~.~

Eddie stood in the bustling train station, and tried to keep himself from fidgeting. Which was a hard task, when he was about to see his best friend in all the world for the first time in six months. Ever since leaving Derry, Eddie had been adjusting to the wild, busy jungle that was his new city, but honestly he didn't think he could ever be truly comfortable in it. The frenzied movement appealed to him, of course, the never-stop, constant movement. He had never been one for the idyllic.

But there was so much. He was doing better with bacteria and cleanliness since escaping his mother, but there was still so much he had to work on. And the compact press of so many hundreds of bodies passing him constantly was unsettling.

But this was his new city, his new life. His fresh start in which he would tackle every problem head on, and face every truth that made him who he was. He'd started by admitting to himself, and then to the Losers, that he'd been hiding his whole life.

Being a gay guy in New York was nothing like being one in Derry. Sure, there were still shitty people sometimes, but there was much more acceptance. There were places he could go and meet other people who'd faced the same struggles and shame as he had. Places he could relax, share his story, if he wanted. Places he could make friends and hear their stories, and people who could help him out, explaining anything and everything he might want to know. (And a lot more he didn't really want to know.)

The Losers, of course, had been supportive. He'd probably never stop feeling guilty for not trusting them with who he was, all these years, but they didn't care. They loved him, and he loved them dearly.

Now, standing in the giant, terrifyingly busy train station, Eddie watched Richie's train pull in with a growing sense of nervous excitement. Considering that Richie was his favourite, of all the Losers, his acceptance had been Eddie's biggest fear about coming out.

Well, that and the fact that Eddie had been in love with him for almost as long as he could remember, and Richie had played an integral part in what was, essentially, Eddie's awakening. Richie was supposed to have been up for his birthday weeks ago, but at the last minute family from out of town had arranged to visit and he'd had to phone Eddie to cancel.

But now, finally, he was coming to visit, to stay for a week, and Eddie was bubbling over with enough excitement that he could almost convince himself it had been longer since he'd seen the stupid, lanky, dark-haired, goofy-looking Loser he loved more than life.

Eddie spied Richie first, of course, the dark mop of ridiculous mess bobbing as he loped through the station. He felt himself grinning stupidly as Richie came into view, watching the grin that lit his friend's face when he himself was noticed.

"Eddie Spaghetti!"

Eddie rolled his eyes as he was given an armful of Richie Tozier, clashing orange hawaiian shirt and all. He'd grown again, fucking typical. Eddie clapped him on the back and ducked away with a whine when his hair got mussed.

"God, you never change, do you?"

"Nope!" Richie popped the 'p' with a wide grin, and his eyes danced as he laughed at Eddie's unamused expression.

Eddie shoved him to hide his own grin.

"Grow up, loser."

Richie's warm laughter was loud, turning heads as they made their way out onto the street, and Eddie found himself sinking further into his collar as strangers looked at them both.

~.~

"What brought it on?" Richie asked, dropping gracelessly onto the bed as Eddie opened the closet to find blankets for the sofa for later, "The whole… coming out?"

"Escaping," Eddie answered, ready for the question, "getting away from Derry and starting my own life, I think. I don't have to hide, or pretend for anyone else. I have to start… living for me."

"Makes sense." Richie sniffed, kicking his shoes off and swinging his legs up onto the bed.

"So I figured…" Eddie paused to shrug, unable to quite meet Richie's eyes as he sat on the edge of his bed, "That I should start accepting all my own truths, y'know? Stop hiding from them."

"They shrink when you stop being afraid?"

Eddie looked at him then, knowing that he was understood. Richie, and the others, they knew. They knew real fear, the realest kind of fear there was, better than anyone else Eddie would ever meet. He was lucky to have them, to be understood by them even when sometimes he didn't really understand himself.

"Yeah."

He sat his watch on the bedside table, because he didn't plan on leaving the apartment again now that he'd collected Richie. Maybe it was because of how he knew he felt about the ridiculous, lanky trashmouth, but Eddie also missed his best friend, and he wanted to spend every moment of Richie's visit with him, and on their own, if he could.

"So." Richie said, turning his head to the side and looking at Eddie expectantly, "Out and proud, huh?"

Eddie fidgeted, nodding his head in a single, jerky movement.

"I'd… appreciate it if you didn't give me shit for it." he said, quietly, "I know you probably have a hundred jokes already-"

"Eds, I'm wounded!" the guy cried, eyes bright with his laugh as Eddie rolled his eyes and fought a smile, "You'd brush my amazing comedy aside so easily?"

"I'm trying to be serious here, you dork."

Richie's laughter died but his grin didn't, and Eddie felt the warmth in his chest as he returned the look. Richie was his best friend, more than any of the other Losers, and his support was important to him. Richie threw his legs up in a kick, thumping his heels on the bed and settled against the bottom wall, and something in Eddie's chest squeezed tight and almost painful as he saw it for what it was.

Richie's bed when they were younger, their hammock in the Clubhouse. It didn't matter where, so long as they were tangled together in a space almost too small. Eddie's heart thrummed like he was fourteen again and discovering boys for real for the first time all over. He slid onto the bed and leaned against the other wall, one leg pressing against one of Richie's.

"You were always braver than me." Richie said, humoured and oddly serious and yet genuine, when Eddie looked at him.

"Whatever." he snorted, but he couldn't deny the words had impact, reassurance.

"Seriously dude," Richie continued, massive eyes blinking earnestly behind his glasses, "I'm proud of you. For getting away, getting out."

Eddie's gaze dropped to his shirt and he fiddled with the hem.

"I left you all behind." he admitted, hearing the guilt in his own voice.

It was still hard to avoid the fact that he'd done what he was so afraid they'd do.

"You had to, Eddie." Richie made use of his name to show how much he meant it, "We know what Derry's like. You didn't abandon us, we're all still here. Bev's already moved, and it won't be long for the rest of us either."

Eddie shrugged uncomfortably, but Richie didn't say any more.

"Where'll you go?"

Richie shrugged, adjusting his glasses as he slid a little down the wall, their legs sliding together. The hem of Eddie's trouser leg rode up past his ankle, but he ignored the urge to fix it. He could almost feel the heat of summer in the Clubhouse, the warmth of Richie's legs pressed against his in ways that should have been too hot and yet weren't. His heart ached for those old days, as awful as Derry was. He'd missed being with the Losers more than he had let himself think about.

"Somewhere," Richie mumbled softly, breaking his train of thought, "maybe LA."

Eddie nodded, biting his lip to stop himself from saying what hie heart wanted to. To ask…

"LA would be good."

Richie hummed, and when Eddie dared to glance his way, the taller boy was picking at his nails. The world felt bigger, suddenly, surprising him. He'd thought it couldn't feel any bigger than it had when he'd finally escaped the clutches of his mother, of the shitty backwards town he'd grown up in. But suddenly, faced with the thought of Richie leaving Derry for LA, the world felt big and frightening all over again. He bit his tongue to stop himself from offering his sofa. It sounded needy even in his own head.

Silence settled after a moment and Eddie sank back against the wall, taking comfort in the proximity of his best friend and trying to convince himself that just because he could go to LA didn't mean Eddie would never see him again. He'd told them all he was gay and they hadn't abandoned him. It had been terrifying, admitting to the darkness. But their love for him had lit it up and shown him who they really were once more, and he'd been able to start making peace with himself. That's what the truths were all about, wasn't it?

Better now than never, right? Rip all those bandaids off at once. Done before dinner. Eddie took a breath. A brief, weak flickering thought in his head wished for his inhaler. He forced it aside.

"Remember the summer when we were fourteen?"

"Sure," Richie murmured absently, thumbing his phone, "the year you gave up red shorts and switched to the blue ones that were way too big."

Eddie shot him a look, something strange like surprise lurching awake in his chest, but Richie was too focused on his phone, still. Eddie's heart tripped over itself and missed a beat or two before he could find words.

"You remember our summers by my shorts?"

Richie froze for a second, before he coughed a little awkwardly and shrugged.

"Dude you wore those things every hot day for like two years."

"That's not the point, dude."

Richie shrugged.

"They were bright fucking red, bro. You couldn't not remember them."

There was something uncomfortable about the ways he said it, maybe the almost-strain in his voice, maybe not. But something. Something that had Eddie's pulse hiccuping and picking up pace.

"How is that not the weirdest thing you've ever said?" he snorted, instead of anything else that was dashing around in his head, and he was rewarded by Richie's lazy grin.

"Whatever."

Eddie laughed. Richie made everything easier. He'd always made everything easier, Eddie had just spent so long thinking that the trashmouth made his life so much harder that he failed to notice until years had passed.

"Remember when you kissed me?"

Richie tensed for sure that time, his fingers reaching up to adjust his glasses as he stared very intently at his phone. Eddie's hopeful heart twinged.

"Uuhh.."

Eddie kicked him weakly with a snort.

"Cummon, dude. You definitely remember. We were heading home one time and you just kissed me out of nowhere and then fucking bolted."

When Richie did nothing more than shrug, looking sheepish and avoiding his eyes, Eddie's voice was warm and amused.

"You were hiding in your room and I-"

"That's right!" Richie interrupted, suddenly sitting up properly, his face bright and familiarly manic once more, "And you were crying- Why were you crying?"

Eddie felt his face heat as he rolled his eyes and shoved the lanky form of his best friend.

"Fuck off, you were crying too."

"Yeah, well, hey, I was fourteen and I thought you'd hate me or something, why were you crying?"

Eddie could hear the deflection, and his curiosity piqued as he raised an eyebrow, still feeling sheepish as Richie grinned at him, waiting. How was it the bitch always won the upper hand?

"Because we were fighting, dickwad."

Richie laughed, predictably, a deep flood of sound that shook the bed and made Eddie's blush deepen as he kicked him again with a groan.

"Whatever dude, we never fought, stop being a dick."

"Oh come on, Eddie, baby, you just told me you were crying because we were fighting, I mean come on!"

Richie wiped at his eyes, his grin blistering on his face when Eddie reluctantly met his eye.

"Eds, seriously. Tell me that's not the cutest thing you've ever said."

Even the pillow Eddie smacked him in the face with couldn't muffle his gleeful cackle that time.

"Shit, being truthful is not fucking worth it if you're gonna be like this the whole time." he grumbled, tossing Richie a scowl when the taller boy reappeared.

His heart lurched a little, at the sight of Richie's wild curls, somehow now more wild, glasses squint on his face. As though he'd heard Eddie's thoughts, Richie lifted one hand to adjust the thick black frames, the same gesture after all these years. Eddie swallowed, and looked away, remembering the summer so long ago when Stan had put the thought in Eddie's head that maybe Richie was nervous when he fiddled with the coke-bottle glasses Eddie so dearly loved.

"Hell, if you're going to be depressing about it, I'll stop." Richie grinned, the expression softening when Eddie flicked him a glance, earnest and open.

"You swear? You'll be serious?"

"Cross my heart," Richie promised, eyes lighting up with something bright and lovely, and though part of Eddie was suspicious of a trick, he believed him.

"Okay. Thanks, Rich."

Richie's chuckle was quiet and soft as he arranged himself against the wall again, Eddie's pillow on his lap and his hands tucked over it, as though to keep himself from fidgeting. He gave Eddie all his attention, and Eddie's mouth went a little dry is response. For a second, all he could do was stare, and dither within himself whether he really wanted to say what he'd decided to all those weeks ago, when they booked Richie's trip.

"Whenever you're ready, Spaghetti."

Teasing, light, full of that wicked undertone that was purely Richie, his voice was reassuring and made Eddie smile without meaning to. His gaze darted to the cover of his bed under him, fingers toying with a fold in the material.

"Yeah, well. I guess one of my truths is telling you that you doing that… I don't know. Kind of triggered everything for me. About who I am."

"What did?"

"The… kiss. That summer."

"I turned you gay?" Richie snorted, his eyes glinting as wickedly as his grin when he looked at him.

"No, you asshole." Eddie laughed, kicking his leg out.

Richie cackled, grinning.

"I just meant that, you know. You doing that kind of… Made me realise, you know?"

Eddie flushed and shrugged awkwardly, decidedly not looking at him anymore as he spoke.

"I just… realised that, I guess, I'd wanted to? Maybe? Or that, like, I wanted to kiss boys, instead of girls."

He shrugged uncomfortably as Richie stayed quiet.

"I know it was a joke, but for me it was a realisation of who I was. And it started all this soul-searching, and stuff. I dunno, dude. It sounds lame out loud."

A familiar song blared suddenly in the room.

"Hang on-"

Eddie dragged his phone out and answered it, untangling his legs from Richie's to swing them over the edge of the bed.

"Heyy, yeah, sorry, I missed you at… Yeah. Nah, that's cool."

Richie shifted further upright, leaning against the wall at the foot of the bed and watching him. Eddie shot him a brief smile before turning back to the person on the phone.

"Uhhh, sure. Yeah, it'll be cool. Tomorrow though, or the day after, maybe?"

He paused, before a smile lit his lips and he glanced at Richie again.

"Yeah, he's here. We were just- Oh, uhh," his eyes darted to Richie again, flickering over his face, "maybe leave it? We're good just us, catching up to do and- Yeah, yeah. Sounds like a plan. Sure! I'll see you then."

He ended the call and looked sheepishly back at Richie.

"Classmate." he waggled the phone, "Forgot I'd made plans before you rescheduled."

Richie's expression was tight and strange for a second, before clearing.

"Awh Eds, keeping me all to yourself?"

Eddie laughed, dropping his phone on the bedside table and standing up to stretch.

"Whatever, dude. We should start dinner before it gets too late, maybe catch a movie before bed?"

Richie grinned widely and adjusted his glasses as he followed Eddie out the door.

"Date night it is." he hummed, laughing when the shorter boy shoved him with a sigh.

~.~

"It wasn't, you know."

Eddie raised an eyebrow, turning halfway to him, still half-engrossed in what was happening on the screen.

"What wasn't?"

"The joke," Richie clarified, picking at his nails when Eddie finally looked at him properly, "the summer we were fourteen."

Eddie blinked at him, and when Richie looked up again he was biting his lip, his gaze skittering around like a frightened spider. A moment of silence fell between then, the actress on the TV forgotten.

"The joke wasn't…" Eddie started, trailing off.

He might actually have been right all this time, but he was too afraid to say it.

"Wasn't a joke." Richie confirmed in a quiet whisper, fidgeting with his shirt hem.

Eddie laughed gently, shaking his head when his friend looked at him properly.

"I… suspected it, at the time. A little. I think maybe it was easier to believe it was than to… think about what it meant if it wasn't."

Richie nodded, still avoiding his eyes as he did, like he was acknowledging Eddie had made a fair point.

"Rich?"

"Mhm?"

"You know we wouldn't care, right? I mean come on, I'm… I am too."

Richie glanced at him properly then, dark eyes bright behind those coke-bottle lenses, his chest heaving like the air was thin. Eddie knew the feeling. It was terrifying to admit to people you loved more than life, to risk losing the only people who had ever understood you. The only people you'd die for. Had almost died for.

"You were always braver than me, Eds." Richie whispered, and it should have felt weird that there was no joke in the air, that they were being so serious with each other, but it didn't.

Somehow, it felt like he'd waited all his life for this conversation. He offered his hand, palm up between them, without dropping Richie's eye. When warm fingers slid over his palm and linked with his own, Eddie's heart began pounding harder than ever.

"You're brave too, Rich. You all were, all this time. Going through what we did."

Richie looked away then, his face turning ruddy in the dim light of the TV. Eddie squeezed his hand.

"You guys are the best thing I've ever had. You especially." he admitted, hearing his words crumble like they'd dried up, but unable to stop himself now that he'd started, "You were always there when I needed you. You drove me absolutely crazy, but some days, once I'd realised who I was, you were the only person who could make me feel like I was worth loving."

Richie looked up at him with a waver in his expression, his mouth crumpling in pain.

"Eddie… If you'd told me you were… What you were having to go through…"

"I know."

Neither said anything for a moment, before Eddie laughed softly.

"Can you picture us though, hanging out by the Quarry, talking about boys?"

That was what did it. Richie laughed hard, clearly caught by surprise, and Eddie couldn't help but laugh with him, the image in his head absurd, and his relief of spilling secrets fuelling the buoyant feeling in his chest.

"More like making out." Richie teased him once he eventually got ahold of himself, his smile slipping into a smirk, his eyes wicked.

But Eddie could see the flicker of uncertainty in them, and it made him feel better than he had in forever.

"My mom would've been so pissed."

"I know, right?" Richie answered instantly, pushing his glasses back up his nose as his grin grew ever wider, "I'd have had to bail my dates with her and she'd be-"

"Dude!" Eddie screeched, shoving him hard enough that he fell off the couch, "Oh my god!"

Richie only laughed, cackling widely on the floor as Eddie tried his best to look annoyed, but the image before him was so funny he couldn't really pull it off. His stomach was lurching around in his abdomen, and his heartbeat just wouldn't quit it. He folded his arms and waited.

Richie eventually did calm down, wiping tears from his eyes but laying there still, looking up at Eddie with something happy on his face.

"You know, you've always been cute when you're angry."

"Get the fuck up." Eddie snapped, rolling his eyes to the ceiling, "Like, right now."

Richie pulled him with him when he found his feet, tugging Eddie against his chest with one hand. Eddie's yelp caught in his throat, but Richie's face was suddenly so close, the heat of his body pressed all down Eddie's front, and his brain began to short-circuit.

"Do I have to promise it isn't a joke this time, or will you let me-"

Eddie pressed up into a kiss before he could finish, swallowing Richie's surprised squeak with delight, elated that he could make Richie Trashmouth Tozier make that sound.

Richie's lips were chapped and bitten, but it felt like coming home. He kissed Eddie back eagerly, one hand slipping across the back of the shorter boy's neck and making him quiver. When Eddie drew back for a breath, Richie's own breathing was harsh and uneven, and it was all the confirmation that Eddie needed that this was as much what Richie wanted as what he did.

"I was crying because I didn't mean to really kiss you and I was so fucking in love with you and I was so fucking scared that you were going to see it and think I was a freak and never want to be around me any more and I couldn't-"

Eddie pressed a second, brief kiss against the racing mouth to quiet it, and Richie did indeed fall silent.

"I know. I mean, I think I knew, or I hoped, but I wasn't brave enough. I was too scared to lose you."

Richie laughed, hugging him close hard and kissing him hard on the cheek.

"We're a pair of Losers, y'know."

"I know." Eddie grinned, "Losers till the end."

Richie's chuckle was warm and familiar and Eddie thought it was the best sound in the world. He was already dreading the end of their week together, and it had barely started.

"Hey, when you go to LA you'll call, right?"

"Duh." Richie pressed another, gentler kiss into Eddie's skin, his confidence disappearing when he spoke again, "But it… it wouldn't have to be LA, y'know."

"Thank God," Eddie breathed, "because I have a sofa, and my lease is up in like three months and-"

Richie brayed a laugh, pulling back to grin at him, that same grin from all their years together, and Eddie could feel the blush burning on his skin.

"Edward Kaspbrak, are you asking me to move in with you?"

Eddie rolled his eyes and groaned.

"No, I've changed my mind, never mind. I forgot how annoying you are."

Richie only snickered, darting his face down to pepper kisses across the bridge of Eddie's nose.

"No take-backsies!"

Eddie laughed, feeling exposed and silly, but loved.

"Living with you'll be awful." he realised, a slight sense of horror sinking into his brain as he actually thought about it.

Richie's laugh only grew louder and more gleeful, his dark eyes glittering attractively.

"I said no take-backsies," he laughed, "but yes, absolutely. You're going to hate it."

~.~