58Int. Sheldon and Amy's apartment.
Amy: Sheldon, come on. We have to go now.
Sheldon: One more minute. I need to use the bathroom.
Amy: Out of your schedule time?
Sheldon: Oh, screw my schedule.
Amy: Screw your schedule? What is wrong with you now? You are acting crazy when that is clearly my part right now.
Sheldon: You are welcome.
He walks into the bathroom, closes the door, when Penny walks in from the hall.
Penny: Amy, I am so excited. Let's go. I wanna meet the little boy.
Amy: I am more concerned about big boy now.
Penny: Let's try to forget that weirdo for once. You know he thinks he is the center of the universe.
Amy: But I need him right now. My water just broke and I am gonna have our child, and he just acts like one.
Penny: He is Sheldon. He doesn't like change. He is probably just scared like when I gave birth to my daughter. Give him some minutes. He can go with Leonard. You know how he behaved when Taylor was born.
Amy: At least he went to the hospital with you.
Penny: Yeah, to tell me about his bad childhood and his mother, and that he would do it all differently, and then he started crying and whining like a baby.
Penny imitating Leonard: "What if I fail? What if I will be even worse than my mother? What if I cannot love our kid enough?"
Amy: Sheldon would not worry about any of that.
Penny: Trust me, it's better without him, for now. Let's go.
Sheldon runs out of the bathroom with his phone in his hands.
Sheldon: Physics emergency. I got to go. See you later, Amy.
Amy: And this is a biology emergency.
Sheldon: Which is your speciality. You got this.
Amy: Sheldon, I am about to give birth to our child. You should be there.
Sheldon: Yeah... uhm... I went too deep into biology this time. It won't happen again. I will stick to physics. Why can't it stay this tiny like when I put it in there?
Amy: I know you love tiny, but there is no going back now. We will be parents soon.
Sheldon: You go girl. That is as much of a cheerleader I can be.
He winks at her, closes the door and runs across the hall. Leonard was packing Taylor's bag.
Leonard: Hey buddy. Can you believe this, we are both married with children?
Sheldon: I never wanted to be like most people. I haven't run enough tests if I could be a father. And I cannot give up my career. I am a Nobel Prize winner. I have to make this world better.
Leonard: Don't you mean worse?
Sheldon wants to sit, but Taylor sits in his spot, giggling at him.
Sheldon: What do I do with these? I read every possible book, googled online. I finally know how Penny feels all her life: being unprepared.
Penny opens the door and walks into her and Leonard's apartment, Amy following her.
Penny: Nobody knows all the answers to this test, Sheldon. But on the plus side, you cannot fail as long as you love your child.
Sheldon: But I am the genius. I have to show you how raising kids is done properly. You have to assume you do it all wrong.
Penny: You don't have a Nobel Prize in parenting. So stop whining, and let's go. You got yourself into this.
Sheldon: Oh, no, that is all on you. If you haven't moved here, Leonard would have never started thinking about kids. You convinced Amy.
Amy: I always wanted to have kids, until now. I really have to go. It hurts and I really want my body to be my own again.
Penny puts her left arm around Amy, and helps her back to the hall.
Penny looks back to Sheldon: You claim to be a genius, but you act like a dumb jerk.
Penny to Amy: Do you wanna know the best part of giving birth? You will never lose that much weight at once again.
The girls leave the apartment and went down the stairs. Leonard picks Taylor, and her bag.
Leonard: Just don't raise your kid like my mother raised me.
Sheldon: Making experiments and learning about psychology is the only fun thing about kids. Your mother is so smart.
Leonard: And look how I turned out.
Sheldon: You are right. I don't want my kid to have a meaningless job and is filled with self doubt. My son needs to become a person, with a real job.
Leonard: Really?
Sheldon walks out of the apartment, followed by Leonard.
In the hospital Sheldon, Leonard and Taylor are sitting in the waiting area.
Leonard: Do you remember the day we went to the sperm bank? Imagine we did that, and didn't know we were fathers. Who knew that we would be actually have kids one day?
Sheldon: It was nice to think of having a similar smart person on the planet. And you are right, it is better to be an active part in raising my genes.
Leonard: And you can teach him everything, going back to Ancient Greek.
Sheldon: Or even further back, to the Big Bang. He will be intimidated by my knowledge, just like your mother made you feel.
Leonard: So he will be a super villain with no friends.
Sheldon: There is nothing bad about being smart. One day you will learn that, too. I haven't given up hope on you yet. You have potential.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: My kid will be smart. He will teach your kids everything, even he is the youngest.
Leonard: What if he is more like Missy?
Sheldon: How dare you?
Penny walks to the Sheldon and Leonard.
Penny: Do you want to meet your son, Sheldon?
Sheldon just looks at her.
Penny: If I knew this would make you speechless, I would have said that a thousand times. Come on. He is cute.
Sheldon: You have Leonard. He is your man. Your decision. No returns.
He enters the room, and then wants to turn around and leave again, but Penny and Leonard are blocking the way.
Penny: The other direction, mister.
Sheldon: I need hand sanitizer. He might be full of germs.
Amy: The nurse just washed him. He is fine. Just a bit tired, like his Mommy.
Amy in excited voice: I am a Mommy.
Amy in tired voice: I need to be happy tomorrow, I am just too tired right now. Can you hold him?
Amy passes the baby carefully to Sheldon, who starts shaking.
Amy: It's a rare porcelain Spock figure. Don't let it fall.
Sheldon looks confused at her, stops shaking. Then he looks at the baby, like he was inspecting him carefully.
Sheldon: Hello. I am your father.
Leonard to Penny: We forgot to get him into the Darth Vader costume.
Penny: Do you think they will name him Luke?
Leonard: Hearing you getting a Star Wars reference makes you even more sexy.
Penny giggles and they kiss. Taylor giggles, too and they kiss her on both cheeks at the same time.
Sheldon to his son: You are my new best friend. You will help me to make this world better, and teach them all many lessons. You and me, two super smart geniuses. We will make theories, revolutionizing physics. There is only one name suitable for a man who will be equally smart as me one day. Everything that exists consists of atoms. Not one disappeared or was newly created since the Big Bang. They are changing, rearranging. I miss my old friend, but now I welcome you to our world, my little Stephen.
