I Own Nothing

AN: Okay I watched a clip from a movie and I was having a sad and heart broken moment. The movie was Hachi: A Dog's Tale. If anyone has seen the clips from that movie it is so sad. Richard Gere is in it I know. Anyway after seeing that poor dog my brain went here, I don't know why, but please do prepare yourselves. I'm sorry in advance for any heartache.

Summary: Justin's supposed to make a decision about Brian's life. He just doesn't know if he can. However, there is a twist that helps him decide in the end.

Title: We Got More Time

Life never went the way you thought it was. Justin knew that you couldn't predict anything. Brian and he had gotten married the year before. They were happy and had finally been able to get their selves together. They'd moved to West Virginia into Britin and it had been perfect. No one thought they were going to make it. Some had told them they were stupid for doing it, he should have gone to New York. He should have left Brian because that had been the right thing to do. He hadn't wanted to leave the man he loved more than anything.

It was probably wrong to want someone more than your own life. He just couldn't seem to care about that. He loved Brian with all of his heart and soul. He had gotten everything he had wanted and more. The words I love you never sounded better than when Brian said them the first time. Hearing them every single day for the last year had made it that much sweeter though. He'd finally pulled the man he'd seen that first night when he was seventeen out for the entire world to see.

"I love you, Bri. It's not fair what I'm being told and I just don't know if I can do it." Justin said out loud even if he knew Brian couldn't hear him.

His heart felt like it was ripping in half or maybe it was into millions of pieces. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. He couldn't even think about what was right. It hurt like hell right now because it wasn't just going to be a goodbye that they fixed things later with. They never said goodbye though; they always said later. It was the last thing Brian had said followed by I love you before he'd been taken into surgery. It was only to fix something that the doctor said would have him sent home the next morning. It wasn't supposed to go like this, he wanted more time. He needed more time to spend with Brian. They'd supposed to have had their entire lives. They had thought about having or adopting kids.

"It's what you'd want I know, but for once I wish I could be selfish and not let you go. We said years ago that if it came to this then we'd turn it off. I always said I could do it, I'd know when, but I lied so fucking much that day. I know you knew too, you just didn't call bullshit on me. So please I'm begging you here if you can somehow wake up I'd be more than okay with that. I'd be more than okay with you coming back to me." Justin pleaded holding onto Brian's hand lettign the tears fall.

~BJ JB BJ JB~

He hated statistics, he hated fucking doctors and their inability to not sugar coat things. He wanted things to be sugar coated. He didn't want to have some doctor look at him and tell him his husband's odds of waking up ever were worse than slim. He hadn't moved from the chair since the doctor had said the words. He couldn't even stand up and walk if he wanted to. He didn't think his legs would support him to leave the room to even repeat the words. How a doctor could be so cold and not seem to care he didn't understand.

Justin made his self move though being careful not to jar anything resting his head against Brian's. He still was hoping Brian would wake up before he had to really make that choice. They'd always agreed on twenty-four hours. It had only been half an hour since he'd been given the worst news ever. He wanted to curl up completely in Brian's arms to feel his husband holding him one last time. He wanted to see Brian's eyes looking back into his own. He wanted to be anywhere, but here right now. He wanted to be home in their bed fucking or making love even. Brian had finally given into calling it that after years of denying it.

"We were supposed to go and get Gus this weekend. Lindsay and Mel were letting us have him for Christmas. I was keeping it a secret until Friday. I'd already made all of the arangements. They can't make it down until the day before Christmas Eve, but I was going bring Gus to the house. Ben was going with me so we could surprise Michael with J.R. I don't know how I'm supposed to tell our son his daddy's gone. He loves you so much and I know you love him. It was going to be our first Christmas together at the house. I even thought we could go off the deep end and have everyone there to celebrate. We have enough room if they wanted to come over." Justin let a sob out not able to hold it back anymore.

He needed someone to tell him what to do, he wanted Brian awake more though. He sat back in the chair moving it so it was close enough so he could lay his head against the bed. He kept a hold on Brian's hand before he lost it letting the pain out knowing Brian wasn't going to get to see Gus grow up. They weren't going to have the kids that he'd finally convinced Brian was a good idea. He was going to be alone even if he had the family. Brian was the only place he felt like he was home, the only place he didn't feel alone.

Brian was his everything and he still couldn't understand how he could be dying. The doctor that had been in the ER said it was nothing to worry about. They'd get Brian into surgery and take his appendix out. He would be awake up about an hour afterwards. The doctor that he'd seen after the surgery wasn't even the same one. He'd just come in told him he was sorry and that Brian wasn't going to wake up. He kept crying until he cried his self into exhaustion falling asleep. He wanted to stay awake so he'd have more time with Brian. He was so tired from the night, day, and crying so much it hurt he let sleep take him.

~TBC~

I Promise that this is not a death fic I would never in my life even fathom doing that to the two I love the most on the show besides the kids. Sorry for the tears too because I was in a sad mood when I wrote this as I said above. It was three weeks ago and I just needed something heart wrenching at the time since was in that head space.