15Author's Note: Okay so this chapter is only Lena, but this is not going to be a fully Lena story. This story is mainly suppose to be the Danvers sisters; I just needed to fix the whole relationship with Lena and Kara, because we won't be getting that for a while on the show. This is also not a Supercorp fan fiction, sorry to break the news to anyone who likes them together. They are strictly best friends, that is it. Personally I wouldn't want to see the pair end up on the show, but I find I don't mind reading them together in certain fan fictions. Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!
Lena felt as if she were a little girl again, when her mother and father would argue all the time over what seemed to her, everything. That had been in her early years when she first went to live with her father and she was too small to understand what exactly they were talking about, but smart enough to know whenever one of them said her name the argument was about her. Even then, as she got older, they kept arguing—being more discreet—until her father passed away. The huge mansion they lived in though could never filter out the noise of hearing her mother speak her name with so much resentment. Her past traumas, although are somewhat apart of the current problem, wasn't the main focus.
Because this time, it wasn't her parents fighting, it was her heart and brain.
Kara is Supergirl, had been the whole time, and never once did she try to tell her. Kara kept her in the dark, while everyone else around her knew her secret. She knew how much she hated when people in her life kept important things from her, how her life had been filled with lies. It was one of her insecurities, but Kara still kept the truth from her.
It all made sense too, the times where she would leave all of a sudden from Catco or cancel their lunch plans at the last second; it wasn't because Kara had gotten a very important lead, no, it was because Supergirl was needed somewhere in the city to save the day.
Lena really did love Kara, they were best friends after all, but maybe if she had told her two years ago, even three, Lena wouldn't have been as mad as she is. She probably would have been pissed, but wouldn't have felt as much anger and resentment as she does now.
Her brain was telling her she should be more than mad at her, she should inflict as much pain on Kara as the blonde had on her. Yet as shattered and torn as her heart is, she also felt that maybe Kara had a good reason not to tell her, after all she of all people should know what it's like to keep secrets—she is a Luthor. A part of her feels that she can't just throw away three years of friendship over the fact her friend didn't reveal her true identity to her, but that was before her and supergirl had ended up on bad terms. Kara sat there and purposefully put on an act with her, stood there and argued over the way she does things, when all along it was her best friend digging at her. A part of her wonders if that was how Kara felt the entire time; is it really Kara playing the part of Supergirl, or is it Supergirl playing the part of Kara?
Lena threw her pen across her desk, frustrated, knowing she wouldn't be getting any more work done in her current condition. Ever since Lex had shown her Supergirl's true identity, she couldn't really focus—and a part of that, all her anger, comes from the fact that she had to hear the big news from him of all people. How had her unstable brother managed to tell Lena the truth before Kara could?
She would only find all her answers from Kara, and she wished she could ask her questions, but that wasn't a possibility at the moment as the blonde is missing; has been for almost three months, and Lena would be lying if she said she didn't care. That is what has really been weighing on her mind these past few weeks, causing her to be behind on paperwork. The DEO has no clues as to who might have Kara, and She is sure Alex has been turning the city upside down looking for her sister; but as far as Lena knew, there was no new evidence since the initial search of the place Supergirl had disappeared.
Of course though, she didn't expect to be alerted of any new news anyway after what went down with Alex when she came to L-Corp looking for her help. That had been around the time Kara first went missing, and her feelings of betrayal and hatred were the only things keeping her grounded, as she felt as if she didn't feel anything then she would just float away. Alex marched in, and the more Lena thinks about it, she didn't look so good. She wondered how long they had been searching for Kara before resorting to asking for her help, as she's sure Alex knew by then that she had been ignoring Kara a full month before her sudden departure.
Lena snapped her head up from her untouched paperwork, at the sudden sound of her office door hitting the wall—she wasn't even aware it could stretch that far back. It was Alex, and all the thoughts of thinking something urgent was happening with her company dwindled, anger replacing it. How dare Alex have the nerve to barge into her office unannounced, especially after three years of repetitive lies. "May I help you?" Her tone was cold, distant, and she knew it. Alex froze for a second, she knew Kara and Lena hadn't been talking, but what had she done to upset the Luthor? Whatever is was didn't matter, finding Kara did.
"I need your help Lena, Suprgirl is missing. She's been taken and we—"
"That's rich," Lena said, cutting Alex off. "You expect me to help with whatever problem your agency has run into, when you can't even be honest with the people you're working with."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"I know. I know Kara is Supergirl."
"She told you? Is that why you ignored her for a whole month, because you didn't like she kept it from you? Kara was protecting you from—"
"I didn't need protection, I needed a friend. Someone who was honest with me and saw me for me, not a Luthor. Kara has been lying to me for three years about her true identity, even after I bared my soul out to her. I think I have the right to be pissed, especially after finding out from Lex of all people."
"Kara always planned on telling you, she just got caught up with saving National City. She was nervous to tell you because you were the only person who didn't know Kara was Supergirl, but still liked her anyway. Lena, she didn't want to lose that, lose you."
"And how am I supposed to believe that when the both of you have been lying to me since the Daxamite's invasion, even before then?"
"Look, I didn't come here to argue with you about your friendship with Kara, I need help to find her. She went missing during a mission and we have no leads, no evidence to know who to look at. I thought that maybe you'd—"
"I'd what, help? I'm sure she's fine, and that you'll be able to locate her without my resources."
"Lena, please. This is Kara, she hasn't done anything wrong here. She was just trying to protect you because once people find out her identity, they are exposed to her enemies. She'd rather know you're safe, then to have you know her identity and have your life be in jeopardy."
"I frankly don't care, Ms. Danvers. Now I'm going to kindly ask you to leave my office. Don't make me call security." Alex stared at Lena, not believing she wouldn't help find her best friend. "Fine, but if anything happens to her and you could've helped prevent it, I hope your anger over her life was worth it." Alex shut her door as hard as she came in, this time knocking her painting of the wall.
It took her a few days, but eventually the realization of Kara missing had sunk in. Eventually days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months—still no sign of supergirl. Her heart was starting to win the war, and she could no longer hide how worried she was for Kara. Lena no longer slept at night, she was lucky to get three or four hours at most. The bags under her eyes eventually set, followed by headaches and a cold—she had finally gotten over it about a week ago. She became a literal mess, and anyone around her could tell; especially James.
The month of her ignoring Kara, she had also ignored him because he knew who Supergirl really was. Really she ignored everyone who knew about Kara's secret. Then he reached out, and things were said, but they came to an understanding and are luckily still together. He could see though how much her missing friend was eating at her, because she could see it eating at him too; could see the same bags under his own eyes, the way he tossed and turned at night until he eventually got up from bed, resigned to his fate of getting no sleep. As hard as it was for her, James had been friends with Kara for a whole year before she entered the picture, and can only imagine how much he was feeling from her absence.
She could tell he wanted to help too, but being Guardian only got him so far before people would start to find out about his nightly runs, searching for any name or place that might lead to Kara. James even tried to convince her to rejoin the search for Supergirl, just explain to Alex what she told him, and she'll understand. Lena wanted to, but he hadn't heard the anger and hurt in Alex's voice when she marched into her office looking for help, just to be denied. Alex would just remind her that she didn't want to help when it was really needed, and that the DEO no longer requested her service, and was three months too late to say sorry.
Truth be told it wasn't Alex pushing her away that scared her, it was the fact that if Alex allowed her to help, what they would find if she managed to have a breakthrough on something the DEO has been stumped on for the past few months. Lena was terrified they would finally find Supergirl, and the gnawing feeling of worry would turn to dread, as they discover the kryptonian was no longer with them; her spirit vacant of this earth, an empty shell left behind.
If Kara was dead, how could Lena tell her that she forgave her for never telling her the truth of her true identity? That it took a few months to let Alex's words set in, but finally realized it was for her protection, even if she thinks she can handle everything on her own.
How were the pair ever going to have lunches together in her office, just the two of them, gossiping on the latest news out there? What about the exciting adventures they would go on from a lead Kara received for a story, insisting her best friend come along? Or gather at the blonde's loft for a game night, her and jimmy a pair, Kara and Alex, always fighting to be the winner; although she knew there was never a chance for victory with the way Alex and Kara knew each other, only having to nod to figure out what the other was saying. How was Lena supposed to move on, if Kara was lying six feet under; never again hearing her excitement over potstickers and pizza, or the goofy grin she got whenever Dorthy picked the apple off the tree just for it to be smacked out of her hand, stunned the tree could talk. It didn't seem fair for Lena to live a happy life without her best friend, if Kara left it thinking her best friend no longer wanted anything to do with her, hated her even.
Lena began to wonder if maybe her mother was right to have so much resentment towards her, because look how she had treated Kara; someone who was so full of hope and innocence. Maybe people had been right to question her intentions. Maybe she really was just a Luthor.
