39Disclaimer: The Hey Arnold characters belong to Craig Bartlett, and to him alone. That his characters have inspired such hubris in me that would see me attempt a fan fiction based on them, speaks volumes of my reverence of the man.
ICYMI: Arnold and Helga have an accidental encounter that paves the way for Helga to accept Arnold's decision. To no surprise of Rhonda.
12. Love Is A Doing Word
"Hey Pheebs, what did you get for question 12? I got that the father is 43 and the son is 13, but…I'm not sure, I think I went wrong somewhere."
Helga and Phoebe were in the latter's room one late afternoon, helping each other with their homework. Or, more accurately: Phoebe was doing all the helping, though lately she'd been doing less of it.
"Why Helga!" Phoebe responded. "You're absolutely right! That is the correct answer!"
It had been a month since Helga resumed her sessions with Doctor Bliss and already some progress was evident. Helga never spoke in-depth about the sessions, but from what Phoebe Heyerdahl could gather, Helga was now coming to terms with the incontrovertible choice that Arnold had made which didn't include her. Phoebe could also glean from Helga's scant information that the unibrow had greatly changed her attitude towards relationships, specifically on how romantic rejection didn't necessarily equate to outright rejection.
"Whoa!" exclaimed Helga. "Are you serious? I thought I screwed that one up royally!"
"I'm afraid so, Helga!" Phoebe pretended to mourn. "Sorry to say that you appear to be improving in this subject!"
"Well doi! I almost did our friendship in because of how I used you. I gotta start pulling my own weight around. Show that I'm a long way from when as a baby I stole from your bottle on the swings."
The encounter in Arnold's room was still a painfully awkward memory as it had put a lot of strain on their friendship. The accusations of conspiracy each had faced – based admittedly on undisputable truths and logically sound conjecture – led to them not speaking to each other for a week afterward.
Surprisingly, it was Helga who made the first move at reconciliation. Armed with Doctor Bliss's advice, Helga approached her with a litany of wrongdoings since Pre-K. And she unpacked everything: Every slight; every instance of manipulation and strong-arming; every example of taking Phoebe and their friendship for granted. She unpacked, then groveled for forgiveness; Phoebe listened, considered, then forgave.
"And Arnold and Rhonda?" Phoebe followed up.
"We've started talking to each other. It's…rather civil, actually. Ninety percent of the time at least. I think we're on the way to becoming friendly. How about you and Tall Hair Boy?"
Phoebe's mood subsided at the question. "We're not sure. We've tried talking it through, trying to see each other's point of view, but…"
"But what?"
"I don't know," Phoebe attempted to clarify as her mood subsided further. "It's as if there's a gate between us but it just can't be opened. I sometimes wonder if we should even continue trying…" Phoebe then realized how dampened her mood had become, and so sought to change the subject. "By the way, you said you are now on civil terms with Arnold and Rhonda…ninety percent of the time? What of the other ten?"
To which Helga smiled impishly.
Meanwhile, over in Rhonda's room, preparations were underway. Rhonda was preparing a sticky substance in a bowl as she spoke to her quarry.
"Look Arnold, it's not that I'm not impressed that you were able to get us on friendly terms with Helga. Well, you and Doctor Bliss if we're being honest, but that's beside the point," Rhonda spoke as she looked about to enjoy just a bit too much, whatever was to follow. "But unfortunately, something we agreed not to let out, got out. And unfortunately, you're the one who talked and now you must pay the penalty."
Lying on her bed in front of her was Arnold. He was clad in his usual fashion ensemble, except for his jeans which had been replaced with a pair of baggy board shorts hoicked up to expose as much thigh as possible. Rhonda, for her part, had met him in her red, full-length night-gown which she was still wearing.
They were here as a result of their first meeting with Helga following the latter's initial sessions with Doctor Bliss. After some small talk, Helga began expressing contrition for her actions before asking the couple for forgiveness. The gesture was accepted, and the path to reconciliation became clear. But Helga being Helga, had a sting in the tail.
"Oh, and Princess," – Helga had spoken the title in good humor that time around – "I hope you'll get a chance to flash your undies to Arnold again, seeing how he likes the ones with the white and blue stripes."
"So please understand," Rhonda continued with her ministrations, "the point is not that Helga overheard what you mentioned to Gerald about what happened in this room after that baseball game. The point is that you mentioned it in the first place!"
Arnold had been silently listening to her all the time, unnerved at how calm and collected his girlfriend sounded as she was about to administer his penalty. "Rhonda, Gerald is my best friend!" he pleaded. "And best friends don't keep secrets! What about you and Nadine?"
He then saw how unmoved she was, though her devilish grin had not subsided in the slightest. He next tried a different tack: "Don't you think it's strange that I'm being punished by the gossip queen, for gossip?"
"Ah, but we had an agreement, Arnold Shortman!" – Oh, she was enjoying this! – "As Daddy would say, 'we are merely fulfilling the terms of the deal'."
"Would it help me to say that I'm really, really sorry?" he pleaded a last-gasp appeal for clemency.
"Aw, that's so sweet!" Rhonda cooed back. "Look, Arnold," she continued no less lovingly, "you're a wonderful person and I love you, but as I said this is what you agreed to. Tell anyone what you saw when I had my pants down and there'd be consequences. Understand that there's nothing personal here."
Eventually, her preparation was complete, and she approached her recumbent boyfriend.
"But perhaps this will make it a bit more…tolerable?" she teased as she undid and slipped out of the gown to reveal herself in the black one-piece swimsuit he last saw during their trip with Nadine. For good measure, she twirled on the spot to afford him a full 360 view. She then looked down at him and declared: "Well! I seem to have the desired effect!"
She was – of course, of course – referring to the goosebumps that had appeared on his legs and (more relevantly) to his fast-developing adolescent leg hair that was now standing on end. Arnold for his part, was grateful that his swim trunks were loose-fitting, else Rhonda would have realized that his leg hair wasn't the only thing standing on end.
"Aah! Cold!" Arnold yelped as Rhonda smeared the substance over a particularly hairy patch on his upper right thigh. He continued watching her place a strip of paper over the goo and smooth it out. Rhonda remained unaffected: "Hey, be glad I changed my mind about the hot wax. I saw what my mother goes through and well…let's just say I don't hate you!"
Satisfied that the preparations were at last complete, she held onto a loose piece of the strip before: "Don't worry, Arnold, you're in good hands now. Now in three…two—"
RIP!
xxXXXxx
On the sidewalk across the Lloyd home stood Nadine, anticipatorily eying Rhonda's window. She knew what was coming, and she knew it would be coming at any moment. So engrossed was she that she barely registered Gerald's arrival.
"Hey Nadine! 'Sup?"
"Gerald! You startled me!" Nadine reacted.
"Girl, don't trip! I'm only here because you invited me!" Then, a little less excitably: "So what gives, anyway?"
Nadine simply motioned to Rhonda's open bedroom window and explained enigmatically: "Apparently…your best friend told you something he shouldn't have, and my best friend found out about it. And now…"
"And now there's a penalty involved?"
"Unless you want to admit to pushing him into telling you? I've seen how good you are at guilt-tripping him, hm?"
"Oh, hell no!" protested Gerald, though his guilty, sheepish expression was clear as day.
"Still," continued Nadine, trying to pivot away from that particular topic, "you're still a loyal friend to him. I mean, you were in a very difficult position that day in his room. You had to choose between your girlfriend and your best friend. Plus…you stood up for me when all you had to do was look the other way and take Phoebe's side."
At that, Gerald was taken aback. "Nah, that was just me doing the right thing."
"So…you and Phoebe. How's it going? Don't answer if you don't want to,"
Gerald was surprised by both the question and the willingness with which he answered it. "I want to make it work and we've tried talking it through, but every time we end up shouting at each other and—"
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH!"
The wail from Rhonda's room was loud enough, and at enough of a frequency, to cause immediate major discomfort to the pair's ears. In addition to that, it caused a severe rattle in the window frames of the residence behind them. Then, every dog and cat in the surrounding blocks started yelping, howling and mewling in obvious agony. Car alarms were set off, and an elderly passer-by collapsed from his pacemaker that he loudly announced had stopped. Luckily for him, it sounded as if help and a call to 911 were well within range.
It took a while for the aural discomfort to ease up before the two were left simply staring bemusedly at each other. Nadine was first to crack as she snorted out a laugh. Gerald joined in and within seconds they were doubled over with uproarious, irrepressible laughter, to the point where they had to move hurriedly to another block for fear of being spotted by Arnold (not so much by Rhonda…). There they let the laughter run its course before standing in hitched silence.
Nadine broke the silence with: "That. Was. Awesome!"
To which Gerald concurred: "Yeah! I never knew my man could pitch that high!"
Then he held out a fist toward her, to which she responded by bumping it with her own. "Thanks, Nadine," he said. "This really cheered me up. But I gotta get going home now, so…later!"
As he was turning to head home, he heard Nadine say his name, causing him to turn back toward her…in time to see and feel her lips on his. Her kiss was brief and awkward. Nadine picked up on how astounded Gerald was by her actions, and timidly offered: "In case it doesn't work out with Phoebe..."
Number 33 was rendered petrified before slowly replying: "Nadine, why are you making me feel so guilty?"
"Oh sorry, Gerald!" Nadine retracted from him. "I-I…don't know what came over me. I…I—"
But Gerald cut her off: "I mean…now I'm feeling guilty…because…because…now I want to do it again…"
Both were surprised at how easily and how readily that second kiss took place, as well as how long it lasted. When they were done, it was a return to stunned silence as they stared unsurely at each other.
"Later!" they eventually said to each other in one voice before taking off for their homes.
xxXXXxx
Rhonda's mirth at Arnold would not be contained. It had started the instant Rhonda ripped the strip off of his leg. She had watched with no small amount of glee as he rolled and spasmed and yelled on the bed. Doing so, he'd also issued forth a list of creative vitriol that invoked Wolfgang, a swarm of angry hornets, and a bed of rusty nails.
"Oh my word, Arnold! Do you kiss your grandmother with that mouth?" she commented once he was done ranting.
Arnold was now in a fetal position on the bed, still desperately trying to rub the pain out of the afflicted area. Through all his distress, Rhonda never stopped smiling. She remained smiling up until and after his agony had subsided enough for him to stop rubbing.
"Right, now that was for the blabbing."
Taking that to mean that his ordeal was over, Arnold tentatively got up from the bed and straighten the pipes of his trunks.
"And this…is for being a wonderful boyfriend every other time!" announced Rhonda as she moved in on him for a kiss on his cheek. That surprised him: Rhonda, who just now had kissed him so tenderly after making him feel the most intense pain he'd ever felt. All while sporting the sweetest, sincerest smile.
Rhonda caught on easily to his confusion – he was always easy to read – and explained, still smiling: "Look what's done is done. You've paid your debt, and now" – she pinched his chin to turn his face towards hers – "it's time to move on." There was further punctuation to her statement when she pressed her mouth on his for a longer peck.
What a girl, Arnold extolled internally.
"Rhonda, you're something else!" he extolled externally.
"I know, right?" she acknowledged back. Then a glint of mischief flashed in her eyes as she asked: "You know, my parents won't be back for another hour." She then placed two fingertips on his breastbone and applied just enough of a poke to force him back into a seated position on the bed. "What do we do with that amount of time?" she continued, sidling onto the bed next to him.
"Well? Any ideas?" She leaned her head towards him, stopping for him to meet her halfway.
They lost track of time – a pleasant side-effect of the amorous embracing, caressing, and kissing that took place. Side-effects also included lingering breathlessness and the uncontrollable smiling.
"Wow," Rhonda huffed in delight. "That…that-that.." – she was at a rare loss for words – "that was rather…nice!"
"Yeah…nice," agreed Arnold.
"Look at us! Regular English majors!" chuckled Rhonda as she moved for her usual clothing items which she put on over her swimsuit. Then back to her boyfriend: "You're not hungry, are you? Let's head down to the kitchen. Suddenly I'm starving!"
xxXXXxx
Minutes later they were in the kitchen, sitting across from each other while snacking on assorted crudités and mineral water, both still lambent at what had happened. "So…what does this mean now? For us," asked Arnold in an unusually bold move.
"Good question," answered a receptive Rhonda. "I mean, I enjoyed what just happened. And we have gotten to know each other so much better before any of what just happened."
"But?" Arnold anticipated.
"But…look, it's just that you seem to have gotten to know me better than I've gotten to know you."
This confused Arnold, who responded appropriately: "Excuse me, Rhonda?"
Rhonda's expression changed to one of earnest contemplation. "I mean…think about it. You've gotten to know the me that very few others even know exists. My parents really like you…I mean, look at this! You and me, alone at my place? They walk in, I tell them we're just doing homework and that's the end of it. That's how much they like and trust you!"
"Wow! I never knew that!" Arnold was surprised. "I thought they were just being nice."
"Oh Arnold! Clueless as ever!" The tone of Rhonda's rebuke was straddling a gap between playful and wistful. "How many times have you been here? How many times have you had dinner here? You think they'll have you over just to be nice? They like you, they really do! They like us!"
"OK? So what's the problem?"
"I want to get to know you as well as you know me! And not just through making out, though.." – she trailed off, eyelids aflutter, before settling herself – "Anyway! I got to know a lot about your grandparents and the other boarders. But what do I really know about you? Where were you born? Who were your parents? What did they do? Why—"
She stopped instantly, having seen how dour his disposition had become. Having seen what a sore spot the topic of his parents still was.
"Omigawd, Arnold, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to come on so strong!"
Arnold heaved a deep sigh before. "Well, I suppose this was going to come up eventually," he began. "Thing is, you and me, we met each other in Pre-K so you know me about as well as I do."
He then looked to see that he had her full attention. "All I know from before then are short flashes that I can remember, stuff I dream about, and also what Grandpa tells me."
"Which isn't always reliable?"
"Which isn't always reliable."
"Well," suggested Rhonda, "care to talk about it anyway? I guess sharing what you know can't hurt."
At that, Arnold smiled, enough to lean across the counter to kiss his girlfriend on her forehead. Somehow that little gesture felt more profound to him than the recent activity in which they were involved.
"Thanks, Rhonda," he said. "Where would you like me to start?"
THE END…FOR NOW
And that's it for this story. Thank you for reading. liking and reviewing. It's always been appreciated, never taken for granted. At this point, I am amazed at how I was able to go from a trio of one-shots to this, a 12-chapter tale which was really more of a crisis of conscience as I felt the need to address the question about Helga and how she'd react to the Arnda. As you've read previously, I originally wanted to make her a background character with no special feelings for the footballhead either way. But that wouldn't have been fair to her; in fact, that would have been downright insulting.
You'll probably also notice three callbacks, one from Rhonda III and two from the 'Jacqueline' chapter of this story. Another source of inspiration was the comic strip, 'Arnold Rides The Grinder', which inspired his scream in this chapter.
The idea of Arnold having enough leg hair to wax off came from a friend of mine who back when we were in primary school was already starting to grow facial hair. This was in the second grade, which was enough for me to consider Arnold's scenario plausible.
So anyway, the stage has been set for the fifth and final story. No spoilers or even teasers, but expect some surprises based on left-field assumptions and interpretations. There'll also be conclusions to the plot threads left hanging over here.
xxXXXxx
Anyway, to the reviewers we go:
SkullGuy0: I was wondering why the stats for my Rhonda tales spiked so sharply on Sunday 03/22! That was you, right? Thanks for the kind words. And you're awesome for reading the stories.
Orange Ratchet: I do hope you enjoyed it. You're still the benchmark for building chemistry between characters and I have much to learn from you in that aspect.
The JAM: A straight-up 'Great chapter!' from you carries so much weight. Thank you so much for enjoying the chapter.
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And here's the Spotify list for the final chapter:
Fool If You Think It's Over – Chris Rea
Stuck With You – Huey Lewis & The News
Light My Fire – UB40
And with that, I'm out of here! Be on the lookout for the fifth and final chapter! Peace out and stay healthy.
