31CHAPTER ONE
Hailey was sitting on a chair in the waiting area of Chicago Med, impatiently awaiting news regarding the condition of her partner. Hank had repeatedly told her to go home and get some rest, but each time she had vehemently refused to leave… just in case Jay woke up. She still couldn't make sense of what had happened: Jay had been shot by Angela, the woman he'd put his life on the line to save. And for what? He was now the one lying in a hospital bed, desperately fighting for his life. Hailey was tormented by guilt; if only she hadn't let him go back down the stairs to check on Angela… he'd be safe.
She felt the tears rise again, so she bent her head down and hid her face in her hands. But it didn't really matter; her eyes were completely bloodshot. She'd been crying for hours, replaying the same horrific scene in her mind: Jay, covered in blood, trying to catch his breath and remain conscious. The fear in his eyes right before they shut close haunted her; he had tried to tell her something but the oxygen mask the EMTs had put over his face had prevented him from saying anything. She could still recall the sharp pain in her chest as she felt Jay's fingers frantically clinging to hers… before they finally let go.
"Hailey?" she suddenly heard someone say behind her.
The voice sounded familiar, but her state of shock had left her so numb she could barely make sense of her surroundings. It wasn't until she turned around that she realized it was actually Will.
"How's Jay?" she asked, immediately getting up from her chair.
"He's still unconscious" he replied in a low tone of voice.
As distraught as she was, she couldn't even begin to imagine how Will felt, operating on his own brother.
"Is he going to be alright?" she asked, dreading the answer.
"I don't know yet. Look, Hailey…"
"No, don't" she interrupted him, shaking her head.
She simply wasn't strong enough to hear any more bad news, so she figured she'd prevent him from speaking at all. Will remained silent, but when he noticed the tears rolling down her cheeks, he moved forward and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. A loud sob escaped her throat and her body began to shake. She buried her face in his chest as he tenderly caressed her back in an attempt to comfort her. But as good as his intentions were, she was simply inconsolable.
"I'm sorry" he whispered in her ear.
She lifted her head to look at him and saw in his eyes the one thing she feared most: uncertainty. He hadn't said anything, but she fully understood what his silence meant; he had done everything in his power to save his brother. Only time would tell if Jay would ultimately conquer the darkness that threatened to swallow him whole.
"I know you two are close" Will said after a moment. "But if he doesn't wake up, I think there's something he'd want you to know" he continued. "Hailey, Jay is…"
But before he could finish his thoughts, a nurse came running down the hall towards them.
"Dr. Halstead, you're needed in the OR" she told him in a pressing tone.
"Hailey, I'm sorry. I gotta go" he said before he let go of her to follow the nurse.
Hailey watched as Will rapidly turned the corner and disappeared from view. She was about to sit back down when it suddenly occurred to her that the emergency could potentially be related to Jay. As panic started to spread through her body, she sprinted down the hall and grabbed the first nurse she encountered.
"Excuse me, do you know where Detective Jay Halstead is? He's my partner."
"He's in post-op" the woman replied.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, but he still hasn't regained consciousness. We're keeping an eye on his condition and we'll let you know as soon as anything changes" she responded before she walked away.
Hailey exhaled, but her heart was still racing. She couldn't take it anymore; all this waiting around was killing her. She was familiar with the hospital, having been there countless times to interrogate victims. If Jay was in post-operative care, she knew exactly where to find him.
She made her way down the halls until she reached the pavilion where patients were transferred to recover from surgery. Given Jay's serious condition, she knew he was being closely monitored in one of the few rooms fully equipped to ensure a quick intervention if needed.
The first room she entered was empty. She walked over to the next one and found a young woman, fast asleep. As she made her way to the third room, she immediately sensed Jay's presence. She stood there for a moment, staring at the door. She needed to gather all her strength to go ahead and enter the room. She didn't know what to expect, or how she'd react to seeing Jay laying there. She took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open.
She felt a sharp pain in her chest the second she caught glimpse of Jay. He looked incredibly pale; he'd obviously lost a lot of blood. His nasal cannula seemed to suck the life out of him instead of breathing oxygen into his lungs. Hailey had to bite her lip to keep herself from bursting into tears. She slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the chair next to him. Trembling, she took Jay's hand in hers and brought it close to her chest, where her heart was beating at a frenetic pace.
"Jay" she whispered, praying he could somehow hear her, or at the very least feel her presence.
She gazed at him, thinking about how only a few hours ago, he'd been so full of life. But now, he was on the verge of losing it all. Tears were streaming down her face, and the pain in her chest was so agonizing that each breath she took felt like a knife stabbing her soul. There were too many things that had been left unsaid… feelings that had been left unexplored.
"Don't you dare leave me" she said, her voice quivering.
She had never in her existence felt this helpless; her partner was dying. This amazing man who had become her rock was slowly slipping away. She would have sacrificed her own life if it meant saving his. But there was nothing she could do… except tell him the truth. Speaking the words aloud, even if he didn't actually hear them, would provide her some kind of solace.
"Jay… I'm not sure you can hear me… but I want you to know… I've never met anyone who gets me the way you do. You and I, we just… fit. Most of the time we don't even have to say what's on our minds, all we need to do is look at one another and we know exactly what the other one's thinking. I wish you could be awake right now to look into my eyes and see… just how much you mean to me."
Hailey's voice broke as she murmured those last words. She pushed the chair closer until there was no gap left between her and the bed. She then carefully laid her head on top of Jay's chest, listening closely until she perceived the sound of his heartbeat. It was slow, but steady. She closed her eyes, letting the rhythm of his heart guide her breathing.
"I can't lose you…" she whimpered.
Hailey was now sobbing, the sorrow in her heart too strong to contain. She remained there, her eyes closed, her head against Jay's chest. And then, she felt something… a hand caressing her hair so tenderly. She slowly lifted her head, praying that what she was feeling wasn't just a figment of her imagination. But it was definitely real; Jay was awake, looking at her through his gorgeous green eyes.
"Hailey…" he breathed.
"Shh… you need to save your strength" she replied.
"No… I need to…" he murmured, the pain visible on his face.
"Jay, please" she interrupted him. "We can talk later, when you're stronger."
"Hailey… you're… I…" he continued, ignoring her words.
"You don't need to speak" she told him, reaching for his hand. "I can see it in your eyes."
He gazed at her intensely and slowly nodded his head, then squeezed her hand as a tear rolled down his cheek. Hailey got up from her chair and she immediately felt Jay tense up.
"I'm not going anywhere" she reassured him. "I'm just going to let Will know you're awake so he can check you out."
"Ok" he whispered as he unwillingly released her hand.
Before she headed out, she bent down and pressed her lips on his forehead, lingering there for a moment. She then lowered her head, bringing her face closer to Jay's, and looked deeply into his eyes.
"I'll be right back. I promise."
Days later, although he hadn't fully healed, Jay had recovered enough to be released from the hospital. Hailey had insisted on driving him home, although he hadn't really complained. When they reached his apartment that night, she unlocked the door for him and followed him inside.
"Thank you, Hailey" he told her as she closed the door behind her. "I can always count on you" he added with a smile.
"It's the least I can do after what happened" she replied.
"I know what you're thinking" he said as he took off his jacket and tossed it on one of his couches. "But none of this was your fault, Hailey. Please stop feeling guilty. I'm the one who messed up… again."
"Jay…"
"I just couldn't let it go… I still can't."
"You can't dwell on the past and what's done" she told him, touching his arm. "Sometimes you get it right, and sometimes you just don't. And as much as it hurts, you have to accept that it's part of the job. You gotta stop beating yourself up over it, Jay. Because…" she trailed off.
"Because what?" he asked when she hesitated.
"Because I don't wanna lose my partner" she managed to say as the emotion caught up with her.
She could tell Jay had been touched by her words because his eyes immediately filled with tears. He moved closer, his gaze fixed on her eyes. She could feel the butterflies flutter uncontrollably inside her stomach. He was mere inches away from her, and she could feel his warm breath on her face. He put both his hands on her shoulders and then slid them along the length of her arms, his eyes gradually making their way down to her lips. Jay slowly bent down, and for a second Hailey thought he was going to kiss her. But instead, he pressed his lips on her forehead and enveloped her with his arms. She closed her eyes and let herself drown in his embrace.
"I'm not leaving you" he murmured in her ear.
Hailey desperately wanted to remain cocooned in Jay's arms forever, but something inside of her urged her to pull back. She lifted her head to look at him and realized tears had rolled down her cheeks as he tenderly raised his hands to wipe them away with his thumbs. She opened her mouth to thank him, but her voice remained caught in her throat. Jay noticed her reaction and smiled, undoubtedly in an attempt to relieve the tension that had built up between them. She smiled back and slowly stepped back.
"I'm gonna let you get some rest" she whispered, trying her best not to let him see just how vulnerable his touch had left her.
"No, please… don't go" he pleaded with her. "Stay with me."
She stared at him, struggling to keep the tears in.
"Yeah, of course" she responded in a barely audible voice.
She removed her leather jacket and hung it on a chair.
"Can I get you something?" she asked.
"No, just… sit with me" he told her as he gently grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the couch.
They both sat down and remained silent for a moment before Jay finally spoke.
"These last few days have been crazy. I almost died… and it made me realize just how precious time really is. I'm tired of running. I just want time to stand still."
Hailey shot him a glance, her eyebrow raised.
"I don't mean forever" he explained with a faint smile. "Just long enough for me to show you just how much you mean to me."
Hailey's heart leapt in her chest. She felt herself blush so she lowered her head. As she looked down, she saw Jay's hand reach over and envelop hers.
"You and I we just fit" he told her in a soft voice.
She lifted her head back up to look at him as she heard his words; the very same ones she'd whispered to him a few days before, as he laid unconscious in the hospital.
"I heard every word you said to me" he continued. "And I know you could probably just look into my eyes right now and tell me exactly what I'm feeling… but I'd rather just tell you. Hailey…"
But she didn't let him finish his thoughts. She placed her hand behind his neck and leaned in to kiss him. His lips immediately responded to hers, as though they'd always been destined to fit together.
They'd been partners for three years now, leaned on each other through rough times, and developed this unbreakable bond unlike anything either one of them had ever shared with anyone else. All of it had come down to this perfect moment where they had finally been able to open up and let the other one in; and it felt incredible… and yet, completely natural.
Despite every inch of her silently begging her not to let go, Hailey broke the kiss.
"I should be the one to tell you what I'm feeling" she said, looking up at him.
He slowly nodded his head and waited for her to speak.
"Seeing you lying in that bed, fighting for your life, was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I just kept thinking about how I'd possibly never get to tell you how important you are to me. Jay, you're so much more than just my partner; you're my friend, the one I automatically turn to when I need to make sense of things I don't understand. I can't imagine not having you by my side, every day, to face whatever lies ahead."
She felt the tears rise again, so she took a deep breath before she continued.
"I was terrified of losing you. But most of all, I felt horrible that you had to get shot for me to realize just how much I…" she trailed off.
Jay took her hand and squeezed it gently, instantly soothing her and giving her the extra push she needed to finally admit what she'd felt all along.
"Jay, I love you. And I don't want to stand still. I want to move forward… with you."
This time it was Jay who pulled her in and kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.
"I love you too, Hailey" he murmured, his forehead pressed against hers. "More than I ever thought possible."
She lifted her head to look at him as he cupped her face in his hand and gazed deeply into her eyes.
"Then what are we waiting for?" she asked.
He responded to her question with a smile. He moved his face closer, paused for a moment, and then their lips finally clashed together. He leaned forward, slowly pushing her down on the couch. Their kiss quickly intensified, both of them extremely eager to discover one another for the first time. Without taking her lips off him, Hailey sat up and began to unbutton her shirt. As soon as her fingers let go of the last button, Jay took over; he removed her shirt and let it fall on the floor. She momentarily broke the kiss, sliding her hands underneath his sweater. As she pulled it over his head, she immediately noticed him wince in pain.
"I'm sorry, are you ok?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm alright" he told her with a faint smile. "Besides, you're totally worth the pain."
"Are you sure?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Absolutely."
"Ok… but I think there's a better way to do this" she replied, gently pushing him down.
She carefully climbed on top of him, placing her hands on both his shoulders. She slid her hands down and paused when she reached the bandage that covered his bullet wound. She suddenly felt a wave of emotions rush through her as the memories of Jay getting shot came flooding back. As she stared at the bandage, it reminded her of just how close she'd come to losing him. Her eyes instantly filled with tears.
"Hailey" Jay whispered, caressing her back. "I'm here."
She turned her attention back to his face as the sound of his voice pulled her back from the horrific nightmare she was reliving.
"I'm still here" he repeated, tenderly cupping her cheek with his hand. "And I'm not going anywhere."
Slowly, Hailey lied down on top of him as he enveloped her with his arms, and she rested her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and listened closely until she heard the steady sound of his heartbeat. Jay was alive. And just as important, he was now aware of how she felt about him. Their hearts had been connected for a while… time had finally come for their bodies to do the same.
Hailey lifted her head back up to look at Jay, gently running her thumb across his lips. She leaned back down and kissed him, exhaling as she sank down into his arms. As she explored the inside of his mouth, she reached for his belt buckle. Slowly, she unzipped his pants and slipped them off. As she slid her hands up his chest, her fingers brushed the bandage on his shoulder. But this time, she didn't let it faze her. She pressed her lips on the flesh right above it, and let them linger there for a moment before she moved on to Jay's neck. At the same time, he moved his hands down to her waist and removed her jeans. She then felt his soft fingers brush her naked back as he swiftly unhooked her bra and took it off. He finally made his way down to her panties, tickling her flesh as he slipped them off. He started kissing her, the sweet taste of his lips leaving her wanting more. She ran her hands through his hair and slowly slid them down to his back until they reached his boxer shorts. As she slipped them off, Jay opened his eyes to look at her.
Her heart was racing and her entire body ached for him; she couldn't wait any longer, she need to feel him inside of her. She spread her thighs open and bore down until she felt the hardened tip of his penis brush up against her vagina. A throaty moan escaped her mouth as she pushed her pelvis down and enveloped him with her warmth. She began moving up and down, pressing her palms against his chest to steady her movements. The hot, slippery liquid quickly built up with each one of her strides, increasing the pleasurable sensation that was already rocking her insides. She felt Jay's thumb stroke her clitoris in fluid, circular motions, sending additional waves of pleasure flooding through her body.
"Oh…" she moaned, tipping her head back.
She felt him grab her hips, his warm hands sliding downward. She lied back down on top of him, pressing her breasts against his chest. She pulled his face to hers as she rolled down on her back and wrapped her legs around his waist. As he continued to kiss her and taste her mouth with his tongue, he began to move faster inside of her, leading her closer to ultimate bliss. Her skin burned against his as the heat continued to rise. Her breath started to accelerate as she felt the pleasure mounting, every part of her succumbing to him. She couldn't get enough of him; his soft lips kissing every inch of her, his gentle hands leaving her skin tingling as he caressed her. She started moaning, driving Jay to slow down. He clearly didn't want to rush things; he wanted this moment to last forever, just as much as she did. He moved his lips away from hers and started kissing her neck, making his way down to her breasts. He found her nipples and licked them gently, then sucked on them until he heard her let out a soft moan.
"Jay..." she breathed.
As he kept thrusting inside of her, the tension increased, their bodies burning like hot, melting liquid. They both moved in unison for a while, fitting so perfectly together. Hailey could feel Jay's heart beating underneath hers, his breath tickling her lips. She dug her nails into his back and tightened her legs around his waist as they finally both reached climax. Jay rolled onto his back as Hailey threw her head back in ecstasy.
"Hailey" he whispered, beads of sweat glistening all over his toned chest.
She climbed back on top of him and rested her chin on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.
"I love you" he told her, tenderly gazing into her eyes.
"I love you" she murmured, pressing her lips on his.
"I'm never letting you go."
"That's good… because I don't intend to go anywhere" she replied.
The next morning, when Jay opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Hailey, peacefully sleeping in his arms. A smile spread across his lips as he stared at her beautiful face. He slowly bent down to kiss her, but before his lips could touch hers, he heard his cellphone vibrate on the nightstand. He quickly grabbed it so the noise wouldn't wake Hailey up. He glanced at the lit up screen and froze. Although he'd deleted it from his contacts, Jay knew full well who the number displayed on the screen belonged to. He read the text, turned the phone off and put it back on the nightstand. He turned his attention back to Hailey and gazed at her for a moment. The thought of leaving her absolutely tore him up inside, but he couldn't ignore the message he'd just received; he needed to go. He carefully slid his body from underneath Hailey's and got up. He quickly got dressed, grabbed his phone, and turned around one last time to look at Hailey… and then he headed out to meet Erin.
