30Sometimes Shisui feels like he has an unhealthy attachment towards Sakura. The thoughts that fly through his mind whenever he thinks of her are terrifying. Itachi would agree with him that the way he thinks is wrong and sick and he should get some help. But who has time to help a sick mind?
Leaned over a tall tree and hidden in its shadow, Shisui watched Sakura with great care as she hanged a dark blue backpack on her shoulder. She scanned her tent to be in order before she turned on her heels and left for a mission away from their camp. She received a mission in Ame no Kuni and she has to leave today. But she didn't drop by to tell him this he just happened to find out. This is something that annoys him and he cannot do anything about it. He cannot go to Koharu and declare ownership over Sakura just as he cannot go to Sakura and forbid her from leaving. So all he can do is watch from afar as she disappears from his sight. Thoughts like this are terrifying and although he is aware they are wrong he cannot control them. Somewhere deep inside his heart he feels like he is entitled to feel that way.
"We have to go," Kakashi called from afar.
Shisui looked over his shoulder and nodded, agreeing that they have to move. He secured his hitai ate and with one last look towards the empty tent he disappeared in a flash. Reappearing next to Kakashi, the man glanced towards the two squats assigned to them: young faces Shisui never saw before. "The plan is to infiltrate unnoticed into the suna camp and take our revenge for destroying our camp!" he shouted catching everyone's attention. The men nodded in silence understanding from his voice that it will be a difficult mission. "We have to get back in big numbers!"
Kakashi motioned everyone to walk towards the forest. Shisui stepped aside and watched the kids drag their feet after Kakashi. They do not fully understand the danger of this mission and at their young age they hardly can take something seriously. Shisui crossed his arms over his chest and watched the boys slowly move further ahead towards the forest.
A few hours later Sakura and Hinata reached their new camp but had no time to check it out. They left their backpacks in the medical tent and off they were to the fighting field. Everything happened quite fast, they didn't even get to learn their captain's name or face. Hell, they didn't even have time to tell their friends that they are leaving for a few days. In one hour after arriving they were already fighting for their lives.
Sakura crossed her arms in front of her face to prevent a punch from blowing her head away. The punch stopped in her arms causing a wave of pain to travel all the way to her shoulders. Sakura hissed in pain but remained focused. She grabbed the enemy's arm and pulled her closer so Sakura could land a punch. The enemy lost balance only for a second. The suna threw her legs before her, landing on Sakura's chest and pushing her towards the ground. Upon hitting the hard soil Sakura felt like her lungs were crushed and could not breath. With her back dug in the ground, Sakura eyed the enemy falling towards her with her feet ahead. If that woman lands on her chest she will break her ribs and kill her on the spot. Sakura found strength to roll out of the way and prevent the kunoichi from killing her. Before Sakura could get on her side and help herself up, the kunoichi punched her in the face, breaking her nose and leaving Sakura unconscious.
Sakura used to have days when the worst thing that could happen was to be seen in public with her parents. Her father, who liked to joke about everything, often said something humiliating. Her mother always laughed at his unfunny jokes or ignore him, depending on the day. Those used to be terrible days for Sakura, especially when she was little and she had to go out with them for shopping. After she grew up, the world crumbled beneath her whenever Sasuke said something hurtful. Love suddenly became much more humiliating than her family. A boy, an asshole, who could make her happy and sad in just a few seconds had full control over her mind and feelings. Those years of love for Sasuke are now terrible nightmares and she regrets every moment of it. Today, war is the worst thing that can possible happen and nothing that happened before can compare to it. No, because now she is far from her home and safety. Because she knows that even though her parents were weak, they would've given everything to keep her safe. Her parents would always choose her safety above anything else. If only they knew how much she struggled because of a boy… But they do not know and they are better off like that. And now…there might be another boy…no, a man keeping her mind busy.
Deep inside her mind, Sakura's inner self is floating in darkness with her knees pulled at her chest. The memories of the happiest years of her life are playing in her mind. Her parents are happy, smiling and waiting for her every day to return home and have dinner together. Her father won't start eating before complimenting the food and her mother would always feel proud and appreciated. She has no memories of them being unhappy. How are they now? Do they worry about her? Can they even sleep knowing she is going through hell? Are they listing to the news every day hoping her name would not show up on the list of dead shinobi? Are they healthy? She misses them so much. Right now, she would hug her mother and tell her all the things she did just to get some quality advise from her.
The noises of a whip suddenly resonated in her mind. Her inner self frowns bothered by the sound. The good memories are being replaced by the scene where she got punished for no reason. They want to dominate her. They want to control her and make her lose her own desires. They tried to kill her from the inside but they failed. She won't let the enemy kill her now.
Sakura opened her eyes right before the kunoichi could step over her head and crush it. She grabbed the leg before hitting her and with fast moves she displaced it from the knee. The woman hissed in pain and shock. She was sure that the pink haired kunoichi will die under her weight. Trying to keep balance in only one foot, she jumped backwards hoping to put space between them. Sakura wiped the blood from her nose and mouth while getting up. Like hell she will die today!
It did not take much for Sakura to grab a kunai and aim for the kunoichi's head. With one enemy less, Sakura took in as much air as she could. She feels like she can breathe again. Bothered by the blood still rushing out of her nose, she wasted no time before placing it in the right position, healing it in process. "Not today," she promised herself. She will die, but not today.
Shisui and Kakashi watched in silence the empty land. The suna shinobi packed everything and moved their camp. They tried a surprise attack and they got surprised themselves. "Bastards," he whispered annoyed by another defeat. He used to come back a winner after every mission but this war is stomping on his pride without shame. When did they move their camp?
"I guess we will be back in a good number," Kakashi said trying to note the positive aspect about their situation.
"Yeah, but this wasn't the point," Shisui reflected looking around. The grass is tall and dry. They most likely left shortly after attacking the leaf camp and the most terrifying part is that they have no idea where they are. At this rate they can easily plan another attack and catch them off guard. How can they predict where the attack will come from if they have no idea where to look?
Shisui took another step further, looking for clues. Noticing a white piece of paper, he kneed closer to it to see what the suna left behind. The first instinct was to grab it but right before doing that he realized that was no ordinary paper. The suna left behind a trap. Shisui got up and turned, shouting towards his men, "Don't get closer!" he screamed but it was too late. It was enough for one boy to step on one explosive tag and trigger all the explosions at once.
Kakashi grabbed Shisui's collar and pulled him back in a jump, preventing the sudden outburst of fire from burning them. Landing a few meters behind, they watched in horror their men burn alive, rushing outside the fire, desperate to save their lives. They were burning alive, running all over the place to put the fire off, screaming and crying in pain.
Kakashi and Shisui performed quick hand seals and finished the jutsu by resting their palms on the ground. The earth started shaking and small holes appears all over the place, water rushing out and over the fire and men. "Still think we will all return?" Shisui asked feeling sick from the smell of burnt skin. Kakashi slowly turned his head to look at Shisui. He doesn't know what to think at this point.
Sakura rested on the ground, close to the kunoichi she just killed. Another death to count and have nightmares with. It just never stops. Every time she leaves for a fight she promises herself that today it will be different and that she will not kill anyone but every day she lies to herself. The only way to put a stop to a fight and to the pain is by killing the one causing it. Sakura looked over her shoulder at the woman who was lying on the ground with eyes and mouth wide open. She did not expect it. Sakura didn't expect it either. "Fuck," she mumbled. It is not sadness what she feels after every death but relief. Somebody has to die so she can feel like this. Otherwise, there is no end to the fighting. But next time she will bear it and restrain herself from killing.
The sound of a rock being slightly kicked caught Sakura's attention, making her jump on her feet with a kunai in her hand, turned towards the enemy. Her eyes fell upon a kid who was trying to catch her from behind. Her muscles relaxed and lips parted in surprise. The kid shouldn't be older than 13. Only now she realizes how important a 4 year gap is. 4 years ago she wouldn't have managed it for so long. 4 years ago she was a foolish girl who hoped to catch someone from behind just like this kid.
The two just stared at each other for a few moments. Sakura was torn between wanting to pretend she did not see the kid and desire to kill him. Just when Sakura was ready to completely relax, the kid started shouting, running her way. "Oh, fuck," she murmured exasperated by the situation. Now what?
Kakashi rushed to call the medics left behind at the safe point. Shisui just stood there, watching those still alive moaning and crying. Everything is fucked up now. How is he going to explain how he failed to see the danger and leaded everyone to their deaths? He can't. He won't. Somebody will have a talk with him but other than words, nothing more will happen. They cannot punish him for that. They cannot punish him regardless of the reason. They need him. Shisui bit his lips annoyed. Idiots. He just did more damage than anyone else and someone like Sakura got punished for saving lives.
The medics rushed to the wounded while Kakashi hurried back at the camp to call more help. Shisui remained motionless, watching the medics trying in vain to save lives. Now what?
One of the boys reached his hand up, pointing at Shisui. The man finally moved and walked to grab the hand. "It's….your….fault…." he moaned in pain, tears washing his burnt face.
"I know," he admitted. He messed everything up and it is his fault but what can he do now? He regrets it but it is not enough to sadden him. After years of taking top secret missions he cannot be moved by the scene playing before his eyes. He saw worse things and at this point nothing can move his heart anymore. Life showed him all the terrible and horrific things a shinobi can do for the sake of a mission and this situation is a mild one compared to what he saw or did to others before. It's just not enough to make him pity anyone. This is not the first squat he cannot save and most likely not the last one. He is already way to used to death. He is a shinigami to many and people have their fears whenever they see Shisui is their captain. They are scared to be both his enemy and colleague. This is life. There were suna shinobi who killed themselves before his eyes so they wouldn't have to fight him. Again, this is how people perceive him. What can he do? Despite this, he has everyone's respect and admiration. He just does not understand how that is possible.
But good things can still reach him. Sakura, can reach him. She can still sadden him or make him happy and that is a relief for him. As long as he has her and his family he will not get swallowed by darkness. There are still things worth fighting for.
The boy's hand became limp in his grip, bringing Shisui back to reality. He died. Not even in his last moments Shisui wasn't capable of properly paying attention. Who knows what else the kid said and he didn't even hear?
They won. They captured a new territory in only a few days of fighting. There was no monster like Naruto or Itachi to manage such a fight. They literarily did it on their own and the satisfaction is unbearable. When they heard the siren they knew they won despite not having killed all the suna shinobi there. Sakura was in the middle of a fight when she heard the sound. The enemy spat on the ground and released his weapons on the ground. There was no point in fighting anymore. He lost.
The suna left alive were captured for interrogation. Killing them would've been better and Sakura knows how to show mercy but she just couldn't take another life for the day. She leaned over a nearby tree after the shinobi threw his weapons and exhaled relaxed. They really won.
After a few leaf shinobi came to catch the suna and she was left alone, Sakura closed her dried eyes and leaned to the ground. Those were the worst days of the month and she got so much beating that she is all black and blue beneath her clothes. "But it is still not done," she said to remind herself that this isn't the end. More bruises are to come and more pain is left for her to feel.
"Sakura-san," Hinata called jumping from a nearby tree. Sakura attempted to look at Hinata but finding it to painful, she kept her eyelashes together and just nodded. "It is over," the girl said leaning on the same tree as Sakura. "It really is." Hinata's eyes are full of hope and happiness. She feels so relieved and safe and proud of all the good work they all did.
"For now," Sakura reminded knowing that Naruto and the others are fighting at the other side.
Hinata nodded but remained hopeful. "Shikamaru got hurt," she said remembering the incident.
"Is he fine?" Sakura's heart grew smaller.
"Yes, he receives help as we speak. He hurt his leg in a trap but his life is not in danger."
Sakura nodded. "I see. I am glad."
"Hate…is a strong feeling," Shisui admitted finding himself contemplating about what happened during his last mission. He hates the sunas for making him look like a loser. And he hates himself for not being able to pay attention to the boy who died while speaking with him.
"This is our curse," Itachi reminded.
"Itachi…." Shisui started carefully considering his words. "Nevermind." Itachi wouldn't care for his personal life.
If only he hadn't slept with Sakura. If only he hadn't paid her so much attention. Because of her he has regrets he never had before and he cannot forget everything he learned. Since when does he knee next to a dying man and takes his hand? Damn witch.
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