1WILLY OVER INNSMOUTH
Did you ever wonder what it would be like if H.P. Lovecraft had written Death of a Salesman? Please comment nicely!
ACT ONE
BIFF: Where'd you go this time, Pop?
WILLY: Innsmouth! Beautiful city, Biff. Up on the coast of Massachusetts. Innsmouth, they call it. Great fishing town, great seaport, fine upstanding people . . . and the fish, my God, the fish! Everywhere you look there they are, those remarkable fish!
LINDA: Willy, what is that thing sticking out of your pocket?
WILLY: Nothing, nothing, I found it on the beach.
HAPPY: Gee, pop, that thing in your pocket looks . . . alive!
WILLY: No, no, it is not alive! It's not . . . not . . . eeeeeaaahhh!
ACT TWO
WILLY: Howard, I mean it now. I am speaking to you seriously. Take me off the road!
HOWARD: Willy, we cannot use you. Not here, not in the office. The clients object to your crude boastfulness, your abrasive personality. And then that smell . . . I mean that smell of fish . . .
WILLY: You mean like there's something in my pocket, Howard? Something dead?
HOWARD: Willy, Willy, stay back! Don't touch that tape recorder, it's my newest hobby!
WILLY: Is that so? Hey, here's a button. Let's hit the button!
HOWARD'S SON ON TAPE: "Man came from the sea. Life evolved in the sea. So I want to go back to the sea!"
HOWARD: No, Willy! No, Willy! Stay back! Eeeeeyahhhhh!
WILLY: What's the matter, Howard? Fish got your tongue?
ACT THREE
HAPPY: Have a drink, girls. Have all you want!
LOTTIE: Gee, your father must have tons of gold!
HAPPY: Oh he does, he does. All the gold in the sea!
BIFF: Happy, give me a drink. Give me a drink right away.
HAPPY: Hey, Biff! What's the matter, Oliver wouldn't see you?
BIFF: Oh, he saw me all right. He saw me and began to scream. It was a ringing primordial scream of terror beyond imagination.
LOTTIE: Say, I don't like that terror beyond imagination stuff.
HAPPY: Pop won't like it if Oliver turns down your offer. Say, is that a fountain pen? Biff, did you steal Oliver's fountain pen?
BIFF: I needed it to stab into his . . . eye. After he changed!
WILLY: Hello, boys! Biff, did Oliver agree to stake you?
BIFF: No, Pop. Pop, will you listen? I staked him. I staked him in the eye, after he caught that smell . . . that smell of fish . . . your smell!
HAPPY: No, no, Pop, it's all right. You don't smell like fish or like something dead. He just means Oliver is thinking it over!
WILLY: Sure, he's thinking it over. But in the meantime, boys, I'm well liked in Innsmouth. I'm well liked in other places, unknown places where the old ones, the deep ones and other truly remarkable people drag up gold from the ocean depths. So what if the woods are burning? The fish are walking. I tell you, the fish are walking on dry land!
ACT FOUR
LINDA: So many people at the funeral . . . so many strange people at the funeral. Those eyes . . . those ears . . . that scaly skin . . .
HAPPY: So what do we do with all that gold, Biff?
BIFF: The gold is what killed him, Hap. Not the fish. But I don't want the gold. Tonight I am going back to the ocean. I am going to dive deep into the ocean and tell them, Willy Loman did not die a fish!
HAPPY: Let's go back together, Biff. To the ocean . . . to the ocean . . . let's dive deep into the ocean . . .
BIFF: Happy, you're changing! Your face . . . your skin . . . you look like . . . you look like Pop! Mom, mom, get my fountain pen quick!
LINDA: Eeeaaaaaahhhh!
THE END
