A/N: I made a minor edit—in chapter 1, James now says his parents were in their 100s when they had him (originally he said they were in their 50s, but according to the HP Lexicon they were "old even by wizarding standards" when they died sometime not long after James graduated. So yeah.)

And, er, apologies for the longer-than-usual wait. RL has not been kind lately… I don't want to unload too much here or go into too much detail, but at the end of February I was present during the very drawn-out death of a close family member (due to untreatable organ failure) and it was very traumatic. Still haven't really processed it and I'm *functional* but I'm not really *okay* so even though writing is my therapy and my purpose and my joy, my writer-brain got knocked way off balance and I haven't been able to really focus well enough to write as often as I'd like.

And that was all before shit got real with the Coronavirus in the US, so now I, like the rest of the planet, have that additional constant stress of worrying about my loved ones getting sick or my job shutting down or running out of essential groceries and supplies because idiots keep panic-buying them, so… yeah. I work in healthcare (on the clerical/customer service side, don't get excited, I'm not out saving lives or anything) and thankfully I'm considered essential so I've had job security so far, and I hope all of you are doing all right as well.

I hope all of you are staying safe and healthy, and please be careful if you go out in public for essential trips—use sanitizing wipes or spray on the carts/baskets in the grocery store, don't touch gas pumps with your bare hands, sanitize your hands after touching buttons or screens on self-checkouts or card readers (or doorknobs or elevator buttons or ATMs or anything else that a thousand other people touch every day), wear a simple surgical or cloth mask if you're in a crowded public place (no it's not complete protection but it's better than nothing and it keeps YOUR germs in so you don't unknowingly spread it to others), stay 6 feet away from other people whenever possible, wash your hands often, don't go out or around people if you have a fever, cough, shortness of breath, unexplained muscle aches, nausea/vomiting or diarrhea, sore throat, headache, or a loss of your sense of taste or smell (this is the most updated list of screening symptoms as of May 2020 and refers to NEW onset symptoms, not chronic) and if you have some or all of those symptoms call your doctor, etc, etc. And don't drink or inject bleach or Lysol for fuck's sake, no matter what "President" Dipshit Trashfire says.

Sorry to get that real on you but this shit's serious. Take it seriously.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Chapter 5

Severus followed James down the hallway to the same sitting room he'd flooed into that awful night. Everything still felt a bit unreal. His parents were dead. He'd killed his father. He'd met Lord Voldemort and owed him an unnamed favor. He was living with James now. Lily was here. Lily was holding his hand. Lily had kissed him. Lily was leading him to the sofa James had already sat down on, seating herself on the opposite end and tugging at Severus's hand until he sat down in the middle. Severus was still halfway waiting for the horrible moment when he would either drift off or wake up from this, but it didn't seem to be coming.

Fine, then. That was fine. Treat it as if it's real, he decided. James had told him it was real—James, who had taken care of him, kissed him, slept beside him, bathed with him, tried to feed him, and barely left his side. Despite his horrible and contentious history with Severus, James registered in Sev's mind as someone safe now, so Severus would believe him. Lily had told him it was real too, and Severus trusted Lily as unconditionally as it was possible for someone with Sev's trust issues to do.

Severus snuck a sideways glance at Lily, who was watching him with no small amount of concern. Normal, he reminded himself, act normal—don't fall to your knees and beg her to never let go of your hand again. Don't start crying out of sheer relief that she's deigning to even look at you. Normal, normal, normal. Sev cleared his throat, made a show of eying the Led Zeppelin tee shirt Lily was wearing, then asked in what he hoped was a casual tone, "Is that my shirt?"

Lily gave him a relieved smile and teased, "Maybe. Why, do you want it back?" She pulled her hand away from his (he gritted his teeth against the impulse to not let go), then she nonchalantly reached for the hem of the shirt with both hands with her wrists criss-crossed as if to take it off.

James seemed to choke on air, and when Severus glanced his way, James was unabashedly staring at Lily's hands where they'd paused, teasingly gripping the hem of her shirt but not actually lifting it. Severus, on the other hand, knew full well she was only joking.

Severus huffed a laugh and turned back to Lily. "Careful, you'll give Potter a stroke."

Lily smiled mischievously. "No way, he'd like it too much if I gave him a stroke," she said, putting emphasis on the phrase to turn it into an innuendo. She laughed as James' face went red, then she let go of her shirt and took Sev's hand again.

Severus smirked and added, "I daresay he wouldn't want you to stop at just one."

Lily glanced at James and then back at Sev, then she boldly added, "And I daresay he wouldn't mind giving you a few strokes."

James mumbled, "Merlin," and Severus looked over at him again in amusement. "You two are killing me here, I hope you realize that."

Sev's smirk fell away at the phrasing and at the thought of anyone actually killing James, and he automatically and very unsubtly reached for James' hand with his free one. He felt more secure holding James' hand on one side and Lily's on the other. Sev could feel Lily staring but he didn't quite dare look over at her to see her reaction.

"You all right?" James asked him quietly, a worried expression making a reappearance and overriding his flustered embarrassment.

Severus huffed a humorless laugh and didn't answer.

"Yeah, okay, stupid question," James conceded, squeezing Sev's hand.

Lily squeezed his hand on the other side, and for a long moment the three of them sat in silence.

Finally Lily nervously cleared her throat and said, "Sev? Can you tell me what happened now?"

Severus glanced at her and nodded, then paused and shook his head instead. Because now that he actually thought about it, of course he couldn't tell her that he'd used an Unforgivable—she'd freaked out last year when he'd made the mistake of telling her that he'd started studying Dark healing spells. Healing spells, for Merlin's sake! And he couldn't tell her he'd killed someone—even if it was his shithead father—because he would be proving all of Lily's perfect new Gryffindor friends correct that he was just a Dark murderous Slytherin creep after all. He couldn't do it, couldn't tell her, couldn't make her afraid of him, couldn't lose her—

"Sev, breathe," Lily said from beside him, her tone full of worry.

"I can't," he said, and then Potter, misunderstanding, was scooting closer and bringing Sev's hand up to press against James' chest while James took a deliberately deep, even breath.

"Yeah you can," James said, "breathe with me now."

Severus allowed it for a moment and followed along because it was oddly calming, even though he wasn't having a full-blown panic attack and he wasn't quite hyperventilating either. Then he said quietly, "I meant, I can't," he said, with a pointed flick of his eyes back towards Lily. He pulled his hand away from James' chest and entwined their fingers again.

James blinked and looked confused for a second, then it seemed to click and he said matter-of-factly, "Of course you can tell her. If I didn't run away screaming, she won't either."

Lily snapped, "Don't speak for me, Potter." Then her tone softened and she squeezed Sev's hand reassuringly as she said, "Whatever it is, Sev, you can tell me. I can't promise how I'll react, but…I'll swear an Oath not to talk about it like Potter apparently did, if you want me to."

"I didn't make him do that," Sev muttered under his breath. He turned and finally met Lily's eyes, and he decided to just get it over with. He wouldn't ask her to swear an Oath—it was bad enough that he was going to inflict this particular truth on her. She was his one bright spot, his hope, his escape—she wasn't supposed to be burdened with the darker details of his life—but she clearly wasn't going to let this go, and he wasn't going to lie to her and spend every day dreading her finding out the truth. If telling the truth now meant losing her sooner, at least it would be a clean break when she left. Kinder for everyone, really. Severus took a deep breath, and bluntly said, "I killed my father."

Lily blinked a few times, looking shocked and then confused. "Beth said he walked in front of a bus—"

"Beth's an idiot. He was already dead—the bus was part of the cover-up. I…" Severus paused and looked down at his lap, took a heavy breath, then steeled himself and said, "My mum was pregnant, and she finally told him that night, and he just lost it—he hit her and stabbed her, and he pinned me down and tried to strangle me, and I—" he paused, and felt a comforting squeeze to both of his hands. He took a deep breath, let it out, and confessed, "I used a wandless Killing Curse on him."

Sev didn't look up—he didn't dare—but he heard a sharp intake of breath from Lily, and he braced himself. She was going to pull away, she was going to yell, she was going to hate him, she was going to leave him, she—was hugging him? It took him a moment to process, but Lily had thrown her other arm around him and buried her face in his neck, still holding his hand. He felt a few tears splash his skin, but he didn't have a free arm to hug her back since James was still holding his other hand. After a moment he cautiously asked, "Lily?"

"It's all right. I mean, it's not all right, but—I don't know what I mean," Lily said, but she didn't let go of him. After a moment, she sniffled and pulled back only far enough to meet his eyes with a somber expression. "I'm so sorry about your mum but I'm glad that bastard's dead. And—you're here, Sev. That's what matters."

Severus let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and the tension went out of his shoulders as he relaxed. Tears welled up in his eyes and he buried his face in Lily's hair to hide them, fighting to keep his breathing even and holding back a sob of relief. He felt James trying to subtly tug his hand free—probably meaning to give Sev and Lily some privacy—but Severus just squeezed James' hand tighter and didn't let him pull away.

James felt like he was intruding big time so he tried to slip away but Sev wouldn't let go of his hand, which meant he was stuck there unless he wanted to force the issue and look like a jerk. So he stayed, trapped awkwardly right next to Sev who had an armful of Evans. For a whole thirty seconds he valiantly resisted the urge to hug Severus, but then he figured that if he was already intruding, he might as well make it worthwhile.

"Room for one more?" he asked lightly, already leaning closer and awkwardly turning it into a group hug. Evans was on Sev's left, with her head in the crook of his shoulder and one arm around his neck. James leaned into Sev's right side, laying his head on Sev's shoulder and wrapping his free arm around Sev's waist, going low with the hug since Evans had gone high. He still hadn't let go of Sev's hand.

Severus made a satisfied little "Mmhmm," noise and relaxed into the dual embrace.

For a long moment, there was nothing but a strangely comfortable silence. Then James couldn't keep quiet any longer and asked, "Sev? You zoning out on us?"

"Maybe," Sev murmured back. "Shut up and let me."

"Nope, sorry. No more of that," James chucked and nuzzled his head against Sev's shoulder, which meant he also bumped his head against Evans' arm in the process.

"Watch it, Potter," she mumbled at him, but it lacked any real venom.

"Don't be jealous, Evans," he teased, "I'd hug you too, if you ask nicely."

"I'd rather hug a werewolf," she said dryly.

James literally bit his tongue to make sure he didn't out Remus for the sake of a snappy comeback.

Between them, Severus started shaking silently, and James and Evans both pulled back and looked up in concern—but Sev was just laughing and trying to hold it in. James caught Evans' eyes across the short distance between them and he gave her a relieved, halfway flirty smile—he wasn't sure whether to count it as a victory or not when she looked away first with a brief, nervous laugh.

"You're both jerks," Lily muttered, but she laid her head back on Sev's chest as his silent laughter finally tapered off.

Sev nuzzled his head against Lily's and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, the gesture idle but affectionate. Then he glanced over and caught James' eye, and silently studied him for a moment. Sev started to speak, stopped himself, then after another quiet moment he finally asked, "Can we go visit my mum's grave?"

"Yeah," James said immediately. "You mean right now?"

Sev nodded, and said quietly as if confessing a weakness, "I want both of you there with me."

"Yeah," James said again. "Fine with me. Evans?"

"Of course," she said.

"All right," James said, clapping his hands together once before standing up. "Erm, it's about a fifteen minute walk into town if you feel up to it, Sev, or I've got a few extra brooms I keep around for when the guys come over, or I could just ask Tally to take us."

"Let's walk," Severus said decisively, squeezing Evans' hand and giving her a tentative, hopeful kind of look that made James feel like a third wheel again when she smiled back at Sev.

"Yeah," Evans said, "walking is good."

"Walking it is, then," James said, taking a step towards the door to the corridor. He wasn't quite sure that Sev would actually be up to walking that far after a week of just laying in bed, but James could always call Tally to pop them there and back if Sev got too tired on the way.

"Aren't you going to get dressed first?" Evans asked, eying the tee-shirt and pajama bottoms James was wearing and then Sev's henley and joggers. "You both look like you're in pajamas."

"Because we are in pajamas," James deadpanned, before teasing, "and I'm still wearing more than you are."

And ooh, that must've been a bad thing to say, because Evans outright glared at him before flipping him off and then ignoring him in favor of whispering something to Severus, who nodded to whatever she'd said then stood up.

"Do you still have all of those clothes you bought me at Hogsmeade?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, of course," James said, standing up and heading for the staircase. "Up in my room. Come on," he said, catching Evans' eye and tacitly extending the invitation to her too.

Evans gave him a chilly look but stood up and followed, falling into step beside Severus and taking his hand again while James led the way up the massive staircase.

Behind him, he heard Evans quietly ask, "He bought you clothes?"

"More like he bought me half the shop," Severus said, sounding amused.

"Don't be ridiculous," James piped up, pausing deliberately before adding, "it was a quarter of the shop at the very most."

"You made me try on half the shop though," Severus grumbled.

"You had fun, don't try to deny it," James teased, looking over his shoulder to smile at Severus. He would've turned around to walk backwards so he could keep looking at them as they spoke if not for the fact that they were on the stairs and he didn't fancy tripping and breaking his neck. He caught Evans giving him an unreadable look and added, "You should come with us next time, Evans." He winked and risked adding, "I'll buy you all the short shorts you want."

She rolled her eyes at him and then glanced over and caught Sev's eye, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head slightly, seeming to ask a silent question. Sev gave her a shrug and the tiniest hint of a smile before looking away. "We'll see," Evans finally answered James.

James forced a cocky grin onto his face before facing forward again as the three of them arrived at the second floor landing and headed down the corridor towards his room. He was a bit jealous of the intimacy of the whole silent communication thing Sev and Evans seemed to have going on, but they'd known each other since before Hogwarts and they'd slept together—what did he expect?

Shit, stop it, stop thinking about them sleeping together, Merlin, this is not the time. James mentally shook himself and tried not to let his imagination run away with the knowledge that he was currently leading his two crushes to his freaking bedroom. His two crushes, who had had sex with each other—one of whom had climbed into his lap naked in the bath just this morning and snogged him nearly senseless—gah, stop it! They were getting ready to go to a graveyard, for Godric's sake.

James cleared his throat and pushed open the door to his bedroom when they finally arrived there after what felt like a month of awkward silence. "So, erm, this is my room," he said, holding the door open for Evans and Sev to step through. Evans glanced around, wearing an expression of polite interest that turned a bit more genuine when she noticed the record player in the corner. Sev gave the bed a tired and somewhat longing look before pulling himself together and glancing at the only other door in the room that wasn't the en-suite bathroom or the door to the hall.

"That's the closet, I assume?" Sev asked quietly.

"Yep. All your stuff's hanging up towards the back left corner," James told him.

Severus raised an eyebrow, then opened the door and blinked a few times, looking stunned.

"What?" James asked, wondering if a Boggart had somehow gotten in there.

"Your closet is bigger than my bedroom," Severus said, finally stepping into the enormous walk-in-closet.

"This is your bedroom now," James argued playfully, "so no it isn't." He followed Sev and leaned in the doorway of the closet, watching Sev slide hangers aside and rifle through all of the clothes he'd gotten from Gladrags.

"He doesn't get to have a room of his own?" Evans asked, sounding suspicious as she walked over to lean against the opposite side of the closet doorway, crossing her arms.

"I mean, he can, obviously, if he wants one," James said, rubbing the back of his neck. "There are plenty—we've just been, you know, sharing."

"Sharing," Evans repeated in a flat tone.

Severus quietly spoke up, "Lily, it's fine." James glanced over and was slightly disappointed to see that Sev had quickly changed clothes right there while he and Evans had been distracted and he'd missed the show. Severus headed back towards the door, randomly grabbing a shirt off of its hanger in James' section and pressing it into James' arms as he passed. "Get changed," he said, giving James a pointed look. "And take your time, I imagine Lily wants to interrogate me about whether you've been treating me right," he said, glancing briefly at Evans who was still leaning on the other side of the doorframe, and who didn't contradict his assumption. Sev forced a hint of a smile as he put his hand on James' chest and gently pushed him through the doorway.

James sniffed, then said in his best fake-offended tone, "Forcing me back into the closet now? That's bi-phobic, Sev—and hypocritical!" Sev chuckled and James relented, stepping further into the closet and telling Sev, "All right, fine. Just knock on the door or something when you're finished talking."

Severus nodded, gave him a look that bordered on grateful, then closed the door.

"All right," Lily said quietly, proud of herself for managing to hold it in until the closet door was closed and she and Severus had taken a few steps away from it towards the middle of the room. "I know this isn't really the best time but I have to ask—what is going on with you and Potter?"

Severus met her eye for a split second before looking away and shrugging.

"Severus," she said in a slightly more demanding tone.

"It's complicated," he mumbled.

Lily frowned, because that was more of a cop-out than an answer. "You're sharing a room," she said.

"Yes."

"There's only one bed."

"We share that too," Sev said. Lily's eyebrows shot up, and Sev glanced up and saw her expression, then quickly added, "Not like that, it's just—comfort."

"Comfort?" Lily repeated, feeling a bit numb and jealous at the same time—she used to be the only one Sev went to for comfort.

"Perhaps you've noticed that we're both a bit of a mess right now?" Severus said, and his tone seemed to be aiming for nonchalant but it missed the mark.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What's Potter's problem?" she asked, genuinely curious. Potter had seemed fine to her—maybe a bit less carefree than usual, maybe a bit of a shadow behind his eyes, but not nearly as drastic of a change as she'd seen in Severus.

Severus gave her a look that bordered on appraising, then said, "I flooed here right after…" he paused, cleared his throat, then repeated, "After. And I told him everything, and he was willing to help me get rid of the body." Lily's eyebrows went up—Potter had always been a rule-breaker, but she would never have thought that he would risk committing an actual crime to help Severus of all people. "But without being able to use magic, there wasn't anything the two of us could do. We went back to my house and I," Severus hesitated, sneaking a glance at Lily's eyes before looking down again and continuing, "I contacted someone Bellatrix Black had told me about—someone who trades in favors to fix 'Dark or magically interesting' problems."

Lily's eyes went wide and she gasped, "Sev! What if they're a Death Eater or something?"

Severus huffed a humorless laugh and quietly echoed, "Or something," which didn't reassure her at all. He kept talking before she could formulate a question. "So Tom—that's the name he was using—he arranged things to look like Tobias got drunk off his arse and walked in front of a bus after shouting to anyone in earshot that he'd just killed his wife. He used magic that wouldn't leave traces so the Aurors wouldn't get involved and he zombie-walked the corpse out of the house and into oncoming traffic, then somehow he handled things with the Muggle cops as well."

Lily blinked and paled a bit, then said numbly, "And now you owe this guy a favor?"

Severus nodded, then said, "It's not as bad as you're thinking though—Potter made sure of that. He asked for a favor too—he asked Tom to swear a Wizard's Oath that when he calls in my favor, he won't make me kill or hurt anyone, and he won't make me join the Death Eaters. He also swore not to talk about what happened that night with anyone except James and I." Lily's jaw dropped somewhere in the middle of that, stunned by the extent of Potter's new protectiveness, and Sev kept talking. "And Tom agreed to that, on the condition that James swear an Oath to never talk to anyone except Tom or I about what happened that night, and to never reveal Tom's connection to the Dark Lord. That Oath counted as the favor James owed Tom, and that's why he can't tell you anything."

Lily blinked and just took everything in for a moment before numbly asking, "So, this Tom—he's a Death Eater?" Severus seemed to hesitate for a brief moment before nodding. "And—he didn't make you swear not to talk about what happened?"

Severus gave her a grim smile and said, "He didn't need to—aside from you, I won't be telling anyone. I can't talk about it without implicating myself in murder and collusion with Death Eaters."

"It was self-defense, not murder," Lily said automatically.

"That's what Potter said too, but it wouldn't have mattered to the Aurors, Lily. I used an Unforgivable."

"Wandlessly?" she asked, recalling that rather unbelievable detail from the story he'd told her downstairs.

Severus nodded, wearing a solemn expression. "My wand was upstairs… It was me or him, Lily. He was holding me down, choking me while my mum was bleeding out on the other side of the kitchen floor—it was easy to dredge up enough hatred to make the spell work. It felt good—it felt like justice."

He went still after saying that, as if thinking he'd said too much, as if waiting for her to either run away or judge him. She did neither—instead she stepped closer and took one of his hands in her own. She waited for him to timidly look up and meet her eyes, then she said quietly but firmly, "Don't do it again, Sev. Promise me."

Sev blinked, and a flicker of shock and hurt flashed across his face. "Do you really think that little of me—?"

"No, of course not," she interrupted, squeezing his hand, "but they say Dark magic is addictive—"

"I have no intention of killing anyone else, all right?" Sev interrupted. "I can't believe I have to say that to you of all people."

"Sev, I didn't mean it like that," she said, brushing a lock of hair out of his face and counting it as a victory when he didn't pull away from her touch. "I just—this is a lot to take in, all right?"

"I'm very aware," he said dryly.

He caught her eye and after a moment of heavy silence, the tension broke and they simultaneously fell into nervous laughter.

Lily stepped closer, letting go of Sev's hand in favor of wrapping both arms around him and leaning her head against his chest, listening to the comforting drum of his heartbeat. After a palpable moment of hesitation, Severus wrapped his arms around her as well.

Lily let the comfortable silence hang for a moment, then she said, "We got off topic, you know."

"Hmm?" Severus asked, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"You and Potter?" she asked pointedly, while just as pointedly staying put in his arms. She had a sinking feeling that she was going to have to thank Potter for taking care of Sev when she wasn't around to do it. And if that wasn't bad enough, she seemed to be developing a grudging respect for the prat (ex-prat?) as well. "I know he likes you," she said, keeping her tone even, "I just want to make sure he's not, you know, asking for anything he shouldn't be in return for letting you stay here," she said pointedly.

"No," Severus said right away. "He's been a perfect gentleman—he's the one who kept telling me to wait," he said, then immediately tensed as if he'd said too much.

"Severus. What?"

Severus sighed, which Lily felt as well as heard, then he said, "I would've told you at the train station, if Petunia hadn't swooped in and started spouting her bullshit."

Lily swallowed and asked, "Told me what?"

"Please don't be angry," Sev said quietly.

"Sev, just say it."

Severus took a deep breath, then said, "That last day at Hogwarts, James and I had a serious talk and then we sort of," he hesitated, then finished, "snogged a few times. And a few times since then."

"A few times?" Lily echoed, feeling stunned and yet somehow simultaneously not being surprised at all.

"Dozen. A few dozen times, maybe—I wasn't exactly counting."

"So," Lily said, swallowing her heart and trying to keep her voice steady, "so you're, what, dating him now?"

"Not exactly," Severus hedged.

"You are or you aren't, Sev, which is it?" she asked, finally pulling back just enough to brave looking him in the eye, but not breaking the hug.

"He asked," Sev admitted. "I said 'maybe' and told him I needed time to think about it."

Don't say it, Lily told herself. Don't say it, don't be that girl, don't say it, damn it— "What about us?"

Severus blinked and stared at her as if that was the last thing he'd expected to hear. When he finally found his voice again, all he managed to say was, "Lily?"

She huffed out a frustrated breath and tried to keep the hurt out of her voice as she said, "I told you I wanted to talk things through this summer—what did you think I meant?"

He blinked again and opened his mouth without saying anything a few times, before finally saying, "I thought you meant being friends again… I didn't—after how I treated you, I didn't dare to hope—"

Lily leaned up on her tiptoes and silenced him with a kiss. It only lasted a brief moment, but she poured everything into it that she couldn't seem to put into words.

When she pulled back, Sev was staring at her again looking stunned and lovestruck. "Lily," he breathed.

She smiled and said, "I won't say it—I know you don't want to hear it," she said pointedly, and the slight sobering of Sev's expression told her that he knew exactly what she was referring to, "but it's still true." I still love you, she didn't say. "Always."

She'd known that Sev had been through hell—she could tell by the way his emotions seemed so close to the surface like an exposed nerve, and by the way his attempts to mask his reactions were much less successful than usual—and she'd known that her words might be too much for him right now and might not go over well, but she hadn't expected his expression to just crumple like that.

"Lily, I'm sorry," he said, pulling her close again and burying his face in her hair. "I shouldn't have pushed you away. I should've said it back," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I do," he said fervently, "you know I do."

Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes and she leaned back just far enough to look at Sev, who looked just as affected. "Sev," she said.

Severus caught her gaze with his own and said for the first time ever, "I love you, Lily."

Lily's breath caught, and she felt a warmth in her chest and at the same time felt like she'd been punched in the solar plexus. For the second time ever, Lily said, "I love you, Sev," and as she leaned in to kiss him again, she hoped that this time it wouldn't ruin things.

He'd said it. Merlin's beard, he'd finally said it. Lily actually miraculously wanted him back, and she'd kissed him a second and then a third time and he'd finally told her that he loved her, while standing in the middle of James Potter's bedroom of all places.

Severus had expected Lily to run the other way once he told her the truth (as much of it as he was willing to, obviously—there was no way he was telling her that the person he and James had met and bargained with was actually the Dark Lord). He'd expected her to realize what he'd known all along—that she deserved better than to be stuck with him. But instead she'd hugged him. Accepted him. Accepted all of him, even his darkest parts. Told him she still loved him. And that—that broke something, some deeply entrenched defensive wall around his heart that he'd put up to protect himself, to keep himself from ever giving anyone else the kind of power over him that love entailed. But it didn't feel like such a risk anymore, not with Lily. She hadn't run, hadn't abandoned him—and if knowing unequivocally that he'd killed his own father with a wandless Unforgivable didn't scare her away, he couldn't imagine what would. He'd always trusted her, but…perhaps now after all this time he could finally trust her love.

James sighed for probably the fortieth time and resisted the urge to bang his head against the closet door. He was sitting on the floor, with his knees drawn up and his back against the door, bored already with catching and releasing the stolen Snitch he'd found in a pocket of one of his hanging school robes.

He was trying not to fantasize too much about Sev and Evans making up and then making out on his bed, but damn he was bored. He'd changed clothes twice out of pure boredom after getting dressed the first time. He'd gone through his robe pockets and found the Snitch, some stale chocolate frogs, and not much else. He'd tried on one of the pairs of shoes he'd bought Sev at Gladrags, just for fun, and idly noted that Sev's feet were just slightly bigger than his own. Then he'd given up and sat down against the door, playing with the Snitch absentmindedly.

Suddenly the door opened and James, not expecting it, toppled over backwards at someone's feet.

"Oh," James said, smiling up at Evans. "Hey, Evans. Looks like I've fallen for you," he said with a cheeky wink as he tried very hard to keep his eyes on her face instead of her mostly-bare legs.

She scoffed and said flatly, "Wow. That was terrible."

"Yeah, all right," he grudgingly admitted, "not my best."

She stared down at him for a moment with a very Sev-like unreadable expression, then she took a step back from him and said, "Get up. We're ready to go."

James got to his feet and glanced over to find Sev sitting on the edge of the bed, staring off towards the floor but wearing a rare unguarded smile. James' eyebrows went up and he quickly glanced over at Evans again, trying to see if her hair was mussed or if her lips looked kiss-swollen—and, as a matter of fact…

"You two finally kissed and made up, didn't you?" James said, grinning first at Evans and then at Sev, who actually blushed slightly.

"Mind your business, Potter," Evans said, but she seemed to be blushing too as she tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear.

"I am," James said, quirking an eyebrow at her but getting nothing back except a vaguely curious and annoyed look. James glanced at Sev instead and asked, "Er, you did talk about—" he trailed off, pointed in a vaguely v-shaped pattern from himself to Sev to Evans, then awkwardly continued, "—you know. Didn't you?"

Evans crossed her arms and said, "He told me you snogged at Hogwarts, and that you asked him out."

"And?" James prompted.

"And what?" Evans asked, looking defiant but also slightly suspicious.

James blinked, feeling a stab of rejection. But of course Sev wouldn't waste his time with him once he got Evans back—it was stupid of him to ever think otherwise. Of course Sev wouldn't risk losing Evans by asking her to share him with James—James was 'too much' after all, especially when Sev already had someone else.

"And nothing, I guess," James said after a moment, not quite able to keep the bitterness out of his tone. He stepped back into the closet just long enough to slip on a pair of shoes. "Come on," he said, not looking at either of them as he headed for the door, "it's a long walk to the graveyard."

"James?" Severus asked, and he sounded concerned.

"Put some shoes on," James told him without looking at him, nodding instead towards the closet as he leaned against the wall by the main door. "Not the Laurent Voler pair," he added as an afterthought, "if the grass is damp it'll ruin them."

James felt him staring for a moment longer before Sev finally relented and went over to the walk in closet. He heard footsteps, and then Evans grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"What the hell, Potter?" she whisper-yelled.

He raised an eyebrow and said, "What?"

She said in a harsher tone, "I don't know what crawled up your arse just now, or how it managed to squeeze past your head to get up there—"

"Classy," he scoffed, but she talked over him.

"—but don't you dare play games with Sev or shut him out right now."

"I'm not the one playing games."

"What's that mean?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about it," he snapped, turning away to face the door instead of her.

"Too late," she snapped back from beside him. She went silent for a moment, considering him, then she asked, "What else were Sev and I supposed to talk about?"

James frowned and said stiffly, "Whatever you want to. Clearly it's none of my business."

Evans took a step sideways, putting herself in James' line of sight. "Potter, you're not subtle. Like, at all. You asked if we talked about," she mimicked the gesture he'd made earlier, "something, and then you just closed off. What did you mean?"

"Obviously it doesn't matter. Just drop it, Evans."

"If it doesn't matter then why are you being such a berk all of a sudden?"

Sev cleared his throat from behind both of them, and he said, "I'd rather like to know that as well."

James sighed but turned to very briefly meet Sev's eyes—just long enough to hate the fact that he'd put that worried, insecure expression in them. Then he said, "It's fine, Sev." He forced a smile and said pointedly, "I told you I wouldn't get in the way, remember?" Sev blinked a few times, seeming to catch on to his meaning, and James continued, "Just let me be pissed off for a little bit, and I'll get over it, and then we'll be fine, all right?"

"No," Severus said, "it's not all right, you idiot."

"Why not?" James demanded, starting to get properly angry. He was trying to be selfless here, and it didn't exactly come naturally to him. "You've obviously decided to just be with Evans, so fine—that's fine. Completely fine."

"Obviously?" Sev echoed in a tone of pissed-off disbelief. "When did I decide that?"

"When you didn't ask her about," James hesitated, feeling awkward, then just gestured between the three of them again in a vaguely triangular motion, "what we discussed."

Severus scoffed at him, and some part of James was actually very relieved to see the fight back in him—to see him showing some life instead of just drifting through like he'd been doing all week. "Oh yes, my mistake," Severus said, his tone just this side of scathing, "obviously the moment she miraculously decided to give me another chance, I should've immediately invited her into a polyamorous relationship with the twat who's harassed us both for years!" Severus ran a hand through his hair in frustration and said, "Jesus fuck, Potter, just because I didn't bring it up right away doesn't mean I was rejecting you."

"Wait," Evans chimed in, looking from Sev to James. "You're talking about all three of us being together? As a couple? Or—well, as a whatever? Are you serious?"

James bit his lip to stop himself from making a Sirius/serious joke, then he nodded and said, "Absolutely. And if you're still inexplicably not swayed by my many charms," she rolled her eyes at that and James pretended it didn't hurt a little, "then it can be a V instead of a triangle, you know. You wouldn't have to do anything with me, we'd just both be dating Sev."

Evans raised an eyebrow at him and said coolly, "I'm fully aware that I don't 'have to' do anything with you, Potter—I don't need your permission to continue not dating you," but she seemed to be considering the proposition. Then she turned to look at Severus instead and asked, "Sev? What do you want?"

Sev gave her a forced-looking smile, then confessed in a whisper, "Both of you—I know it sounds greedy, but—"

"Hey, none of that," James interrupted gently, trying not to grin like a lunatic as warmth and relief and hope replaced the angry hollowness he'd felt in his chest just moments ago. "Be as greedy as you want, Sev, I happen to like spoiling you."

"I've noticed," Severus said, giving him a hint of a smile before turning to Evans and asking, "Lily? Are you all right with this? Honestly?"

James looked at Evans as well, trying to keep his expression calm but desperately hoping she wouldn't make Sev choose—because James was pretty sure Sev would always choose Evans if it came down to it.

Evans met Sev's eyes for a long moment, looking uncertain, then she glanced at James before taking a deep breath and staring down at her feet. "Well," she said, "the only other time I've heard of polyamory was when Petunia went on a rant about how people who did it were ruining society and would go straight to hell along with all of the gays and the hippies and the feminists, so," she paused, then looked up and quirked a smile, "honestly it sounds like my kind of thing."

James broke into a grin, then said with feeling, "Evans, you are perfect."

She scoffed through a smile and said, "Sev, your boyfriend is delusional."

A small, happy, disbelieving smile crept onto Sev's face as he looked back and forth between the two of them, and James wanted it to stay there forever.

James grinned even wider and said, "Sev, your girlfriend is perfect."

"I know," Severus said, and Evans rolled her eyes at him but she smiled.

As they all finally stepped outside and started walking down the long driveway towards the road, with Lily on the left, Severus in the middle, and James on the right, Severus once again started to question his assumption that all of this was real.

Even through the lingering fogginess from an entire week of alternating dissociation and panic attacks that he barely remembered, he simply felt too—happy, in this moment—for it to be true. And then there was the fact that James and Lily had agreed—almost too easily—to essentially share him. In light of what had happened with Severus' parents, Lily seemed to have forgiven him without even discussing everything that went wrong their first go round, or the fact that he'd called her that horrible word. James had seemed willing, however grudgingly, to step aside when he'd assumed Severus only wanted Lily, which seemed uncharacteristically selfless of him. The mansion they'd all just stepped out of looked like something out of a bloody fairytale, some kind of amalgamation of a cottage and a small castle—it wasn't the sort of place Severus got to live. Severus didn't get to have nice things, and if by some miracle he got something he wanted he usually didn't get to keep it long—that was what his life so far had taught him.

"Are you sure this is really real?" he blurted out before he could stop himself.

He glanced at Lily and found himself on the receiving end of a concerned and scrutinizing look. Then a hard pinch to his upper arm had him turning the opposite way to face James.

"What the hell, Potter?" Severus demanded, rubbing his arm.

James raised both hands in surrender, then said innocently, "Just proving that you're not dreaming."

Severus scowled at him. "It's not impossible to feel pain in dreams, idiot. You've proven nothing."

At that, James looked guilty and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Oh. Er, sorry then."

Severus ignored that and mused, "Maybe I never even left that kitchen—maybe I'm dying right now and this is just my brain giving me something nice for once on the way out."

"Severus!" Lily said, looking suddenly near tears. He blinked and started to apologize for upsetting her, but she said, "You're not dying—you're here with us and you're alive, and you're going to stay that way for a very long time, understand?"

"All right," he said quietly, "sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Lily said softly, "just trust me."

Severus smiled and caught her eye. "Always."

Lily smiled back, but there was a hint of sadness underneath it. She took his hand and nodded further down the road they were on. "Come on."

They started walking again, and it took Severus a moment to notice that James had fallen back a few steps with both hands in his pockets and a pensive look on his face. Severus caught his eye, raised an eyebrow, and then held out his free hand towards James.

James smiled, walked faster to catch up, and clasped Sev's hand, entwining their fingers and swinging their arms slightly as they walked.

They didn't talk, but it was a comfortable silence despite the solemnity of the occasion. Severus wondered if he was actually ready to face his mother's grave, but he knew Lily probably couldn't stay for much longer and if he was going to do this, he wanted to do it with both Lily and James by his side.

After about ten minutes of walking, Severus felt a wave of lightheadedness and stumbled slightly but managed to catch himself.

"Sev?" Lily asked, concerned.

"Whoa, you all right?" James said.

"Fine, fine," Severus said, although the lightheadedness wasn't going away. "Just need to," he closed his eyes and slowly lowered himself to sit on the ground, ignoring James and Lily's fussing, "need to sit down a minute." The road they were on was paved, and the asphalt was almost too warm even through his clothes but it felt nice anyway. Maybe he could just lay here a moment.

Maybe he could even take a nap if those voices would stop arguing above him.

"—what do you mean he hasn't been eating?"

"He's barely been conscious all week, Evans, it was all I could do to get a nutrient potion into him every day."

"Then you should've taken him to St. Mungo's!"

"He refused, and he freaked out every time I even mentioned it!"

Severus took a deep breath and managed to push out a weak protest, "No hospitals, Potter." He kept his eyes closed because the sun was just too bloody bright.

"See?" James said from somewhere vaguely up.

"Well then he needs another potion, obviously," Lily said. There was a slight rustle, then Lily's voice was much closer and much gentler. "Sev? What potion would help you the most right now?"

"Mmmm," he said, feeling a bit drifty and just enjoying the sound of her voice so close, so caring. The road was warm against his back and his legs, and he could feel the cool spots where Lily's shadow fell over him and blocked the heat of the sunlight. It was nice.

"Sev?" Lily asked again, sounding much more worried. "Nutrient potion? Pepper Up? Strengthening Solution?"

Sev took a moment to fight through the fog and try to assess how he felt, and he made a vaguely affirmative "Mmhmm," at her third suggestion. He felt the shade go away as Lily stood.

"Tally?" Potter called, and there was a pop as the elf appeared. "Hey, go get a Strengthening Solution for Sev. If there isn't one in the house, go buy one and use my account. Hurry up!"

"Yes, master James," Tally said, then popped away.

"Hey, Sev?" James said, and Severus felt shade again.

"Hmm?"

"You need to get up, love. Can't just lay in the street."

"M'okay, just need to rest a mo'."

"Right, but you can do it against that nice tree over there instead of in the middle of the road like a lunatic."

"Potter!" Lily scolded.

Severus chuckled but didn't try to move. "Do you against a tree," he grumbled half-heartedly, and James laughed.

"Promise?" James asked cheekily.

There was a loud pop as Tally returned and said, "Tally is having Master Sev's potion," while presumably handing it over.

"Thanks, Tal. Stick around for a minute," James said. "Evans, can you hold this a sec? Right then, up you go."

Severus felt hands close around both his wrists, and then he was pulled up into a sitting position. The dizziness got worse, and he tried to open his eyes which was a mistake because the light bloody burned. "Potter, put me down."

"Sure, as soon as you take this potion."

"Potter—"

"Drink it, or I'll drink it and shotgun it into your mouth, and I don't think Evans and Tally want to see that."

Severus huffed a laugh and muttered, "God, you're a menace."

"Yep," James said, and Sev felt the rim of a cool glass vial press against his lips. "Open up," James said, and Severus parted his lips as the vial tilted, drinking the potion that tasted vaguely of burnt cinnamon.

"Disgusting," Severus said after he'd swallowed it all. He could already feel it working though, and he managed to blink his eyes open without getting a massive headache from the light. The dizziness started to slowly abate as well, and he felt like he could pick himself up without his muscles turning to jelly. He realized both James and Lily were kneeling on either side of him while Tally stood a few feet away, nervously wringing her hands. "Sorry," he said, briefly looking at all three of them before closing his eyes again.

"It's all right, Sev," Lily said, taking his hand. He opened his eyes again just to look into her beautiful, brilliant green ones.

James cleared his throat and said, "Yeah, I'm the one who's sorry—should've known this would be too much for you."

Severus waved it off—he was already starting to feel halfway normal after taking the Strengthening Solution. "It's fine—just give me another minute."

"Yeah, no," James said firmly. "Tally's going to pop us the rest of the way there, if you think you can keep that potion down for the trip."

Severus took a second to assess how he felt and whether he was likely to vomit after an Apparation, then said, "I'll be all right."

"Tally?" James said, and the elf stepped closer. James took Sev's hand on one side, and Lily took the other. James held out his other hand for Tally to take. "Take us to the graveyard, close to the Potter plots but away from people if there's anyone else visiting."

Tally nodded, and there was a brief squeezing feeling, and then they all reappeared on a soft green lawn in the shade of a massive tree on the edge of the cemetery. Severus glanced to the right and saw rows and rows of headstones dotting the grass, and he swallowed, feeling apprehensive.

"Thanks, Tal," James said. "You can go home for now—I'll call you if we need you again."

"Yes, master James," Tally said, smiling before popping away.

The loud pop only highlighted the silence left behind—aside from a slight breeze rustling the tree leaves, all was quiet. No one else seemed to be around. It should've felt peaceful, but there was still a sense of unreality that seemed to cling to Severus like a fog and made everything feel more profound, more momentous—like those occasional dreams that feel so real and so certain right up until the moment of waking.

Severus took a deep breath, then looked over at James and asked, "Which one's hers?"

James squeezed his hand and attempted a reassuring smile as he helped him stand. "This way," he said, keeping a hold of Sev's hand as he gently tugged him into the grid of gravestones. Lily took Sev's other hand and followed.

Severus watched the names on the headstones as they passed—some said Peverell, which vaguely rang a bell for some reason, and then they stepped into an entire section of Potters.

"My grandparents," James said quietly, nodding towards two stones side by side, Charlus and Dorea. "Never met them." Beside those were two blank stones. "Those two are reserved for my parents," he added, clearing his throat. There was a large expanse of lawn with no stones, and as they stepped onto it, James said in a slightly lighter tone, "This is all reserved for future generations of Potters—we're literally walking over my grave right now."

"That's not funny," Lily said quietly, looking vaguely spooked. Sev's stomach dropped at the mention as well.

Severus squeezed Lily's hand as James glanced back and said, "Sorry, Evans."

As they approached the edge of the row, Severus noticed the lone gravestone standing there and James told him, "I figured you wouldn't want her crammed in the middle of my family, so I picked this spot on the edge. Hope that's all right."

"It's fine," Severus said, and as they got closer he realized that James must've spared no expense. The stone itself was black marble, rectangular, and around three feet tall, with engraved roses going up one side. Her name was embossed in an elegant white script, and above that in smaller letters it read 'In loving memory'. Below her name were her dates of birth and death. Below that, affixed to the stone with an engraved border—Severus felt tears prickling his eyes, and he breathed, "How—?"

It was a photograph that he recognized—the very first picture ever taken of Eileen and Severus, with her holding him and looking down at him on the day he was born—but it was moving. Eileen glanced up and smiled at the camera, love and happiness shining through her expression in a way it never had in her later life. Baby Severus reached one tiny hand up to pat her chin and she looked back down to smile at him instead.

James cleared his throat nervously and said, "A few days ago I, er, floo'd back to your house and found it in an album. I was looking for pictures and stuff in case you woke up in time to have an actual funeral. Turns out they can animate Muggle photos—it's not easy, and there's only a limited number of things they can make them do, but," James trailed off for a moment, ran his free hand through his hair in a nervous gesture, "well, I thought you would like to see her smile."

Severus inhaled sharply as he lost the battle with his tears. He stepped closer to James and buried his face against his chest, breathing deeply to keep from sobbing as he wrapped both arms around him.

James hugged him back and said in a worried tone, "I'm sorry if it was too much, I just—"

Severus shook his head against James' chest and said, "No, it's—it's beautiful. Thank you."

James pressed a kiss to the top of Sev's head and murmured, "Of course, love."

A touch had Sev turning to see Lily, looking on the edge of tears herself, standing close to both of them and running her hand comfortingly up and down his arm. Severus tried to force a smile but had no idea how it turned out. He hid his face against James' chest again, sniffled, then managed to pull himself together after a moment.

Sev straightened up and stepped out of James' embrace. He wiped his eyes, then glanced from James to Lily before asking the air between them, "Can I have a minute alone, please?"

"Of course, Sev," Lily said.

"We'll just be right over there, yeah?" James said, nodding towards a tree about twenty feet away.

Severus nodded, then turned back to face his mother's grave as they stepped away.

Lily followed Potter over to an oak tree on the edge of the cemetery, giving Sev some space but still saying in sight and within shouting distance. They came to a stop in the shade of the tree, both glancing back towards Severus before looking at each other.

"So, erm—" Potter said awkwardly before trailing off.

Her emotions were still reeling a bit from everything she'd learned today and everything that had changed, but Lily took a deep breath and said, "You know, I still have some doubts about you, Potter, but that," she nodded back towards the gravestone, "was the kindest, most touching thing I've ever seen someone do."

Potter's eyebrows went up in surprise, and then a smile crept onto his face. "I've been telling you for years that I'm a catch, Evans."

"Don't push your luck," she said flatly, crossing her arms—honestly, every time she thought she might actually be able to get along with Potter he had to go and turn everything into a joke or a flirtation. She snuck another glance in Sev's direction, but he was still kneeling by his mum's grave and didn't seem to be in any obvious distress. She turned back to Potter, gave him a humorless smile, and asked, "Have you ever gotten a shovel talk before, Potter?"

"A what now?" he asked, looking confused.

"Hmm, must be a Muggle thing," she said. "The gist of it is, if you hurt him in any way, I'll make sure they never find your body."

Potter blinked, then said, "Understood—but just so you know, I have no intention of hurting him ever again." He paused and then asked, "What does a shovel have to do with it?"

"It's to dig a hole to bury you in. And maybe to bash you over the head with too," she said matter-of-factly.

Potter tsked and said, "So violent," but he smiled slightly.

Lily glanced over to check on Sev again, then she gave Potter a serious look and said, "I won't ask for another Oath, but I want your word that you won't take advantage of him being so—unguarded—right now. And I want you to promise that you'll take care of him, no matter what—even if things don't work out with you two—don't kick him out and don't go back to treating him like you used to."

Potter's expression had gone solemn and he looked her right in the eye when he said, "I promise, Evans. No matter what."

She held his gaze for a moment and then nodded. "Good."

Potter forced a half-hearted smile and then he glanced over to check on Sev, which prompted Lily to do the same—he still seemed fine.

"So, erm," Lily said after another moment, "I probably can't stay much longer. I sort of took off without telling anyone. My parents are going to freak out when they realize it, and that's if my sister hasn't already tattled on me."

Potter studied her for a moment. "Well, if you're already going to be in trouble, you might as well make the most of it," he said in true Marauder fashion. "Stay for dinner, at least. Maybe if we both pout at Sev long enough he'll actually eat something."

Lily gave him half a smile and said, "Sometimes, Potter, I like the way you think."

"Just sometimes?" he asked playfully. She raised a critical eyebrow at him, and then Potter shrugged before smiling and saying, "I'll take it."

Lily ducked her head to hide her smile, then glanced over and saw Sev looking their way. She straightened up and took a step towards him—he looked calm and slightly curious about Lily and Potter obviously getting along. Sev raised one hand to quickly swipe at his eyes, then he beckoned for them to come over.

"Come on," Lily said, touching Potter's arm lightly before striding back towards Severus. There was a pause and then he jogged a few steps to catch up to her. She glanced over but his eyes were on Sev as he walked, and he looked concerned. "Potter?" she said under her breath, waiting for him to meet her eyes before saying just as quietly, "Thank you." For the photo and the gravestone, for taking care of Eileen's burial, for bargaining with a Death Eater to keep Sev safe, for being willing to hide a body for him, for taking care of Severus, for giving him kindness and affection, for giving him a chance in the first place and stopping the bullying—she hoped her tone and her expression conveyed all of that, because they were within earshot of Sev now and she didn't want to elaborate. She honestly wasn't even sure if she could find a way to put it all into words. Potter seemed to get it though—he gave her a serious look and simply nodded before looking back towards Severus.

Sev's eyes were red but he wasn't crying at the moment, and he seemed to have mostly pulled himself together—if Lily didn't already know where to look for the cracks in his mask she wouldn't have seen them. When she got within arm's reach he held out his hand and she took it, kneeling in the grass beside him. Potter sat down next to Sev on his other side.

For a long moment no one spoke, then Severus took a deep breath and quietly told Lily, "She knew about us, somehow. I never told her, but," he trailed off and shrugged one shoulder. "She really liked you," he added. He glanced over at James, and said, "I think she would've liked you too—I sort of accidentally told her about us when I was trying to talk her into leaving." Sev's expression went a bit pinched at that, and he went quiet again. Lily didn't know what she could say without making it sound like pity, which Sev would resent, and it seemed Potter was in the same predicament since he stayed quiet too.

Sev didn't seem to expect them to say anything though, and after a moment he said in a quiet, reminiscent tone, "One of my earliest memories is of her taking me to the park—I must've only been two or three because it was before he found out about our magic," Sev paused, sniffed, and then continued. "She picked a white dandelion and blew on it, and I remember watching the pieces of it drifting on the air. She smiled and told me dandelions were considered a weed but they were still beautiful, and they were the best to make wishes on. She smiled—just like in that photo…that's one of the only times I remember her looking happy." Severus went quiet and Lily saw Potter reach for his free hand to give it a comforting squeeze. Severus sniffed again, and then said, "I asked her what she wished for, and she said you can't tell or it won't come true."

Lily forced a sad smile and said, "I remember you teaching me that, the second time we met. Along with what potions dandelions were good for."

Severus huffed a slight laugh. "She started teaching me about potions and simple spells after my magic started manifesting. Cat was out of the bag at that point. She always seemed a little sad about it though—I think she'd hoped I would be a Squib," he scoffed and said, "and I honestly can't blame her, even though it was bloody impossible. She was hoping that this baby—" his voice broke and he went silent, letting out a sharp exhale that seemed to want to be a sob. Lily and Potter simultaneously reached up to put their free arm around Sev's shoulders, and their arms brushed but Lily didn't move. Sev found his voice again and muttered, "I always knew this was going to happen someday. I knew, so why does it hurt so goddamn much?"

Lily's heart broke a little bit more for him, and she felt a stab of guilt for not realizing just how horrifically bad things were all those years—Sev had been good at hiding it and downplaying the abuse, but she still felt like she'd failed him. "It hurts because it wasn't supposed to be like this," she said quietly, squeezing his hand.

Sev blinked and a few silent tears escaped. He took a shaky breath and said, "I keep thinking that it was all for nothing in the end—everything I went through over the years because I stuck around to protect her, and I couldn't even do that—he still killed her," his voice broke and he took another of those trying-not-to cry breaths.

Potter spoke up, his voice low but certain, "This was not your fault, Sev."

Severus scoffed and argued, "I couldn't stop him in time and I couldn't heal her—I tried but she'd lost too much blood, she was already gone," his voice broke again and he ducked his head as more silent tears escaped. Lily shifted closer to him, close enough to let him hide his face in her shoulder—he'd always hated to let anyone see him cry.

Lily wrapped her right arm around Sev's waist and reached up with her left hand to card her fingers through his hair in a gesture of silent comfort. She glanced up at the moving photograph affixed to the grave and felt a stab of pain for Eileen herself—she'd been happy once, hopeful once, only to be betrayed and abused and eventually murdered by the man she'd loved. Lily still couldn't help but resent her a bit even through her sympathy—whatever her reasons, Eileen had kept Sev in an abusive situation and Lily couldn't reconcile that with her concept of what a mother was supposed to be. Lily swore that if she ever had children, she would make sure they were safe and loved and happy, and anything that tried to hurt them would have to go through her first. So would anything that tried to hurt Sev.

She turned her head and pressed a kiss to Sev's temple, and when she glanced up she saw Potter silently trying to catch her eye. He still had one hand on Sev's upper back, slowly rubbing up and down in a comforting motion. She quirked an eyebrow at him, and he used his free hand to point first at himself and then at where Sev had latched onto Lily's side, then he gave her a look as if asking for permission—if he moved beside her to hold Sev at the same time as her, Potter would be pressed up against her side as well. She took a second to appreciate the fact that he'd asked first, then she simply nodded and ignored the flutter of awkward apprehension as he shuffled over closer.

Potter scooted up next to her on her right side, putting his left hand on the ground behind her and then wrapping his right arm around Sev's shoulder. He leaned forward to rest his head on Sev's shoulder while Sev still had his face hidden against Lily's collarbone. Lily and Potter's sides were pressed together but she was surprised by how comfortable it was—Potter wasn't trying anything, wasn't touching her any more than necessary—they were both just holding Sev.

For a moment it was quiet and comfortable and warm, and then Sev sniffed and asked from Lily's shoulder, "Are you two actually getting along now?"

Potter made a noncommittal sort of noise, and Lily said, "It's too soon to tell," which surprised a small pleased laugh out of Severus. Lily smiled at the accomplishment.

Potter volunteered, "Evans did say she'd stay for dinner though."

Lily glanced at Potter, at the small fond smile on his face as he embraced Sev, at his wild hair that used to irritate her on sight, at his distinctive round glasses, at his hazel eyes which—whoops—had glanced up and caught her staring. He quirked an eyebrow at her, but she just shrugged and looked down at Severus instead.

"Are you ready to head back?" she asked Sev, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear as he finally raised his face from her shoulder to make hesitant eye contact first with Lily and then with Potter.

Sev's eyes skittered away somewhere between the two of them, perhaps at the spot where their shoulders were touching. He paused for a moment and seemed to be collecting himself, then he said, "I—yes. I think so."

"We can come back anytime you want," Potter said quietly.

Sev glanced at him briefly and then nodded before looking down again. "All right. Call your elf."

"Tally?" James called. With a loud pop, Tally appeared beside them and turned an earnest look towards James while she waited for instructions. James took one of Sev's hands and Lily took the other, then James held out his free hand towards Tally and said, "Take us home."

A/N: Please let me know what you think. I fought myself on this one because in a way I feel like it's much too soon to have Lily on board with the polyamory or to even have them talk about it just yet, but when I tried to start over and take things slower my muse just wasn't having it. Regardless, certain issues/resentments/concerns between the three are not going to magically disappear just because they didn't hash it all out in this chapter—things that are left to fester have a way of coming back around later on /

Also their relationship is not going to stay V-shaped, it's going to eventually be a triangle. EVENTUALLY. I might even finally accomplish writing a partial slow burn for once, between James and Lily in this fic. Just fyi in case you were worried/disappointed ;)

Comments give me life!