14South Park Elementary- Day. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny arrive; Stan, Kyle and Cartman are wearing green, but Kenny is wearing his orange parka.
Stan: Kenny, why aren't you wearing green? You know on St. Patrick's Day, you're supposed to wear green.
Kenny: (Have you forgotten? I'm poor! I can't buy any new clothes).
Stan: Oh, yeah.
Kyle: C'mon Ken, how bad can it be?
The boys open the door, and freeze; everyone is wearing green.
Kenny: (Uh, hi?)
Everyone freezes and looks at Kenny.
Cartman: (Whispers) You'd better run, Kinny.
Red: Kenny's not wearing green. Let's pinch him!
Students: Yeah!
They run at Kenny; Stan, Kyle and Cartman leave him.
Stan: Sorry Ken. You're on your own.
Kenny closes his eyes, wanting the day to be over.
Int. McCormick Residence- Later that day. Carol is watching TV and smoking Tegridy-brand Marijuana when Kenny walks in, his arms feeling very limp.
Carol: Hey Kenny, how was your day?
Kenny takes down his hood.
Kenny: Horrible Mom! Everyone was wearing green! And I've been pinched in the arms all fucking day! This wouldn't have happened if we had any money at all!
Carol: Don't blame me son! Your deadbeat father spends it all on alcohol! That's why we can't pay any bills.
Stuart: (Offscreen) Don't pin the blame on me, you deadbeat slut!
Carol: Don't deadbeat slut me, man-whore!
Kevin enters.
Kevin: Mom! Dad! Shut the Fuck Up!
Kenny leaves.
Kenny's Room. Kenny opens the door and enters. He takes off his parka and looks up at the ceiling.
Kenny: (Sighs) Why do I have to be so poor?
Music starts. Kenny starts singing.
Kenny:
Why does my life have to suck?
When will everyone give a fuck?
I wonder when things will look good through
I want cash too
(He looks in his mirror, and sees himself surrounded by wads of money)
Dad's made my life full of crap
And the only thing on me is sap
Why don't anyone take the hint
I want cash too
Please find a way
To bring my family from the fray.
To give us hope and
pay off our bills and budget
(Scene fades to him back in his bed)
I know I worked at City Wok
But my payments, they were block
Why can't no-one take a hint
I want... cash... too?
(The song ends, and Kenny goes to sleep)
End of Act 1
