Fandom: Gouhou Drug
Title: Yakusoku wa iranai. (No need for promises.)
Pairing: Rikuou + Kazahaya
Rating: PG
Description: Kazahaya and Rikuou have a fight that causes them to reveal their deepest fearsabout one another.

Disclaimer: Gouhou Drug isn't mine.

Yakusoku wa iranai. (No need for promises.)
by miyamoto yui

"Today is my day off."

Or so the note had said.

As he held it in between his index and middle fingers, he gave a slight pout. It never failed to stump him on how much that blond could do to get on his nerves. Of course, the blond knew where to hit back, especially when they were in the middle of their fights.
That's why their employer always laughed and finally said one day, "You guys act like an old married couple. Just make it official already."

"Does he really hate me that much?" he whispered to himself as he just placed the note back onto the dining table. He didn't want to crumble it out of frustration, and nor did he want to place any mark on it as if he was truly concerned over it.

Of course, the damn thing was scribbled in anger. He knew the blond that much to know. After all, how long had they been "together" as partners?

Without another word, he turned away to wash the dishes, wipe his hands with a rag when he was done, and went into the drug store for work. However, when half of the day had passed, he was done. But throughout this time, he was looking out the windows and the doors to see if the baka had come back.

"This is petty, Kazahaya," he commented to himself as he took off his apron and went out for a walk.
"Avoiding me won't solve anything. It never does."

But that was how Kazahaya dealt with stuff. As long as he was talking, that was great because he was still trying to communicate with you. The black-haired man didn't know he had overstepped his bounds when he said, "I think you're stupid to believe in that."

He was sitting on the dining room table with his hands on the newspaper, reading over the headlines since he didn't read them yet for that day. And when there was no response from the blond, there was something definitely wrong. There was no hitting, no shouting, no complaining.
It was then that the dark-haired one lowered his arms to peer at his partner over the top of the newspaper.
At first, his face held the usual indifference, but his eyebrows slightly rose as he saw the dark storm cloud that began to form over the beautiful blond's face. He didn't look like he was going to cry, but he appeared as if he were about to shout. But instead, he said nothing. He didn't even glance up to stare at the newspaper holder's dark eyes. Nope, there was no response at all.

At that moment, Rikuou was about to open his mouth to say something. He had never encountered this type of behavior from Kazahaya before. And he thought he had already seen everything too.

Then, Kazahaya's eyes, which were trying to follow the lines on the worn-out floor, came up from Rikuou's socks and up his black pants to his shirt and up to his eyes. He stared clearly into those eyes and gave a very serious expression. "For once, I just wanted to tell you to be careful. That's all."

"I-" The stoic was actually showing signs of worry but the angered Kazahaya interrupted him.

Gravely, Kazahaya said, "See if I ever talk to you again."

Silently, he took off his cooking apron and threw it into Rikuou's face. "I may talk too much, but how the hell am I supposed to know what you're thinking if you don't ever tell me?!"

It was then that he put down the newspaper as his face slightly winced while the apron fell into his lap.

"And, as much as I complain, you'll miss my voice some-Ack." Kazahaya was coughing as Rikuou got up to give him some water while trying to pat his back. But Kazahaya just slapped his hand away and the glass fell to the ground. It shattered with the water pouring in every possible direction. He got his own cup of water as he hoarsely whispered, "I don't need your help."

Then, with the shattered glass still on the ground, Kazahaya's distorted reflection became smaller as he walked out of the kitchen.

Rikuou looked down at the glass and took out a broom to sweep it. He glanced at the doorway and his eyes squinted in annoyance. If he had to tell everything to Kazahaya, where should he have started? It was always the same story.
Kazahaya always got mad at him for not saying anything about any subject matter, especially that of the past. He was, of course, curious. That was all. It was only natural.
But for one as Rikuou, the past was something that happened in a different period. It was something that only tried to grasp the present, for it should have been left where it happened. He didn't want to recall anything…or too much of it.
He only wanted to know specific parts, but not all of it. It was too painful to digest in one sitting.

What if he said, "I'm happy with the way things are…?"
Would Kazahaya really believe it? Would that rambunctious blond ever understand that he liked where he was at this particular moment in time?

Besides, he liked fulfilling his quota of pissing Kazahaya off. He had the cutest expressions for everything.

But this time…
This time, Kazahaya didn't seem so forgiving.

"Since when did you start listening to that baka?" he thought to himself as he passed by the various glass window displays, each with their own designs and personalities. They were almost like mannequins, but depicting scenes that would never exist in real life. Was that like their abilities? Seeing something unbelievable that it was better to keep it quiet?

His eyes wandered from side to side as he put his hands into his jean pockets. Since when did he come into the habit of looking for him like this? He couldn't recall. But somehow, Kazahaya had done something that couldn't be undone.
Funny, they never truly touched one another except when he saved him or when Kazahaya hit his body.
Other than that, there was no physical contact of a voluntary kind.

It always required necessity. There always had to be a reason.

Then, a peculiar scene came into his head. He shook his head as he thought to himself, "Stop thinking about that."

They were only connected when it came to their jobs, but other than that, there was nothing else. And right now, he was a bit frustrated that the incurable ability to find his partner at the most desperate of times couldn't help him in ordinary instances. He had to rely on what he knew.

What did he know? Nothing really. Just little pieces here and there, but nothing too detailed.

"From this moment…everything starts from this moment," he remembered thinking to himself as he carried the dying man towards the drugstore. He remembered the coldness that was encroaching Kazahaya's body. It was as if a video tape started recording only from that moment on.

There was snow starting to fall and as much as he grumbled to himself that he didn't give a damn, he looked up to the sky looking for an answer. The darkness was coming along with the evening, so he had to find him in case anything happened.

But why should he be worried? It wasn't as if Kazahaya was a child. Then again, this was the same person who said he didn't want to die as his body touched the ice with no intention of ever moving again from its exhaustion.

"Damn it all!" he finally said to himself, after debating on whether or not he should have been concerned.

But as he was passing a park where children were running towards their homes, through the lines of trees that kept blocking his view, he saw Kazahaya staring up at a single tree. With his hat slowly covered with snow, his gloves stayed by his sides. He was looking up at the branches. And as he was slowly coming closer and closer towards him, a tear fell from Kazahaya's cheek.

"Kei…" his lips softly let go of the name.

That name paralyzed both of them. Rikuou stopped walking as he peered at Kazahaya between two trees. They were only a few yards away from each other, but why did it always seem so much more distant?

"Did you know I always got scared whenever you said that my name reminded of you of the wind? As if I'd be taken away?"
"Was this her grave?" Rikuou asked himself as he also wondered, "How did Kazahaya distinguish this tree from all the rest?"
He didn't think so and he couldn't find anything that separated the tree from the others.

Kazahaya smiled with embarrassment as he looked down at the ground. Then, he looked up again at the branches. "I told you that it was all right. But in the end, you were taken away instead of me. Okay, so I ran away, but…yeah." His gaze again touched the floor. "I get the same feeling when I talk to Rikuou, as if everything now is just a dream. Maybe I truly am scared of him telling me what is in his head and his heart.
"I'm no better by talking all the time, pretending as if I understand. When sometimes, I don't. I really don't. I just try to fill in all the gaps.

"I don't want to do this anymore, Kei." Then, he touched the trunk of the tree with his gloves. His fingers bent a little as if wanting to take off the bark. Carefully, he touched it with his forehead. "It's not that I want to know everything. It's just that nothing is making sense. It's as if they're all in pieces.
"And you know what I did yesterday? I shouted at him. I finally told him that I couldn't take not knowing what he was thinking. And when I looked at the shattered glass pieces on the floor, I felt like that was me. I'm trying to remember in pieces, but they never come into one consistent pattern.
"Is that strange? Who else has this problem, Kei? If you were here, you'd tell me the order of things and then I wouldn't have to wake up every morning thinking I've lost something.
"Like I've lost my memories."

Rikuou's mouth opened a bit as his eyes looked from side to side, unable to look at Kazahaya anymore. Was that what he really thought? You mean after all that spunk, energy, and cuteness, this was his fear?

"I think you were trying to tell me that I'd lose myself. And that's the same as disappearing, Kei." His eyes closed even tighter as his fingers twitched. "I don't want that to happen. That is my worst fear in the world. That is the one thing that I can't tell Rikuou.

"He's right. I am dumb, aren't I?"

"No, I don't really think so. You take my teasing way too seriously." At that moment, Rikuou rounded the corner and appeared only a few feet away from Kazahaya.

The startled Kazahaya pushed himself from the tree and wiped his tears away quickly. Turning his head away, he said nothing else. "How long have you been here?"

"I heard everything and…" He shook his head as he smirked.

"…I think you think up the stupidest things," Rikuou teased as he walked towards Kazahaya.

"Why do you always insult-"
But before Kazahaya could protest any further, Rikuou found himself hugging his partner. He closed his eyes tightly in relief because Kazahaya couldn't see it.

"You want to know the whole dream? Let me tell you," he gently whispered into Kazahaya's ear while still holding onto him.

"For some reason, we were having a party. A large one with all these people in it. It was in this very big house.

"You and I were drinking wine with these really expensive tuxedos on. I don't know why we chose red wine or what was the occasion, but you and I were exchanging glasses. But then you dropped the glass onto the floor because you thought it looked like blood. When I was going to tell you that it wasn't, in a blink of an eye, you were gone.
"I left everyone to go out onto the balcony. It was beginning to snow and I saw you were running towards the lake.
"I ran down the stairs and out the front door with a bam. My shoes tapped on the pavement and they crunched when I ran across the grass. It was weird. I was hearing everything so perfectly.
"When I was almost near the lake, I looked around. I saw your face. You smiled at me with your eyes closed. Then, you fell backwards with a rose in between your hands.
"I ran to find that when you fell, the lake instantly froze. And there were drips of blood coming from your hands when you squeezed the thorns.
"But I heard you speaking to me. And you know what you said?"

"What did I say?" the blond quietly said as he buried his head onto the dark-haired man's shoulder.

"You told me, 'I need to go back to where I come from'." He hugged him tighter. "And I knelt down to pound on that rock hard ice. It looked so beautiful, like a mirror. But your eyes were closed as if you were sleeping. I didn't know what to do."

"Why didn't you want to tell me? That wasn't so hard, was it?" Kazahaya asked he lifted his arms to hug Rikuou back, whose arms had loosened their grip and fell to the sides of the dark-haired one's body. He couldn't describe the feeling to him, but he felt like he couldn't breathe. His heart was cringing, but he was not showing it at all. He was used to carrying it alone. So, he didn't say anything in response to Kazahaya's questions.

"Where I'm from, you tell your nightmare so that it won't come true. But I had this sinking feeling that it wasn't good even though you wouldn't tell me and that's why I got mad." Then, Kazahaya let go of him. "But I still don't know why you didn't want to tell me."

Rikuou looked him in the eye as they stood two feet away from one another with the snow falling around them.

"That's my greatest fear Kazahaya," he seriously explained. "The day you'll realize that you have to leave and that you don't need me anymore."
Looking down, he gave a melancholic smile. "That you've woken up from the dream you've given me."

Then, he turned around, not wanting to get too sentimental. He began to walk away with Kazahaya quickly running after him. "Why call me stupid when you're stupider than me?!"

Rikuou turned his head to look at him and pouted. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
Hitting him upside the head, he asked with a fake scolding tone, "Who the hell ever said I was leaving?
Even if I left, you'd find some way to get to me. So there's no point, right?"

That was when Rikuou stopped walking, dumbfounded for the first time in his life.
And Kazahaya walked past him. Turning around, he smiled and shouted, "I thought that was obvious, Rikuou!"

Like little kids, Rikuou chased after Kazahaya all the way home. But as they were going into their own rooms, suddenly, Rikuou caught his hand and pulled his sleeve. Pushing Kazahaya onto the door behind him, he leaned down to kiss him and then whispered into his ear,

"If you ever forget anything, I'll remember. I swear I'll remember."
"Promise?" Kazahaya said while turning the knob to open the door of Rikuou's room with a seductive smile, but deep inside, he was truly relieved.

Pushing him through the door and closing it behind them, Rikuou said with a smirk, "Until you stop getting mad at me."
"Well, I guess that's forever then."

Owari. / The End.

Author's Note: WAH~! I miss my Shortcake Len, so this is dedicated to you! There's a shortage of Gouhou Drug and trust me when I say that I needed my dose. ;_; I love you, Rikuou!

Friday, June 11, 2004