29AN: This is based on a request from my "Rosalina's Intergalactic Circus" collaborator.
Chapter 18 Around the World in 80 Blasts
"Everyone gather around!"
The entire population of Toad Town had gathered around in the Town Square. It was a beautiful and lively evening, the perfect conditions for the momentous occasion to unfold. The toads all gathered around so Princess Peach could deliver her speech.
"Two and a half centuries ago, our kingdom was drenched in a time of turmoil. We were in the middle of a brutal war with the Koopa Kingdom. But thanks to the brave souls who have put their lives on the line, our kingdom managed to come out victorious!"
The crowd cheered, and Princess Peach gave a nervous smile. This statement that she had just delivered was actually fictitious. The Mushroom Kingdom did not win the war against the Koopa Kingdom; the war had actually ended in a draw. But the toads who grew up hearing this bias version of the story did not need to know that. Peach raised her hand to quiet the applause.
"In honor of this event," she said. "I have a very special treat for all of you." Peach stepped to the side, allowing everyone to see Mario coming forward. The crowd immediately applauded again. After all, Mario was heralded as a hero. Mario waved at the crowd happily.
"Mario has volunteered to become the first plumber cannonball!"
The crowd then saw that two mushroom retainers were wheeling out a humongous cannon. It resembled a warp cannon, as it was black with yellow paint around the circumference of the opening. Everyone began to feel a little nervous as the Italian plumber voluntarily climbed his way into the cannon. Peach brought out a torch. As she held it over the fuse, she started counting down, and the crowd joined in.
"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...ONE!"
With that, the cannon went off. The sound was so loud that it rocked everybody's eardrums. As the smoke cleared, the toads in the crowd could see that Mario had left a trail of smoke behind him. They followed it with their eyes and saw that their hero was sailing through the sky. Farther and farther and farther he went until he vanished with a twinkle.
…
When Mario had been approached by Peach and asked to become a human cannonball, he had agreed instantaneously. After all, he had crossed countless worlds. He had seen countless enemies and had defeated them all. He had even seen Bowser face to face more often than he could count. In comparison to that, how scary would being shot out of a cannon be?
Turns out it was flipping terrifying. Mario wanted to scream his tongue off as he soared like a bullet bill through the night sky, but his fear didn't allow him to do that. The adrenaline didn't allow that to happen either, all that it allowed was for Mario's heart to hammer repeatedly in his chest. Sweat was forming on the hero's forehead, only to slide off his skin and sail away in the atmosphere.
Just as the fear was starting to become unbearable, Mario could feel himself starting to descend. He looked down and felt immense relief. He could see a ship below him, at a complete stand still. Mario grinned. That is, until he landed.
Mario landed with a thud on the wooden floor of the ship. He groaned and saw that he was staring at a pair of shoes. He looked up and saw none other than Captain Syrup.
"Hey bud," she said with a cheerful grin. "What's going on?"
Mario got up, wobbling a little bit as he stood.
"I...I...do you think you can help me get back to the Mushroom Kingdom?"
Captain Syrup's grin grew brighter.
"Sure thing!" With that, she picked Mario up and started carrying him to the cannon. Mario squirmed ferociously once he realized what was happening.
"I meant by sailing!"
The captain let out a hearty laugh.
"And where is the fun in that?"
With that she shoved Mario into the cannon and aimed it at toward the south, the exact opposite direction from which Mario had come. Before Mario could inform Captain Syrup of her error, he was already flying away. He looked behind and saw the captain waving happily.
…
Mario landed with another thud. He looked around and saw that he had landed in a garden. The garden's color scheme consisted of greens and oranges. Just like…
Mario gulped. Oh, Mama Mia, he thought when he saw Princess Daisy marching up to him. She looked furious.
"What do you think you are doing, mister? Do you find messing up my garden to be funny?"
"Look Daisy, I'm sorry…"
Before another word could escape from the plumber's lips, Daisy punted him into the air.
…
Mario flew for what felt like a day. He landed with another thud, this time on pavement. The unforgiving, nasty asphalt left quite a number on him. He groaned as he started to get up, only to find Pauline walking towards him. She sighed.
"Again?" she asked.
Mario just shrugged nonchalantly. Pauline giggled.
"Why do I have a feeling this won't be the last time I see you?" she asked.
Mario took notice of the pouring rain around them and smiled.
"Eh, when it rains, it rains plumbers."
Pauline laughed. She offered her friend a way back, which he initially accepted gratefully. That is, until Pauline hooked him to a firework.
"Uh, do you think we could try a different…?
Before he could say anymore, New Donk City was miles below him.
…
Mario flew until he landed in a dark forest. Thankfully, the trees managed to lessen the fall. It was still painful landing, but it wasn't as painful.
"Oh my stars! Mario, are you okay?"
Mario looked and saw Vivian, the former shadow siren. He sighed in relief.
"Oh, it is so nice to see you," he said.
"It's nice to see you too," said Vivian.
"Hey uh..do you think you could get me back to the Mushroom Kingdom?"
Vivian's eyes lit up.
"With a cannon!?"
"NO!" cried Mario. "No cannons!"
Vivian nodded with a smile.
"That's okay. I've got the next best thing."
With that, Vivian punched Mario using a shadefist. It was a powerful shadefist too; it sent him flying up into the stratosphere. He sighed.
"Why does this always happen to me?"
…
Rosalina was up near the comet observatory. She was the size of a planet. She was also smoking a gigantic cigarette, which had been inserted into her long, elegant cigarette holder. Everytime she exhaled, a star shaped smoke ring emerged from her mouth.
Mario came flying by just as Rosalina was about to take another puff. He shot into her mouth at breakneck speed. He was so worried that this was the end. Rosalina was going to swallow him, he just knew it.
Thankfully, Rosalina pulled the cigar out of her mouth and blew out a star shaped smoke ring. As she did, Mario went flying out of her mouth, down back toward the Mushroom World.
…
Mario landed on the ground of the castle, right next to the cannon that started this whole thing. He looked around and saw that the town square was completely empty. He sighed in relief.
I am never doing that again.
