Upside Down

God, I am such a stupid motherfucker.

Bobby groaned and wished he was anywhere else. Blood pooled in his head. A wave of vertigo washed over him as he wriggled in his metallic bonds which pinned his limbs to his body. His vision crossed, and his surroundings became a mesh of scarlet, violet, and gray. Forced upside down by the heavy chain wrapped around his body, his hair touched the cobblestone floor while his legs were bound upright. He smelled incense and smoke, the halls decorated with several candelabras, the tiny flames a myriad of colors illuminating the bookcases lining the walls filled with thick, dusty tomes.

The psilirium was not doing him any favors. The headband encrusted with the psychoradioactive mineral fogged the sides of his vision. His captors had made sure it was nice and tight around his forehead to the point where he almost feared it would crush his skull. Hints of gold filtered in like floaters, occasionally making his eyes roll and brain throb as he tried holding on to his senses.

Breathing heavily through his mouth, he narrowed his glare on the aged leader leering down at him, her silk, ebony robe draped heavily around her body. Despite craning his neck down to glare at her, he took in the oddly intricate symbols adorning her cheeks, the ruby red hues appearing like new scars. Her sharp steel eyes locked with his, wild with delight and anticipation, and the wrinkles bunched up by her lips as she spread them into a threadbare smile.

Her followers dressed in similar gowns, although their shades were lighter. Around their necks, they wore jagged jewels on thin strings. Their faces were also painted with the same oddly intricate symbols. Bobby could only make out a few faces, the ones which were closest to him nestled next to their leader. Their mouths were drawn in thin lines, their eyes half-lidded as they listened to their leader expounding upon their grand scheme to Bobby, who could only hear his blood pounding between his ears.

Way to get yourself in this fuckin' mess, Zilch, Bobby thought, ignoring the leader's speech. Got knocked the fuck out with a giant spellbook investigating this place and wake up like this. Nice going, dipshit.

"...and now, the Order of the Raven will have our retribution!" Lavina Calvery announced, reaching into her long sleeve. She procured a large tome with a rose quartz emblazoned in the center of the leatherbound book, the same one she used to knock out Bobby earlier. Thumbing through the pages, she smirked and crouched in front of him. She sliced her brightly painted thumb across his lip, the sharp nail cutting through it and drawing blood. As he tried licking it away, she smeared it like a drunken painter along a page of her tome. "The blood of a psychic," she murmured, high and ecstatic, "shall bring about destruction, shall summon the Unholy One, shall-"

"Yeah, yeah, can you summarize whatever the fuck you want? I wasn't listening," Bobby jeered, copper dripping back into his throat.

Her nose and brow wrinkled. Disgust seized her expression as she shot to her feet. Raising the tome high above her head, she growled, "Ignore my proclamations, will you? The Order of the Raven will ensure that you suffer in your final moments."

"You chicks are Satanists or something?" Bobby asked, closing his right eye when the gold hues seeped back into his vision.

Lavinia chortled, airy and merry. "When the Unholy One arrives, you shall see for yourself." She shook her head. "No, rather, you shall experience it."

"Who the fuck says 'shall' anymore?" he mumbled, shaking his head. He glared back at his legs, the chain around them particularly tight. If his psychic powers were not impacted by the psilirium headband, then he knew he could have easily torn the chain and locks right off him. He tried swinging himself from side to side, but he felt like an anchor, heavy and weighed down while the chain wrapped around him extended far above his line of sight.

The women formed a semi-circle around him. His cheek twitched, a pulse of delirium panging in his temples. He felt their hands on his legs, keeping him positioned as Lavinia withdrew a thick piece of white chalk from a pocket of her robe. He watched her draw intricate symbols beneath him, the images more like hieroglyphics, and he sucked down a few breaths through his mouth, sweat beading on his brow when another wave of vertigo drenched him, the room and women beginning to spin around him.

"The Unholy One will be pleased with the body of a psychic," she crooned, setting the tome in the center of the circle. She stepped back and outstretched her hands, her minions mimicking her.

"Oh, yeah? He's gonna possess me'? You tryin' to make me like Regan?'" Bobby sneered, a cackle rising in his throat.

"A psychic is stronger than a mere human and will serve well as the vessel," she explained, kneeling and resting her palm on the tome. "I'm glad the Psychonauts sent fools to face me. I'm sure your partner has already had her blood drained and flesh burned. Perhaps she is already a part of the incense in this room? I do not know, but that shall be the case very soon."

His eyes bulged, immediately imagining the desecrated body of his girlfriend just as Lavinia described. If she was like as Lavinia sneered, then he wished the rage boiling in his gut would set the entire lair aflame. He wanted nothing more than to tear her apart, all of his humor replaced with thoughts of ripping her trachea out through her nostrils.

The muscles in his arms twitched, and he gnashed down on his teeth. He thrashed in place, suffering a nauseating spell afterwards. Groaning, he squeezed his eyes shut as splotches of color blinked in his vision like stars going supernova. He tried controlling his breathing, but his gasps came out heavier than before, his struggling earning a chuckle from his captor.

Separating to investigate Lavinia's lair had been his idea. There had been too much ground to cover when they were together. He had thought he was making a good choice when he watched Chloe vanish into another room, knowing she was prepared to face any of Lavinia's henchwomen. But that plan had gone south faster than he realized when Lavinia ambushed him, and here he was, about to be possessed by the Unholy One in front of a cult straight out of a bad horror movie.

"You better not touch one fuckin' hair on Chloe's head, you hear me? I'll take that tome and shove it right up your ass!" Bobby bellowed, the women tightening their grips on his legs, a few of them grabbing his arms to better restrain him. Even when they dug in their fingernails and pressed down on the headband, the psilirium making him feel like he would soon vomit, he snarled, "One tiny bruise, one little cut, and you're fuckin' dead."

"You will suit the Unholy One perfectly with that fervor," Lavinia crooned, but as she raised her hand, an incantation on her tongue, light seeped in from behind her.

The women turned. Double doors which had bled into the darkness opened up. The candlelights flickered in the draft. In the doorway stood a woman wearing the same gown, but her face was blanker than the others. She was not blinking, her gaze focusing on nothing, and her mouth was open, speechless.

She teetered to the side and fell away. Bobby broke into a wide grin at her replacement, the cultists gasping, Lavinia's grip on her tome loosening.

Chloe brushed her hands together. Her boots echoed as she approached the women, Lavinia turning paler than a ghost. A splotch of blood was dabbed on her cheek, and she slowly looked down, examining Bobby and his unorthodox position.

"I see you've gotten yourself into quite the predicament, Bobby," she said as Lavinia hurried to her feet.

A chuckle tittered out of him. "Yeah, I got knocked the fuck out. My bad." He shrugged as best as he could.

"You-! How are you still alive? I gave the guards psitanium!" Lavinia bellowed, her knuckles popping as she clenched her fists.

"But they are not psychics. Just because you gave them fleeting psychic powers through psitanium does not mean they knew how to use them," she said, coming closer. She tilted her head, her gaze following the long chain up into the darkness. "Where is that even connected to? I can't see the ceiling from he-"

"Chloe, look out!" Bobby shrieked as Lavinia darted at her, her legs kicking up high in the air.

She quickly set two fingers to the side of her helmet and summoned a shield. Lavinia crashed against it, recoiling backwards and stumbling on her heels. Chloe thrust her hand forward, telekinetically thrusting Lavinia back into the wall. She curled her fingers into her palm and snatched Lavinia, pinning her arms and legs together, Bobby looking on with a large grin.

The other women rushed at her, their silence broken with roars. Chloe reeled her arm back and waved it around, swinging Lavinia around like a baseball bat. Her body slammed into her cronies, knocking them to the ground as Chloe backpedaled, carefully avoiding any strikes her way before ramming Lavinia into the attacker.

As soon as each cultist was down, various gold jewels falling off their person, Chloe twisted her wrist. She brought Lavinia back to her feet, the leader groaning all the while. She kept her grip tight around her, stating, "Lavinia Calvery, we are bringing you in under suspicion of kidnapping and forced mental possession."

"Hell yeah, Chloe! Show her who's boss!" Bobby cheered, not minding at all that he was sidelined. Seeing Chloe take out any enemy was enough to get his heart pumping and excitement tingling throughout his entire body. He rocked from side to side, every bit of him reassured that she had the situation under control.

"You-you-you mentalists-! You mentalists, how dare you interfere with the Order of the Raven!" she shrieked, her face burning with white hot rage.

"Well, you should not have forced these innocent women into joining your cause," Chloe said, gesturing at the array of groaning girls on the ground. The psilirium they had worn was dashed upon hitting the ground, the minerals splitting into shards that continued disorienting the women.

Bobby cackled, his cheeks starting to hurt from how hard he grinned. Chloe was right in every sense. She had completely shut down Lavinia's arguments. Even if the psilirium fogged his vision and the blood filling his head like water pouring into a balloon numbed his senses, he made her out as clear as day. And watching Lavinia struggle to comprehend how she lost was like having a front row seat to a concert, her struggles eliciting a laugh from the pit of his belly.

But Lavinia suddenly stilled. Her silence immediately made Bobby clamp his mouth shut. He furrowed his brow, ignoring the faint pain pulsing in his forehead. He focused on Chloe tilting her head, her own eyes narrowed on Lavinia when her head dropped, her hair shadowing her expression. He bit his tongue as Chloe crept closer, maintaining her grip on Lavinia, but when she recoiled, his heart dropped into his mouth, and he choked on it.

Lavinia's throat bulged. Something sharp poked against the skin. It rose up into her mouth, pushing her cheeks outwards. Chloe's eyes widened behind her faceplate, her confusion swiftly becoming distress as Lavinia spat something at her, the impact hitting her chest causing a wet, squelching sound to fill the silence.

Out of habit, Chloe caught the object and immediately fell to her knees. Bobby shouted her name, but the psilirium shard Lavinia had vomited up quickly did its job. She wobbled, losing her grasp on Lavinia, who landed on her feet. She chucked the shard away, but Lavinia wasted no time lunging and grabbing Chloe's throat. Chloe's back slammed into the ground, and Lavinia smashed her knee into her torso, Chloe's cry silenced by Lavinia snatching and squeezing her throat.

"Fuck! Chloe!" Bobby shrieked, writhing in place, his distress only empowering the psilirium encrusted in his headband. He moaned, the scene hazing over as mist coated his vision. He strained his arms, hoping they would break free, even at the cost of shattering the bones within as their bodies became more distorted in the fog.

TWHACK!

Bobby blinked, his mouth dropping open. He stopped struggling, his shock wearing off as Lavinia's head shot to the side. He could have sworn he saw a tooth bursting out of her mouth when she crumpled.

Chloe held her helmet high above her head as she pounced, a blood splatter on the side of it. She slammed it down again on Lavinia's skull, the crack piercing everyone's ears. Lavinia slumped, out like a light, and Chloe panted, her shoulders curving forward as she bent forward to grab Lavinia's leg. Holding her helmet underneath her arm, she dragged Lavinia's unconscious body over to Bobby who gawked and turned redder than a tomato.

"I never anticipated that my helmet would be a good tool to use in a fight," she said, dropping Lavinia's leg.

Bobby sputtered, Chloe tracing his cheek before snatching the headband and tearing it off him. Gasping, he shook his head and concentrated a burst of psychic energy on the locks trapping him in place. They snapped apart, the chains, metal, and bolts falling down along with him. His head smacked into the ground, followed swiftly by the rest of him. As he rolled to sit up, he looked up at her, infatuation burning rosy red on his face when Chloe grinned down at him.

"Never thought you'd do somethin' like that," he managed to quietly say when he could control his tongue.

As the women regained their senses around them, Chloe smiled and took his hand. Helping him to his feet and steadying him when he wobbled, she said, "Sometimes, a physical approach is better than a psychic one."

Bobby brushed his knuckles against her cheek and wiped the blood away, his mouth twisting in a lopsided grin. "Ya got that right. Thanks for savin' my ass."

"It was a very curious position to find you in," she said, reaching up and smoothing away the blood on his lip. Rubbing her damp thumb against her palm, she chuckled. "I suppose you were like a bachelor in distress, opposite of a damsel in distress."

He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away, her giggling darkening his blush. "Yeah, yeah, yuck it up. Embarrassing enough that the crazy chick knocked me out with a damn book instead of a punch or whatever."

"No, she merely caught you by surprise," she said, and Bobby gathered Lavinia in his telekinetic hand, clutching her tightly enough that she could still breath but wince when she came to. "You know, this will make a very interesting True Psychic Tales issue if the writers come across our paperwork about this mission," she added, her eyes lighting up and hands clasping together. "The synopsis would be something like 'Agent Zilch finds himself in the perilous clutches of the Order of the Raven. It's up to Agent Barge to save him with her psychic wits and strength against this demonic cult.'"

"That's pretty good, but I got a better synopsis," he said as they went to the terrified women checking in on each other.

"What's that?"

"'Agent Zilch's ass gets saved by his girlfriend for the fortieth time,'" he finished, bending down to kiss her brow.

Chloe beamed, her cheeks turning pink only for her expression to fall away. "Oh, how was she able to spit up that psilirium? Humans can't stomach it."

Bobby blinked. "Uh, she's like a wannabe witch or somethin', right? Maybe she used a spell before all this shit went down?" He shrugged. "I dunno. We always get the weird as fuck missions."

"Indeed," she said, nodding, and they went about helping the unfortunate women who had been dragged into Lavinia's cult.