though Kuroko tried to persuade him, he started to skip practices often.
That's when all hell broke loose, only with a simple sentence.
"I don't even remember how to recieve your passes anymore."
It was pouring down that day and the rain ended up mixed with their tears. Daiki ran away, without saying anything else, not answering his texts, not picking up his calls, what made the younger one even more anxious. To make everything worse, things at school were also coming apart. Akashi's sudden personality change, everyone not caring about anything anymore - Kuroko didn't wanted to remember how close to hell he was during the rest of the school year.
His friends left him.
His boyfriend left him.
Even basketball, which was the thing that he loved the most in the world, left him.
Now it ws just him, some worn-out shoes and a stick saying he got another popsicle for free.
Then third year came, and that was just another story in the past.
(Still too soon to re-think about everything. He didn't wanted to have another panic attack, those being very frequent as the year progressed and things got more and more unbearable.)
And now, a quiet wind coming into his room through the window, he was motionless in the same bedroom where he shared that special kiss with his loved one. Kuroko could still recall the warmth of Aomine's body beside his, all the nights they've slept together in this room, holding hands, hugging. He could remember the way Daiki's lips felt on his neck, on his hands, on his cheek. There's no way he could ever forget him. Even the soap smelled like him and that felt ridiculous.
It reached a point where he wasn't even crying anymore - he was just so empty and alone and he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
The worse part was that no matter what he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about his - no, not his anymore - Daiki.
"Leave me", Tetsuya whispered, his pillow muffling his words. "Please, just leave me already..."
