Author's note: Hey all, I know it's been a long time since I've written a cyborg 009 fic and once again, surprise surprise it's about GB's alcoholism, only this time it's different. In the past, I've only written small 1k one-shots about it and never gave a lot of depth into the problem itself. This is because in the past, though I did deal with minor addiction, I never knew what it was like to be an alcoholic going through the recovery process. That, unfortunately, has changed. In the time between the last time, I wrote for this fandom and now I have had the horrible experience of dealing with alcoholism first hand and wanted to use GB as a way to encourage not only a therapeutic aid and a push to actually take a large part in my own recovery, but also to help educate on the ins and outs of what it's like to not only deal with this problem but to also try and gain the independence to help yourself with it. I have read many fics about characters recovering from alcoholism, but never any written by someone who actually experienced it themselves so I'm here to change that.

Disclaimer/Trigger Warning: I am absolutely in no way a mental health professional and definitely not an addictions specialist. Everything I know here is from my friends at Smart Recovery whose program will be heavily referenced in this fic as well as my therapy. I am only affiliated with them by the fact that I attend their meetings and use their program in my day-to-day life. I only know how things work here in Canada, but smart is an international organization so I hope it won't be that much different. For the purpose of ease and more realism, this fic will be using the fanon name of "Grant Brighton" for GB. A bit of a trigger warning here is that this fic will be heavily mentioning drug and alcohol abuse, mental health issues including small mentions of suicidal thoughts and behaviours, abuse, panic attacks, some characters may speak of time in jail, homelessness, divorce, and living in sober living houses. Any similarities to real people are completely accidental and are in a way that will not be able to identify anyone as confidentiality in these meetings are incredibly important.

Chapter 1: Sober

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GB stared distantly into his cup of coffee as he slouched at the kitchen table, attempting to ignore his pounding headache. All he wanted was to be able to sneak away from the mixture of pitying looks that he could almost feel burning into his back. Unfortunately, after last night, nobody cared about what he wanted, only what he needed, which was to be watched. He'll admit it was a lousy idea-now everyone was upset-and he should have been more careful about it. Did he regret it though? Kind of? That's not the point.

GB was thrown out of his thoughts by the squeaking of the chair across from him, bracing himself as Chang hesitantly sat down. They stared at each other for a few moments. Chang was trying to hold back his tears. GB knew what that looked like and every time it broke his heart. This time especially. GB shrank back a bit and returned his gaze to his now cold cup of coffee, trying to avoid eye contact.

"GB honey?" Chang said gently, breaking what had become a deafening silence. GB opened his mouth to reply but found that no words came. So instead, he opted to begin shaking slightly, silently wrapping his arms around himself. After a few moments of waiting, with what GB could only assume was practiced patience, Chang pushed further.

"Grant, sweetie. We need to talk."

GB gulped. The use of his first name never meant anything good in general, but next to the classic breakup phrase it was horrifying.

"You don't have to say anything right now, but I need to get this out in the open."

He allowed himself a nod and a small hum in acknowledgement-his words were still out of commission.

Chang stared at his thumbs and twiddled them mindlessly. The small nervous habit made GB's chest constrict with panic. A million catastrophic thoughts suddenly bubbled up in his mind, all surrounding the feeling that this was it. He was getting dumped and then he'd be alone and homeless once more and he'd have to start from scratch all because he's a terrible person and this is his fault, and he deserves this.

"GB… what happened last night wasn't okay. At all."

GB squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled sharply in a futile attempt to stem the tidal wave of panic that was threatening to drown him. He remembered very little of the night before other than numbness, the taste of alcohol and vomit, and the fearful voices of his family members. He didn't remember the particulars of what was said, but he knew they'd been terrified for his life. He also couldn't remember anything that he'd said either and, well, drunken rambling is only funny until it turns into sobbing and begging people not to hate you.

"You know how much I love you, and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but..." he paused as if he was gathering strength, "If you ever drink like that again-make me terrified for your life again... I'm sorry but I couldn't take it. I want to make us work, but that'd be it. It's too much to ask of a person Grant..."

By now, GB could hear the tears in his boyfriend's voice and he snapped his head up at the sound. Then the meanings of the words began to sink in and his eyes grew wide as all the breath left his body. A million more horrible thoughts flooded his mind, worsened by the fact that they were now fueled by newly justified fear.

"Please, please get help, honey. I don't-I don't want to have to lose you. I don't know what I'd do if I had to walk away for my health or...worse..."

Chang shuddered slightly, his mind clearly having gone to a dark place and GB felt sick to his stomach for causing him to even think about that.

Beside them, GB heard the door creak open as seven faces cautiously peered in. The moment Chang waved them in, they all filed into the kitchen. Some of them-Jet-hopped up on top of the counters (much to Chang's clear dismay) while others stood by the doorway. Everyone was silent for a moment, trying to gather their thoughts as well as avoiding being the first to speak. Joe, however, looked as if he had a lot to say if his relentless fidgeting was any indication. But when he opened his mouth to speak, he was interrupted by a stern look from Françoise. Something told GB that they'd talked about things beforehand.

Instead, it was Albert who was the first to speak. This wasn't surprising, ever since they first met he'd always been a supportive shoulder to lean on, but that didn't make it any less touching of a gesture.

"All we want is for you to get better 007. I know you've been struggling with this for a very long time. I know it's painful. Last night though... it was too much. We could've lost you. We've been through too much together for us to lose you to this."

Albert looked choked up for a moment before seeming to swallow his emotions and put up his normal tough front. The rest of them nodded in solemn agreement before Françoise spoke up.

"Please don't just do this for us because you don't want to lose anyone GB... do it for Sophie's memory, and most importantly, do it for yourself. You deserve to be happy and healthy. You're a kind and wonderful person and we love you way too much to see you hurt the way you did last night.."

His heart immediately ached at the mention of his former love's name and his mouth ran dry. He knew she was right, he knew they were all right, but that didn't make the situation any easier.

Surprisingly, it was Jet who spoke up next. "We all have our demons 007, and we all have to deal with them, but drinking isn't going to solve any of that."

Finally, GB looked up and scanned across all of his friend's faces, all plastered with their own form of a concerned expression. He then looked back at Chang whose face was betraying every emotion he knew his partner was feeling. They locked gazes for a few moments before it was interrupted by the sound of a paper sliding across the table in front of him by Pyunma.

"A few of us found this flier a while ago but weren't sure if we should give it to you. I think now is as appropriate a time as it'll ever get."

GB looked down at the piece of paper and read what it entailed. The words "gain independence from your addictive behaviour" caught his eye and he snapped his head up.

"You want me to go to some…cheesy AA meeting and what? What do I do? Just casually mention that I'm a cyborg and get us into trouble?" He glared slightly at his comrades completely unbelieving at the whole situation he was in.

His anger immediately dissipated as Dr. Gilmore sternly spoke up. "That's not why you drink and you know it 007. Your problems stem from long before you became a cyborg and those are what you need to work through."

GB knew that he was right, that they were all right. The truth though, was that he was terrified. He had spent the last 20 some odd years trying to run away from his problems but it seemed that wasn't working anymore. Not that it ever had. He knew he needed to make a change but the thought made his chest seize and made it hard to breathe. He wasn't hyperventilating but it wasn't comfortable all the same.

GB felt gentle hands touch his own and looked up to see his boyfriend giving him a reassuring touch. "5 meetings. That's all we're asking of you. 5 meetings in a row and then if you decide the group isn't for you then we'll figure something else out. Okay?"

GB let out a defeated breath and stared at their hands. He debated saying no and pushing everyone away like the voice in his head constantly told him to do but the thought of losing his family and especially Chang… He couldn't do it. He forced a small, sad smile and slowly nodded.

"Okay. 5 meetings. I promise." Everyone in the room let out relieved breaths and beamed, backing out to give GB some space after the confrontation and give the two some privacy.

"I'm sorry. Last night wasn't fair to you. Or the others." Every part of GB shook with terror. It seemed every time things like this happened the fear of being alone part of him kicked in. Some times it caused self-sabotage and others it brought out his needy, clingy side. This time it was the latter. Their hands still touching, GB tightened his grip and pulled Chang's hands to his mouth.

"I don't want to lose you. You mean too much to me for that to happen. Please don't go."

Tears began to fall down GB'S cheeks and he heard a small sad noise come from his partner. Before he knew it, the small man had pulled him into a right embrace.

"I don't want to lose you either Grant…I just want you to get better. You're sick honey, you're sick and it's not going to get better any other way than to face it."

GB continued to cry for a while after that, but Chang let him do so for as long as he needed to. When he finished, Chang ordered him to help him with breakfast and they went on with their day as per (sort of) usual.

Days later, GB stood outside of the building that the address on the slip of paper had led him to. Chang, of course, drove him, and GB didn't dare argue. He knew the trust between them needed to be built back up before Chang would be less anxious to let him out of his sight. If it was anyone else, it would annoy GB, but the ultimatum was still fresh and he loved Chang too much to fight.

The building in front of him had a surprising look to it considering it was where a support group was supposedly held in. There seemed to be two different entrance doors, one near the ground and one that a large ramp led up to. He tried the ground floor one first, found that it was locked and then walked up the large ramp. He had arrived fairly early (as Chang didn't want to chance him being late) and when he finished his trek up the ramp, he found that the door was locked as well. He peered through the glass and couldn't catch a single glimpse of anyone inside. He shrugged and decided to lean against the railing of the ramp assuming that either someone would show up eventually, or wouldn't. Simple as that.

It wasn't as if he wanted to be here anyway. The only reason he even came is that everyone begged him to. He hated upsetting everyone. If it were up to him, he would've just apologized and aimed to work harder in the future to hide it better. Luckily it was only 5 weeks of this silliness before he could hightail it out of there and move on with his life.

It only took a couple of minutes before someone noticed him and unlocked the door. The woman apologized and pointed to a sign-in sheet to write his name and time of arrival, which he did so before another woman led him to a room near the back of the building. She was fairly tall, thin and had dark hair.

The room was very reminiscent of a conference room, the only difference being that a few motivational posters were littering the walls. They weren't quite like those kitten "hang in there" posters, but it was close enough to be honestly nauseating.

As he sat down, the lady smiled and handed him a fairly thick book that said "Smart Recovery Handbook" at the top. Below stated "Tools and strategies to help you on your recovery journey. Building and maintaining motivation. Coping with urges. Managing thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Living a balanced life."

GB raised his eyebrows at the title. These were pretty hefty claims that they said they could help with and honestly by the looks of the title they made it look so easy and simple. He scoffed under his breath.

"Would you like to watch our introductory video? You have a bit of time before the meeting starts at 7:00."

GB checked his watch and sure enough, it was only 6:43. He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled an affirmation. That seemed to be enough for the woman, who quickly turned on the television in the corner, opened a file on her laptop and pressed play. She quickly left the room, turning the lights off on the way, leaving GB alone to view the film.

It was fairly lacklustre and quite boring but expanded on the program and it's four core values. Halfway through the video, people began filing into the room and made themselves comfortable at the other chairs around the u-shaped tables. The lady from before also quietly brought in a coffee carafe and fixings for coffee. Some people around the table quietly made their way over the coffee station and got themselves a cup.

When the video finished, the light was flicked back on and the one woman from before and a new woman were seated at the front of the tables.

"Alright everyone," the new woman said, "I think it's about time to start the meeting. My name is Nicole-"

'-And my name is Amy-" The other chimed in,

"-And we are your smart recovery facilitators. Let's start with the Ground Rules."

Endnotes: If you or a loved one are experiencing what GB and I are, please reach out for help. Life is much better lived safe and sober and there will always be people willing to lend you a hand. If you are interested in the smart recovery program and want to see if there are any meetings near you, here are some links to find just that.

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