October 10th 2018

To Emily

My... Emily.

You were mine, weren't you? You were made from me, that much will always be true.

I don't know if that makes you mine but I wanted to believe that you were. I wanted to believe it more than anything in this world.

I still do.

I know I didn't do a very good job of it in the brief time that we knew each other but I wanted to be your mommy.

I wanted to protect you, raise you... and love you forever.

But I failed.

I failed William, too. And these failures still haunt me.

Even now.

Even though I know there was nothing more that I could have done to keep either of you safe.

Even though I know for all of the heartache and pain that letting you both go caused me.

I made the right decision.

Decisions.

I know this because of Mulder (Silly Mister Potato Head). Because even though losing you also broke his heart, he did everything in his power to comfort me... afterwards.

Mulder has always told me that I did the right thing, that I made the hard choice... a choice only a mother could make. To keep her children safe from harm.

But... it still hurts.

It's been almost twenty years since you were taken from me.

From us.

I still miss you.

There are still days that I wonder what more I could have done... and why.

But you were made from me.

From my biology.

From ova that was stolen from me during my abduction all those years ago and from something... more.

But the something more never matter to me. Because you will always be a part of me, and of our family.

Our first child.

I didn't know how much I wanted to be a mother until I met you.

Until you were taken away from me.

Now I am about to be a mother again. I am terrified of losing her, just like I lost you... and William. I can't. I can't lose her, too.

But, I have... hope.

Hope.

That... this time it will be different. That I will be able to keep her from the darkness. To only show her the light the world has to offer.

I want to believe that I will better at it this time.

I will be better... with Mulder by my side.

I promise. I promise to do better this time, for you and William.

For her.

I love you, my darling daughter.

My Emily.

Love, Mom.