519I'm back did you miss me? The new season inspired me to write this week. I can't promise I will update as regularly as I have been, as grad school is pretty much consuming my life. But using writing as a stress reliever/outlet is always good. Hope you enjoy my spin on the first episode this week, can't wait for the writer's to explore Upstead some more- I'm all for the angsty slow burn this season! Time to dive in to my second (can't believe it) story! Enjoy
Chapter 1
Hailey got the call about Kelton and rushed to the scene as fast as she could. She walked in to find Jay talking with the acting Superintendent, filling him in on what they knew so far. Hailey was told to talk with Kelton's driver, she hadn't seen Jay until now. After their talk in the break room earlier that day, she had gone home to clear her head. The look on his face, the words that he couldn't say, that she couldn't say, haunted her thoughts. That was until she heard about the Mayor being murdered, then she had to put that on the back burner and switch gears.
Kevin and Kim were inside as well, collecting evidence, talking with other police. This was going to be a mess on many levels. The media helicopters were already circling, there was going to be a lot of eyes on this. Hailey didn't like what she saw as she walked in, namely who wasn't there. But once she saw Jay, her nerves calmed a bit. As soon as they had a minute alone, Hailey questioned him about Voight.
"He's on his way?" She asked quietly.
"Not sure, I was just covering", he responded. Hailey raised her eyebrow. Jay gave her a look back, knowing what she was thinking without saying it, confirming that he was thinking it too. They were doing a lot of that these days, communicating without saying word.
"By the way, heard about Will. Is he okay? And Natalie? If you need to go…", Hailey told him.
"No, it's fine. I talked to him, he's banged up, but alright. Thanks", Jay quickly replied, smiling at her concern for his brother.
That conversation didn't last long as Voight made his way in a few minutes later.
He was brought up to speed, including being on the receiving end of a pretty big accusation by the head of Homicide. Voight fluffed it off as usual. Intelligence continued to work through the night and into the next morning discussing leads and possible suspects in this case. Jay had his own theories, one of them not sitting very well.
Hailey read his mind, and pulled him aside before they went out to pick up some gang members that might know more about the murder.
"Jay, Voight wouldn't put us at risk like this. If he is involved. In going to try and find Monroe, I mean. He's a lot of things but selfish isn't one of them", she reassured him.
He nodded in agreement and went about the day. Monroe was brought in and questioned, but his alibi checked out. Jay and Hailey found out some tough news about Antonio from Adam, it wasn't looking good. They were happy Adam was out of prison, but now their concern had shifted to their friend, who was missing and using drugs again. They were interrupted by those thoughts to meet up with one of Hailey's CI's from the Latin Kings, who ended up giving them some very valuable information. It gave them something to work with, although it pointed to one of their own being the murderer. This really put Jay's mind in a spin. They were about to head out to look into things further before he pulled Hailey aside in an empty office.
"Hailey, wait hold on a second", he whispered and motioned that he needed to talk. She watched him close all the doors to the room, checking that no one but them was listening.
"What is it Jay?" She asked as she sat across from him.
"Voight was one of the cops involved in the raid in Pilsen in 2016", Jay told her.
"A lot of cops were involved in that, that doesn't mean anything", she said, trying to play Devil's advocate, remain unbiased.
He was quiet, grappling with whether or not he should tell her what he was thinking.
She knew that Jay was struggling with this. He was very emotional today, unlike his usual demeanour. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, what happened with Will, Antonio, or this case in general. But she could see on his face it ran deeper than that. He had a bad feeling, and she knew from experience his hunches were usually right.
"So what are you really talking about?" Hailey asked, taking a deep breath as she leaned back onto the desk she was sitting on.
Jay knew Hailey was trying to remain neutral, act as his voice of reason. But he was still hesitant to let her all the way in. He wants to, he trusts her with his life, but to actually let someone in that close again scared him, frankly. He shook his head briefly, took a few deep breaths himself and made the decision to confide in her.
She could see his inner turmoil, but she was tired of beating around the bush. She knew that Jay needed a push in the right direction to open up sometimes, so that's exactly what she did. She could tell he wanted to say more.
"Jay, say what you want to say", she encouraged him. For a second she held back on pressing him further, he looked strangely upset, and conflicted.
"I'm not saying Voight's involved, but the dots are starting to connect and not in a good way", he suggested, meeting her gaze with an intense look on his face. Her expression changed, reading between the lines of that statement.
For a second, he feels incredibly vulnerable, that Hailey was going to scoff at what he was implying, or ream him out for even thinking that. But she didn't. In true Hailey fashion, she digested what he said, bit her lip and nodded at him.
Jay spoke up again, "I don't think we can look the other way on this either." His moral compass guiding his thoughts about this case. Hailey nodded in agreement, her face telling her partner that she was behind him and would play this how he wanted to play this.
The rest of the day went by in a flash. There were significant developments in the case, including a meeting Jay had with Homicide. He was fuming by the time he came back to the station. He pulled Kevin, Kim and Hailey into the break room, knowing he had to tell them what he just learned.
"They're going to try and charge us with obstruction?" Kim replied angrily.
Kevin was angry too, "What did you tell him Jay?"
"I told him to go to hell, now you guys have all the info", he confirmed.
"Regardless of Voight's involvement or not, there's no chance I'm siding with homicide over Voight", Kevin said out loud what they were all thinking.
"Ya neither am I", Jay said.
"Me too", Hailey quickly replied backing her partner, Kim following suit as well.
They were all in agreement, as suspected, yet Jay couldn't shake what he was told earlier out of his mind. "Sometimes you have to look out for you, no one but you. Now is one of those times." Except that wasn't how Jay saw it at all. Sure, he did have to watch how he played this. But there was never going to be a time where looking out for Hailey didn't fit into the equation. As far as he was concerned, they were a package deal.
Throughout the talk with Kevin and Kim, Jay was constantly looking to Hailey for her response, reassurance and support. He knew she would side with him no matter what, but he still needed to see it to believe it. Her side glances told him all he needed to know, that she had his back.
"Okay, its unanimous, what's our next move?" Hailey said, directing her question to Jay, the unofficial leader of their group now.
They were all looking to him for an answer, but all he could do was look at Hailey for advice. Her opinion was the one that mattered most. She discreetly nodded at him, giving him the push to go ahead. That look didn't go unnoticed by Kevin and Kim, realizing how in sync the pair had become. It was obvious that Jay didn't trust or let many people in, but seemed to really value Hailey's insight. It was also no secret that Jay and Voight had been butting heads on this case. But they decided not to stick their nose in that business. Kevin and Kim shared their own silent look of communication. The four of them then talked about what they should do next, aware of the potential consequences.
Jay and Voight got into it out in the parking lot a while later. Jay eventually working up the courage to ask Voight if he killed Kelton. Voight did not like that, but swore on his son's life that he didn't do it. The tension was building between the two, Jay still not liking Voight's secrecy on the matter.
"Why didn't you say where you were the other night then?" He questioned aggressively.
"Because if I did…Antonio would lose his job."
Jay pieced together the rest…so Voight knew more about Antonio and didn't tell them that either. He was fuming, but also understood the tough position he was in that night.
"You should have said something, we are all worried about him. Adam's been out looking all over the city…", Jay back tracked, a hint of emotion in his voice.
"What happened is Antonio's business and his business only", Voight replied curtly, signalling that was the end of that discussion.
Jay stood there, going toe to toe with his boss, torn between his loyalty to him and to the rest. They stared at one another before eventually parting, having no way to know the twists and turns that would define their day next.
Once they realized Brennan was responsible for the murder, Voight assured Jay he would handle it. Whatever that meant. Jay was still wary of him, so he took Hailey to her house with him to see if anything shady was going on.
They saw Voight leave by himself, driving away from the scene without Brennan under arrest. This angered Jay, and confused Hailey.
"He's helping her cover this up, or get out of the country", he said from the driver's seat.
"He told you he was going to handle this, to stand down Jay", Hailey reminded him.
"This is ridiculous I'm going in there", Jay said as he stormed out of the truck.
Hailey rolled her eyes, "Yes this is ridiculous", she thought of Jay's response, but followed him in there reluctantly anyways, not willing to let her partner do this alone.
Hailey covered the front as Jay went around back. When she heard yelling, she had a bad feeling and entered the home.
"Kate, stop, stop, stop, put the gun down! Please don't do this", she could hear Jay begging from the living room. Hailey drew her weapon and quietly turned around the corner. What she saw next surprised her. Brennan in full dress blues, ready to end her own life. The look on Jay's face was distress, his eyes wide with fear. He was trying to talk Brennan down, but it wasn't looking good.
"It's over, you can come with me down to the station, tell your side of the story", he continued pleading. "Please don't do this."
Hailey yelled to try and create a distraction long enough for Jay to intervene and disarm her, but it was too late. The gun went off, Brennan dropping to the floor right before their eyes. Jay looked up at Hailey, in total shock at what he just witnessed.
They were silent for a second, unsure what they were going to do next. Eventually, Hailey collected herself and broke the silence in the room.
"We have to call this in." Jay just nodded at her, looking dejected.
"She left a note Jay, we can still write this up as a suicide."
"Voight's going to know we were following him", Jay said bluntly, his face void of all emotion now.
Hailey moved to walk over to him and to Brennan's body but he stopped her, not wanting her to see the carnage laying at his feet. His feet felt like they were stuck in cement, Hailey's eye's were wide, wondering if he was going to spiral. But he pulled himself together and walked out the front door with her. Hailey made the dreaded call to Voight, Jay sat quietly on the front stoop with his head in his hands.
Voight raced back minutes later, already looking furious. Hailey's call informed him of what happened, trying to dodge around the fact that they had entered her home and her suicide didn't play out as planned. Voight made it back first but there was going to be many more cops on the way, he made it clear that there would be time for talking, or rather yelling, later.
They set up a containment and processed the scene as if Hailey and Jay walked in on Brennan already dead. No one batted an eye and seemed to buy their story, all but Voight of course.
He waited until they were back at the station before letting loose on Jay. Hailey knew that Jay was upset, and not in a good place after witnessing what he just did, but they both stood in the bay and took it.
"How dare you. Going behind my back like that!" "If you don't trust me Jay, the way I do business concerns you, then get the hell out!" Voight was yelling at her partner, but only Hailey could see Jay's hands trembling behind his own back. Out of concern for his well-being she made a split second rash decision.
"Sarge enough", Hailey said sharply, the words coming out of her mouth in that tone before she had time to stop herself. That took Voight by surprise.
Voight knew the two of them were close, but Hailey's response to this really showed him her hand. How far she was really willing to go to defend her partner. If he wasn't so angry right now her loyalty would be endearing. He held back on any further comments, glaring at Jay first then moving his gaze to Hailey, who didn't seem fazed that she just talked back to her superior after a very questionable situation. He smirked at her for just a second, it was something a young version of himself would have done.
"The two of you need to talk to the psychologist about what you just witnessed. I expect the reports on my desk tomorrow morning", that was what he ended with, recognizing that what they saw, Jay in particular, was disturbing. He did have sympathy for them for that. He turned around and left the two of them alone leaning against Jay's truck.
They both let out a deep breath after Voight disappeared inside the building.
"Jay…", Hailey started. He cut her off, already knowing what she was going to say.
"I don't want your sympathy, I've seen that before. Too many times actually. But I'm okay. I'll go see the psychologist for the formality. See you tomorrow", he brushed her off, not wanting to linger any longer or else he might say too much.
Hailey knew Jay was not okay. That much was obvious. He was putting on a tough front, but she knew he was falling apart on the inside. Seeing him walk away killed her. She wanted to call him back, give him a hug, tell him it was going to be okay. But she couldn't do that, not now anyways.
A few hours passed by at home, Hailey tried to keep herself busy, distract her from her own thoughts. She tried calling Jay a few times after her own therapy session, but he didn't answer. Eventually he replied to a text saying that he was alright, that he was checking in on Will. She wasn't so sure that was entirely true but decided to let it go, told him to say hi to his brother for her and leave him be for the night. That was until she heard a small knock on her door a few hours later, just after 10, having a feeling who would be on the other side.
She opened the door slowly to see Jay standing on her front step with his hands in his pockets.
"Can I come in?" He asked quietly.
Hailey nodded, stepping aside to make room for him to walk through the doorway.
She didn't exactly know what to say to him, this was new territory that they were in. Sure, he's shown up on her doorstep after a tough case before, plenty of times really. But this felt different.
He sat on a barstool in her kitchen, like he's done so many times before. She poured him some tequila without asking if that was what he wanted, she already knew. This, like many other things, was part of their thing.
"Hailey you didn't have to get in the middle like that, with Voight. I don't want you to get in trouble for this", Jay said sounding concerned.
"If it's on you, it's on me too", she replied with a familiar line, one she's reiterated to him time and time again.
"No it's not. You didn't want me to go in there", he said.
"Jay, you're my partner, there's no version of this or any other story where I would have let you go in alone. Just because I don't always agree with you doesn't mean I'm not going to have your back", Hailey confirmed. What would it take for Jay to realize once and for all that she was on his side no matter what?
He nodded and smiled weakly at her, not really looking up from his drink.
Jay was obviously upset, after witnessing what he did today. Hailey saw it too, but not Brennan's face as she pulled the trigger. Jay wouldn't forget the look in her eyes for the rest of his life. He shielded Hailey from seeing Brennan's face, or what was left of it after her self-inflicted gun shot wound. She could see his hands shaking and his voice cracking as he was re-living the moment in his mind. Jay wasn't normally one for showing his emotions. But today was different. He usually kept those bottled up well, tucked away on the top shelf. He let himself unwind a bit in front of Hailey and only Hailey. But even then, he was still guarded. She saw that and recognized that he was upset, and struggling. She softly put her hand over one of his shaky ones fiddling with his glass, and gave him a look.
"It's okay to be upset. What you saw….was not good. I'm here if you want to talk", she put that out there, unsure what type of response she was going to get, if any.
"Okay", he nodded quietly, without looking at her, in fear he would lose it if he did. Hailey knew he was dangerously close to unravelling. After holding it in for so long, it was bound to happen at some point. She really thought she was going to see him cry for the first time tonight. Before it got to that point, Jay deeply exhaled and moved to sit on her couch in the living room. Hailey did the same.
She wasn't sure what he wanted right now, he was hard to read. So, she left to go make them a cup of chamomile tea. When she returned he raised his eyebrow at her.
"I was hoping for tequila", he said sarcastically.
Hailey saw right through his façade.
"Jay you're tired, you need to slow down and rest", she replied, sending an unspoken invitation to stay at her house.
He softly smiled at her, before his bottom lip started quivering, he bit it to try and control his emotions and regain his composure. Hailey saw that and immediately sat back down next to him in silence.
"Today was just a lot", he said honestly, as he was trying to suppress his increased heart rate and breathing.
"I know", she whispered, eyeing up his physical response to the pain he was feeling.
Without thinking twice she put a hand on his back, rubbing it gently, comforting her partner. This was new for them. As much as they supported one another, it rarely manifested itself in a physical way. They were both guarded, careful, stoic. Never giving the other too much. As much as she's wanted to do this and more for him before, she never crossed that line in fear that she'd never be able to go back. That it would lead to more, she knew he felt it too. That's why as close as they were, they also always kept a distance, a physical boundary of some sort. Jay seemed to be surprised that she did that as well, tensing up at her touch at first, before relaxing again as she soothed him silently for a few minutes.
"It's okay", she whispered as he took a few deep breaths and got a hold of his emotions once again. They didn't normally need a lot of words to communicate, this being one of those times. However it was what wasn't said that spoke the loudest.
Jay had been teetering on that emotional ledge all day, and he knew if he made eye contact with Hailey he was going to lose it. So he kept his head down instead, nodding as she rubbed small circles in his back. The comfort of her gentle touch was enough for him. Hailey didn't really show her emotions very often either, this was a rare slip up on her part too.
"I don't really want to be alone tonight", that part he did say loud and clear after a few minutes. The opposite of what he normally expressed to her. Hailey smiled and disappeared for a second, returning with a pillow and blanket from her hall closet. It went without saying that he was spending the night on her couch, another new thing for them.
He smirked in her direction, their first sleepover. In a weird way, this was exactly how he wanted to end this shitty day. Hailey turned on the TV to watch a movie before bed, Jay dozed off about halfway through. It had been a wild few days, Hailey was running on little sleep as well.
She looked over at her partner who was passed out cold on his side of the couch. She watched his chest rise and fall for a few minutes before she quietly got up and lifted his legs onto the couch so that he was lying horizontal. She also adjusted his pillow to be further down from the armrest so that he wouldn't get a sore neck. She gently laid the blanket over top of him, he stirred slightly when she did that but never opened his eyes. She had a brief thought about sleeping on the other couch next to him so that she would be close by during the night, but decided against it. She turned the TV and lamp on the coffee table off, silently making her way up to her bedroom, creeping up the stairs to pass out herself.
The next morning she woke up early, tossing and turning, thinking about last night's events. She had finally worked up the nerve to go downstairs and tell Jay how she was really feeling. But when she turned the corner all she saw was a folded up blanket and pillow on her couch, along with a note.
Thanks for last night Hailey, see you at work. Breakfast on me this morning.
She was too late, Jay was already up and gone.
