Title: i never expected myself to be so affected

Pairing/s: Rin/Makoto, with mentions of Nagisa/Rei and Haru/Sousuke.

Disclaimer: I don't own Free!, that belongs to the creators and producers. I am doing this for my own fun, and not for profit in any way, shape or form.

Warning/s: Fluff, lots of fluff; pining; confessions; lots of blushing; Haru being done with Rin's shit; Rin taking forever to get his shit together; Makoto being oblivious and unsure.

Chapter/s: One.

Word Count: 4 195.

Summary: Rin had developed a crush on Makoto. Instead of confessing his feelings, like Haru had been urging him to, he decided to avoid Makoto until his stupid feelings for him went away. This doesn't work, mostly because Haru isn't having any of Rin's shit.

Author's Note: First fic for the year and boy is it a long one. My fics usually average between 1k - 3k, so to write something over 4 000 is a lot for me. Also this being a Rin/Makoto fic is unusal as well. I haven't wirrten for Free! yet and also I lean more towards Makoto/Haru than any other ship. But honestly I will ship Makoto with anyone and I saw this idea written on my note in my phone, so I thought to give it a go. I wrote the dialogue first for this one again, not too sure if it worked or if I would continue with that writing methode, but oh well, this was really fun to write and I hope you guys enjoy!

"Haru, this isn't fair!" Rin whined, slumping further over the table.

"Life isn't fair," Haru said, taking a bite of his mackerel.

"Oi." Rin lifted his head to glare at Haru. "You're not helping."

Haru narrowed his eyes at Rin's accusing tone. "I tried to help but you refused to take my advice."

"Telling him my feelings is not good advice."

Haru agreed, because it was excellent advice. It was the kind of advice that would save him all this bullshit Rin was putting him through. But no, Rin loved to make Haru's life difficult, that's just his default setting.

"Why can't you tell Makoto about your feelings?" Haru asked.

"Because it's not the done thing," Rin explained, and there was a clear duh at the end of that sentence that Haru did not appreciate.

Haru searched Rin's face, coming to a conclusion. "You're scared."

"Of course I'm scared!" Rin banged his fist onto the table in frustration, making his cup of water and Haru's plate shake dangerously on the table. Haru sent Rin a warning look but Rin was too wined up to notice. "If you actually attracted to people and weren't in a weird relationship with fucking water you would understand that confessing your feelings is scary."

"Not true," said Haru. "The water and I are just friends."

Haru enjoyed the annoyed look Rin shot him because he couldn't tell if Haru was joking or not. Rin's irritation was always better than him sulking.

Speaking of friends. "Why isn't Sousuke subjected to your moping?" Haru asked.

Rin slumped forward again. "He kicked me out."

That was an excellent plan. "Rin, I'm kicking you out."

"What!" Rin sat up so quickly that it was only Haru's quick reflexes that managed to save the glass from falling over. Unfortunately, some water escaped and landed on his cooked mackerel, and for that Rin would pay dearly.

"You can't do that!" Rin shouted, ignoring Haru's glare, which just furthered his irritation.

"My apartment, I can."

"It's not your apartment, it's yours and Makoto's, and he would never kick me out." Rin said this with such conviction that it really pissed Haru off.

"No, you would just leave as soon as he arrives," Haru said icily, calling Rin out on his lately shitty tactic of dealing with his feelings. "Because you're avoiding him."

Rin leaned back in shock.

"I'm not avoiding him," he denies weakly. But both he and Haru knew that Haru was speaking the truth.

Haru let his silence speak for himself.

"Okay, I am," Rin admitted reluctantly. "But still. I never expected to develop a stupid fucking crush on him. What else am I supposed to do?"

"Confess," Haru immediately replied.

He had said that word so often in the past few weeks that he was tempted to have it recorded so he wouldn't have to expend any more energy on saying it. But then he would have to learn how to do recordings on his phone and that seemed like too much effort for Rin. He already had to regularly answer texts from everyone, he wasn't going to do more.

"Piss off Haru, I'm not confessing."

"Fine, then I'll do it for you." If Rin was going to act like a child then Haru will treat him like he was one of Makoto's siblings. Though, Haru had full confidence that the twins could handle their crushes better than Rin was.

Rin pointed a finger at Haru threateningly. "Don't you fucking dare."

And Haru was tempted, oh so very tempted, to ignore Rin and tell Makoto everything. Mostly to end his own misery of Rin's moping, but to also stop Makoto's slipping smiles and hurtfully confused looks every time Rin bolted or dragged Haru away.

"The other day Makoto asked if you were upset with him and if he did something wrong." Haru took vicious satisfaction from Rin's guilt-stricken expression. Haru couldn't stop himself from twisting the knife a little further. "He even asked if we were dating because you seemed to want to hang out more with me than him and if he was getting in our way."

Haru stared coldly, letting his words sink in properly before continuing, "So, I say with complete seriousness, confess before you screw things up further."

Haru exited the room, taking his ruined mackerel with him, and leaving a pained Rin behind. Much later he heard the front door closing without Rin saying goodbye.

OoO

"Haru, are you sure it's a good idea that I'm here?" Makoto asked for the fifth time, fiddling with the ticket that Haru gave him.

"I'm sure," Haru reassured him again.

Rin put onto the group that he wanted to go to movies with everyone this weekend. Haru could read it for the attempt it was to mend things but frankly, he didn't think it was good enough. He did, however, agree to go, with Makoto also putting in a confirmation.

Sousuke had originally agreed but cancelled at the last minute. With that Haru started to form an idea, but first needed to constantly reassure Makoto that he was wanted. Haru could see where Makoto's constant worrying was coming from, what with it being just the three of them now, but since the worry came from a stupid place because of Rin's own insecurities, Haru had waved off Makoto's concerns.

"It's just that Rin probably wants to watch this with you," Makoto insisted further.

"If he wanted to, he would have asked me himself. Don't let Rin's shitty behaviour get to you, he's just being a baby."

"Haru!" Haru was unsure if Makoto's exclamation was from the swearing or calling Rin a baby since both were strong contenders.

"It'll be fine," Haru said.

Makoto sighed, dropping the lecture he was probably gearing up to give, which Haru was grateful for. Makoto went back to playing with his ticket, looking at the screen title printed neatly onto it. "Have you heard of this movie?"

Haru shrugged. "Rin wanted to see it."

"I hope it's nothing scary," Makoto said, looking worryingly at the name. He looked up and waved at someone and, following his eyesight, Haru spotted Rin walking towards them.

"Yo." Rin nodded in greeting when he got close enough, hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie. It looked relaxed to anyone who saw him but Haru was able to pick up on the nervous tightening around Rin's shoulders.

Makoto smiled at Rin. "Hi, Rin."

Rin blatantly stared at Makoto and Haru gave a very heavy sigh.

"Here." Haru thrust a movie ticket into Rin's stupid pining face, forcing Rin to make a hasty grab for the paper. Honestly, Haru was surprised that Makoto hadn't caught onto where Rin's true feelings laid, because Rin was awful at hiding them. "This is yours; I need the toilet."

And without any further explanation and the ticket securely in Rin's hand, Haru marched towards the bathroom, leaving a panicked Rin behind. Serves him right for getting Haru involved in his drama and ruining his mackerel.

OoO

Rin: how big is the dump ur taking

Rin waited for Haru to reply, fiddling with his phone. He and Makoto were slowly exhausting all small talk topics and it was making Rin nervous. He wasn't too sure if he could actually have any kind of meaningful conversation with Makoto without using Haru as a buffer or dying of hormonal shame of crushing on your friend.

Because if all Rin wanted from Makoto was something physical, then he could easily get over it. Have a couple of wanks, feel a bit of guilt, and then move on with his life. He had done so with Haru, and he could easily do so with Makoto.

No, the problem happened where he didn't just want to touch dicks with Makoto, but also maybe hold his hand a little, and go on cute dates to cat cafes, and cuddle, because Makoto would probably give fantastic cuddles.

And fuck, he had it bad.

To Rin's mild surprise, Haru actually texted back after a few minutes.

Haru: I'm not in the bathroom. I left.

Rin: the fuck.

Rin: where r u?

Haru: At a sushi bar.

Rin: wtf haru?

Haru: Confess.

Rin: i hope u fucking choke

Haru sent a picture, to Rin's even bigger surprise, since he was sure Haru had no idea his phone had a camera let alone how to use it. The mystery was solved when the image showed Haru and Sousuke both with sushi in front of them. They had their thumbs up as if encouraging Rin but their lack of smiles let him know that they were mocking him.

He quickly shot a message to Sousuke.

Rin: traitor

Sousuke: you can do it (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Rin: 凸( ` ﾛ ´ )凸

Rin closed the chat with Sousuke's mocking Kaomoji, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

"Did he say when he was coming back?" Makoto asked, peering curiously over at Rin.

"Uh, no, apparently Haru isn't feeling well," Rin lied hastily. "Says he got diarrhoea or something."

Makoto threw a concerned look towards the bathrooms. "Should we go see if he needs help?"

It was so hard to resist the easy out Makoto was presenting him. Call it a day, let Haru deal with Rin's lie and chalk it up to Rin at least trying. But he resisted because he was going to make an effort God damn it, even if it killed him. Because if he didn't, the guilt surely will.

So instead Rin said, "He says he's fine and just heading home to rest and we should watch the movie without him."

Makoto bit his lip, obviously conflicted between obeying Haru's wishes and helping someone in need. Rin couldn't help but zeroing in on those lips and imagining his teeth replacing Makoto's and what kind of sounds he would make if he did. Rin had to quickly look away before Makoto noticed him staring, fighting off the blush he could feel.

He was such a shitty friend.

"We should probably head in if we don't want to miss the movie," Rin said loudly, more of a way to distract himself than anything else. He bolted for the movie theatre entrance without waiting for Makoto.

He just wanted this day to be over.

OoO

Rin had no clue what movie he chose, he just picked one at random in an attempt to prove to Haru that he could spend time with Makoto. Of course, it would have been nice for Haru to be there so he could see Rin's valiant efforts instead of abandoning him, like the awful friend he was.

One thing he did learn about the movie, after the first 10 minutes of screen time, was that it was a horror. Another thing he learnt; Makoto was absolutely pissed scared.

This shouldn't surprise Rin; Makoto had always been a scaredy-cat when he was young and it seemed age didn't change that fact. Rin felt sorry for the guy, nothing overly the top had happened and he was already looking like he was about to bolt.

20 minutes in and they were holding hands.

Rin stared into space, letting this new development happen where Makoto seemed determined to squeeze the life out of his hand. He knew exactly how it came to this point; he just didn't expect something so cliché like it to actually happen.

Rin had his hand on the armrest, rolling his eyes at the stereotypical premise they were being presented with, when Makoto grabbed both the armrests for dear life when an obvious jump scare happened, coincidentally gripping Rin's hand as well. Rin jumped more at Makoto's actions than at the actual jump scare, looking at Makoto in shock.

"Sorry," Makoto whimpered, actually fucking whimpered, body locked up in fright.

"It's okay," Rin whispered back, and because he's an awful, no good friend, he turned his hand over so the palm side was up, and closed his hand around Makoto's. He gave Makoto's hand what Rin hoped was a comforting, friendly, squeeze.

Makoto smiled gratefully back in the dimmed light and gripped Rin's hand more firmly.

For the rest of the movie, all Rin could focus on was Makoto's large warm hand and willing his not to be too sweaty so Makoto won't be disgusted and let go. He hoped Makoto would never let go.

OoO

"That was a lot more intense than I was expecting," Makoto said, laughing a bit nervously. He actually breathed a sigh of relief when they left the movie and Rin felt sorry for him. Not too sorry though, because it did mean he got to hold Makoto's hand for over an hour and he savoured every god damn minute of it.

Rin nodded. "Yeah." He really hoped Makoto doesn't quiz him on the movie, because he had no clue what was going on. He was too busy focusing on how big and right Makoto hand felt and trying to sneak looks at him.

Rin stuffed his hand into his hoodie to try tamper down how empty it felt and quickly changed the subject. "I'm hungry. Do you want to grab something to eat?"

Makoto looked thoughtfully to the side before nodding. "I could eat."

"Great," Rin said, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. "Anything in particular?"

"I'm not fussy Rin, you can decide."

Rin gave a mental sigh because Makoto was just too nice for his own good. "As long as it's not sushi, I'm good." He picked a direction that looked like it would lead to food and headed towards it, with a slightly bemused Makoto following him.

OoO

Rin looked at his phone when it vibrated against the table, eyebrows raising when he saw that it was a new message from Haru. Will wonders never cease.

He clicked it open.

Haru: Why did you tell Makoto I had diarrhoea?

Rin: thats what u get for leaving me

Haru: Makoto tells me you two are eating. Now is your chance.

Rin: piss off

A message from Sousuke popped up as well. Rin opened it automatically and instantly regretted it.

Sousuke: I believe in you °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Rin: piss off as well

Sousuke: ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ love you too Rin, you're doing great

Rin stabbed the messaging app closed and pushed his phone across the table.

At Makoto's slightly concerned look, Rin explained, "Sousuke's being an ass."

"Oh?" He cocked his head to the side, like he couldn't contemplate Sousuke's nature. That was because Makoto didn't understand how Rin was being ganged up by their two best friends. Lucky, adorable bastard.

"How is Sousuke?" Makoto continued, bringing Rin's attention away from glaring sullenly at his phone. "It's a shame he couldn't make it; it would have been nice to see him again. Not that it isn't nice hanging out with you as well," Makoto quickly reassured.

Rin willed himself not to preen under the comment of Makoto enjoying his company, because Makoto was a nice guy and would probably enjoy the company of a sea cucumber if given the chance.

"Yeah, it's been a while..." As if that wasn't entirely my fault, Rin winced. Definitely a shitty friend.

Makoto hummed in agreement. "It has, hasn't it?"

Rin was awashed with further guilt. "That's probably my fault. Sorry."

Makoto smiled sadly. "It's because you wanted some alone time with Haru, right?"

"Huh?" Rin stared blankly at Makoto, because when did Haru suddenly became a part of this conversation?

Makoto fiddled with his glass. "I asked Haru if you two were dating because of all the time you spent together, not that I'm saying anything bad about that, not at all, I'm really happy that you two are hanging out more often. And I asked Haru if you two were dating and he said no but I figured maybe that is because you two just hadn't said anything to each other yet, because let's be real, you two would probably be great together and I can't imagine otherwise and-"

"Haru's not the one I want to confess to." Rin quickly cut off Makoto's spiraling monologue, because Jesus fucking Christ was it painful to listen to. Just hearing Makoto ramble about him and Haru dating, in a way that Makoto himself didn't even think he was an option both him and Haru would consider. As if Haru wouldn't jump onto Makoto's ass in a heartbeat if he ever got his head out of the water, let alone how far gone Rin actually was for him.

Makoto frowned. "But there is someone you want to confess to?"

Well shit. Rin hadn't meant to say that. In the face of Makoto's adorable confusion, Rin didn't have the resolve to give another lie. So instead, he gave a very hesitant, "yes?"

"And it's not Haru?"

"No, definitely not Haru."

"Sousuke?"

"Not Sousuke either." It looked like Rin was going to do this whole confessing thing that Haru had been harping on about. Crap, he wasn't ready for this, but it looked like Makoto was on a mission and Rin could do very little to stop him without looking like more of a bastard.

Makoto thought it over for a bit. "It's not Rei, right?"

Rin gaped at Makoto. "Absolutely not!"

"Oh, good." Makoto smiled in relief. "Nagisa would not be pleased." He thought over it for a bit while Rin fiddled nervously with his chopsticks.

"Is it one of your teammates?" he asked, referring to the swim team Rin was currently training with here in Tokyo.

It looked like Rin was officially playing 20 questions now. Great. "No."

"Do they live in Tokyo?"

"Yes."

"Are they male?"

"Yes."

"Are they older than you?"

Rin had to think quickly to when Makoto's birthday was, before shaking his head. "No."

"So younger than."

"Obviously." Rin rolled his eyes. "Now you know his age, sex and location we can set him up a dating profile."

At Makoto's confused look Rin sighed. "Never mind. Any more questions?" He was slowly getting exhausted from the anticipation of his crush reveal that at this point he just wanted it to be over with.

"Well, how much younger are they?" Makoto gaspedloudly. "Rin, you're not crushing on a minor, are you?"

"No!" Rin shouted, throwing his chopstick at Makoto, who laughed and held his hands up in defence. "Do I look like a predator to you!"

"Well with your teeth you do appear very scary," Makoto said with a teasing smile. Rin bared his threatening teeth at him and held up his remaining chopstick in warning.

"Okay, okay," Makoto said quickly, putting his hands together in an apology, although a smile never left his face. "I'm sorry." He bowed his head slightly for good measure.

"You should be," Rin grumbled, dropping his chopstick and sitting back into his chair with a huff.

"Okay, let me try to narrow it down a bit more." Makoto also sat back, more in comfort than to sulk. "Is he five years younger?"

Rin sighed. "No."

"Four years?"

"No."

"Three?"

"Jesus Christ, Makoto, no. He's 23, soon to be 24 if you want to be specific," Rin added bitingly.

Makoto didn't seem phased by the tone and instead brightened at the new information. "Oh, so he's our age."

Rin nearly laughed at the irony of that statement, but he knew it wouldn't have been a nice one so he held it in. "Yeah, Makoto, he's our age."

"Okay. So he's male, 23, lives in Tokyo, not one of your teammates. Are you guys friends?"

Rin hesitated briefly before nodding. "Yeah, I would say so. Although I haven't been very good to him lately." That was probably giving away too much, but Rin just wanted this whole thing to be over with.

Makoto blinked in surprise at that confession. "I'm sure you haven't been all that bad Rin."

Rin shook his head quickly. "No, Makoto, trust me. He deserves a whole lot better than what I've been putting him through. Just because I get a little mess up around him doesn't mean he deserves to be ignored." Rin looked directly into Makoto's eyes. "And I hope he knows that and that I'm truly sorry for what a dick I've been."

Makoto's frowned in confusion before his eyes lit up in realisation. Rin swallowed nervously, knowing that Makoto had finally got it.

Makoto sat forward slightly. "Rin, is he sitting right across from you?"

Rin looked away from Makoto's gentle eyes, heart going a mile a second that he was sure Makoto could hear it, and answered softly, "Yeah."

"Oh."

Oh?! Oh?! Was that good oh or a bad oh? Rin looked back at Makoto in a silent plea to please elaborate now and please elaborate quickly before he died of a heart attack.

"I like you too, Rin." Makoto smiled, and it was the softest smile Rin had ever seen.

"As in a nice, wholesome, you're a good friend kind of way, or...?" Rin desperately asked, just to make sure they were on the same page. Because if Makoto was fucking him around with some kind of friendzone bullshit, well, it was probably what he deserved, if Rin was being honest.

"In the way that I liked holding your hand during the movie and I wouldn't say no to more," Makoto answered shyly, avoiding eye contact, and holy fuck was he blushing? His ears were bright red.

Rin wasn't doing better in the whole composure front either and could feel his cheeks heating up.

"Just more hand-holding?" He asked, because how slow did Makoto want to take this? Had he ever been in a relationship before? Maybe Rin should hold his own 20 questions at some point, but right now he had more pressing matters because Makoto just went redder and now he's looking like a cute tomato.

"Yeah, and maybe some other things too, if you want."

Well damn. Makoto wanted to hold hands and do other things. More physical things, if how red his face was and how much he looked like he wanted to bury further into himself was anything to consider.

"Makoto," Rin said with a bright grin that grew wider when Makoto looked up at him. "There is nothing in this world that I would want more than to hold your hand and also do all the other things, preferably with our mouths and maybe, later on, we could work up to something with fewer clothes."

"Rin!"

Rin laughed, and by the way that Makoto just looked more embarrassed than disgusted, Rin could safely say that he wasn't opposed to the idea and was just flustered by it.

OoO

"Since when have you guys gotten all friendly?" Rin asked accusingly from his position at the kotatsu, seeing Haru and Sousuke getting ready to leave the apartment together.

"Since we found out that we could complain to one another about having to deal with you as a friend," Haru said bluntly and Rin glared at him.

"It's our 'complain about Rin' time," Sousuke added brightly.

"It's also better than having to play music to drown out you and Makoto having sex."

"Haru," Makoto whined, face going bright red.

"Oi, we're not that loud!"

Sousuke gave Rin a look. "I think people would classify you as a screamer, Rin."

"We've had neighbours complaining about the noise," Haru said.

Makoto made a high pitch sound of embarrassment, covering his face with his hands but the red tips of his ears were still visible.

"Just go on your stupid date already," Rin muttered, not enjoying being ganged up on again by the two of them. Just because Rin liked to vocally express how great Makoto's cock was doesn't mean they could treat him like this.

Sousuke rolled his eyes at Rin's pettiness. "Don't wait up for us."

"Try not to break the couch."

"Haru!"

"Piss off!"

Makoto curled up miserably and Rin wasn't doing so great either, feeling his cheeks burning up as their friends shut the door behind them.

Rin crawled out from behind the kotatsu and over to his boyfriend, who was sitting opposite to him. He pulled some of his fingers back and Makoto peeked between them, looking very adorable.

Rin smiled at him. "Hello."

"Hi," Makoto said softly back.

Rin managed to bring Makoto's hands down with very little resistance and laced their fingers together. It was an action Rin would never get tired of doing.

He brought one joint hand up and kissed each knuckle, feeling sappy and lame but the renewed redness to Makoto's face and the small smile that was there made it all less embarrassing.

Rin looked up at Makoto through his lashes. "Do you want to try break that couch?"

"Rin," Makoto whined, dropping his forehead onto Rin's shoulder. Rin snickered at how shy his boyfriend was, untangling one hand to lace it through Makoto's hair.

"Or we can just watch a movie?"

Makoto hummed, nuzzling into the side of Rin's neck. "As long as it's not a horror, I'm good."

Rin grinned, kissing one of Makoto's still red ears. "Deal."

Author's Note: Hoped you guys enjoyed! Title taken from the song "passing papers" by egg on YouTube, because it's such a cute song.