So there's some blood in this chapter, cuz Alice gets her period. Nazeera helps her out.

---

Her eyes fly open. She was laying flat on her back in bed. Her could feel her heart beating frantically against her chest.

Why was she so scared?

She reached out her hand across the mattress.

Why was the bed so cold?

"Jasper", she called out.

The moment his name leaves her lips she remembers and it's as if a heavy stone lands on her heart.

This isn't Jasper's bed. It's not even her own bed. She's in the Supreme quarters, in the guest room.

Mr Anderson had told her that she should come with him to the Supreme wing, that she shouldn't be left alone when she was upset. The the rest of the day had passed as if in a haze. She had allowed herself to be ushered around. She had been given dinner and shown the room she was supposed to stay in. And when Mr Anderson had looked at the time and told her she should probably go to bed, because she had had a long day, she had done so and fallen asleep almost right away.

But now she was awake, and the realization was starting to dawn on her.

That Jasper wasn't going to kiss her goodnight anymore.

Jasper wasn't going to get out of bed, trying very hard not to wake her up, in the early mornings anymore.

Jasper's gray wouldn't light up when he spotted her in the hallway anymore.

Jasper was gone.

"Jasper…!", she whimpered. And she wept. Uncontrollably this time. And her lungs started whistling. But she didn't care that she should probably use her inhaler. Not when Jasper was gone.

Slowly the stone seemed to sink, taking root deep inside her.

Then she had to gasp as pain bloomed in her abdomen. She curled herself into a ball, trying to find some relief but didn't. Wishing Jasper was there to wrap his arm around her.

She cried out again, now in fear.

Someone must have heard her because it didn't take long before the light from the hallway flooded into her room as the door was opened.

It was Mr Anderson. She couldn't really see through her tears, but his figure was dark so he had probably still been up and about. Just like Aaron, the sun having set hours ago wasn't an excuse not to continue working.

In a moment he was sitting on her bedside.

"Poor thing", he cooed and brushed at her hair with his hands as he hushed her.
"Did you have a nightmare?"

"I think I'm dying...!", she whimpered.

"No, you're not", he told her. And he sounded so sure that he was probably right.
"You'll feel much better if you just get some sleep, sweetheart."

She shook her head.

"I don't think I can…!", she said.

That didn't seem to be a problem however, because Mr Anderson turned and made a sign to the guard standing in the door. The guard came forward and handed Mr Anderson a paper cup and a glass full of water.

"Have this", Mr Anderson instructed her.

He made her sit up. It felt like her stomach was trying to cave in on itself; eating her up from the inside. What she really wanted was to go to the hospital wing. She knew what it was; a sleeping pill. And she wasn't sure she really wanted to have it.

But at the same time she didn't want to put up a fuss with Mr Anderson. So she did as she was told.

She took the pill and swallowed it with the glass of water he gave her. Then she let him dry her face with a handkerchief and kiss her on the cheek once she was dry and cleaned up; which made her feel a little better.

He let her curl up against him as he rubbed her back.

She must have been really tired, though, because soon she was sleepy again. She laid back down and she laid there sniffling a bit into her pillow while Mr Anderson pulled up the covers around her. Then she must have fallen asleep.

---

She thought it was because she was so sad. But once she woke up in the morning she found out she had been wrong. She was still very much in pain.

And there was blood in her bed.

Dark red, almost black where it had already started to dry, against white sheets.

She had heard her own lungs whistling, and for a moment she had been back there by the fence in the snow with Warner.

She thought something had broken inside her.

Then it had hit her in the back of the head. Because she had learnt of this. In school with the other girls while the boys were sent home early.

The voice of the upper class teacher echoed in her head.

As girls become women…

She had gone into the bathroom and stayed in there for several minutes.

She didn't know what to do with her pajama pants. Much less her underwear.

Eventually she had stuffed her pants into the laundry bin then she returned to her room and retrieved a pair of clean underwear.

She put toilet paper inside them.

And after even more minutes stalling in the her room she pushed open the bedroom door and gone looking for Mr Anderson.

"Oh, you're up early."

Then he had looked up.

"No pants", he had remarked, a little amused. Then, as if he had taken a better look at her, he frowned.

"What's wrong?"

She wanted to break back into tears right then and there. She fiddled with her shirt.

"I-I'm..."

He smiled patiently at her.

"...bleeding..."

Under any other circumstances his facial expression would have made her laugh. It looked so much like Aaron's when she said something she hadn't thought through properly. Now, it just made her wish Jasper was there with her.

He would know what to do. He would be super embarrassed, probably, but he would send for whatever it was that she needed. Then he would wrap her in a blanket and say that she was such a brave girl, and that he knew it hurt even if he didn't understand how, since he was a man, but that it was part of nature. And he'd make her feel much better.

Mr Anderson pursed his lips and then stood up.

"Well, we have to do something about that, don't we?", he said, sounding like he was trying to cheer her up.

Alice just shifted awkwardly. But even that seemed to hurt her and she winced. Mr Anderson frowned then, and she was becoming more and more sure that he didn't actually know what to do.

She didn't have to worry about it for long though. Because suddenly Mr Anderson looked at the door, his blue eyes lighting up in relief.

"Aah! Nazeera!"

Alice turned around and saw the older girl had indeed arrived. She wasn't wearing her hijab like Alice had seen her do, the few times they had crossed paths.

The older girl had stopped dead in the door. Alice probably would have done the exact same thing had someone sounded as relieved as Mr Anderson had.

He placed a hand on Alice's shoulder. Though it felt like his hand was hovering right above her skin.

"Perhaps you can assist Alice with her… er…. female conundrum..."

Nazeera raised an eyebrow.

"What is she doing here?", she asked. Her voice was harder than Alice had expected, and she unconsciously stepped closer to Mr Anderson, hoping he would subdue the angry girl.

"Delalieu passed away, as you know", Mr Anderson explained.

"And with Aaron still being detained I'm the next of kin to our dear Alice."

"Detained?", Alice asked and turned to face him, despite the tremor of pain it caused her.

He nodded.

"I was going to talk to you about that. But it can wait, go take care of… that now", he told her, and with a gentle push to her shoulder he sent her off with the older girl.

---

"So, do you want tampons or pads?"

"Which is which…?"

Nazeera lifted the one hand holding the cartridge-like piece of cotton.

"Tampon", she said. Then the enveloped square.

"Pad."

Alice eyed the tampon.

"That's the one you…" She faltered. There was a pause, Nazeera waited, and then Alice made an awkward upward motion with her hand.

"Stick in?", Nazeera filled in.

Alice nodded.

"Yeah, it's the one you stick in."

Alice could feel the blood drain from her face. Seeing the younger girl's apprehension Nazeera lowered the tampon with a gentle sigh. She muttered something in Arabic; it didn't sound very enthusiastic, but she walked up and sat down next to Alice on the bed as she opened the envelope.

"Go get a pair of underwear."

Alice immediately did as she was told, she then watched how the older girl ripped off the paper lining and easily fitted her underwear with the thick cotton rectangle. She made it look so easy.

"You want to back it up a bit at night. Since you're laying down", Nazeera told her before handing it to her.

"Okay."

"And make sure to wash your before and after."

Alice nodded.

"Now, if you want to try the tampon."

She picked up the tampon from before and showed her how to twist open the seal and tug the string.

"And then you put it in about..."

She grasped her hand. And using her nail she traced a line about halfway up the middle phalange on Alice's index finger.

"...this deep."

Alice felt heat color her cheeks, but couldn't deny that this was useful information. She doubted Mr Anderson knew, considering his earlier reaction.

"Okay", she said.

"And if it hurts, ask for painkillers. Don't let Anderson try to convince you you don't need them. He doesn't know shit about this stuff."

Alice almost laughed in surprise.

Jasper had sounded so scared when he talked about Mr Anderson; but Nazeera didn't sound scared at all. She sounded like Mr Anderson was just a man who didn't understand periods. The look in Nazeera's hazel eyes was a bit too intense for her to be making a joke though.

"Okay."

"I need to go now", Nazeera announced as she stood up again.

"Weren't you here to talk to Paris?", Alice wondered.

"Yes. But he's supposed to be in a meeting now, so I'll come back later."

She didn't leave right away, however. Instead she remained where she was, shifting the weight of her feet in her high heeled boots.

"Delalieu took care of you."

It wasn't phrased as a question, but Alice nodded in confirmation. Then she looked down at the panties in her lap, because her eyes started stinging.

"He babysat us kids sometimes, when we came to visit", she told her.
"He was really sweet. He made us play Music chairs, or something..."

Then she went quiet, as if in deep thought. Alice didn't offer a response, because she wasn't sure herself on what to say. Just thinking about it made her want to cry again, but she willed it down by focusing on the pain in her gut. Because crying now would surely make her hurt even more. And she didn't want that.

When the silence had finally bordered on awkward Nazeera sighed.
"Anyway, I'm sorry for your loss. You can come talk to me if you have any questions."

Questions about what she didn't specify, but Alice didn't ask.

"Thanks for the help", Alice called after her retreating figure. Nazeera didn't call back.

---

When she came out of her room for the second time that morning, now properly dressed for the day, albeit still in pain, Mr Anderson wasn't in the sitting room anymore. Which made sense, because Nazeera had said he'd be in a meeting.

Back when Aaron had been shot and Mr Anderson came to sector 45 Alice had been under strict orders not to disturb the Supreme commander. Not even if he was Aaron's Dad and he hadn't seemed to mind that she walked in on his and Aaron's dinner (Jasper had not liked it at all though).

So first thing she wanted to do as to try and find painkillers. She went into the kitchen and started looking in the drawers and cupboards, but almost immediately a guard walked in and asked her what she was doing.

"I'm looking for drugs", she told him.

He had not looked amused, but he gave her some Ibuprofen and a glass of water to go with it.

She had no idea what she was supposed to do after that. So she just curled up on the sofa, hoping to will the drugs to start working faster.

She must have laid there for about an hour, just staring at the ceiling, long enough for the painkillers to have started working at least, when another guard told her the Supreme wanted to speak with her in his office.

Mr Anderson was already standing when she entered, leisurely pacing back and forth in front of his desk, and he looked up when she opened the door.

"Ah, Alice", he said and sat down against the desk.

"Come inside, don't be shy", he added when she just lingered in the doorway.

She did. There was nowhere to sit down though, expect for Mr Anderson's big leather chair behind the desk, so she settled on just standing in front of him.

"How are you feeling now?", he asked her.

"Better", she told him after some consideration.

Mr Anderson hummed.

"Have you've eaten breakfast?", he asked.

"No, not yet. I feel a little sick..."

He frowned then.

"Alice", he then said, her name breathed in a sigh.
"Next time something's wrong I need you to tell me."

Alice blinked, confused. Hadn't she done that? Hadn't she told him it hurt? She couldn't really remember, she hadn't been awake that long.

"I only want what's best for you. But to do that you need to let me take care of you. Do you understand?"

It felt like she was being lectured. Like she had done something wrong. That Mr Anderson was angry with her. And she didn't like that.

"Yes, Mr Anderson", she said.

That seemed to make him happy, because he smiled. Still, he didn't look completely at ease. Maybe he was sad, Alice figured. Sad for poor orphan Alice whose Jasper had just died.

She felt her eyes sting, but she blinked to make them go away. She didn't want to start crying again now, not when Mr Anderson was spending his precious Supreme commander time on her.

He must have seen her becoming sad again though, because he reached out and touched her face with the top of his knuckle.

"It's alright, you'll do better, won't you?", he said.

"Yes, Mr Anderson."

"Good girl", he said.

"Now", he said dropping the hand.
"I'm going to explain what's going on with Aaron."

Aaron was in trouble, because as Chief commander you weren't supposed to help rebels try to kill Supreme Commanders. When he did that he committed treason, and because of that he was being kept in isolation in the Capitol. He had been there for the last few days. Mr Anderson's colleagues wanted to execute Aaron, but Mr Anderson had managed to convince them to give Aaron another chance. Because surely Aaron was just confused, and could be made to see reason.

"He obviously won't be allowed to go back to being Chief commander, I'm afraid", Mr Anderson told her.
"But we need to be happy about what we can do."

Alice had nodded. The thought of Aaron being executed had freaked her out a bit, but Anderson was so calm about it that she let him assure her that that wasn't the case. She wondered what Aaron would be like when he wasn't in charge of things, though. Would he have to get a normal job perhaps?

"Do you think you can help me with that?", Anderson asked her when he had finished.