22Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C. or any of its characters. Everything belongs to FOX and Josh Schwartz.
The day that Kirsten found out she couldn't have any more children was a difficult day. Sandy and Kirsten had always talked about having a few kids. They did not want Seth to grow up alone. He was already five years old and struggling to make friends. Kirsten thought and hoped that with a brother or sister around, at least he wouldn't have to feel alone. Sandy was inclined to agree from personal experience with growing up in a small apartment in the Bronx with a brother and sister. He knew having a sibling would be good for their son. Since Seth was five years old, they had been trying. But they had no luck. After months, she decided to go to the doctor to find out what was wrong.
Sandy held her hand as they waited for the doctor to come in and give them the results of her tests. She held her breath as the doctor came and in sat down in front of him. "Were there any difficulties during your son's pregnancy?" The doctor asked.
"I had pre-eclampsia." Kirsten answered. The pregnancy and the birth had been difficult. She remembered it clearly. The doctors had been concerned about possibly losing her and the baby. But everything turned out alright as they made sure the doctors monitored everything closely. "They did a C-Section." She wasn't sure what this had to do with getting pregnant. When she got pregnant with Seth, that didn't take much effort; that had been the easy part.
"Well it seems from the complications of your previous pregnancy…" Kirsten could not even hear. She felt far away as the doctor explained, only able to hear the ringing in her ears. Eventually she was snapped from her own thoughts.
"I'm sorry?" Kirsten asked when Sandy got her attention. "What does that mean?"
"I am sorry but you cannot have any more kids." He put it simply.
"But…" Kirsten was speechless and she couldn't even find the words. She wasn't sure if such words existed.
"I know this is a lot to take in. But there are other options." The doctor attempted to offer. But Kirsten did not want to hear it; not now. She got up and left the room. Sandy sighed and looked at the doctor apologetically as he stood. "It's okay. I know this is a lot." He nodded. She was in shock. They would both need some time to get through this. "But please, takes these." He handed Sandy a few pamphlets on other options for having children. They might want to take a look later. "When you and Kirsten are ready, of course."
"Thank you." Sandy said as he then went to go find Kirsten. He found her in the car and instead of attempting to say something, he just got into the passenger seat and started the car. "We should go pick up Seth." Sandy spoke, noting that school was going to let out soon. Kirsten did not respond. She just faced the window, not able to talk or look at her husband.
Seth hopped in the backseat of the Range Rover when he saw his parents pull up. "Hi mommy! Hi daddy!" He greeted with a smile.
"Hey buddy, how was your day?" Sandy responded while Kirsten remained quiet.
"It was good." Seth responded. He liked school a lot and he loved to tell his parents about it. Today, he had art class, one of his favorites, and he couldn't wait to show his parents what he made. Since the teacher was sick, the substitute let them draw whatever they wanted to. When they got back to the house, Seth put his backpack down on floor and then went digging through his stuff to find his sketch pad. He eventually found it and flipped through the pages until he found the drawing he made this afternoon. He then ran over to Kirsten.
"I made you something mommy." He exclaimed as he then held it up to show her.
Kirsten smiled, but it quickly faded once she saw what her son had drawn. She took the sketch pad. It was a drawing of their family. Seth was in the middle of his two parents while his mother was holding what looked like to be a baby wrapped in a blue blanket. Kirsten's eyes fell above each figure where Seth had written Mommy, Daddy, Seth, and baby brother.
"Do you like it mommy?" Seth asked, smiling. Kirsten didn't respond other than letting out a shaky breath and then heading upstairs. "Mommy?" Seth's face fell as Sandy took hold of the sketch from the couch where Kirsten had dropped it. He sighed eternally once he saw the drawing. Really bad timing. Sandy looked down at Seth and noticed his lip quivering in response to Kirsten leaving so abruptly. He picked Seth up as he started to cry. "Why doesn't mommy like it?" Seth didn't understand. She always liked the drawings he made. And his parents usually being the only ones who told him how wonderful they were, it hurt Seth to think that his mom didn't like it.
"It's not that Seth." Sandy tried to figure out the best way to explain. "Mommy likes it. But—she just had a bad day."
"But…" Seth still didn't understand. He has seen her sad before but then when she sees his drawings she feels better. He didn't understand why it didn't work this time. He realized she must be really upset. "Why is mommy upset?"
"She—we got some really bad news today." Sandy replied. He wondered if there was a way to tell Seth. He wanted to help him understand, but he wasn't sure there was a good way to explain it. And he wasn't sure he should attempt to explain without talking to Kirsten about it first.
"Oh." Seth said and then looked up at Sandy as he rubbed his damp eyes. "Do you like the drawing daddy?" He asked, looking at him with these big eyes that made him melt.
"I think it's a wonderful." Sandy smiled at Seth. "But why are my eyebrow so bushy?"
"Because they are daddy." Seth giggled and Sandy chuckled slightly as he pulled Seth in close for a hug.
Sandy had waited for Seth to cheer up before he left him to go check on his wife. And he knew she was going to need a moment alone before he approached. When he got to the bedroom, he pushed the door open and saw her sitting on the bed, facing the window. He walked in and sat next to her, not saying a word for a moment. Eventually, he turned to look at Kirsten. He then slowly reached over and took her hand, gently. Kirsten turned her head away slightly, avoiding Sandy's gaze, but she gripped his hand a bit tighter.
"It's not your fault, you know?" Sandy eventually spoke.
"How can you say that?" Kirsten asked, her voice cracked slightly.
"Because it's true." Sandy answered, simply. He knew that Kirsten was blaming herself for this. "This isn't your fault. And we couldn't have known what would have happened when you had Seth."
"The doctor told me the risks when I was pregnant with him." Kirsten pointed out.
"Yeah. He told us the risks of continuing your pregnancy." Sandy shook his head. "There was nothing you could have done differently. Except terminate the pregnancy and we both know you wouldn't have done that. We both talked about the risks back then and we both agreed it was worth it for our baby—our son." Sandy knew Kirsten did not regret that decision. They would not trade having Seth for anything.
Kirsten shook her head slowly, "It's too bad Rebecca ran off. You guys could have had the big family you always wanted."
"Honey," Sandy spoke softly as he cupped her chin and turned her head, forcing her to look at him. "I love you." He said, easily and truthfully like he does many times before. "You are my family. You and Seth are everything to me."
"It's my fault that we can't…" Kirsten attempted to put more blame onto herself. "We wanted more children and Seth, he wants a brother or sister." Kirsten felt guilty for not being able to give her son a siblings. She didn't like the idea of having him grow up alone. Though Kirsten and her younger sister, Hailey, had their issues, being sisters is a bond unlike anything. And even with all their problems, Kirsten wouldn't trade that for anything. She had wanted that for Seth. She didn't want him to grow up alone. But now it seemed like would; and Kirsten felt like it was all her fault. "…and now…" Tears escaped Kirsten's eyes and Sandy embraced her.
"And we can still have that." Sandy whispered. He ran his fingers through her long blonde hair and kissed her on her left temple. He let go, his hands moved to her face so she was looking him in the eyes. His thumbs gently caressed her cheeks. "Just not in the way we originally planned." He smiled at her.
Kirsten put her forehead against his and Sandy wiped her tears away with his thumb. "Are you sure?" Kirsten asked.
"Am I sure this is what I want?" Sandy questioned. "You and Seth are my family—my everything. Of course, I am sure that's what I want." He was sure that he wanted his life with her; and he wouldn't want it any differently.
"I know we have other options." Kirsten was aware of all the options they had. They had options from IVF, surrogacy, and adoption. But she also knew that going down that road would not be easy. "But what if it doesn't work? And Seth—how do we explain?"
"I don't think you're giving Seth enough credit." Sandy said. "He's a smart kid. We will find a way to explain." Sandy knew they just had to find the right words. "He gets that from us."
Kirsten smiled; she couldn't deny that.
"And we'll keep trying." Sandy was certain that one way—if not one or the other, it would work out for them. He could just feel it in his gut. "I'm willing to try." He told her. And they wouldn't know if they didn't try. "Together."
Kirsten kissed Sandy, "I guess we better figure out our first move."
A/N: This is loosely based on an RP I did a little while back. I was feeling the urge to write little Ryan and Seth again so that's where this story came from. I am going to write maybe three to four chapters for this, but I am willing to write more if you guys request more. If so, leave some ideas in the reviews. Also, this is the first story I've written in third person in a long while, so we'll see how this goes.
Please don't forget to review.
