67Note: There came a point in this story where I suddenly realized I hadn't plotted further than chapter eleven and had only vague ideas about what would happen afterwards. The result was a slower update, I'm sorry.
I don't think I've responded to reviews either, so I apologize and I'll get to that once I have a free moment.
"What are you doing?" Mei stares at them, aghast. "Winry, you're supposed to be resting!"
Ed sighs. "Just give her the water, Mei."
He's tired. They're both so tired.
Every ounce of him feels drained.
Mei looks annoyed with him, but she hands it to her regardless.
Winry accepts it carefully.
"Thank you." Winry smiles, but it's a tired smile. It doesn't reach her eyes and is so different from how she usually is, so full of light, that Ed feels a twinge in his gut.
Mei kneels on the ground, glancing at Winry's nightdress.
"I can help you change out of this," she says softly.
Winry's fingers brush the bloodied tear in her dress and she grimaces.
Her eyes flutter shut and she leans into Ed's arms a little further with a tiny sigh.
"Please," is all she says, too tired by the sound of it for it to come out as anything other than a whisper.
For the sake of her modesty, Ed leaves the room without any question.
They may love each other, but neither one of them is ready for anything like… that. Especially after two years apart. He respects her too much to even think of trying to sneak a peek.
He waits outside in the hall, hands jammed in the pockets of his sweats, and scowls at nothing.
This is your fault.
The thought is unbidden, but once it's crept into his mind- much like the proverbial ringing of the bell- he can't unthink it.
This is his fault.
He brought Noah here. He failed to see the warning signs.
His back hits the wall and he slides heavily to the floor.
This is his fault.
He hadn't seen… He hadn't been vigilant.
There had to have been warning signs. He had missed them, hadn't he?
Noah had been quiet.
But none of that indicated violence, had it?
Had he just missed it?
Ed runs through his memories of Noah, trying to pinpoint that one moment if there ever had been one.
There had to have been something.
Ever since they had arrived safely through the Portal, they had been distant with each other, but that had to be expected.
Ed had been angry, devastated after her betrayal on the other side had nearly granted the Thule a foothold in his own world.
He had thought they had trusted each other. Only for it to turn out that Noah was acting as the Thule's puppet all along.
The Thule had been hellbent on dominating not only their world, but Amestris as well.
She had read his mind once that he knew of, that first day they met. But the transmutation circle needed to open the Gate- there had been no way for the Thule to know about that.
Ed had known what that had meant- that Noah had invaded his mind to bring it to them. He just hadn't known when.
But none of that had suggested violence.
He buries his face in his hands, shoulders shaking.
Winry…
Winry deserves answers.
She deserves to know why she was stabbed.
Ed's hand fists at his side.
He told her once before he wouldn't keep secrets from her- not when they involved her.
It was their promise to each other.
It's up to him to see to it that it remains fulfilled.
Alphonse sits across from her.
Noah still won't look at him.
Which, Alphonse thinks, won't do at all.
"Hey," he says quietly. His hands twist in his lap- he won't pretend that this isn't uncomfortable for him, not even when he's the only one he has to fool- but he won't look away from her either.
He doesn't know what happened between Ed and Noah on the other side of the Gate, but he knows his brother.
Ed is hardheaded and sometimes harsh, but he isn't cruel. And he never would have brought someone home with him if he thought that individual would endanger Winry.
Noah twitches at the sound of his voice, but she doesn't raise her head.
"Your name is Noah, isn't it?" he tries again.
She still won't answer him.
Al thinks of Winry lying upstairs, alive. He thinks of walking in to find her on the floor, covered in her own blood.
He can't take it anymore.
"Why?" He clenches his fists, and stands. His chair scrapes against the floor as it's pushed back.
Noah flinches at his sudden movement.
"Why?" he asks again and his voice trembles with the force of his own emotions. "Why did you do it?"
When she looks up at him, her face is almost expressionless.
Al takes a step back, disturbed by the emptiness he sees there.
She had been in tears when he first stepped in the room.
She smiles.
"He loved her," she says. Like it's simple enough to figure out.
Al swallows down his horror.
"That's not a good reason," he says. His hands have started shaking.
There's never a good reason to hurt an innocent human being, but that… The perceived slight is so minimal.
Al has no words.
She seems so at peace with her actions now. Until her face crumbles again and she brings a hand to her mouth.
"He didn't see me," she says, sounding suddenly desperate. Her eyes plead with Alphonse. "He didn't understand that I had no choice!"
Al doesn't know what she's talking about, if it's Winry or if it's whatever happened when they were in her world.
In the end, does it matter?
"There's always a choice."
His voice is barely a whisper. He feels numb inside with the horror of it all.
"Not for me." She shakes her head.
"That's not true."
Shakily, Al pulls the chair back to the table and convinces himself to sit back down.
Too disturbed for another attempt at talking to her, he says nothing.
Ed has said that he called Sig.
Al can only hope that the man has some idea of what to do because he doesn't.
"It's okay now," Mei announces softly, interrupting his thoughts.
Ed turns his head.
Mei looks distinctly uncomfortable by the sight of Ed shaking on the floor in the hallway.
She has Winry's soiled dress in her arms. It's folded carefully to keep him from seeing the blood.
Ed wonders distractedly what they'll do with it.
Probably destroy it.
It would be a simple enough matter for Alphonse to transmute the fabric back together and the bloodstains out of it.
He lets go of a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.
It's Winry's decision.
They'll let her decide when… when she's ready.
There's a thickness in his throat that wasn't there before. He's getting choked up again,
Hurriedly, he wipes the back of his hand against his eyes.
Mei clears her throat, snapping his attention back to her.
The muscles in her throat work and he sees the wheels turning behind her eyes. Like she's trying to work out what best to say to him, how best to comfort him.
When she ultimately says nothing, Ed is glad.
He isn't the one who needs her comforting words. He doesn't think he deserves them.
Besides, Winry is the one who got stabbed. Any comfort to be had should be offered to her.
Although- he rubs his hand over the scar in his abdomen when his scar cries out in memory of a pain from years ago- he does know what it feels like.
He climbs to his feet and Mei steps aside, allowing him to move past her and into the room.
Winry is seated again, arms wrapped around herself. She's still far too pale and Ed frowns, but of course, the effects of blood loss aren't going to go away immediately. She still needs time to heal.
Ed shifts uncomfortably, keeping his arm around Winry's shoulder.
"Mei?" he says quietly and waits till the girl turns questioning eyes to him. "I promised Winry once before that I wouldn't keep secrets from her, but… I think it would be better if you were here to help me explain things."
Now Winry is looking at him, eyes wide. "Ed…"
Mei looks pained, but she nods.
"Ed, what are you…?"
She needs to know why she was hurt. She doesn't deserve to be haunted by the whys of the situation.
That's something Ed won't allow.
"Winry," he says heavily.
And he begins.
"So this world is hurting her."
Winry's words are quietly spoken, but they still pierce Ed's heart like an arrow.
If he had thought that coming clean would lighten the burden of guilt on his shoulders, he's been proven wrong.
The words taste sour in his mouth.
He doesn't want her feeling like anyone has an excuse for hurting her. He doesn't want her thinking he feels that way.
They don't.
He doesn't.
If things had gone differently, Winry would be dead.
That thought alone is enough to make him lose his breath.
Ed doesn't have the right to absolve Noah of this new wrongdoing- even if he had been inclined to do so.
Only Winry can offer her forgiveness and that's something he won't be pressuring from her.
She'll be making that decision.
In her own time.
And maybe, when that time comes, he can find it in himself to forgive her too.
But not a moment before.
Mei sounds about as miserable as he feels when she answers, "I think so."
It's far too easy for the anger to flare again and he welcomes it with open arms.
"It's not an excuse," he says tightly. "Winry… what she did to you…"
"No," Mei agrees. "It's not."
She's glaring hard at the floor, hand fisting against her knee.
"I…"
Winry's eyes well up with tears and she buries herself against Ed's chest with such force that it catches him off guard. Her fingers catch hold of his shirt- the fabric twisted in her white-knuckled grasp- and her frame is wracked with sobs.
Ed holds her close.
Something fierce and protective bubbles up inside him, demanding his attention. It's an order for him to do something, but there's nothing for him to do, no physical monster for him to fight against.
That's not what Winry needs right now, he realizes. She needs him to be here for her and that's what he's going to do.
Distractedly, he's aware of Mei excusing herself, giving them privacy.
"I can't right now," Winry says softly. Her fingers clench again, bunching the material of Ed's shirt in her fist. "It's too much to think about."
"I'm sorry," Ed says wretchedly.
She's the most important person in the world to him.
And all he's done is make her hurt worse.
He feels the shudder that runs through her frame.
"Don't," she says, breath hitching. "Please. Thank you for… for telling me the truth."
She laughs, a thin, broken sound. Her hand pulls away from Ed's shirt to wipe at her eyes and she sits a little straighter.
Ed adjusts his position to keep his arm around her.
"I'm sorry. I've cried again."
It's self-deprecating in a way Ed doesn't think it should be and it makes his heart clench in his chest.
"Winry…" He tugs her closer, resting his chin in the nest of her hair. A sick feeling twists inside of him.
Does she really think that's something she needs to apologize for?
"What are you talking about? This isn't something you have to apologize for, damnit!"
His lip trembles and the back of his eyes burn.
He strokes his hand through her hair.
"See what you've made me do?" he says fondly. "Now I'm crying too."
She giggles just a little at that. It's just faintly hysterical.
She tugs at his sleeve then.
"Stay with me. Please."
Note: Mei's characterisation has been... tricky. She's older and more mature here than she is in canon, so I'm trying to write that, while also keeping her within her character parameter's. It's harder than it has any right to be. Or maybe I'm just being nitpicky. I don't know.
I was worried that Winry was too weepy- she's a strong girl after all. And then I gave myself a mental slap. Because... Arakawa does such a marvelous job at turning the whole idea that women and tears is somehow weak and a good portion of Winry's strength comes from the fact that she's not afraid of her emotions. She owns them.
