50Chapter 9
The day had again been a blur. Lots of hustle and bustle around Steve's house but Danny had not paid too much attention. He had spent most of his time out on the sand, staring into the distance but occasionally he had found himself turning to Steve's chair to talk to him. The harsh realization hit him like a thousand bullets every time and the pain never seemed to ease.
Later in the evening he had made his bed on the sofa, like he'd done for weeks before, but the company he shared was gone. He lay with his eyes open, looking over to where Steve had been, in the dim light. Every single time he closed his eyes he was comforted by visions of Steve's face but the torment of opening them to find him not there was exhausting in itself.
Somewhere, in the early hours of the morning, he'd admitted defeat. Grabbed the keys to the Camero, quietly leaving and heading back to his own house for the first time in weeks. There he sat on his own sofa in a daze with a bottle of scotch and his thoughts to keep him company.
It was around 8am when his phone started to buzz relentlessly on the coffee table. A whole range of names flashed up from Lou, Tani, Quin and Junior… but never the one he so hoped for. He couldn't bear to talk to anyone right now. He wanted to shut off the world completely even though he knew deep down it was the wrong thing to do.
A message flashed up on the screen from Rachel which caught his attention, but only because of his parental duties and not because it was her.
'Danny, I heard about Steve. I am so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. If you want to have some company, Charlie is missing you. I understand completely if it's not the right time but just know that we are there.'
He inhaled a deep breath. He didn't want to push Charlie away but at the same time he was in no state to deal with the questions or sadness that would come from his son.
'I'm not the best company right now, give me some time. Tell Charlie Danno misses him and I will see him soon.' He responded and clicked send before changing his phone to airplane mode to avoid any more interruptions. He glared at the screen, a picture of he and Steve taken months ago was his background. Their faces bordered by the cracks in the screen, from him throwing the device earlier, seemed to be a godsend. Steve's playful grin on his face didn't capture the actual moment as well in one frame. Danny recalled it had been after an arrest, their body armor still on.
Steve stood there smirking, his fingers curled over the neckline of his vest.
"I know what you are going to say, so just get it over with." Danny started.
Steve shook his head innocently and shrugged. "I just… a little back up would be nice once in a while is all." He grinned.
"In the entire time I have known you, when have you ever wanted back up?"
"I'm just trying to work out when exactly you became so slow in a foot pursuit?"
"When it was? I'll tell you when it was… it was when I realized that a chase is a game to you. It's you against the criminal but it's also you against whoever is following you… and I decided…"
"When… when did you decide?"
"A long time ago… I decided that I am feeding your game by being a part of it whilst wasting heartbeats."
"Wasting heartbeats?" Steve answered with amusement.
"Yeah. Wasting heartbeats." Danny growled.
"This pearl of Danny Williams wisdom is something I absolutely have to hear. Explain. Please."
Danny paused for a moment. The irony was strong. In the way that the chase was a game, so was mocking him. But, he'd also learnt that not following through with explaining himself would also provide some continuous amusement. "Okay… so the way I see it, your heart only has so many beats in a lifetime, right?"
Steve frowned with confusion.
"Raising my heartrate, chasing after a felon, means I am closer to it calling time. Chasing after a felon that you are never going to let me catch is just stupid."
"I'm not a doctor, Danny… but I'm fairly certain it doesn't work like that." He shook his head with a grin.
"You're right, Steven… you're not a doctor."
"Hey!" Quin called out as she and Tani walked over. "Do you two ever stop fighting?"
"Oh no…" Tani shook her head. "These two would fight under water."
"Usually I'm under the water and he is above fighting with me." Steve nodded and pointed to Danny.
"It's the only time I can get you to shut up. That's why." Danny snapped.
"It's okay to look up to me, Danny… you're only human." Steve replied.
"Okay, let me tell you something. The only reason I ever look up to you is because you're taller than me. Let's just make that clear." Danny snarled mockingly.
"Okay, time out… I am sorry I asked." Quin smiled as she held her hands up to surrender. "But let's say it's time for you two to kiss and make up."
Steve grinned again, scooping Danny with one arm around his shoulders and pressed his other hand into Danny's side to make him laugh, which it always did. The happiness was palpable.
Quin clicked her cell phone camera, capturing the moment. "Okay… so this picture is to serve as a visual tool to remind yourselves that playing nice is not always so bad." She smirked passing the phone to Danny to see the image.
"Nice… except the only tool in this picture is him." Danny added as he pointed to Steve.
Steve held his eyes on Quin as his goofy smirked widened with what could only be described as pride.
Danny coughed out a laugh but his eyes filled with tears which clouded his view of the image. If he could just go back to that moment, given what he knew now, and change the course of time. He would have fought more with Steve about going to Mexico to rescue Doris. Steve would have been here when he first started feeling unwell. He would have been treated earlier and he would have had a better chance.
His anguish playing the 'what if' game was interrupted by a firm knock at the door. He looked over but his eyes drifted down as he sat silently. Again, it wouldn't be the only person he longed to see. Still the knocking persisted.
"Danny…" Lou called out from the porch. "Danny, I know you're in there man."
Danny lowered his head and gripped his phone tightly with both hands.
"Danny… please… please just open the door… please." Lou begged.
He sighed before closing his eyes. Grover's tone was hard to ignore.
Lou stood on the porch, his fist resting against the door and his expression filled with concern but never expecting to get anywhere. Then the door opened prompting him to stand up straight. He sighed with relief as he saw Danny in front of him. Nothing was said between the pair but Danny moved to the side to allow Grover in.
Danny slumped down into the sofa again and thinned his lips.
"Junior said that you took off during the night. He figured you'd gone for a drive, but when you didn't show up this morning and you didn't answer your phone… we got worried." Lou started.
Danny nodded but avoided eye contact. "I needed to get out of there."
"I get it, man." Grover nodded. "You need time to clear your head."
"No, what I need is Steve to be sitting right next to you… uninvited… drinking my beer, eating the contents of my refrigerator and being generally irritating."
Lou smiled softly.
Danny sat in silence for a moment before leaning forward. "You know I thought I had this all figured out. I thought that I had prepared myself for this moment." He thinned his eyes. "I lost Matt… I remember how that felt… and I figured that this would feel similar." He paused as he filled his lungs with much needed air. "But it's hit me like a freight train in the past 24 hours and it's been like nothing I have ever experienced before, Lou…"
"What you had with Steve… it was incredibly rare."
He shook his head. "I had guilt about what happened to my brother." He started. "I shouldn't have let him on the plane that night. I should have taken him in… he would have done time, but he would still be alive." He hesitated. "Even after we found out he was dead, it never once got to the point where it consumed me as much as this has."
Lou nodded sympathetically.
"I couldn't relate to Steve, when he talked about that level of guilt he felt with his father… the torment playing over and over in his mind… but I get it now."
"You don't have a single thing to feel guilty for, Danny." Lou whispered.
"No?" He snapped softly as he struggled to see why Lou couldn't see his point of view. To Danny it was obvious. "I let him take that hit of radiation from the dirty bomb… I didn't push the point enough about it being me taking that risk instead of him."
"You were on the clock." Lou growled softly. "And it would never had made any difference if you'd had all the time in the world to make that call. You know damn well that Steve would never have let any of us take that hit, least of all you." He shuffled before taking a seat next to Danny. "Look, man… you got to go through all of this in your head… and I get that… but no one, certainly not Steve, would ever lay any of this at your feet."
Danny lowered his head as he rested his arms against his knees. "I know… but it still doesn't stop me from believing what I believe." He sat back, clawing his fingers through his hair. "I just miss him, Lou… and I want him back."
Lou's eyes glistened as he watched his friend break down and sink to incredible lows. The overwhelming distress, that Danny was in, crushed Grover more than he thought possible after losing Steve.
Danny dropped his hands to his side and closed his eyes.
"How much sleep have you had?" Lou asked.
Danny remained silent before sighing. "I can't close my eyes long enough."
"Well you got to get some rest, Danny. The next couple of days are going to be hard… and you can't get through them without some sleep." He paused. "Did you speak to Mary?"
"Yeah… we talked a couple of times yesterday and she sent me an email during the night." He sighed. "Camryn's helping with the funeral arrangements, the military side anyway… Mary wanted me to have some involvement, but Steve had all his wishes covered… between the three of them it will come together." He sighed. "She said that she wanted me to speak at the service… but… I don't know if I have it in me right now."
"You know… having an involvement may just be a good thing for you." Lou nodded. "And there is absolutely no one better, on this earth, than you to give his eulogy."
Danny remained motionless, completely exhausted and unable to fully respond.
"Okay… well I'm not leaving here until I've made you something to eat." Lou stood up and walked over to the doorway to the kitchen. "Then when I'm done, if you want to be alone, I'll take my sorry ass out of that door."
"Hey Lou…" Danny whispered before looking over to him. "I appreciate it."
"You got it, brother." Lou nodded.
By the time Lou appeared again, with a sandwich and a soda in his hands, Danny had given in to fighting his fatigue. His head resting comfortably on the arm of the chair and his feet up at the other end. Lou rested the food down on the table in front of him and grabbed a blanket from the back of a single chair nearby. He gently placed it over Danny's torso, concerned he may disturb him but relieved when it didn't even cause him to flinch. His lips thinned into a sympathetic smile before creeping out of the house.
H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50
Four days later…
It was one of those days. The sun had appeared after a heavy, early morning, tropical downpour. Clouds hung over the hills of the island, in the distance, but down by the water it was bright and fresh.
Danny stepped out of a chauffeured black SUV, with Mary and Joanie, crisp grey suit in the shade of the USS Missouri. Star-Spangled Banners lined the walkway, as they always had, drawing their path towards the ship, blowing gently but with precision in the warm wind.
The first time he had ever been to Pearl Harbor had been with Steve, when they had come to enlist Chin that day. There was something remarkable about the significance of this place. Missouri watching over the remains of the Arizona, often referred to the bookends of WW2 and now personally this place could almost be bookends to his and Steve's time together.
A reception of people met the small group, hand shaking from people in uniforms they didn't know and all the formal introductions were made before a familiar uniformed figure appeared.
"Camryn…" Danny whispered softly with an appreciative look.
She embraced him warmly before hugging Mary. "Everything is just how he wanted it."
"Can't thank you enough." Mary nodded. "Really, I wouldn't have known where to start."
Camryn clutched her hand.
Danny turned towards another vehicle pulling up and the doors opened. He made eye contact with the first person to appear. Lou dressed in a dark suit and sunglasses over his eyes. Then the rest appeared. Tani was in a lilac top with black pants, Junior in his Navy uniform and Quin all in black.
"Hey man…" Lou held out his hand and clutched Danny's, pulling him into an embrace.
"You ready?" Tani asked him softly.
"We'll see." Danny nodded with a certain level of doubt before making their way up the ramps to the ships decks.
Lines of chairs had been set out under the permanent marquee on the rear teak deck, in the silhouette of the aft tri-gun turret. Mary had been taken aback with the staggering turnout. All the seating had been taken and people had lined around the outsides of the deck. All kinds of people, uniformed and civilian.
A picture of Steve was the first thing that Danny saw, he was surprised it wasn't an official Navy one, rather a candid picture of him on one of his middle eastern deployments. Fatigues, armor and that well-known boyish grin. Danny smiled softly, he'd never seen the image before and was pleased they had been allowed to use something less formal than what he had seen at Billy Harrington's funeral.
Then his eyes focused on the flag draped coffin, which stood on display, backed by the water of the glistening harbor. His chest tightened as he realized the moment which he had been busying himself with, since Steve passed, was now here. This was their last, physical, responsibility for him. He couldn't think about that right now. He had to pull himself to concentrate on the moment.
Mary, Danny and Joanie were guided to three vacant seats at the front and the team took their seats just behind them.
The ceremony started shortly after, but for the most part Danny was distracted too much to listen to the words. He couldn't help but allow his thoughts to cloud his concentration. Mary had only arrived the morning before the ceremony and had wanted to view Steve's body at the funeral home, Danny had been open to going with her, remembering his promise to his best friend that he would do anything to guard Mary during this time and beyond.
As they had walked towards the open oak casket his face had come into view, though it wasn't a shock to Danny on how frail Steve looked it certainly was for Mary. She had stepped back suddenly, bursting into tears and reluctant to go any further.
"It's okay…" Danny said as he scooped his arm around her back.
"I can't. I thought I could, but I can't." she sobbed.
Danny inhaled deeply; they had come this far. She would regret it if she didn't do what she'd come for. "Take a minute…" he said softly. "But… you need to do this Mary."
She closed her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks from her already reddened eyes. Finally after a few moments she exhaled and managed to conjure up the strength that she needed. She nodded then stepped closer once more. The shock of his appearance had diminished somewhat, yes his face was unfamiliar and gaunt but his color seemed natural and his expression was peaceful. She had rarely seen him in full dress uniform, the crisp white tunic that bore his medals and trident on his chest. There was a sense of overwhelming pride that filled her. This was her brother, her hero in every sense and she loved him immensely.
She stepped closer to get right up by his side, reaching down into the casket to rest her hand on his. His skin was cool, but she didn't flinch, wrapping her fingers around his once protective hand. She bowed closer to him and with her left hand she rested it on his cheek. "I love you so much, Steve…" she whispered.
Danny straightened as he stood three steps behind her. The complex mix of emotions inhibited him all at once, paralyzing him for just a moment as they had done so many times before. He felt fortunate that he had been allowed to have those final last moments of Steve's life with him, but also guilty that Mary had been denied the opportunity. Did she resent him? If she did she didn't show it, but there must be something there.
Danny snapped out from his thoughts to notice Mary trembling uncontrollably beside him, just as she had on the way home from the viewing. He grabbed her hand gently before she gripped his tightly.
He felt a strong clutch on his shoulder suddenly as Lou stood up behind him and walked towards the microphone. This being a signal that his moment was near. Lou rested a piece of paper down on the stand and cleared his throat, his eyes glistening with tears but he refused to let them get the better of him in that moment. He paused for a moment.
"The Dash…" he started.
"I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came his date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years
For that dash represents all the time
That he spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved him
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?"
"I don't know if Steve ever heard this poem in his life…" Lou continued. "But for those who knew him, knew his background, he was the prime example of making his dash count as much as he could. He didn't get to experience everything… he maybe didn't slow down enough, perhaps didn't find everything in life that he wanted… but he did try to always understand how other people felt, treated them with respect, showed appreciation, loved his ohana fiercely and had a smile that lit up the room. He was one of a kind, someone you were inherently honored to be a part of his life… and someone who I hope will always inspire all of us to be better, do better and make the most of that dash." He nodded with pride, stepping away from the podium and walking toward the casket before resting his hand on the top. "Miss you."
The navy chaplain took his place again behind the stand, only long enough to call on Danny.
Again, he felt the hands of support on his shoulder and arm from those behind him, but it didn't stop his heart from racing. He nodded gently, reaching inside his jacket and retrieving a piece of paper before stepping up to the podium. He glared at the words that he had spent days working on but there was silence.
Tani, Lou, Quin and Junior looked at each other.
Danny leant against the podium with both hands and looked into the crowd. He was heartened to see many familiar faces, not just everyday ones from HPD and the military, but those who had been helped by 5-0 and specifically Steve. He struggled to make one last attempt at the notes, then suddenly scrunched them up and pushed them back into his pocket.
"I… I had a whole bunch of things written down…" he started. "But… it was mostly his service which I think everyone is aware of by now. So, I'm going to talk about my best friend and my brother. His motivation, his conviction… and how lucky I was to be part of a small group of people he let into his life."
Lou closed his eyes and nodded with complete approval.
"I met Steve, just shy of ten years ago. Our first encounter…" he grinned "wasn't exactly smooth… it was at gun point… arguing… pretty much like we continued to be honest." The congregation laughed softly. "But over the first few weeks… I saw this man, with a drive that I couldn't explain… a passion I wasn't familiar with… and an integrity so strong it seemed too good to be true." Danny exhaled a shaken sigh.
Mary's eyes floated down.
"The more I got to know him, the more I got to understand about the stock he came from… mostly, his father who had been in the military and then a long standing HPD officer… you couldn't mention the name McGarrett without someone launching into a story about John and how respected he was." Danny paused.
Tani and Junior listened intently.
"I remember the day that Steve learned about his grandfather's actions on the Arizona, when Pearl Harbor was attacked. Some clips from a documentary had found its way to Steve where a survivor had spoken of a man who had gone back down into the Arizona to flood the ammo shed, so that the flames wouldn't reach it. This man knew his actions would likely result in his death, and his sacrifice and actions saved countless lives that day." He paused. "That man was Ensign Steven McGarrett. When I heard the story, it made sense to me. Steve shared more than his name with his grandfather, he shared his virtue."
Quin lowered her head.
He paused and contemplated his next words. "If Steve were here right now, he would probably kick my ass for saying what I am about to say… because he never did anything with the want or need for attention or recognition… but I think it's time this was shared." He hesitated. "The truth is… those of you who live on this island are only able to stand here today because of decisions that Steve made." He closed his eyes for one moment. "Steve's illness was a result of radiation poisoning, a few years back. Face to face with a dirty bomb that would take out much of the island's population, only ten minutes on the clock and no options, Steve knew that the only thing that could save us all would be to remove the core." Danny nodded. "In true McGarrett style, he strapped a truck battery to his chest and told me to get out of the way to avoid my own risk of exposure… protecting me like he had done a thousand times before… protecting all of us just like he had done a thousand times before." He smiled thinly with pride. "What he did that day was his own sacrifice… and just like his grandfather, his own actions that saved countless lives."
There were looks of shock and sadness in the crowd.
"To me… to us…" he nodded towards Mary and the team. "He was our guiding light. Our mentor. Someone who always saw your worth, even if you didn't see it yourself. He had this natural ability to pull the good out of the harshest of people and see their potential… even when we were all telling him he was crazy."
He paused as his eyes filled with tears when he focused on Grace in the crowd of faces.
"He was an uncle to our kids, a brother, a best friend… And whilst it is well documented that he and I spent the last ten years finding new and amazing ways to aggravate one another…" he stopped as his face creased with emotion. Breathing heavily to hold on to his composure just a little while longer. "He was the only person, outside of my family, that I can honestly say I have truly loved." Danny nodded as his lip quivered with sadness. "My life will never be the same again now he's gone… but I also know that what he taught me, what he gave me while he was here… the legacy he has left… I know that my life is far better off for knowing him."
Mary closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall as Lou, Quin, Tani and Junior. They couldn't have been proud of Danny in that moment.
Danny hovered beside the casket and placed his hand down on the top, just as Lou had, closing his eyes. "I love you and I miss you so much buddy." He whispered before returning to his place.
The chaplain continued with his last words before the gun salute sounded. Once complete the lone bugler, playing Taps, broke the silence once more. The flag on the coffin was folded meticulously into the customary 13-fold triangle, then awarded to Mary.
H50H50H50H05H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50
A large crowd of people mingled at the house but for Danny he felt uncomfortable. He stood on the waters edge; his crystal blue eyes focused on the sun melted into the waves.
"Danny?" a voice said softly behind him.
He turned to see Camryn, she shuffled cautiously as if she felt awkward to impose. "Hey…" he whispered with a smile.
"Listen… um…" she hesitated. "I promised Steve that I would do one thing for him after the funeral."
"Okay?" he frowned.
She reached into her pocket and produced a memory stick, holding it out to him. "He wanted you to have this…" she smiled and shrugged. "Actually, his exact words were that it was just in case he couldn't get back to haunt you quick enough."
Danny raised his eyebrows, nodded and grinned then took hold of the stick.
"He did it a couple of weeks back… he was worried that he wouldn't have the time or the ability to say all he wanted too… so we recorded this." She continued.
He immediately felt that familiar lump form in the back of his throat, hesitating for just a moment. "Thank you…" he whispered with appreciation.
"If you can't watch it alone… give me a call… I'll come sit with you." She nodded as she brushed his arm.
Mary walked over to Junior and grabbed his arm gently. "Hey… can we talk real quick?"
"Sure." Junior nodded as he excused himself from the group he was standing with. He guessed he knew what it was about. "Listen, I've been meaning to say something about me still being here, but it never seemed like the right time. I'm in the process of packing my things and I'll be out of here in a couple of days."
Mary frowned. "What? No." she shook her head.
Junior thinned his eyes with confusion. "I thought that's what you'd wanna talk about?"
"No. I mean… yeah, it is… but not about you leaving." She replied before she sighed. "Actually… we wanted to know if you would stay."
"We?" Junior asked.
She smiled thinly. "When Steve and I talked about what was going to happen with everything, I told him that I didn't want to get rid of this place. Not yet." She shook her head. "Steve set up trusts for Grace, Charlie and Joanie, but they can't access the money until they are 25…. We both agreed, that since Grace is still a little way off that, keeping the house would probably be smarter for now." She paused. "So… would you stay? Look after it for me?"
"Seriously? Of course." Junior nodded enthusiastically. "I really appreciate it."
Mary pulled him into an embrace. "Thank you…" she whispered before letting him go.
"Hey…" Danny smiled as he stepped up to the pair.
"Hey… you eat anything yet?" Junior asked.
"Actually, no… I'm heading home." Danny replied.
"You sure?" Junior frowned.
"Yeah… it's been a tough day… and… I think I just need some time by myself." He smiled softly.
Mary looked at him sympathetically. She could see how much he was hurting.
"Don't…" he smiled and waved his finger at her. "Don't you give me those McGarrett eyes… your brother used to look at me like that…"
She smirked at the thought.
"You take care of yourself, okay… and remember… I'm a phone call away. You need me or anything… you let me know." Danny continued as he embraced Mary.
"Danny… I can't even begin to thank you for what you've done." She whispered as she held him tight. "He would be so proud of you right now."
They released from their embrace. "He would have done exactly the same thing for me." He said softly. "Maybe not as stoic as I have, but he would have tried." He grinned.
Mary laughed loudly before resting the palm of her hand on his cheek. "He was so lucky to have you."
"No. The luck went both ways. Trust me." He nodded.
H50H50H50H05H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50H50
Danny sat at the table at his house and opened the laptop before reaching into his jacket pocket, which hung on the chair behind him. He grabbed out the memory stick and clutched it in his hand for a moment. There was anxiety that built in him. This was the last message he would ever get from his best friend and he didn't want it to be over.
He sighed as he pushed the memory stick into the USB and a screen popped up. "Okay…" he whispered before pressing play.
Steve's face popped up on the screen before the camera fell accidentally. He fumbled around with it, positioning it more securely.
"You putz." Danny shook his head. "Just as well you were better with a gun than a phone."
Steve sat back against the wall and smiled. "Hey Danny…"
"Still with the smile…" Danny growled.
"So… you seeing this video means that I'm not with you physically anymore…" he nodded somberly but with a thin smile before he paused. "And I don't know, as I film this, how long I have or what more we will go through… but what I do know… what I have no doubt in… is that you were with me right until the end."
Danny's eyes glistened as he rubbed his hand over his mouth.
"You already know that I've had people in my life come and go… and the people who should be there for you. Out of everyone in my life… there was only one that never left. Never lied. Never had an ulterior motive. That accepted me for who I was. That never hid anything from me… and that always told me what I needed to hear… even when it was absolutely unsolicited. That was you, pal."
Danny swallowed back the sadness.
"And I know… that at times you felt like I didn't admire or respect you. That I didn't pay closer attention to you." He shook his head as he broke slightly. "But that couldn't be further from the truth."
His face winced. He was sad that Steve had died thinking that, but also happy to hear validation.
"To have a friend… a brother… so loyal… so focused and dedicated on the people he loves and the things that matter… it made up for everything I lost and so much more." Steve nodded as he looked down, a tear fell from his eye. "And the truth is… that even if I was to hang around for another forty years… in my eyes… I could never repay you for the utter gift that you have given me."
Danny squeezed his eyes closed. He wished he could tell Steve the same, he wished he could have this conversation face to face, console his best friend from emotions he rarely showed.
"Anyway… just after I was diagnosed… and I had my bucket list going… I remembered a conversation we had last year. I told you that I had never to been to Disneyland…" he coughed a laugh. "You thought that was crazy… and I said it was still somewhere I wanted to go. You said you thought that was hysterical since I was a battle hardened Navy SEAL and the thought of me having a picture with Micky Mouse was entertaining to you. We talked about it, and we said that once Charlie was a little older, we'd go."
The stabbing of Danny's heart was intense. It was one of the many things he would now be reminded of that would never happen.
"So, I booked it… but as time went on and things got worse… it wasn't meant to be for me. But I never cancelled… I put it on hold and arranged everything for you to just make the date. You can take whoever you want in my place… or not take anyone else at all… it's completely up to you."
Danny's tears started to flow but he stifled the sounds of his cries.
"I want you to take Charlie… and do everything that we would have all done… laugh… have fun… reflect on what you want to do next…"
He leaned against the table, his hand cupped over his mouth as he widened his eyes in an attempt to clear the mist of tears.
"Next…" Steve whispered as he pondered. "If I know you like I think I do, you'd be thinking that giving up 5-0 is the way to go. If you want my opinion…"
"I don't… but I guess I'll get it." Danny whispered sarcastically.
"Stay for now…" Steve continued with encouragement. "There is no one better who could lead that team. Get everyone through this transition… then make your decision."
Danny sighed.
"So… this is it." Steve said softly before pausing. "Until we meet again. I love you Danny." He smiled through the sadness. "I… I really do… and again… thank you… for every single thing." He nodded before offering a thin but genuine smile and the video stopped.
He stared at the screen, wishing there was more. His heart broke one more time. Danny nodded after a moment; a slight smile crossed his lips. "And I love you too, Steve." He whispered.
