149A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews, reader peops. Special mention for RHatch89 and JediGirlAcrossTheStars21 for catching the Tuck Everlasting connection - you both get a virtual cookie ;) Now, from Oak Park to the Kansas City Public Library!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 14
"It's a little place outside of Des Moines. We're actually on our way to Missouri to see the Kansas City Public Library but... well, we have to have money to put gas in the car and, you know, for the important stuff like food and shelter."
"Wow, you really are having a serious adventure, and with Jess Mariano, of all people."
Rory wondered if she should be offended by the way Lane spoke about her and Jess, but she wasn't. After all, Rory was well aware of everybody else's opinion on their relationship, especially as it had been in the beginning. There was no way to blame Lorelai or Lane or anyone else who loved Rory for caring about her being in a potentially bad relationship, and nobody could deny that things were not entirely healthy between her and Jess the first time around. It was just that things were so different now and that was tough to explain to others who had yet to see it for themselves.
"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" she said with a sigh. "You think this whole adventure, me going off with Jess, it's just the dumbest thing you ever heard."
"Of course not," Lane insisted, actually sounding pretty convincing. "Rory, you know I just want you to be happy, and if Jess and this trip are making you happy, then I am fully in support of that."
"But?" Rory prompted, sure there had to be one, knowing she was right when she heard her friend sigh in defeat in her ear.
"But... well, as much as I was always pretty sure you were in love with Jess, and as much as you guys had in common and everything, he did... he did hurt you in the end. He didn't always treat you the way he should and then he left without even saying goodbye, and yes, I know, he's changed, you told me that and I do believe you, but... you're my best friend, Rory. I just worry about you, that's all."
"And I love that you do." Rory smiled, unable to help it. "You know I care about what happens with you too, and when Mrs Kim found out about your real life and you moved in with the guys, I was worried for you, but you're fine. You're doing so well and you're so happy, even though it seemed kind of unlikely for a while there."
"That's true," Lane agreed. "I guess things change, people change."
"Yes, they do. Jess has changed, Lane, he really has. I mean, not in a way that... I mean, he's still him. He still has all the things about him that I liked in the first place, but he's grown up, I guess. We both have, and boy, did we ever need to! We talk more now, about things that matter. Let's face it, alone on the road together so much, we kind of don't get a choice" she said with a chuckle, even though she wasn't entirely joking. "Things are so good, Lane. I promise, they are."
"Then I am so happy for you," her friend promised. "Seriously, Rory, I really am. Although, I admit, I am really missing you this summer. Stars Hollow is not the same without you!"
"Aww, I miss you too. Although, I have to be honest, this trip is pretty amazing. I never thought I would get to see so many iconic places, and yes, the working in-between isn't exactly fun, but I actually think it's a good thing. You know, preparing me for the adult world? College doesn't last forever and then it's going to be work, work, work."
Rory looked up on hearing Jess snigger, though his eyes never left the book he was reading. Not that she was convinced he was paying all that much attention to the words on the page. She had thought her conversation with Lane would be of no interest, but it hadn't bothered her when he came back into the room from the bathroom a few minutes ago. They had no secrets, she wasn't worried about him hearing anything she was telling Lane (though the girl-talk portion that revolved around certain naked activities was covered quickly while Jess was out of the way). He did seem to find her talk about work amusing though and boy were they ever going to discuss that later.
"Well, I should go. Speaking of work, I'm supposed to be at the diner in ten minutes."
"Oh, okay. Is Luke back yet?"
"He's due back tomorrow," Lane confirmed. "It will be so great to see him. It's weird, but I've really kind of missed him too," she admitted, before she and Rory said their goodbyes and hung up from their call.
"Okay, Mr Chuckles," Rory said then, tossing her cell on the nightstand and coming to stand by the bed with her hands on her hips. "What was so funny about me talking about work?"
"Nothing," said Jess, glancing at her just briefly before going back to his book.
Rory frowned, reached forward and plucked the dog-eared copy of Kerouac's On the Road from his hands. "No, sorry, not a good enough answer," she said, not even caring how indignant Jess chose to look about the stealing of his novel. "I told Lane that working this summer is preparing me for the real-world, post-Yale, and you seemed to think that was hilarious."
"Not hilarious." Jess shook his head as he finally gave her his full attention. "Sometimes, you just have a weird view of the world is all."
"A weird view?" Rory frowned all the harder as she sat down hard on the end of the bed. "Weird as in wrong?"
"No," said Jess, rolling his eyes as he shifted closer to her. "Why would you just assume I meant wrong? Come on, Ror, you know as well as I do that your life has been kind of... sheltered. When you talk about the real world, it's like it's this other place that you can't even imagine. It's weird for me. I mean, the stuff we've seen, the stuff we've done," he said pointedly. "You're already an adult and you're already in the real world. It's just crazy to me that you can't see that. The second you talk to your mom or Lane or whoever, it's like you want to be this little kid from a small town who doesn't know anything about the world, when I know you actually do."
It felt as if she should argue the points he was making, though Rory wasn't sure why. Jess wasn't really criticising her, as far as she could tell, it was just an observation that he had made, and she couldn't exactly tell him he was wrong. It was only that she felt so different talking to the people back home, thinking about her 'real life', than she did when she was with him on this road trip. It was like two different worlds and she was almost two different people. Rory supposed she just hadn't thought about the consequences of that very much yet, of how much more awkward it was going to make her life and the decisions she had to make in the long-term.
"If there are two versions of me," she said after some consideration, her hand covering Jess' own on the bed between them, "then you should know that both of them love you so much. That's kind of a universal Rory thing," she admitted, feeling strangely shy when she looked at him then.
"Good to know." Jess nodded, smiling her way and making her feel better in an instant. "You know I'm not asking you to change, right? That's not-"
"I get it," Rory promised. "I honestly do," she swore as they met each other's eyes and both smiled, his hand turning over to intertwine his fingers with her own.
"That's good."
"I think so."
Then he was pulling her closer and she was going all too willingly into his arms and meeting his kiss. He said he didn't want her to change, or at least that he wasn't asking her to, but Rory already knew she wasn't the same person who left Stars Hollow so many weeks ago now. She didn't really want Jess to change either, though in some ways he had needed to and had made an effort to make it happen.
It bothered Rory just a little that her new self wasn't exactly going to fit into her old life anymore. Even as she and Jess rolled around together on the bed in something akin to bliss, there was a niggling worry in the back of her mind, because she knew this couldn't last forever.
She still craved the comfort of home, the challenge of Yale, the future journalism career that had been beckoning her onwards her whole life, but now, she wanted this too. She wanted Jess, a real adult relationship, plus adventure and fun and being a little crazy sometimes. Rory knew no one person could have it all and it scared her to think that someday soon, in the not-so-distant future, she was going to have to make the hard choices and give up some of things she wanted most. That was not going to be easy at all.
"There is something so wrong about the best part of a library being the parking garage," said Jess thoughtfully as he and Rory stared up at the enormous bookshelf-style display, featuring larger-than-life tomes by Ralph Ellison, Langston Hughes, J.R.R. Tolkien, and many others. Each book's spine was 25 feet tall and 9 feet wide, which made it pretty impressive to see. Still, Jess stood by his original statement. The contents of a library, all the real books, should be more of a draw than this. Unfortunately, he had to admit, he was pretty impressed anyway.
"Come on," Rory said, pulling on his hand. "Let's prove we're better than most tourists and go see the wonders of the inside of the Kansas City Public Library," she urged him.
Not that it took much in the way of encouragement for him to follow Rory just about anywhere she wanted to take him. Maybe that made Jess a fool, but he liked to think he had made a good choice when he chose to be with her. It still amazed him sometimes that she actually chose him too, but here they were. If there was a problem with Rory and Jess, it wasn't a lack of love or affection between them, not even concerns about commitment issues, which they both seemed to have finally overcome.
The real issue came when they reached the end of this trip they were on, when time ran out on them, and Rory needed to go back to that 'real life' they had been talking about before. It was coming up fast and Jess was all too aware of it. After all, a twelve week break seemed like a long time when you were a kid and wasn't exactly short when you were an adult either, but with a little over eight of those weeks already having sped on by, the end of this trip and the romance it represented was very much in view. Jess really wished it wasn't.
"I mean, I've been in big libraries before, but this is... I think I could die here and be totally happy."
"Please don't," Jess urged Rory with a smile he was glad to realise she completely bought, presumably because she was too distracted by all the books to notice what a lie it was.
It was the one topic they still didn't talk about. Rory would encourage Jess to be honest about his feelings, what he was thinking, his opinions on just about everything, good or bad. She tried to be open too, and all the communication was definitely helping them to be better together, for their relationship to be stronger, and yet. When it came to what happened when Summer became Fall and real life beckoned, they barely mentioned it in passing. They certainly never had any kind of serious talk about it.
It would be the sensible, adult thing to do, but any time Jess felt himself itching to bring it up, to rip off the Band Aid and just let the truth be spoken, he wussed out and changed the subject. He figured Rory was no more keen to think about it than he was, since she never brought it up herself, though whether that was because she had to give him bad news or just dreaded his reaction to any ideas she had about the future, he couldn't guess.
"Jess?"
When she said his name then, he actually had to shake himself to get back to reality.
"Sorry," he said, blinking at her. "I was-"
"A million miles away from this amazing library," said Rory, frowning some. "What is it? Are you just over-tired? Because I did say I could take over driving-"
"Rory, stop," Jess urged her gently, taking a hold of both her hands that were waving around wildly up to that point. "I'm fine, okay? I just... I guess I was just thinking about where we go from here and... and how long it'll be before we have to turn back around. You know, head back North East?"
He should feel better for having said it, but the pain that flashed across Rory's face wasn't comforting. Sure, it was nice to think she was no more eager to go home than he was keen to take her, but Jess wouldn't deliberately hurt her for the world, and the very last thing he wanted was to spoil the time they did have left this summer.
"We have more than three weeks before Yale is in session again," she reminded him, leaning in closer and lowering her voice to a whisper when she realised she was disturbing other people from their reading. "I figure we can spend at least another two just doing what we've been doing and then... and then, if we have to think about going back, we will. Okay?"
Jess met her eyes and saw the pleading within the bright blue depths. She clearly did not want to get into this now and neither did he, to be honest. Putting off the inevitable seemed so foolish. Real adults would talk things through now, make a plan, follow it through. Of course, technically, Liz was a real adult, as was Jimmy, and Luke and Lorelai too. None of them could really be accused of making smart decisions in some of their most important romantic relationships. Maybe there was no one way to do this stuff. No single absolute, concrete, correct solution existed.
"Jess?" Rory prompted, looking a little worried yet.
He found her a smile as he tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned in to plant a kiss on her cheek.
"Since most of this trip has been about seeing new places and doing new things, were you planning on reading something you never read before in here, or did you just wanna see how long we can make out in the stacks before they throw us out for indecent behaviour?" he asked, with a devious expression.
Rory looked vaguely scandalised and then she laughed. "Hmm, how about both?"
To Be Continued...
