9Omake 1
"…Five more minutes, Kei-Kei," murmured the unmistakably female voice.
One that Keitaro hadn't heard in ages, along with a nickname that only one other person ever used with him.
His mother, Yurika Urashima.
His hand retracted at light speed and his face blanched as he gradually forced his other eye open to verify that, yes, indeed, he and his birth mother were sharing a bed at this very moment.
However, before he could react any further, a voice screeched, "Get away from him, you thieving cat!" Wait, that voice originated from inside his room.
Another woman was in his room?
The closet door slammed open, and out stepped one Kanako Urashima, his adopted sister.
"Ka-Kanako? What are you doing here? Weren't you travelling with Granny Hina?" Keitaro quickly moved to cover both his and his mother's bodies, shocked by yet another familiar relative in his private sanctuary.
"My onii-chan senses were tingling, so I rushed here as soon as possible, only to find our mother in bed with you! Could there be a greater betrayal?"
"Kanako", his voice stern, "nothing happened, you are clearly overreacting to a misunderst-"
"KEITARO!" Another woman's voice, this time from outside of his room, cut him off. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Aunt Haruka? Why are you here at this early hour?" Keitaro was swimming in an ocean of confusion; was this all just a bizarre dream he was having?
"Wouldn't you prefer me, someone more mature than Kanako," gesturing to her own body, "but not nearly as aged as Yurika?" This earned hard glares from both of the other Urashima women present.
Before they could get a word in edgewise, another player entered the game. Popping out from under the floorboards, Sarah McDougal revealed her presence.
"Wait, time out!" cried Keitaro. "Sarah, you don't even fit the pattern here!" Gesturing at the other women in the vicinity, he continued. "This non-canon spinoff gag chapter is only supposed to feature relatives of mine in a thinly-veiled callback to the original non-existent draft where the story was more of an incest/parody! But you're clearly not related to me in any familial sense, unlike my Mom, adopted sister, or cousin/aunt!"
"Well, actually, since this is non-canon and all… *whisper whisper*"
Keitaro promptly fainted upon hearing his true relationship with this Sarah. [1]
The women all simply stared at one another.
"Well, who's first?"
Omake 2
Urashimama scowled and crossed her arms. "Your father is precisely the reason why I'm here right now. We had a fight and I was so upset with him that I left the house in a huff! At first, I was going to stay at Haruka's place, but then I remembered that Granny Hina put you in charge of the Hinata Sou."
"That doesn't explain how you got into the building." Or how you got into my room, for that matter.
"Let's just say that I have a particular 'set of skills' and leave it at that, shall we?" Everyone else sweat dropped; that didn't sound like the words a responsible parental role model should be saying, especially to her own son, no less!
Keitaro sighed deeply, "At least tell me that it's not going to end in divorce or worse, Mom."
"If that man doesn't admit that he's in the wrong, I may have to consider it, Kei-Kei." Her tone was devoid of any warmth nor compassion, a red flag that the conversation should immediately be steered away from the metaphorical iceberg.
Undeterred, Keitaro pressed the question. "What exactly did you two fight about this time?" Implied in his emphasis was the fact that that this wasn't the only big fight he'd known about. Also thankfully implied was that his parents had made up afterwards every time, so far.
Huffing angrily, Urashimama exclaimed, "Fine, I'll tell you."
Everybody leaned in, eager to hear the reason.
Everybody except for Keitaro, who simply leaned back in his chair, disinterested.
"That man…" The interested parties leaned in closer in anticipation. "He…"
Keitaro got up and poured himself a glass of water.
"He…he claimed that best waifu is Shampoo! Everyone knows that best waifu is Ukyo!" [2]
Facefaults could be heard around the table.
"Seriously, Mom? That's why you two had an argument which ended with you running away to Hinata Sou?" Her son was clearly unamused. "This is almost as bad as the time you two argued over whether midnight should be 0:00 or 24:00."
"Why aren't you on your Mother's side, Kei-Kei?" whined Urashimama in a tone not befitting of her real age.
"…Because you're both wrong." Keitaro, openly disagreeing with his mother? "Best waifu is obviously Kasumi." [3]
The rest of the breakfast quickly devolved into a shouting match after that.
The non-Urashimas quietly finished up and left to go about their own business. Late into the afternoon, the mother-son duo could still be heard arguing over the merits of each girl.
Omake 3
Urashimama suddenly leaned in very close to her son's face, sporting a pensive look.
Keitaro blinked once and immediately began a mental self-destruct sequence accompanied by flustered flailing before catching himself and remembering that the woman in front of him was his own mother. "Is there something on my face, like a smudge?" he asked nervously, hoping none of the other girls would happen upon them and get the wrong idea, as they often did.
"I was just thinking," she spoke in a breathy tone completely unsuitable for socially-acceptable family conversations, "that you're quite handsome when viewed up close."
Keitaro, feeling incredibly uncomfortable at the shrunken physical distance between him and his mother, unconsciously sniffed her breath, finding no hints of alcohol, ruling out that possibility. It did little to ease his worries, however.
"I appreciate the compliment, Mom, but could you please give me some space here?" As his hands were full of tools and cleaning supplies, he did not bring them up to push his mother away.
"You know, you remind me of your father when he was your age." Urashimama's delivery of the line was laced with something dangerous, but Keitaro hoped it was just his imagination.
She suddenly closed the gap between them completely and embraced her son in a decidedly un-motherly fashion, her hands roaming all over her son's body.
What the hell is happening? Keitaro screamed internally.
Deftly maneuvering both of them towards the manger's living quarters, Keitaro found himself pinned onto his bed, his mother looming over him with a hungry look in her eyes.
The very same look that his adopted sister sported whenever she used to crawl into his bed.
He never quite understood that about Kanako; why couldn't she accept that he would never see her as anyone other than a beloved sister, with who Keitaro would never cross that line with?
Urashimama leaned closer, her lips millimeters from Keitaro's.
He gulped; there was still time to turn this around. They hadn't crossed an invisible boundary yet. Both of them could still walk aw-
And then her lips smothered his own, cutting off any further rational thought processes.
The last thing on Keitaro's mind was cursing the gods for granting his wish to get laid in the most twisted way possible.
Elsewhere, a certain young mad scientist was the reading the latest test results of her newest drug.
"Ah, shoot! The love potion was supposed to cause Keitaros to fall in love with all of us! But because I got the ratios mixed up, only one of us will fall in love with him instead! And…let's see…looks like the person with the strongest bond with him is…not Motoko, not Naru, not Kitsune, not me…Shinobu? Wait, no, it can't be…his own mother? I didn't account for her being here today, so when I added the potion to Shinobu's cooking this morning, that means- ! Oh, no!
…
Whatever, incest is considered OK back home, so long as Keitaros and his Mama move there, everything should be fine. Of course, I will still be his first wife!"
And so, Su set about preparing her "Keitaros Harem Plan", cackling madly.
Author's Notes:
[1] If you want to know which story this Sarah hails from, please read Reunion by hawker-748. Warning, it is rated 'M' for a good reason.
[2] Shampoo and Ukyo are both female love interests from Ranma ½. The canonical love interest of the protagonist, Ranma, is actually Akane, a violent tsundere, superficially similar to Naru.
[3] Also a character from Ranma ½, though usually not considered to be a love interest of the protagonist. She is, however, very much a housewife archetype, so maybe Shinobu still has a chance?
Well, here's a couple of extra chapters to fulfill the incest quota. They could have been added into the main story, but it would drastically change the tone to something I'm not ready to write a full story for.
