Heaving a weary sigh, Sasha closed the front door of his house and telekinetically hung his keys onto the hanging rack nearby. He'd just returned home from a long, hard day of doing fuck-all at work, and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with his partner and fall into an exhausted sleep.
He slipped his jacket off and hung it next to a white coat in the closet, and then made his way towards the stairs, because apparently he didn't have any chores or hobbies that he needed to engage with. He paused at the landing of the stairs, his attention caught by a tacky pink, yellow and blue garment that was way too shiny for his tastes hanging between the banisters. That's odd, he thought to himself as he grabbed the strange dress (with telekinesis of course- he would never degrade himself by bending over to pick something up physically) and held it up for examination. We don't usually leave ugly clothing lying around like this…
He was perplexed to find more out-of-place articles of clothing carelessly strewn across the stairs and along the hallway- a long,white coat, some neon green panty-hose, a heavy brown apron, a pair of boxer shorts decorated with cartoon teeth, and a lacy pink bra. This is highly unusual...we only have bring that apron out for special occasions…
By this point greatly concerned, Sasha rushed over to the master bedroom, tripping over a puce heel as ran. He psi-blasted the door open (as he did every night) and hurried into the room.
What he saw nearly knocked him off his feet, it was so shocking and so horrible. There, in the bed that he and his partner had slept in every night for the past two or so years, was Milla Vodello and Caligosto Loboto, with only Loboto's shower cap and a deep green comforter to shield their indecency . "Oh my non-existent God," he moaned (because he was an atheist...deal with it), sinking to his knees.
"It's not what it looks like!" Milla shouted, bringing the comforter further up her chest.
"Actually, it's exactly what it looks like," said Loboto calmly as he reclined back against the headboard. "I was using my dental drill on Agent Vodello."
"My best friend and my partner…" Sasha said, his hands coming over his face. "How could this have happened?" He suddenly felt queasy, the nausea nearly forcing him to vomit up the carton of cigarettes he had eaten for dinner that night. Pain rocketed throughout his skull...was this feeling heartbreak? "Where did I go wrong? Was it because I didn't let you buy that lamp?" He raised his gaze up, using all of his remaining strength to make eye-contact with the two traitors in his bed. "It was hideous."
"You look you're having an aneurysm," Loboto said casually as he lit up one of Sasha's cigarettes and took a long drag.
He was right, Sasha realized as he careened forward, his vision going dark…
Sasha awoke suddenly and in a cold sweat, his heart beating fast. "Ach, darling," he muttered, reaching over to give the sleeping form next to him a shake. "I just had the worst, most baffling dream."
His partner shifted and turned toward him, visibly annoyed at being awoken. "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" he said in that pissy manner Sasha adored so much. "I'm a dentist, not a dream analyzer. I extract teeth, not nightmares."
Sasha smiled, relieved that his partner was still the same huge fucking jerk that he'd fallen madly in love with for some reason. "I dreamt that I caught you in bed with Agent Vodello."
Loboto shrugged. "It was only a dream." He reached up and patted Sasha's teeth. "Go back to sleep and don't bother me again."
Sasha smiled, and did as was ordered. And all was right with the world...
This fic was a joke, inspired by shenanigans at the psychowhatsits discord server. Special thanks goes out to MemeQween, who inspired it!
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