3Picking up the pen and turning the pages, Scully read again the words he had written down. She remembered the time in Maine, and how angry he had been when he left. As soon as he had, she knew she had pushed too far, but she had seen how he was beginning to tumble down the rabbit hole.
It was harsh and she knew it hurt him, but it also snapped him out of his thoughts, causing him to focus on her. He had clenched his jaw and it made her heart feel as though it was clenched as well.
How odd it would be that in such an angry and hurt moment, he would consider that a moment of love. As he had left her motel room and gone to his own, she wanted to go to him, but knew it would be wrong. He would have stayed if he had wanted, but he had needed some time. She had stood by her door waiting to see if he would open his own and come back. He had not, but she stayed standing there for a while, worried for him.
Turning the page to an empty one, she picked up the pen and wrote down: Quantico, D.C hearing, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Virginia, Idaho. She looked at them knowing exactly what they meant to her, as Mulder joined her, a blanket over his arm and carrying two cups of tea.
Handing hers to her, he set his on the railing and covered her with the blanket. He picked up his cup and sat beside her, putting the blanket over his own legs.
"So, how did you do?" He grinned and she smiled, letting the cup warm her hands
"Better than you. How many did you have? Five? Hmm…" She shrugged and smiled. "I got six but who's counting?"
"You, apparently." He laughed, bumping her shoulder.
"Just saying," she said, taking a drink as he pushed the swing slightly with a quiet laugh.
"Mm-hmm," he hummed and she chuckled. "But, Scully, it's so much more than five times or even a hundred. It was ongoing and continues to be so."
"Hmmm… but I still got more… in writing," she teased.
"Ha! Well, let's see." He took the notebook from her and opened it to the page where the pen had been laid as a marker. "Oh yes I see, seven words, six places. Yes, you definitely beat me." He closed the notebook and she took it back with her eyes narrowed. He laughed as she set the notebook beside her.
"Oh, you will be beat. I will be victorious," she said and gave him a look. He howled with laughter and she joined in as they drank their tea and rocked in the swing.
"Do you think other people behave this way?" she asked, thinking of Elise and her husband, or any of her past friends.
"How do you mean?"
"Do you think other couples argue over the things we do? That they try to outdo… love? That they have bets the way we do? Or more importantly, the standing reward when we win?" He laughed again and shook his head.
"First of all, we didn't state there was a bet, no wage has been placed, although I know it never really needs to be stated," he said as they both laughed. "And no, I don't know about others, Scully. But what I do know, is that it's certainly not a question I would ask anyone. 'Hey do you and your wife/partner have bets where the reward/payment is oral sex?' Yeah, I could definitely see myself asking that question." She laughed loudly and he winked at her.
They drank their tea and sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Do you want to head in now?"
"No, not just yet. I want to write a bit, expand on my seven words," she teased and he smiled. "I also want our girl to know it wasn't ever just one sided. There are pieces of my heart across this country too. Not literally, of course." He scoffed and she smiled. Taking her cup from her and kissing her forehead, he got up and walked inside, smiling at her as he did.
Covering up a little more with the blanket, she picked up the notebook and opened it. Looking at the list of places, she picked one and began to write.
Quantico
Teaching at Quantico was something she enjoyed, always had. Now though, after being in the field, especially having been with Mulder, it lacked a certain appeal.
She liked it, yes, but it was not the same. However, she was an FBI agent, so she went where she was told. Of course, they were not partners, but Mulder was still contacting her, still writing reports for her to read and gain her opinion and expertise.
When he came in with his new "partner," her heart sank at the sight of him. Not until she saw with her own eyes, did she believe there was a chance they would be back together.
After they left, she kept at her work, but her heart was not in it. Taking a break, she left the room for a coffee.
When he called later, she teased him, asking about his "new partner" and his responses made her smile. Under all the jokes, she heard that he missed her as she missed him. Neither seemed keen to hang up, but eventually she did.
Smiling, her heart felt different than before- happy and light, something she had not felt in a long time. She would have denied it, if anyone said anything, but it felt like love.
Washington D.C.
Sitting alone at the senate subcommittee hearing, as questions were asked regarding Mulder's whereabouts, she remained silent no matter how they continued their questioning. Even if she knew, she would not tell them. He was her partner and she would not give him up.
They stared her down as she continued to remain silent and then she heard his voice behind her. Turning around quickly, she saw him and her breathing increased as her heart pounded.
He had a bloody spot on his head, evidence of some trouble he had escaped from, but good God, the sight of him shook her to her core. She always saw him as a handsome man, but in that moment, she saw him as more than that; he made her very blood tingle.
As he walked past and sat close to her, she could smell him, and it made her lose her train of thought. He was okay, alive, and goddamn, did she want to embrace him.
Do more, if she was completely honest with herself.
As they left the hearing room, she told him what she had learned and what she believed was happening. He accepted without hesitation and they hurried outside, hailing a taxi to the airport, asking after what had happened to him.
She looked at his head, touching his face gently, when what she had really wanted to do was climb into his lap and kiss him, not caring about the taxi driver or any repercussions. She wanted him more than she would have ever had thought possible.
She physically put her hands under her legs to stop herself from touching him further, needing to remain professional.
But, in that moment, she recognized that no one else made her feel the way he did.
No one.
Without even trying, he had taken a piece of her heart when he left and as he walked into that hearing room, it was as though he was bringing it back to her.
Virginia
Sitting in Jackson's bedroom, looking at his pictures, the things he had up on the walls and on the shelves, she knew he was William, knew it without any confirmation. There had to have been a reason she was seeing the things she was seeing.
He was calling to her.
As she left the room, the snow globe in her pocket, she ran into Mulder and he stroked her face, nodding at her before putting his hand on her back as they walked down the stairs.
At the hospital, as the body of their son lay on the table beside them, Mulder's arms around her were all that were keeping her from falling over. As he led her out of the room and they walked down the hall, he kept an arm around her.
As they arrived at the lab, he stopped her, looking into her eyes.
"Whatever these tests show, if it's not him, we will find him Scully. If it is him… Well, we'll cross that bridge in two hours." She nodded and sniffled. "Whatever the outcome, we will get through it." She looked at him and he nodded, put a hand on her shoulder and rested his forehead against hers gently.
"Scully," he whispered, and she heard so much in those two syllables. His love, worry, care, concern, and fears. Above all, she heard his love and she stepped closer, laying her head on his chest. She held him, unable to speak, far too overcome with emotions to say anything.
He sighed and held her until she pulled away, wiping her eyes and nodding. He glanced at the doors to the lab and she said she needed the restroom, knowing she could not face dropping off Jackson's samples.
Using the bathroom, she washed her hands and wiped at her face. Looking at her reflection, she sighed and dried her hands. Walking out the door, she found Mulder waiting for her. Putting his arm around her shoulders, he led her to the waiting area.
As she sat on the couch, he nodded and said he would be right back. He returned soon with coffees for both of them, setting them on the table. Sitting down beside her, he sighed and she put her head on his shoulder.
"Two hours, give or take," he whispered, and she nodded against his shoulder. His hand found hers and interlocked their fingers.
Everyone continued on around them, their lives not concerned with the two people on the couch whose hearts were simultaneously hopeful and breaking, as they waited for lab results to know for certain if the body down the hall was their son.
Oklahoma
They were called in to help with a case involving a possible string of bombingsc in Oklahoma. As they listened to the agent in charge, Mulder sighed, shifting his weight back and forth. Still not back on The X-Files, he felt every case but those were a waste of their time.
She gripped his elbow and he glared at her, his eyes annoyed. She raised her eyebrows and he nodded with a sigh, his movements stilling.
Dispersing a few moments later, he guided her to the door with a hand on her back, when someone called her name. Turning around, she saw Thomas Schaeffer walking towards them.
He shook her hand, a big smile on his face as he asked how she was doing. She smiled back and gripped his hand. He had been in a couple of her classes at Quantico and they had also been in a study group together.
He told her he was called in from the field office in Atlanta and they laughed at an old joke. Mulder cleared his throat, and she introduced them, noticing how Mulder gripped his hand tighter than normal. Annoyed at his actions, she made a point to remember to talk to him about it later.
Thomas walked away soon after, with plans to catch up later. Scully stared at Mulder and he shrugged as she rolled her eyes and walked away, ready to help with the case.
Later at the motel, she was lying on the bed when Thomas knocked at the door, looking to grab a bite to eat at the diner next door. She agreed and they walked across the way. He was staying at the motel too, as were most of the other agents.
Over salads and the special of the day, he told her about his wife and twin daughters. He hated being away from them, but knew that was the job. She smiled and he showed her some pictures, as she exclaimed over how cute they were, with their big green eyes and blonde curls.
As they walked back to her room, Mulder stepped out of his own room. He stared at them, his eyes moving from one to the other. Thomas said good night and continued onto his room.
"You guys had that catch-up then?" he asked and she nodded, keeping her expression neutral. "That's good."
"Yeah. I've always liked him. He was fun at Quantico, and always kept us laughing."
"Oh, he's funny, huh?" he asked, looking toward Thomas's room. "He's in the Atlanta office, yeah?"
"Hmm, yeah."
"Long way from D.C.," he said, his foot tapping quietly, his eyes still on Thomas's door. She bit back a smile and nodded.
"He likes it there. His girls are in a good school and his wife has a great job." Mulder's head whipped around to look at her as she crossed her arms and bit her cheek; his relief obvious as he tried to hold back a smile.
"Oh, that's… nice. Good for him." They stared at each other and he cleared his throat. "So you ate already?" He looked towards the diner and she nodded.
"But, I didn't have any dessert."
"Well, that's just unacceptable," he said and she smiled, before pressing her lips together. "Do they have pie?"
"I don't know, as I didn't eat dessert," she reminded him and she rolled her eyes.
"Let's remedy that then, shall we?" He gestured for her to walk ahead of him and she stepped forward, his hand landed on her back, his fingers rubbing softly, causing her pulse to race.
Minnesota
There were many times that they were sick. Being on the road, not always sticking to a balanced diet, and spending time out in all kinds of weather. Both of them suffered through colds, continuing to work, unless they were no longer able
to do so. The worst time though, had been when Mulder had a very high fever in the middle of a terrible snowstorm.
They were stuck in a small town, with no hope of leaving. He was sick, sleeping most of the day as she checked on him and made sure he was okay. He was so hot and her supplies were limited.
With a lack of medication, she cooled him with a washcloth, wiping his chest, back, arms, neck and face. He mumbled and moaned as she did, shivering despite his ever rising body temperature.
The heat in the rooms died as the power went out, plunging them into darkness and the snow howled outside. She moved into his room, bringing along all of the blankets from her bed. She was freezing, even with the many layers of clothes she had on. She laid close to him in his bed, his heat warming her.
Waking up at four in the morning, the dark surrounding her, she felt his face and found it to be cool to the touch. She smiled and moved closer as his arm went around her and her name fell from his lips.
"Hey."
She jumped, as he walked out and sat down beside her. Setting down the pen, she closed the notebook, but he took it from her, flipping through the pages.
He hummed and then sighed, shaking his head. She looked at what caught his eye and she saw it was the entry from when he had been so sick.
"I don't remember much about those couple of days," he said, and she nodded in agreement.
She took the notebook from him and closed it, setting it beside her and laying her head on his shoulder.
"I didn't finish my list," she said as the swing began to move, and he laughed.
"So, it's a draw?"
"Not hardly. You interrupted me or I would have finished."
"Hmm, You've been out here over an hour. Your hands are freezing," he said, taking one into his own, rubbing it gently before raising it to his lips.
"Maybe a bit, but still, I was nearly done so I'm taking the win on this one." He laughed again and nodded kissing her knuckles.
"I am more than happy to concede. More than happy." She chuckled and then they fell silent, before she sighed and huffed out of breath.
"What?"
She shook her head and squeezed his hand. "It's just…. Seeing it all in black and white, thinking back on my own memories, it took us so long to get there. I loved you for so long and obviously you loved me and yet…" He nodded and sighed.
"You're not supposed to fall in love with your partner," he whispered.
"No, you're not, but we were pretty good at breaking the rules."
"I'll say,"he said with a laugh and she chuckled softly. "It all happened when it was supposed to, Scully, even if we never said or acted on it, we knew. I knew anyway."
"I knew, of course I did. It's just…"
"What?"
"All that amazing sex we could've been having, Mulder," she moaned and he let out a huge laugh.
"While true, I'd say we've more than made up for it. Remember that trailer we had? God, we had a lot of sex in that thing."
"It was the best way to pass the time."
"And it was hot as hell. God, you were so naked all the time," he hummed and she laughed. "So naked."
They fell silent again and rocked the swing, her head on his shoulder and their fingers interlocked.
"Maybe we don't include the sexy trailer story in this book of love for our daughter to read," she said, and he nodded in agreement.
Sitting up and rising from the porch swing, they started to collect their things to head inside. It was much warmer in the house and it felt good after being outside for so long. She dropped the blanket on the couch and stood in the living room.
"You know, even with all these moments in time, pieces of our hearts, whatever you want to call it, it's all figurative of course. We can't literally lose pieces of our hearts. A heart is not shaped the way it's portrayed anyways. It has ventricles…"
"Ohhh…" he groaned loudly and she looked at him, his head dropped back as he washed their mugs. "Don't bring your doctor logic into this, please." He turned to look at her as he put the mug on the side rack, picking up a dish towel and drying his hands as he shook his head
"It's the truth," she said, trying not to smile and she walked towards him, crossing her arms
"And boring and unromantic," he noted, stepping closer to her and she smiled, glancing up at him. "Very unromantic, Miss Scully." She uncrossed her arms and looped them around his neck. He kissed her and she hummed against his lips. He stared at her and she grinned.
"What was the point of your very unromantic observation?"
"My point was," she said, as she pushed at him, causing him to fall onto a dining room chair, and she straddled him, his hands landing on her hips. "If a heart was in fact shaped as we are led to believe, and we were equating our stories to losing pieces, would it not stand to reason that our hearts are empty or no longer whole?" She raised her eyebrows at him, his thumbs rubbing the skin under her shirt.
"Hmm," he breathed. "While that is incredibly hot and… I love you getting all science-y on me… I think you're thinking incorrectly."
"Oh?"
"Mmm-hmm," he said, his thumbs moving in slow circles, causing her body to react, as her breath caught and she exhaled heavily.
"How am I mistaken then?"
"Hmm," he said, his thumbs moving higher as she pushed into him slightly. "Well, maybe I said it incorrectly too. I said I lost a piece of my heart, but I think what I meant was… It was given to you." He smiled at her and she wrinkled her brow.
"It's not that I lost my heart and the pieces were left there, but more like, we were there and the piece of my heart that fell for you, was freely given to you." She smiled and he wrapped his hands behind her back, and under her shirt, locking his fingers together.
"It doesn't quite answer the question I asked," she said, with the teasing grin. "Even if you gave it freely, wouldn't your heart be empty or rather holey, like a Swiss cheese heart?"
He laughed and pulled her closer, her head resting on his chest, her arms tucking in and grasping his shirt. He sighed deeply and she closed her eyes, feeling him breathe.
"No, I wouldn't liken it to a Swiss cheese heart," he chuckled, moving a hand to her hair and stroking softly.
"My heart, and your heart for that matter, the pieces we gave freely, and yes figuratively, if we imagined them leaving behind holes, then wouldn't it make sense that the pieces simply switched places?"
She raised her head and looked at him, his fingers tangled in her hair. He smiled, with his eyebrows raised, and she searched his face.
"How are you so cheesy-Swiss cheesy even–and also so goddamn adorable at the same time?" she whispered and he smiled moving his hand from her hair to her face, his thumb running across her lips. She kissed his thumb, his eyes closing as she did.
"A patchwork heart," she whispered, and he opened his eyes. "The pieces given and shared, making up a new heart. Each of us carrying the other. God! We are so disgustingly sappy! What in the hell happened to us?!" He laughed and she shook her head, making a face. He shook his head and stroked her face again.
"I've always been this sappy, as you well know," he said quietly and she nodded. "A patchwork heart sounds about right. The pieces fitting together imperfectly and yet making it whole. Like a cut-and-paste job by a child in school. It's messy, but it all fits." She smiled and he pumped his eyebrows at her. She stroked his face and he leaned into her hand.
"God, I love you. It's truly so disgusting how much, but I do," she said softly and he nodded.
"I love you too. Patchwork heart and all." He smiled and she kissed him gently, cuddling into him once more.
"Patchwork heart and all," she whispered and he hummed, stroking her hair, the clock ticking behind them as they each took a deep breath, and listened for the beating of their perfectly imperfect patchwork hearts.
