PuppyGram

Evil Little Dog

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Marvel/Disney, et al, own this.

X X X

The knock on the door was unexpected, mostly because Steve Rogers didn't have many visitors. The woman standing outside was dressed in a delivery uniform, carrying an electronic thing and with a large plastic box with barred airholes around it. Steve blinked at her, non-plussed. "Can I help you?"

The woman smiled. "Steve Rogers?" she asked, not in a rabid, panting, fangirl way but politely. Professionally.

Steve didn't relax. "Yes?" Sometimes the most stable-appearing people were the craziest. He had learned something about that, after all.

"Please sign here." She held up the electronic thing with a plastic stylus and Steve didn't take either. "Sir?"

"What are you delivering?" he asked. Wary. Because the plastic box was making undeniable, there's-something-alive-in-here noises.

"A puppy, sir." Her smile became a bit more fixed and her eyes a bit harder and Steve wasn't quite sure why but.

"A puppy?"

"Yes, sir. From Stark Enterprises."

Stark...Steve considered sending it back. That must've made his face do something because the woman said firmly, "No returns allowed."

He wanted to wail, "I didn't order a puppy!" but the woman's expression told him she'd leave the puppy on his doorstep without a signature if she had to. "All right," he signed, and signed, resigned, and accepted the crate as the woman hurried off. He hoped not cackling but there was a hint of laughter - at least until the box whined.

"Fine," Steve said, and carried the box inside. He opened it and a little Beagle pup came out, all wagging tail and sniffing nose and hopeful expression. And there was a note, because of course there was. Steve opened it while the puppy decided to chew on his shoelace.

Rogers, the note read - and Steve could hear it in Tony's voice, I decided you needed something to cheer you up. Since you don't do booze that way, nor women, nor men, as far as I know, nor fast cars, nor motorcycles, nor a myriad other things that most red-blooded American males take an interest in, I thought I should get you a puppy.

According to Pepper, puppies are amazing. She doesn't want one though which makes her statement contradictory and I will have to work on that in my spare time. She says they need to go out regularly and be socialized and all sorts of other things which frankly, sound kind of ghastly to me but I'm not buying a puppy for Pepper and me but one for you because you do like socializing and getting out and exercising regularly and that sort of thing.

Anyway, I thought about a Golden Retriever but what's a more American dog than a Beagle? So this is Daisy.

No. Wait. No. Because I'd hate to see you go all John Wick on anyone. Steve hesitated for a second. Who was John Wick? Another of Stark's dangerous friends? He sighed and went back to the letter. Later he'd look up this John Wick. You name this puppy whatever you want and if you really don't want her, well, there's a little girl named Morgan Stark who was kind of disappointed I didn't pick out a puppy for her rather than for Captain American, who probably has 'loads of puppies of his own' according to her. Or a kid named Peter Parker who could use a dog to help with his nerves and for his Aunt May to love on.

So you now have a puppy of your own. Use it wisely.

The puppy - Daisy? - looked up at Steve and peed on his shoe.

Steve sighed. It was going to be a long day.

X X X X

Author Notes:

I am absolutely not promoting you going out and giving anyone a puppy without checking with the entire family and verifying they want said puppy. Or really any pet, as my roommie was once given a bearded dragon that he didn't want which died really quickly because he forgot to take care of it (poor dragon!).

Also, adopt! I currently have two rescues of my own and while one is a very grumpy old man of a dog (He growls when anyone gets on his lawn) and the other is a goofy, dumb, social butterfly, they mean a lot to me. And bonus, I helped them get out of two different shelters and into my home, making room for new doggos or other pets and yeah, I know, I'll get off my soapbox now.