A/N:

This is the last chapter of this little story. I hope you enjoyed reading it - I sure had fun writing it :)

If you have time, please leave me a review, or send me a DM. I'd like to hear from you.

Cheers!

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We arrive early, as it was expected of me and I excuse myself once we reach the ballroom. He goes in with my parents while I take the stairs. Sachan is waiting for me on the second floor in a lapis-colored cocktail dress which might just make Yumi's heart stop from operating properly tonight.

"Onee-sama, welcome back," she smiles at me from the open window, the translucent drapes flutter with the summer breeze, "Come see…" she tells me, stepping to the side to allow me a peak.

Globe string lights illuminate the courtyard. And I shouldn't be so mesmerized by the way it all looks since I was the one who supported Yumi's idea to extend the party out into the patio, but this view, "My God…" is all I can say.

"It's wonderful," she confirms.

We stand side-by-side, wordless, as a faint piano melody fills the room through the open window, and Sachan lays her head on my shoulder. This feels much like many of the evenings we spent alone in the Rose Mansion, way past the time we were supposed to stay. Sachan would confide in me much of what filled her heart with more and more adoration for Yumi, along with things which terrified her, things which made her waver. We would cry together, and laugh together, and I would pretend I knew it all, even though I was as scared as she was.

Truth be told, they couldn't have asked for a more stunning night to announce their love to the world. But Sachan and Yumi deserve the picture perfect engagement party, surrounded by the people who have always supported them, fought for them, protected and encouraged them so they could be themselves. They deserve this night, and all the other nights that will follow this one.

"Onee-sama…" she says out of a sudden in a hitched breath which is so unlike her, then she hides behind the drapes, watching movement in the courtyard with all the care in the world.

"It's—" my breath also gets caught in my throat.

Yumi is outside in a light blue kimono with dark blue flowers decorating her sleeves. And she's not alone. Satou Sei is with her, also in a kimono –dark gray with white roses on her sleeves–.

They walk to one end of the courtyard, then Yumi spreads her arms out wide and twirls. I take a peak at Sachan, her fingers on her lips, her heart puddled around our feet. Everyone else disappears when Yumi is in sight. And it's just fair that Sachiko feels this way. If she is to love someone, may this love be terrifying, overwhelming, consuming; may this love be Fukuzawa Yumi.

And I hear her sigh from the other side of the window, "Youko-onee-sama," she says to me, and perhaps for the first time my name sounds distorted when the syllables leave her lips, "…it took everything in me to tell her," is what comes next, so I lift my head and our eyes meet. This is something I never heard before, which is embarrassing for me in many ways as I thought she could confide everything in me; tough, I should also understand that we all have secrets, and things which we cannot say out loud.

With quivering lips, she presses onward, "She had convinced herself that our soeurship was enough for her, and out of a sudden I was faced with the subtle avoidance, the absence of eye contact, the disallowance of touch. I thought her cowardly at first for forsaking what she yearned for, but in reality I was the one who was most scared of acknowledging all the feelings I had for her…. What would my parents think? Would they treat me differently? Resent Yumi? I thought myself strong when I first met her, and later came to realize I had only been pretending to be… acting as if I knew exactly what I was doing when she was around until I finally recognized that without her unyielding resolve to stay by my side come hell or high water, pointing out my flaws without ever uttering a word; without that… I wouldn't have grown up, learned to share, learned to care about people around me, learned that it was okay to be wrong at times, and that it was okay not to always be the strongest one..."

So I stand here, paralyzed, watching the one kid many moons ago I addressed as The Monster but who had become one of the most important people in my life, my little sister, give me a lesson on humanity, on forgiveness, on love.

"I thought about everything that I made her go through since we first met in high school, and all the disparate feelings that must have plagued her when I was selfishly trying to find myself. And I thought about her, Youko-onee-sama, just her… with that heart she always wears on her sleeves, and with her unwavering desire to love the people around her. And there I was, keeping her from that simple wish while pretending I didn't feel the same as she did. How many times can someone be presented with the ability to be both selfless and selfish simultaneously? Youko-onee-sama… I chose to be with her because her happiness is also mine."

I am delighted that my petite soeur has found the strength to acknowledge that she can, too, be happy.

But I am also ashamed of myself for being jealous of what Sachiko and Yumi have.

Even still I take her hand in mine, and she smiles at me then looks down at her watch, "Onee-sama…"

"Hm?"

"We should go," she tells me, though she gives herself the luxury to stare down for another long while before hesitantly closing the window.

We walk downstairs.

And we speak for yet another long while standing by the entrance of the ballroom, until the person we were waiting on finally arrives, and then there were only them in the universe again.

"Sachiko," Yumi manages to say with dire difficulty.

And Sachan turns around to meet her with a "Gokigenyou," though I know that simple greeting carries so much more meaning than what it suggests.

"You—"

"You also."

I carefully step to the side, pulling Touko along with me, "Give them a second," I tell her, and she huffs, and puffs, and mumbles, "But, Youko-sama," a gazillion times until Eriiko shows up with Kanano in tow.

"Ladies," Eriiko starts, "Are we ready?"

"You guys are late!" Touko jabs.

"We were looking for you!" Kanako responds, shutting Touko up as if it was a magic trick.

My mind drifts far from the commotion filled with these familiar voices I have grown to adore so much. And I travel back in time to a sunset on a rooftop; the blue Tokyo skylight contrasting against the crimson sun. I am within her arms. I am home.

And I am home atop of her, enveloped by the thick scent of the wax warmer in her apartment.

I am home; barefoot in her bathroom as she hums my favorite song while her chest presses against mine.

I am home at a bar counter, her friends screaming at one another, at me, and I can hear her laughter dig through my skin, going deep into my bloodstream, painting my veins in a rainbow of the most wonderful colors.

"—gonna open!" someone pushes me away from the door, bringing me back to the present.

"It's show time ladies," I hear Eriko say as the doors are pulled open by Yoshino and Rei; Shimako and Noriko, who were waiting on the inside of the ballroom.

Just as the doors open, they also close. My feet stay anchored to the floor while I let happiness walk in front of me, and I neither stop it nor follow it.

And this burning in my chest continues, too, because somebody else stays behind. I had seen her walk in with Yumi and Touko, but she stepped aside when our eyes met. Much like me, she, too, knew that being near each other would only make things more complicated not only for us but for the other girls. We're both monsters, after all, we'll end up biting pieces of each other off if we get too close.

This is not the time for such a scene.

Yet, there she is, back against a pillar, arms crossed, waiting. Waiting, so I can break my own heart because she is one of the many things I will never have since I, out of all of the cowards, am the most.

And now she is pushing herself off the wall, and she is walking toward me. I wonder if she can hear my heart hammer against my chest from where she is.

"Gokigenyou."

"Gokigenyou, Youko."

"You look beautiful," I tell her. And I want to tell her so much more, but I refrain, scared shitless of drawing attention to us.

"Bet that herpes-infected frat boy you brought along will have a blast taking that dress off you tonight."

"Sei…" is all I can muster; her name coating my mouth in sweetness even when I wish for bitter, caustic, rancid.

"Too soon for a rebound joke?"

"…"

"You were sure quick to find one."

"He's just a family friend."

"Right."

"…"

"I gotta go back in," she says, walking pass me and giving me the impression she only stopped to speak with me because I was in her way to the hallway which leads to the courtyard.

So this is heartbreak: overwhelming, unexplainable, filling my chest with darkness. And I am terrified it will never go away.

"Wait!" I plead. If this is it, then the least I can do is tell her my peace.

I follow her out.

The breeze makes the lights dance above us, distorting her shadow as the distance between us expands. And there is not enough space for my heart in my chest anymore.

I hold my breath while I watch her walk in front of me.

"Sei, please!" I beg of her while my legs turn into stone –I might now be part of this courtyard forever–.

And I look around, I look at all which brightens up my path: the industrial lights from the hotel's foyer, dimmer ones from the ballroom, soft ones from the hundreds of bulbs surrounding this patio; even farther out, on the field adjacent to me, fireflies light up the green grass.

Then there's Sei: the brightest light I have ever seen. Even when she decided to enfold herself in a thorn-filled chrysalis after Shiori left, she couldn't keep her light from shining through it. And she couldn't keep love from chasing that light either; the same light that drew Shimako closer, and led her far out of the labyrinth she was lost in, right into Noriko's own light.

Sei has both darkness and light within her, but when I am with her my eyes see a million colors. And I feel them, too, converted into overwhelming, inexplicable love.

I understand now.

The way Sachiko looks at Yumi.

I understand!

She, too, see colors.

I wonder what Sei sees when she looks at me…

Still, nobody has taught me the convoluted science of revealing one's soul, or peeling off the layers of a heart. I wish I could paint my feelings instead of voicing them. I think Sei would understand me better through the thick layers of acrylic on a canvas.

I thought kissing her would be enough to explain all of these butterflies that have made home inside my chest, but maybe she never felt the same as I did.

And here I am again, scrutinizing every millisecond we spent together, trying to come up with excuses to why I shouldn't tell her exactly how I feel.

But there's a man in uniform opening the doors to the ballroom for Sei, and she speaks with him for what seems to me like an eternity. He nods at her and says something that makes her laugh, then he nods once more, walking in and closing the door.

Like in a dream, she retraces her steps, floating to where I am standing, "What else do you want from me, Youko?" she asks.

"…"

"…"

I reach for her hand, the breeze brings the scent of her shampoo right into my nostrils and I breathe in deep, holding her inside of my chest. Her fingers burn my skin but I remain strong in this resolve that has flourish within me.

"I've always envied you, Sei… always head-first, always unapologetic," I start, the sight of her making my heart beat in my throat.

Then I grow wings, butterfly ones, stained in the most wonderful watercolor hues. And as my feet lift off the ground I continue, "And you were always so scared of getting your heart broken, but that never kept you from loving! Even when you surrounded yourself in briars, your love seeped through that armor, onto Shimako, Yumi, Noriko… I once called that a weakness… but it turns out, it had been strength all along."

"…"

"I want to be strong, too..."

Her response is a chuckle, "You were scared I'd out you to your parents, Youko…" she adds.

"They have always known about… my preferences." I respond, finally able to explain to her what I wasn't able to when she stormed out of my parents house last time we spoke.

Though, instead of understanding, she finds my explanation another jab to her character. Her eyes widen, and she gives me Rosa Gigantea's condescending smile. "So… then…were you ashamed of me, Youko?"

"Sei, that's n—"

"Oh my God! Then why the fuck did you agree to spend time with me? You took me to your parents' house, you agreed to meet my friends…" she stops for a second, but it's not hesitation, just disbelief, "You showed up at my door, unannounced, in the middle of the night and you f— …If I knew you were ashamed of me I would have never…"

"It's not like I was the only girl you gallantly led to your bed!" I scold her for trying to be self-righteous.

"And what if you were?!" She hangs her head down, her hair covering her face, her hands balled into fists, then she looks at me, "What if you were, Youko?!" she asks through clenched teeth.

She is crying.

And this feeling exploding in my chest is terrifyingly worse than heartbreak. My words are drawing tears from her, but I am the one aching.

"Sei, I—"

"Damn!" she says under her breath, then she addresses me, "I expected more from you, Youko…"

"I guess you're not the only one…" I finally confess, "But you are not completely innocent either. Do you know how hard it was for me to have gone to your home, not knowing how you felt?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Being nice to me, Sei. Taking me to see the sunset. Entrusting me with your friends, with…with Takahashi-sama! Telling me these things you never told me when we were younger… but never really saying how you felt. What else should I have thought but that it was just your… weekly routine…"

"You can't be serious!"

With that, it's my turn to cry. And in all truthfulness, it helps with the pain. I heave a very un-lady like sob, and I couldn't give a fuck about propriety right now. I am owning this ugliness, this desperation, this weakness.

So I hear her breathe out a not so quiet, "Oh man…" Then she brings both her hands to her head as if she has just missed a penalty kick, "I can't believe I'm going to do this again…" she continues with the not-so-internal monologue until she finally takes a deep breath and addresses me, "Okay, listen," she starts, "I'm going to tell you something, but I need you to give me your word that this won't be used against me once we're done here…. Can you do that for me?"

I nod, but it's not enough for her, "I need to hear you say it," she says to me with seriousness which makes me wonder if this is really the Satou Sei I have come to know.

So I agree to her rule with the last of my voice.

"Okay then," she says and takes another deep breath before continuing, "I lied to you," she says and my chest explodes with sorrow even though I am oblivious to what lie she has told.

"…"

"That entire speech inside your car about being hopeful someone else would come along –all a bunch of crap–. I actually prayed it would never happen again. When Shiori left, I promised myself I wouldn't pursue anyone else. It was such a coward move, but it worked for me; quite perfectly, I must add. People thought I was shallow when I rejected their advances, and because I was saving myself, I was completely fine with the labels…" she chuckles, and shakes her head, "I must also admit that when we first saw each other again, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because the girls had been worried."

"…"

"But then the more we talked the more something inside of me kept telling me not to let you go. I was surprised with your hesitance, but also so proud of you for finally realizing you couldn't be perfect –you're not a very good liar, Youko–. And then out of a sudden, I found myself in front of someone as scared as me… And you were still yourself, yeah… but in many ways you were also someone I didn't know at all. And I thought it wonderful that even Mizuno Youko could have evolved from Rosa Chinensis…"

"Sei, I—"

"You're most wonderful, Youko…" she cuts me off, "…especially when you're not trying to use every breath of yours attempting to be flawless," she smiles at me with a candidness that makes my head spin. "I was never going to take you to Takahashi's house," she admits a bit remorsefully, "but I couldn't make myself bid you farewell. And I am so glad that I didn't, because what happened on the roof that night..." she brings her fingers to her lips, "I should have kissed you first!" she says earnestly, "I think… I think this is a good time to admit I was scared because we had only spend a few hours together, but by then I already knew that if I kissed you I wouldn't want to stop… When you hesitated to my invitation to meet again after that night with my friends, I berated myself severely for thinking you would be on the same page as me. But when you knocked on my door a week later, you also unknowingly threw a hammer on what was left of the wall I had built as protection for my heart. That night you were scared you had made the wrong decision by coming over, but you ended up proving to me that I could stand in front of someone, for the first time since my teens, and allow myself to fall in love again –of all people it's just fitting it would have been with you…–"

"Sei—"

"I-it's okay, Youko," she tells me trying to fake a smile, "It was bound to happen again, right? So, please, don't make a big deal out of this." Then she looks back to the ballroom door, "We should get back. Soon enough someone will realize we're not in there and then it will be hard to explain why we spent so much time out here," she finishes, turning her back to me, walking to the door and knocking on it.

Not much later the doorman lets her in.

I am still falling in the abyss of her absence. For so long I hoped for a love to consume me, to take the breath right from my mouth, and when I am finally faced with it, in all its unapologetic force, the apathy in which I approach it leads me to think I am utterly underserving of it. Like I am underserving of so many other things in my life – including the title of Rosa Chinensis, and all the friends I made while pretending I knew everything.

I know nothing.

I hang my head low trying to garner enough courage to finally walk into the ballroom.

"Ma'am," the doorkeeper opens the door for me when I finally float to him.

"It's a lovely night, isn't it?" I ask him.

His response is a chuckle, but he quickly apologizes for the gaffe, "Sei-chan said you would try to stall…"

"Did she?"

"She's a good kid, Mizuno-sam—"

"Youko."

"Pardon me… Youko-sama."

I smile at him –a thank-you I hope he understands–. Though the door is open I never look inside.

"Did she tell you?"

I nod at him when my words get stuck in my throat.

"Well, I will be dammed," he scratches his head, then reaches to his back pocket, taking his wallet out and pulling a five-dollar bill, "Here."

"Wha—"

"I betted she wouldn't tell you."

"You betted?"

"She told me she was about to do something ridiculous and needed me to go inside for a while. I said I couldn't… but she explained why she didn't want me listening to your conversation."

"Oh…"

"I have never seen anyone so nervous…" he laughs, "Sei-chan said you guys had know each other for so long she was scared she was doing the wrong thing by telling you how she felt. She said if she was strong she'd keep her mouth shut."

"She's…"

"Wrong," he confirms my thoughts.

So I take the five-dollar bill from his hand, and I thank the man politely for both the conversation and for allowing me in.

Then he closes the door behind me with a satisfied smile.

Slow music engulfs the room, and the chattering is prominent but not unbearable. I look around the ballroom for the first time, wishing I were again in the still of that empty courtyard.

The dance floor is surprisingly crowded, filled of Lillian maidens blatantly stripped away from their former masks, titles, and turbulent adolescences. They're not pretending any longer –they don't need to anyway–.

I float closer to those hearts I have selfishly claimed mine a long while ago. And I wonder if they will ever be okay knowing that I am no longer as strong as Rosa Chinensis; knowing that I, too, am flawed, confused, terrified, in love.

Deeply, wholly, undeniably, and unapologetically in love.

When I finally spot her, I cannot help but smile, she is dancing with none but Mizuno-sama. But I press on, and my heart races with each step which leads me closer to her.

"Ah take Sei-chan from here!" Mom tells me, handing me Sei like she is a gift.

I thank her politely, while Sei stands in front of me trying to smile but failing terribly at it –it turns out, she is not that great of a liar either–.

I take a step closer to her and she stands still. Then I take another step, and she doesn't move. She remains unwavering while my heart burst out of my chest, floats to her and tethers us together. I inch closer until my left hand finds her right, and my right hand makes home in the middle of her chest, only then my heels lift off the floor, and I cling to the ground only by my toes.

My lips finally land on hers, startling her at first. And I hear no outraged gasps from our friends, though I cannot help but catch a faint whisper, "yes!" I think that's Noriko-chan.

With both her hands cupping my face her tongue greets my mouth, a "Hello," which makes my legs sway. And I hold on to her kimono, creasing its fabric as I use her chest as leverage. If she moves I will fall.

If she moves I will surround my heart with briars, much like she did, and I will never let anyone else in again.

But she holds on to me.

She stands with me.

She doesn't let me fall.

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