3Disclaimer: I do not own ANYTHING related to Star Wars.
Prologue
Packing away my clothes, I look around my small apartment, wondering if I'll ever see it again. I let out a long sigh and thought it would be best not to think about frivolous things such as that. I hear my door alert ring out and I want to ignore it. I know who it is. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk to my colleagues quite yet. The door alert rings again and I sigh, again.
"It's unlocked, you may enter." I say loudly enough for them to hear. The door slides open and there standing in the doorway are Aydgage, Reneji, and Ly'lis. They are all dressed in similar Jedi robes, covering the rest of whatever they are wearing underneath, although I'm pretty sure it's the same as all other Jedi attire. They walk in and sit in the chairs that are placed near one of the windows in the apartment.
"Are you really going to leave while we are in the middle of this heated discussion between the council and Revan? What if a war breaks out? Will you come back?" Ly'lis speaks first. She's messing around with her headdress that conforms to her yellow tinted skin; it looks like it was not put on properly and is now bothering one of her head tendrils. She once told me that being a Twi'lek is hard sometimes, especially being the daughter of the current matriarch on Ryloth.
"If you do come back, which side would you even choose?" Aydgage says. His white hair is glaring from the sun beam coming in from the window. His white eyes seem like they aren't even looking at me but the way his head is facing makes it seems like he is starring in my direction; not that I can say anything. I have no eyes to even move around. Even Arkanian's have eyes to use. I'm only slightly jealous.
" I don't know..." is all I can manage to say. It's not like me to be so...indecisive. I thought I knew my path, turns out that I still don't.
"That's not like you, Brelow" Reneji says. He crosses his arms in front of his broad chest and his human features show slight concern for me, "you've always stuck to your path, what has changed this time?" I hate it that I feel this way, it's uneasy and it grinds against my mind the wrong way. I look at him at again but his expression hasn't changed.
"Revan...he..." I let out annoyed sigh. Not that I'm annoyed at his question, no. More that I'm annoyed at myself that I don't know how to answer the question without producing more questions from them. I sit on my bed, letting my head hang. "I believe I understand where he is coming from but at the same time though, it feels...like the force wants me...to do something else. And I can't be here to find that out with a possible war about to happen. You guys know how much I hate not knowing something without knowing all the facts."
"And? Why not hear more of Revan's teachings? He has learned so much from the Mandalorian war. You could stay and learn from him. I don't understand why you are leaving and searching your 'feelings'...this is more important!" Aydgage raises his voice, standing up to come closer to me, "You are...my best friend. I don't want you to leave..." he looks like he wants to hug me, but he only folds his arms across his chest. Reneji looks at him.
"Mind your feelings Aydgage. We don't want the masters to question our loyalty." He says in a calm demeanor. Aydgage shoots him a glare.
"I don't care. Let them think what they want." He glares at Reneji more intensely now.
"Gentlemen, please. This is about other matters?" Ly'lis intervenes, going to stand in between the two before they start a fight. I look away, knowing already how Aydgage feels about me. I shield my thoughts and feelings though, getting up to finish packing.
"Well, hopefully a war doesn't break out then. I'll try to be back soon." I look back at them and try to smile but unsure if it showed sincerity. "Trust in the force, my friends." I finally say. Reneji stands up finally and we all bow to each other.
"May the force be with you," Ly'lis says, "and may we see you again." She leaves, followed by Reneji who relays the same message. I smile at them and repeat back what they say. Aydgage, though, stays standing there looking out the window. I walk over to him slowly, about to put my hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it.
"Aydgage, please. I know that 'searching feelings' always felt frivolous to you but to me...my feelings have always helped me with my decisions and you know that." His feelings wash over me like a wave but quickly disappear before I could tell what they were. He turns around and grasps my hand.
"I know...I...I just...I don't want you to get hurt or...lose your way back to...me." He's getting closer, whispering the last bit.
"Aydgage...you know we can't-"
"Shh" He leans in closer, getting close to my lips, his breath hot and sweet smelling. I hitch in my breathing. My feelings overwhelming me for a minute. Then he pulls away before he touches his lips to mine. He looks at me with longing, then kisses my forehead. "May the force be with you, and may you come back to me, safely." he rumbles against my forehead. Then he pulls away, holding my hand for a second then leaves, slightly pulling my hand with and letting it fall. The door shuts behind him and I'm left with more confused feelings. We aren't supposed to have passion or attachments yet Aydgage felt he needed to bend those rules around me. He used to view me as a rival when I first arrived at the Jedi temple and started training. Then as the years went on, I could sense him devolving feelings for me. It didn't help that I kind of flirted with him. Arkanians aren't known for really wanting to hang out with other species but it was nice knowing that he viewed me as someone worthy of hanging out with.
I shake my head. Thinking of the past won't help me either. I grab my robes, putting them on, hooking my lightsaber to my belt and grabbing my pack. I head to the door, turning around and taking one last look at the dull grey room and turn to leave.
I head to the hanger when Master Dauula walks over to me. He matches my stride. His hands are clasped behind his back and the one eye stock I see is half closed. His head is poking further up than his eye stock. Dauula's skin matches his brown Jedi robes. He is a little darker than most Rataka, which allows him to camouflage well in the forest or the desert at night.
"So, I hear you are leaving the temple? In search of some ancient Jedi texts? To help you better understand your conflicted feelings of what Revan has been saying?" his tone is deep but also meaningful.
"Yes master. I plan to hopefully clear out the mess my feelings have somehow gotten me into." He puts a hand on my shoulder and I stop walking.
"I understand, little one." He smiles slightly but his face grows dark, "but be cautious. I sense a storm brewing within the Jedi Order. Be mindful. The trials you face will be difficult but you must continue on this path. I will keep you updated on what is happening here."
"I will master Dauula. And thank you. For understanding."
"It is not my place to judge one's feelings when new information and opinions come about. Just remember your training and you will persevere." He lets go of my shoulder and bows. "May the force watch over you."
"And to you." I bow back. He stays standing there as I keep walking into the hanger bay, heading to my ship. I throw my bag in through the open cockpit lid and hop in afterwards. I start up the engines and the canopy starts to come down. I see Master Dauula standing where I left him and just out of my view, I see Aydgage with longing in his eyes. I tilt my head down to look at my hands, Please understand Aydgage... I tilt my head back up again and start the process to leave the hanger bay. Setting in my coordinates to the first place my research brought up, I leave the planets' atmosphere entering vast space and jump into hyperspace.
