5Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory franchise or any characters associated with the franchise. All rights belong to Roald Dahl, Tim Burton, and Warner Bros. Pictures. This is not my intellectual property, and no financial gain is made from this nor will be sought. This is purely for entertainment purposes only.
Candy Lovers Upset Everlasting Gobstoppers Aren't Truly Everlasting
Posted on 01/10/2020 at 10:10 am
ILLINOIS - Fans of Willy Wonka's candies were outraged when they realized the Everlasting Gobstoppers they've been sucking on for nearly fifteen years eventually became smaller and smaller before dissolving completely. The spherical hard candies were originally released to the public in mid-2005, but an undetected flaw in the original recipe meant that the name turned out to be "very misleading", according to several formerly loyal customers. What do you think?
"I ain't waiting fifteen more years to find out whether the one I just bought yesterday is everlasting!" - Yelena Smith, university student
"Worst 50 cents I've ever spent in my entire fucking life." - Joe Russell, lottery ticket printer
"Given our current political climate, I'm well aware that absolutely no one is to be trusted these days...not even Willy Wonka." - Tyson Black, teacher
Author's note: That's what happens when you read too many articles from The Onion. Please feel free to review, and stay tuned for more!
