4Author Notes: Hello, everyone! When I started this story, it was with the aim of getting Jin ZiXuan to bond with his two future brothers-in-law. Unfortunately, my muse insisted on shameless WangXian crack, an unexpected kink, an obligatory helping of JC losing his sanity and NHS wanting to fit in so... here's the result :)
- Chapter Start -
The cave wasn't too far off and it was dry. That was the good news. The not so good news was that it was small and pitch black.
"Oi! Someone's stepping on my foot!"
"Get that stinking fish away from me! Ack, you stuck it to my hair instead!"
A glow of orange appeared. It barely illuminated anything more than Wei WuXian's rain drenched, hair plastered face before it fizzled out.
"My talisman papers are all soggy!" His wail echoed all around the cave and bounced off their eardrums.
"We are not deaf," Jiang Cheng growled at him.
"Lan Zhan, where are you?"
Jiang Cheng clenched his jaw tight to avoid saying something he would regret and possibly get punished for.
"Ow. Jiang-xiong, you can let go of my arm now."
"Ah. Sorry, Nie-xiong."
"Lan Zhan, where are you? You haven't eaten dinner yet, right? You can have a fish!"
"Why would Second Young Master Lan want your burnt fish?" Jin ZiXuan sounded annoyed. Or envious, Jiang Cheng wasn't sure which.
"They're not burnt," he pointed out. He had grilled them perfectly.
"Lan Zhan, one taste of my special spice blend and you're sure to fall in lo- I mean, you're sure to love it! Heh..."
Jiang Cheng was sure he could feel the heat of Wei WuXian's blush from where he stood.
"Oh! Lan Zhan, is this your hand? Why, it's so soft!"
"Wei-xiong, you're holding my hand. At least, I think it's you?"
"Ah. Sorry, Nie-xiong. Your hand's so small..."
"It is not!" There was the indignant sound of a fan being flicked open, followed by a breeze from rapid fanning.
"Lan Zhan, where are you? Say something!"
"Wei WuXian," Jiang Cheng growled. "Stop this nonsense at once! You're scaring off your HanGuang Jun!"
"Oh! Lan Zhan, is this your face? It must be! Why, your skin's so soft and smoo-"
"Take. Your. Filthy. Paws. Off. My. Face," Jin ZiXuan gritted out one word at a time.
There was a yelp and the sounds of a light skirmish.
"What happened?" Jiang Cheng demanded.
"I touched the peacock's face." Wei WuXian sounded like he was sulking.
"He molested me with his dirty, fishy hands," Jin ZiXuan corrected, sounding extremely offended.
"I did not!"
Jiang Cheng didn't know if he should laugh himself sick, whack his idiot brother upside the head (and hoped he got the right one) or just bury his own head in the ground somewhere until this was all over. He settled for face palming with his free hand, his other still holding two skewered trout.
"Shut up!" He hissed. "You're getting hysterical!"
"If anyone has the right to get hysterical it would be me, "Jin ZiXuan snapped. "Not that I would."
No one bothered to acknowledged him.
"Wait, my vermilion mark is missing! Wei WuXian, did you take it?"
"No! I didn't touch your silly red dot!"
"How dare you! First of all, it's not silly! Second, it's vermilion and not red! Third, it represents-"
"It fell off when you wiped your face earlier due to the rain," Jiang Cheng interrupted him.
"Ah."
"I told you I didn't touch your silly red dot!"
"It isn't silly! Or red! And it symbolises the power of the Jin clan!"
"Whatever. Lan Zhan, are you still in this cave?" Wei WuXian's voice was edging closer and closer towards hysteria. "Say something!"
Wei WuXian, Head Disciple of the Yumeng Jiang Sect, was fearless and confident to the point of arrogance, but dark places and dogs never failed to turn him into a quivering wreck. No one knew that better than Jiang Cheng so he exhaled loudly.
"Alright, don't move. I'm going towards the sound of your voice right now."
"A-alright."
Another exhalation sounded. This was one was soft. Resigned. Elegant.
"Wei Ying, I am here."
"L-Lan Zhan?"
"Mn."
"Why didn't you say something?"
"I..."
"I kept calling for you!"
"I know."
"Give me your hand!"
Grimacing, Jiang Cheng backtracked at once. If the words by themselves sounded intimate and private, then they sounded ten times more so in the darkness enveloping them. Thankfully, there were no other sounds except for five different sets of breathing.
Jiang Cheng allowed his tense shoulders to relax just the tiniest bit. If HanGuang Jun could calm his brother down then perhaps he wasn't as heartless as his ice prince appearance suggested. Jiang Cheng really should give him more credit.
"Lan Zhan, is this your hand?"
"Mn."
"It's so soft! How can this be? Oh, except for this cute little bump on the side of your thumb! It's a callus from wielding Bichen, isn't it?"
"Mn."
Cute?! Jiang Cheng shuddered.
"I have one too, from wielding Suibian! See? Oh, of course you can't see. Here, feel my thumb. Can you feel the callus? Right there?"
"Mn."
"Of course, it's nowhere as cute or hard as yours, but-"
Jiang Cheng was now obliged to blush nine shades of red on behalf of his idiot of a shameless brother. Gah, could he be anymore obvious, babbling such ridiculous nonsense like that?
"Wei Ying's callus is cute and hard."
Blinking, Jiang Cheng realised his brother's idiocy had somehow rubbed off on HanGuang Jun despite the latter growing up in the most righteous, rule bound sect in the entire Cultivation World.
"Wei-xiong, what are you and Second Young Master Lan doing?" Nie HuaiSang sounded very curious.
"Don't ask!" Jiang Cheng hissed at him.
"Oh, we're just comparing our calluses earned from sword training!" Wei WuXian sounded perfectly cheerful again.
"We all have them," Jin ZiXuan scoffed. "You don't hear me asking anyone to feel my mine, do you?"
"I don't," Nie HuaiSang said in a small voice. "Have one, I mean."
Jiang Cheng's forehead wrinkled as he wondered if he should blush on Nie HuaiSang's behalf instead.
"Lan Zhan, do you have calluses anywhere else?" Wei WuXian sounded, for want of a better word, coy.
Jiang Cheng decided he wouldn't be able to spare any blushes for anyone else if Wei WuXian didn't shut the hell up.
"Fingertips. Wei Ying may touch."
"Thank you! Let's see... oh, you're right! On each fingertip! From playing the guzhin?"
"Mn."
"They're all so cute and round and hard!"
And now Jiang Cheng was on the verge of pulling his hair out. Or Wei WuXian's. Or HanGuang Jun's. Or all three at the same time.
"Anywhere else?" Wei WuXian's voice had dropped to a throaty whisper that made all the hairs on the back of Jiang Cheng's neck - and everywhere else - stand on end.
"Shut. Up!" He gritted out. If the great HanGuang Jun had cute, round and - gah! - if he had calluses of any size, shape or form anywhere else on his perfect body, Jiang Cheng didn't want to know about it. No one needed to know about it.
"Nowhere else."
Wait. Did HanGuang Jun actually sound disappointed?
"I should train with my sword more," Nie HuaiSang said in a resigned voice. "You should see the one on Da-ge's thumb. It's huge."
Jiang Cheng opened his mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again.
Then a talisman flared to life, bathing Jin ZiXuan's extremely annoyed face with an orange glow.
"My talismans fared better," he said in clipped tones. "We should see what's in this cave seeing as it's still pouring outside."
Instead of indulging in nonsensical discoveries were unsaid but heavily implied.
- o -
Some twenty minutes later...
A small fire burned in the centre of the cave, feeding on a collection of dry twigs and leaves that had littered the cave floor. At least they could see each other's bedraggled selves now.
"Well," Wei WuXian said into the silence. "What do we do now?"
Jin ZiXuan didn't say anything, but his stomach announced its state of emptiness again. The gurgling sounds seemed magnified in their confined space.
"Ah. Excuse me," he said and gave a small cough.
"Let's heat up the fish and eat them," Jiang Cheng suggested. "There are five left so we can each have one."
No one protested, not even HanGuang Jun who probably had never eaten meat before in his life.
- o -
A week later...
Despite the tedious and mind numbing punishment of copying the Lan Sect rules ten times over, Wei WuXian's spirits were undaunted; perhaps because that HanGuang Jun had insisted on partaking of the punishment together with the other four rule breakers.
"Thanks to that rainy night, Lan Zhan and I are now a couple!" Wei WuXian declared as they made their way to the Orchid Hall for lectures that morning.
"And I got to taste grilled fish," Jin ZiXuan added with great politeness. "I will be sure to visit Lotus Pier often to get that spice blend you used."
Jiang Cheng exchanged an alarmed look with Wei WuXian before clearing his throat.
"Why don't I ask my mum to send some to your mum?" He offered.
"Look, I'm finally getting a callus!" Nie HuaiSang happily showed off the bit of dry skin at the side of his thumb. "Won't Da-ge be pleased?"
Jiang Cheng gave an obliging nod and decided that things could have gone much worse. At least Nie HuaiSang was more motivated to practise his cultivation.
"Look, it's the Twin Jades! Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan! Did you sleep well? You look so wonderful this morning!"
As Wei WuXian rushed over to a stoic looking HanGuang Jun, Jiang Cheng closed his eyes and vowed never go along with any of his brother's harebrained schemes ever again. There was only so much he could take about the two of them gushing over each other's-
"Lan Zhan, look! I've been practising using Suibian with my left hand all week and now I have a callus on my left thumb as well!"
"So fast?" Nie HuaiSang sounded like he couldn't believe his ears.
"Mn. Wei Ying, look."
"Oh, you have one too! And it's just as round and-"
Clapping his hands to his ears, Jiang Cheng fled the scene, little realising that Jin ZiXuan was right behind him.
- Story End -
A/N: Thank you for reading! Sorry, I have no idea what that was all about... but please leave a review if you enjoyed it. Take care :)
