63Don't Own Oregairu
Chapter 1: First Love
Yukino let out a soft breath and felt a bit lighter. It was not a sigh of sadness or unhappiness. Rather, it was a feeling of contentment. She wondered whether others acted like this when in love.
Yes, Yukinoshita Yukino had taken a liking to a boy. Moreover, she had been the one to confess because she was the confident one in the relationship. She was also the one with the looks, the better attitude, the higher academic qualification and so on and so forth.
Huh. He didn't seem to have much to contribute to their relationship, other than being male and having a somewhat handsome face. But she liked him for some reason and her feelings were reciprocated and as far as first loves go it wasn't all that bad. It was the time they spent together, forced to interact at first, then the not so forced interactions, before coming to accept and looking forward to the conversations. It was mutual indifference and an incompatible mindset making space for those shared experiences and comfortable silence. She had come to like the boy for who he is and not what he could be. Ideal individuals didn't exist, her elder sister, the perfect daughter, could attest to that with a fake smile. It was a good decision to confess her feelings even when she felt unsure of them. It was like sharing a secret with someone special and having him share one back. It was like making him read a book of an author he didn't know and then taking a book of his choosing which she wouldn't think of reading, like those light novels of his, and her paperbacks and hard covers, real literature, no matter what he said.
But like most relationships, there was growing pains and it took time to get used to the idea of them together. Exchanging feelings and talking about them like mature adults, veterans, though she loathed to admit it – grownups- people falling in love and out of love and continuing the circle, people with more experience so to speak: it wasn't ideal to compare their new relationship to the likes of them. Despite what is said and done, both of them were in high school and in love for the first time and neither of them liked to open up to the other in a way which made them vulnerable. She wanted to have lunch together, have a conversation during meals and yes, it was because they were together. He liked to eat alone, because stupid, idiot, rotten, loners liked to eat alone and not in the company of likeable people.
Her response was less than mature, the displeasure of a younger sibling not getting her way and him being the older brother type and in the know of some higher plain of existence only known to the elder child in the family, he had tried to placate, then reason, then take the wrong turn and try to patronize and come off as a condescending jerk. Haruno, her older sister, much like him - even though she didn't like to think of the similarities- would have done the same thing to get her way and he - even though she didn't want to think about it- acted the same, smiled a smile which didn't reach his eyes, say words he didn't really mean and went with her even though he didn't want. It was wrong of her to make the comparison much less speak those words out loud. What's even worse, she came off as the weird one in the relationship, making a comparison between the boy she liked and a older sister she disliked. Her older sister would have handled it better, she would have answers and questions and responses to those unspoken and spoken words, she didn't know or think about. But she wouldn't tell her because it was none of her business and also because she didn't like her sister and didn't want her to make matters worse. He didn't like her sister that much, and thank god or godforsaken dead fish eyes, that saw through her fake façade and it was perhaps one of the reasons she liked about him, that he wasn't fooled. Or was it that he picked her over her older, better, more experienced sister, the one with the bigger breasts.
She felt a scowl spread over her lips as she willed the love rival to die as she turned the next page of her novel. She didn't like the idea of her elder sister and him and it wasn't because he was a horny teenager and she had larger breasts. She was over thinking it, he liked her, he didn't like her elder sister and it was a pointless little argument which held no significance. Now that she thought about it, she didn't want to have lunch together, because no doubt he had an unhealthy lunch and didn't appreciate the importance of nutrients and a well balanced diet and like he said, he was an older brother, she was the younger sister, and now her choice of phrasing was making her disgusted because that is not remotely what she wanted to think about. It was all good, they didn't need to be together, while eating lunch that is, she very much liked to be in the relationship. His presence was appreciated and even though his taste in literature was dismal, you couldn't fault a person for bad taste. He simply didn't know better and believed in plots and storylines where a characterless, generic protagonist could have multiple flings with different woman and have them all fall in love using clichés and overused tropes. He didn't know better than sarcasm and snarky humour and liked reading about well endowed woman and eating lunches alone, because he was awful for not liking her as much as she did him, for sharing more similarities with her older sister than her and finally, for not coming to her class and eating together where she might express a wish to taste his lunch and offer him hers and so on and so forth. Unbelievable. Stupid, baka, Hachiman.
On second thought, she didn't like him that much.She read somewhere that sharing food was a rather intimate gesture and she was feeling it with him. Yes, she needed to get on with her reading, finish the novel where the love rival died. She wouldn't discount a horrible act of murder even.
Her annoyance grew a smidge at the incoming call and the visible vibrations of her mobile phone. She raised her eyes from the pages of the book, letting them take a cursory glance at the name of the caller, the person intruding on her alone time. He was such an hypocrite, calling her now when at first he was acting all high and mighty, saying nonsensical stuff about how he wanted to eat alone and be alone and now, when it was lunch break and she was immersed in a good book, a far better companion than him, he was disturbing her peace, her alone time. He was not the only loner in the relationship. Disgusting. He was making her call herself a loner. Disgusting.
She turned a page of her book and let the phone vibrate along the surface of the desk not bothered in the least as the call disconnected after six rings and showed on her screen, lit bright with the notification of a missed call. He didn't bother calling once more and instead she saw another notification, this time a text. She would have liked to hear his voice but texts were still the better mode of communication, especially when either of them were annoyed with the other. Also, she hadn't answered his call, so text was the next alternative available to him to get her attention. It was all very logical, their relationship, him especially, but also her.
"Lunch?" the text read, simply and she had no idea what it meant because even though he had an extensive vocabulary when it came to arguing over pointless things, when it matters the most, when they needed to talk things, important things over, words seem to fail him and it was beyond frustrating and it was all his fault for being unable to communicate or just plain lazy as was the case.
She huffed as she picked up the phone and thought of a response which didn't come across as immature or seem like a temper tantrum. With a few months of knowing each other, they surprisingly knew less of each other and it was not a pleasant thought because it spelled doom for their relationship. Her annoyance gave the slip to worry and she felt ill at ease at her sudden clamminess and her lack of experience. Yuigahama-san wouldn't have the same trouble, her sister wouldn't have the same trouble.
Bare knuckles knocked on the wooden surface of her desk and she felt panic and fright at the sudden intrusion, the hard sound making her look up from her phone and see the boy she liked, standing in front of her, looking down with worry etched in a pair of eyes far from rotten, far from uncaring, far from all the horrible things she thought and said about him.
"You didn't pick up." Hachiman muttered.
She could see him clutching his phone on the other hand and realised he must have called her while just outside her class. It was an habit of his which she didn't know whether to call good or bad quite yet. He could have just come into her class like a normal person, but instead he liked to text or call beforehand to let her know he was coming. How thoughtful. But it also meant that he might have spied on her from the entrance and seen her not pick up her phone, not answer his call on purpose which might lead to a problematic misunderstanding. Or worse, he might think she was being childish again.
She felt a sudden heat rush to her cheeks out of embarrassment. What did he think, how could she not pick up the phone. It was common courtesy and even though they had a little argument that didn't mean all channels of conversation were put on hold. She wasn't beyond reason. After their little spat, he had made himself clear and she didn't mind him wanting to be alone. He didn't need to come to check up on her because lunch hour wasn't over yet and even though she had forgotten about eating her own food out of misplaced anger over something juvenile, she wasn't so angry as to skip a meal, entirely. She would have eaten lunch eventually. It's just that the book she was reading provided a much needed distraction and the love rival would meet her demise in a few more pages.
"I was reading." She replied holding up the book for emphasis.
He gave her a small nod, his dark searching eyes looking her over and taking note of the blush on her cheeks, the red behind the earlobe, blue eyes not quite meeting his and in turn focused at the book which was a lame excuse. She knew it wasn't the least bit true. She was not even reading a novel now that she finally noticed. She had just picked up a book to stop seething in anger. Now, she realised it was a drama and it didn't even have love rivals and their gruesome death. Unless you count them all dying in the end, typical Shakespearean.
His eyes caught the lie but he chose to ignore it for some reason because perhaps it wasn't of much significance in the long run and so it didn't mean much or anything. She drew a small reprieve at his effort to let the matter drop at the earliest possible opportunity. He was a hypocrite. He didn't like lies, but he lied all the same, so her lie wasn't much of a big deal as it was an excuse in the first place. It was okay as long as it wasn't hurtful or consequential but that was a bad habit in her book and now she was conflicted at her own behaviour.
"I brought lunch." he said, bringing out a lunch box.
She knew he didn't change his mind often and so the sight of the well wrapped lunch box caught her off guard. The bell for lunch hours had rung and she had no reason to expect him in her class, since she was told he liked to eat alone. He said so himself. But here he was, ten minutes into their lunch break, standing before her with a home cooked meal, searching her blue eyes for a hint of something undetermined. Their relationship was confusing sometimes. She wanted to eat together. He wanted to eat alone. They had a pointless argument. And now he was back to wanting to eat together. He made no such sense, sometimes, nor did she for that matter.
But it was nice of him to change his mind. The boy she liked should have a habit of eating with her during their lunch break. She liked to think he figured it out, came to a self drawn conclusion. It was simple enough. People who like each other in a romantic sense should spend more time together. She was a simple girl and he was the boy she liked and she had been the one to confess first, so it was up to him to put in an effort next, let her know it wasn't all one-sided, that he liked her as much as she did.
Regardless, these were early days in their relationship and soon they would find their own rhythm. She looked at the lunch box and felt herself blush once more as her stomach grumbled and honestly, it wasn't that bad. Supposedly, boys liked it when girls blushed, but she didn't much prefer it as it made her come off as unlady-like, though her mother taught her to act coy, and her sister would feign a blush to get the wanted reaction. Liking someone was tiresome and it made her hungry. Only then did she remember that, she had forgotten to pack her own lunch as she was in an hurry and she was angry at him from the other day and he often got food from the canteen and so could she. It was not another effort to spend time with him and eat together, you couldn't get her to admit that.
"I didn't bring lunch today." she didn't want to give him an inkling of her foolishness, how she forgot to bring lunch, how she was now cursing her luck, for not getting to enjoy their first meal together, since the start of their relationship.
She watched as his eyes darted over to her bag before returning to her face and he caught her looking at the box of food, gripped in his hand . She wondered whether he cooked his own food or was it her sister who prepared his meal. She wouldn't be averse to eating them regardless of the person who cooked it and it had more to do with feeling hungry more and more by the second.
She started to get up from her seat, and he moved a step back, though it was hesitant and not expected, because he stumbled before collecting himself. He placed a hand on top of hers, which still lay on top of the desk and she saw his bigger hand cover the back of her palm, completely. This time she wasn't the only one to blush. The box of food was placed before her almost as a tribute to a goddess. She liked the feel of being revered as such, but he liked his hand on hers more.
"I brought enough for both."
She met his eyes, looking to catch a lie. "Why did you change your mind?"
Hikigaya Hachiman rubbed a thumb over the back of her palm. It was an innocent yet quite intimate gesture. He was calming her, he was calming himself. The response took a little out of them both even though it was supposed to be not much of a big deal. But loners had to make everything more difficult than it actually was. "You were right. I was wrong. Let's have lunch, together and discuss how much of an idiot I am for disagreeing with you in the first place."
A small smile tugged at her lips, but it was obvious that the boy she deemed worthy of her attention would figure out things sooner or later. Yukinoshita Yukino was always right. Even though sometimes she could be wrong, in which case, Hikigaya Hachiman might be a little correct, even though the possibilities sounded farfetched.
"I can think of worse ways to spend time." She offered a smile as she sat back down. "Did you come to your senses on your own accord or did you require a friendly push from someone? If so then that someone is in need of my gratitude."
Hachiman gave her a look. "Don't you think I am the one who deserves more gratitude. Without me you would have to get lunch from the school canteen and let me tell you, that is more than a hassle for a – um, never mind" he had been looking at her, still standing, while she had turned to sit back down and his eyes must have drawn to her breasts. She coughed and met his eyes, feeling embarrassed yet again, but said nothing. He broached a safe topic while looking for an empty chair to sit down beside her. "And if you want to thank someone other than me, you can always thank Komachi. She likes you a lot."
The girl with the long black hair, flicked a strand of her dark hair behind her ear as she heard him rattle on about his little sister. The chairs and tables screeched against the floor as more people adjusted them to their liking and started to sit across in groups of twos or fours and she wondered whether he would keep standing there and end up eating like a horse.
"Komachi-san likes me for putting up with you." she muttered as she looked from side to side in search of an empty chair, but most seem to be taken.
Hachiman followed her gaze and gulped at the sight which caught his eyes. Necks shouldn't bend in those odd angles and he quickly averted his gaze, afraid he would be the subject of unjust persecution and punished with dangerous stationery.
He heard the click of staplers. The long, violet haired, blue eyed violent monster looked at the lunch box kept on top of Yukinoshita's desk.
"Hello, Hikigaya-kun. I'm surprised you know such useless things. Bringing lunch for the girl you like. Good. This is the first time since birth that I've admired you."
Yukino gave the other girl a warring look and a smile which told her to go break her neck by slipping on a banana peel. Senjougahara Hitagi felt like a girl capable of delivering several traumatic experiences to those she deemed as meddlesome in her affairs. The ice queen didn't bother with her or her staplers.
"Uh, you are back from the canteen, I see." Hikigaya Hachiman mumbled looking at the food she no doubt brought back as it was something he recognized from the usual menu.
Yukino followed his line of reasoning, but didn't appreciate him looking to make small talk with one of her classmates. He should know better than to open his mouth and incur the wrath in the form of stapled fingers or other more sensitive body parts. Senjougahara-san was constantly called to the faculty room for her misdemeanours.
"I am." the girl took a seat in front of her desk and craned her neck, backwards to speak in a rather smug manner. The plastic cover of her food was cut using scissors in a dangerous swish which almost missed the naked eyes of most observers. "The canteen was crowded as usual and I would've been late had it not been for the misfortune of a psycho virgin taking the chance to paw my behind. He found blood in his pants as he somehow slipped and fell - penis first - on a box cutter and I found extra ketchup for my fries."
Again, the dead fish eyed loner didn't know what to talk about and the ice queen thought he made a wonderful effort not to squirm at the mention of certain events which left a boy in their school traumatised and unable to produce heirs in their future. He was looking at her for cues on how to approach this but she shrugged her shoulders, stating clearly that it was none of her business and they would be better off making full use of their lunch break.
Obviously, she was thinking whether Senjougahara-san was insane.
"Don't worry, I wouldn't take your food. I am quite full." Senjougahara-san smirked to herself thinking about what happened in the canteen no doubt, while also noticing the duo look at her rather strangely. It was confusing but not bothersome. The boy, Hikigaya-kun was questioning certain life decisions and the girl, Yukinoshita-san, was looking constipated or hungry. "You should start with your meal. Lunch break would be over soon and people take more time to eat while talking to each other. Perhaps it's because you shouldn't talk with your mouthful or while chewing. What do you think, Yukinoshita-san?"
Yukino looked at the packet of chips in the hand of her deranged classmate and then turned to look at the homemade food kept in the lunch box which was brought to her by the boy she liked. There was justifiable cause to murder someone who dared to eat her food, especially when there was a chance of it being made by him.
"Yukinoshita thinks you're right and that we should get on with our lunch." he replied with an effort to sound smooth and as none threatening as possible. Why would a boy in their school paw at her behind, that was asking for trouble.
The voice was monotone and he wondered whether she didn't know or more likely, didn't understand that he was trying to end his conversation with her. She was a strange girl, far more stranger than the ice queen and far more lonesome. Her voice sent chill down his spine like it used to with Yukinoshita. "You were better off eating by the set of steps overlooking the playground. I have seen you loiter around that place during lunch break. It is a much more private spot and would have offered more chances of a romantic atmosphere if you were going for that kind of appeal." she teased, before shaking her head. "Of course rubbing your relationship in the face of others who have no chance at a romance of their own might also appeal to the likes of some people, Yukinoshita-san included."
Yukinoshita felt a sudden burst of outrage at the outspoken words of the deranged girl passing an observation of her pronounced behaviour and before she knew it, she was on her feet and glaring at the other girl because she had the audacity to make her sound unpleasant. Judo throws weren't nothing special and she deserved to be thrown across the room for speaking in such a rude and frank manner.
Regardless, not that it mattered, she didn't need his opinion when it came to judo slamming girls who didn't know her place, Yukino spared a quick glance at the boy standing beside her, who was sporting a blush from the remarks which were said out loud.
Again, she had to wonder whether this was what he meant when he said he wanted to eat alone. She possessed a far more superior intellect. Hikigaya Hachiman said to her on a pervious occasion that he wanted to eat at his usual spot, she thought it meant he wanted to eat alone. Curse her belligerence and his failure as a man who boasted of an intensive vocabulary, she had misinterpreted the meaning behind his words. Of course he wanted them to have lunch together every now and again now that they had confessed and were in a relationship. It was what couples do but he went about it wrong and expected her to understand him, when he left the rest unsaid. How was she supposed to know that when he said he wanted to eat at his usual spot, it meant, he wanted her to be with him at his usual spot, which as Senjougahara, so uncouthly mentioned was far more suitable for a romantic rendezvous.
She dropped her gaze back to take a better look at the class and wondered whether he had thought of this beforehand. Most of the students were female and he didn't have the most gentlest of personality, having more in common with a wanted poster than his school issued student identification card.
Senjougahara Hitagi was right on this occasion and that was a rather unpleasant thought. Her class was not the place to have a lunch with a boy she liked as she didn't feel comfortable having him in a place teeming with other girls, some of whom were similar to her in disposition.
The door slid open and two more people walked into the classroom and obviously from the looks of these two they had a much more fruitful lunch break which didn't consist of talking while havimg a third girl present and intruding upon their conversation, constantly, with her frank observations.
On normal occasions, Yukinoshita Yukino would have asked the girl wearing the bunny shaped barrette on top of her black hair, whether the shop she bought the hair apparel from also sold cat shaped barrettes. But the intimacy clearly visible between her and the underclassman she was walking with made her mood sour to an extreme extent.
"Yukinoshita-senpai, Senjougahara-san, and um, ah senpai, do you know it's foolish to fight the atmosphere when the people creating it don't have a sense of it." the underclassman said while greeting them with a cheerful voice which wasn't much louder than socially acceptable. It was for the best because the same underclassman had confessed in the most brash and loud manner possible, starting off with shouting his own name, the class he is from, then the name of the girl he liked, shouting it from the school grounds, repeatedly, over and over again, until everyone in the entire school knew of his feelings, knew that, Azusagawa Sakuta loved Sakurajima Mai. "By the way Yukinoshita-senpai, you should know, he is having thoughts which are a hundred times more lewd than what you're imagining."
But being a loner and a much more private person than a child actress, Yukinoshita Yukino would have had an extremely different reaction to such a kind of approach when it came to a confession. She would have the underclassman reported to the principal, trying for a suspension and also have a restraining order from the police by the end of the day. Unfortunately Sakurajima-san seem to have taken a liking to the boy, who was also a year younger to them and had accepted his feelings. Yukino wasn't one to judge. She liked Hikigaya Hachiman. Of course she did mind that the other couple were more acceptable to public displays of affection. Sharing a meal together wasn't much of a big deal for the likes of them.
"Touché" He greeted back offhandedly, before he lowered his face and said a few words into her ear, causing her to lower her head to hide the blush about to show on her face. "Do you want to eat lunch with me outside?"
Nodding her head,Yukino didn't trust her voice as she felt the faintest of warmth, a soft breath by her ear. He was hunkered over and literally breathing down her neck and blowing into her ear for good measure. There was no possible way he didn't know what he was doing. Or he disliked her female classmates even more. "I thought you would never ask." she said, nodding once more.
Feeling a sense of accomplishment, she watched him take a look at the entrance and then he paled further. Two more people were talking by the door. One was Shinomiya Kaguya and the other was Mashiro Shiina.
"I hate this class so much. Let's go before we hear something we can never unhear." Hachiman replied and for a second there it looked like he wanted to make a grab for her hand. Yukino waited, but instead he placed his hands on his ears and urged her to do the same. "Cover your ears. Trust me, it's better to look stupid then lose your appetite over something those two said."
Frowning, Yukino tried to eavesdrop on the conversation. She shouldn't have because it scared her for life and almost made her lose her appetite even though she did in fact want to eat his lunch. She should have listened to him. But curiosity got the better of her.
"The person who confesses first loses power in a relationship. What do you think Mashiro-san?" Kaguya asked.
"I believe in the power of panties." Mashiro Shiina replied.
Yukinoshita Yukino hated the female students of her class. No wonder Hikigaya-kun didn't want to eat lunch here where such words were said out loud and with a straight face, no shame whatsoever. Mashiro Shiina was a transfer student from England and she knew nothing about social protocol, her knowledge limited to drawing and nothing else. And the less that was said about Shinomiya Kaguya, the better. Yukinoshita liked her the least, even less than Senjougahara.
"You were right." Yukinoshita said, finally happy to be away from the noise of the class while enjoying the air outside. He had made the lunch. The curry was fantastic. "I was wrong. Let's have lunch together in the future as well and discuss how much of an idiot you are for agreeing with me in the first place. You should let your intentions be more clear, Hikigaya-kun, otherwise we won't make much progress."
"Okay, I will do better next time." Hachiman nodded, before moving closer. "Now let me ask you something."
"Okay." Yukino held her breath.
"Do you believe in the power of panties?"
Yukinoshita Yukino made a vow later that day that she would hate her female classmates for the rest of her life and she should not judo slam the boy she liked for trying to copy something which he thought sounded way cooler in his head.
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