Ring. Ring. Ring.

The repeating noise plays havoc on my ears, and I'm so anxious I can almost hear my heartbeat. It's just a phone call; such an innocuous thing really shouldn't have me as terrified as I am now. Despite that, my chest is pounding, my mouth feels drier than a desert, and I can't seem to calm my racing thoughts down at all. But if Lilly is a no go for this, than Akira is honestly my only other lifeline. I can't think of anybody else who might be able to give me some real insight here.

The ringing continues on for some time, and just when I'm about ready to give up -

"Akira Satou speaking." The voice is surprisingly professional. I find myself taken aback, and have trouble figuring out a way to respond. We sit in silence for a few seconds. "Hello?" I take a deep breath.

"Hi, Akira," I muster up the courage to say. "It's Hisao." Another moment of silence.

"Hisao? Lilly and Hanako's Hisao?" I grimace a bit at that description of me, but I'm sure from where Akira is sitting that sounds like a perfectly apt way of referring to me so I don't bother arguing it.

"Yeah, that's the one." Another moment of silence. This is very, very awkward.

"Well… Yo. How's it going?" Akira manages to ask, sounding very confused. "Having trouble getting ahold of Lilly?"

"That's not it, I called to talk to you," I correct her. "But that being said, is she around right now?"

"Nah," Akira says with a small sigh, suddenly sounding much more relaxed once the initial surprise of my calling her has worn off. "She's off with our folks right now. They figured since she was in Scotland they'd show her around a little bit." Considering the reason they're out there, that seems rather odd. You'd think she would be visiting with her aunt, not taking in the sights.

"I take it that means your aunt is doing well then?" I hear a small grunt come through the speaker.

"Well enough. I'm not convinced things were all that bad to begin with, but who am I to say?" Akira takes a shallow breath before adding, "Thanks for the concern though."

"Yeah, of course." More silence. I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one that's finding this so awkward. Akira seems very at ease at the moment, although she has always struck me as being very relaxed and composed. "Any reason in particular you didn't go with them?"

"Don't get along too well with Mom and Dad. Figure Lilly might want to enjoy some time with them without the fighting that would no doubt start if I went along."

"I see." She really is a good sister. I knew that right away, but this reaffirms in my mind how much she loves Lilly, that she'd be willing to butt out so that she could enjoy some time with their parents. I smile a bit to myself at the idea.

"So what's up, Hisao?" She asks rather straightforwardly. I suppose that's to be expected. I have to have called for a reason, all the more so since I didn't have her number to begin with.

"Will you be able to keep this between us?" I can feel the air itself grow a little bit tense at the question.

"You mean keep it from Lilly, yeah?" She already knows the answer. It just sounds like she's confirming her suspicions.

"Something like that," I admit. "I'm not asking you to lie to her. I'm just looking to get an opinion on something, and I'd rather not have Lilly worry about it right now." Although admittedly, with their aunt doing well, that takes away one of my reasons not to concern her with this. Regardless I've come this far already, so it's worth hearing what Akira has to say.

"I can't say I love the idea of keeping secrets from her. But you're asking for a reason, so I assume it's important?"

"Very."

"Than shoot. I'm all ears." I take a deep breath, trying to consider what to say, before Shizune's warning suddenly pops up in my mind. 'If you're going to be as vague with her as you were with us, I don't think it matters how close she is with Hanako.' I take a moment to steady my breathing. This is going to suck. A lot. But it is what it is, and honestly, I need help. "If you're going to talk to her, you need to actually talk to her." Got it, Shizune. Message received.

"Things are bad, Akira. With Hanako." A sharp intake of air on the other end, as if somehow that's not what she was expecting to hear. "It would only stress Lilly out, but I'm having a really hard time right now, and I don't know where else to go," I explain, feeling a sense of embarrassment well up within me at my sudden display of honesty. "You're close to her, closer than most at least. I'm hoping that maybe you'll be able to give me some advice, maybe? At least I can talk to you a bit more about what's going on with Hanako, since, you know, she cares about you." To put it simply, it'd feel a lot less like I was violating her trust since I know that Hanako trusts Akira too. There's things I can talk about with Akira that I just wouldn't be able to say to Shizune or Misha.

"That's… Really more of Lilly's thing, Hisao," Akira sighs out. "I don't know if I'll have much to say, but why don't you take it from the top. What's going on?"

"So, the short version is-"

"No." Akira's voice is sharp, interrupting my train of thought before it can really begin. "No, no, no." After she takes a moment to consider, she decides to add another "Nope," just to really drive the point home. "Not the short version. You want to know what I think, than you need to tell me what I should be thinking about."

"It's not like I was planning on keeping anything from you, I just think it'd be a bit more prudent to just tell you the important bits."

"If you need advice as bad as you're saying, how would you know what the important bits were?" She… Has a point there.

"Fair enough," I concede. "So, Hanako's birthday was yesterday, yeah?" She gives a small grunt that I can only interpret as confirmation, so I continue. "She was having a rough go of it, but I'm sure you know all about that." I give a small sigh, before continuing. "So, I decided that I wanted to drop in and see how she was holding up. Maybe get her out of her room for a little while and try and cheer her up." I wait for any kind of feedback from Akira, just to know that she's heard me so far.

"Okay?" She says after a few seconds of silence, clearly wondering why I've stopped there. "Go on," she prods.

"Right," I say with a dry laugh. "Sorry. So I go in there, and we start talking a bit. She'd been crying and was clearly having a really hard time, so I keep pushing. I really just wanted to help her out. I asked her to go on a walk. No go. I even tried telling her it could be like a little date or something, I don't know. Just something fun, a show of support, getting her out of the house."

"Uh… huh." Akira sounds like she's stuck somewhere between agitated and amused and is having a hard time deciding which one to let leak into her voice.

"Still a no go. She starts talking about how I don't understand things. I offer to just sit around and play a game of chess with her or something, and she could talk to me about what I didn't understand. I was up for anything really. I just didn't want her to have to be alone on a day like that, you know?" Another grunt of acknowledgement on the other line. "I'd talked to Lilly about all of this, and she was really worried too. I tell her that. About how we're concerned for her, and how I don't want to leave her alone. How I want to help her through this, protect her and all that. And she…" I shudder a bit, thinking about the look expression on her face. That's something I don't want to see again. "She exploded."

"What did she say, Hisao?" Akira's voice sounds very irritated now, but there's a touch of concern in there too. The amusement from a minute ago is definitely gone.

"She said that she hates me," I admit. "That she hates Lilly too." I give a small sigh. "That she's broken and she knows it, and how everybody treats her like it, and how nothing's changed." My heart aches just remembering it. I loathe that idea that I've made someone I care for hate me so much. "So she kicked me out of her room. We're not exactly on good terms right now." I hear Akira swallowing on the other line. She takes a second to compose herself before replying.

"Well, that's not good," she says matter-of-factly. I'm not really sure what to say back to that, so I don't say anything. "I told Lilly that she needed to ease up a bit, but I didn't think things had gotten this bad." She takes a deep breath. "So I understand the situation. But what are you looking for me to say here? This is pretty straightforward Hisao. I don't know what advice you're after."

"I guess neither do I," I admit. "I just don't know what to do. I don't want her to hate me, or Lilly. I don't want her to hurt like that ever again." I let out a long sigh. "I want to fix this."

"Okay, hold on." Akira's voice is assertive, and a bit probing. "I think Hanako was right. You really don't understand anything, do you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"What exactly did you take away from everything she told you?" I consider that for a moment.

"I… Think I just told you, didn't I? She hates me. She hates Lilly. She thinks she broken." Is this a trick question? I get the strangest mental image of Akira's shoulders slumping at my words, making me feel very foolish for even considering replying the way I just did.

"You're fixating on the wrong points," she says casually, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Those are the things that hurt you the most to hear, so they're what you keep thinking about, but they aren't the most important things that she said to you. I don't think that's the point she wanted to get across to you here."

"I don't think I follow," I confess.

"Okay, fine. Let's assume for a minute that she hates you. Why would she hate you, Hisao? Think. She's outright told you what's bothering her, it just sounds like you're hellbent on not listening." She groans in exasperation and I don't think I'm imagining the sound of her palm hitting her forehead. "Look, you're a smart kid, and you seem like a sweet guy. I like you two, which is why I'm telling you this. If you don't know what you're doing wrong, you're not going to be able to fix it." I hold my breath, anticipating whatever revelation she's going to shine on the situation. "You're acting like a total dick."

What?

"As much as I hate to say it, Lilly has been too," she adds. I don't know what I expected to hear, but that certainly wasn't it. I open my mouth to reply, but I can't really think of anything to say. I don't disagree with her, but it feels like saying she's right isn't the best way to go about this either. "Hanako's your friend, right? You care about her?"

"Of course," I reply immediately. Amidst this whole situation, that's the only thing I can say with the utmost confidence.

"So imagine this with me. You don't have many friends. You've been bullied, a lot, and life hasn't been too great to you. That's gotta suck, right?" No arguments here. She didn't list a single positive point, just a few vague negative concepts, so of course anybody would agree with that assessment. I decide not to point that out. She's clearly going somewhere with this, and I get that she's trying to paint an image of Hanako. It seems like she takes my silence as assent, so she continues. "Now imagine that the only friends you do have do nothing but tiptoe around you. They don't want you to talk about your feelings because they're afraid you're forcing yourself, they coddle you, baby you, talk behind your back about what's best for you, make plans behind your back because they aren't sure if you'd be okay with them, getting together to make choices about your life without even considering asking you about what you're feeling… That'd be pretty fucked up, right?" Her crass language takes me off guard. "Frustrating beyond words I'd bet." My stomach begins turning in knots as she easily breaks down the finer points of my relationship with Hanako.

"But I didn't-" I move to protest, but stop myself. I can't really bring myself to disagree with her. That's… Exactly what Lilly and I were doing.

"I didn't really make a big thing about it because I knew that Lilly had good intentions, but clearly this has gone too far." She sighs. "Hanako probably saw a chance at a real friendship with you, but then the same exact things that happened with Lilly started repeating themselves."

"Are you saying we aren't real friends? Or that her and Lilly aren't real friends?" That's a ridiculous notion, and if that's the angle she's pursuing than maybe she won't have as much insight into this as I'd hoped.

"That's not what I mean. Lilly and her are really close. I'd even be jealous if I were a little bit less secure about my relationship with my sister. Of course they're friends, it's just…" Akira trails off. "They're not equals." I scratch my head, trying to come to terms with what she's saying. "Lilly suggested hiding the party from her, right? It was because she was worried about how Hanako would react. She had such a hard time telling Hanako we were coming to Scotland, because again, she didn't know how Hanako would react. It's not like this kind of thing is a new development. This has been going on since they've met each other. Every time I heard about something like this, I would stay out of it, because it's not my place to butt into Lilly's friendships. I'm sure she'd get irritated with me if I tried to. But Hanako's a big girl, Hisao. It's not like she isn't capable of being talked to like a person, but Lilly always had trouble with that because she was so scared of upsetting her." I take a moment to steady myself, and carefully consider her words.

"And you're saying that with me doing the same thing, it struck a nerve?" My mind stumbles across a rather vague and uncertain conclusion.

"I guess if you want to really simplify it, sure." Akira sighs. "Hisao, being pitied is a shitty feeling."

"I don't think I've been pitying her," I answer honestly. "I want to help her out, but that's-"

"I get that," Akira interrupts. "But it doesn't matter whether you've been pitying her or not, because that's what it seems like." I get the feeling that she's becoming more and more frustrated with me. "When you went there to see her on her birthday, did you actually want to see her?"

"Of course I did! If I didn't, I wouldn't have gone, right?" I honestly don't understand the question.

"Do you like hanging out with her?"

"Definitely."

"Okay, so why didn't you just say that to her then?" Her words freeze my brain.

"But I-" The realization strikes me with the force of a freight train. I don't think I've ever expressed to her that I enjoy hanging out with her for my own benefit as well. That she's been there for me just as much as I've tried to be there for her. I came to Yamaku feeling, frankly, pretty damned cynical. I'd been abandoned, had my life turned upside down, and had been shipped off to god knows where just because it was more convenient that way. I'd felt like my friends and family had all abandoned me, and that I had nowhere to turn. In spite of all of that, Hanako was here. She's kept me focused, and as the days have worn on I've thought of my own condition less and less. My attitude has improved and I've been feeling less resentful. I've been too preoccupied with thoughts of just being with her and Lilly to really sweat the little things, and despite that not being a good long term solution to the problems plaguing my mind, I'm sure, in her own way, she's saved me. How can I expect her to understand what she means to me if I've never once told her?

"When she asked you why you were there, you told her it was because you wanted to check up on her. When she asked you why you wanted to go out, you said it was because you wanted to help her. You talked about helping her, protecting her, keeping her safe. You didn't tell her that you just enjoyed spending time with her. You could have said anything at all; that you missed her, or that you were just bored and wanted to hang out, or that you yourself were in the mood for a walk rather than making it about her. You could have said anything to let her know that you actually just wanted to be there with her, and that it wasn't because she was acting like a sad-sack. The way you played your hand though, it all just seemed like some bullshit pity thing. You tell me what a good way to react to that would be." Every word that leaves her mouth makes me desperately want to pull away from the conversation. It's as if she's dragging all of my missteps with Hanako out into the light. Everything she's saying should have been obvious, but somehow I've just never realized. From the way Akira talks about her sister, Lilly might not have fully grasped this either.

"It's not like this was just something that happened overnight. An outburst like that doesn't come out of nowhere, it's probably how she's been feeling for a while. I guess I can't guarantee that anything would have made a huge difference at this point. Maybe saying all of this would have gotten through to her, and maybe it wouldn't have, but if this didn't happen yesterday, something would have drawn this out sooner or later if you didn't change how you were treating her; actions speak louder than words and all that. Offering her a pity date was a definite nail in the coffin though."

"I'm a complete dick," I sigh out, echoing her earlier sentiment. It's the only conclusion left for me to draw from all of this.

"Okay, no, that's not it either," Akira groans. "I said you were being a dick, not that you are a dick. There is a difference there, believe it or not."

"Somehow I'm not noticing one."

"If you are a dick, that means that it's just the way you are as a person. Probably not a great guy to be around. I don't think Lilly or Hanako would've become friends with you in the first place if that were the case, and I certainly wouldn't be on the phone with you now. But if you're just being a dick, that implies that you aren't always that way and that you're just showing poor judgement." I can't help but give a small, breathy chuckle at the explanation. It just sounds like a technicality to me, but she's making a sound argument.

"I guess that's the lawyer in you coming out?" I ask, a small smile spreading across my face. Akira seems to take my comment as some sign of encouragement.

"Look, you're in a tough spot right now. Like it or not, you, Lilly, Hanako, you all are still kids, and this is a pretty adult thing to be worrying about. These are some really complex emotions that Hanako is dealing with. It'd be crazy to expect you to be able to handle this perfectly."

"I guess so," I agree, albeit a bit begrudgingly. "Still, it makes me sad that things turned out this way," I admit. "I know it does no good to regret what's already done, but I can't help but feel like I could've been more tactful."

"Of course you could have," Akira says with a small laugh. "Honestly, it's like you've gone out of your way to flub this up at every opportunity. It'd actually be impressive if it wasn't so damned frustrating to watch." She gives an exasperated sigh as if just thinking about it stresses her out. "I just think you should try acting less like her therapist or her savior. It's not that simple Hisao. She doesn't need a protector. I'm getting the feeling that I should have a chat with Lilly about reigning that part of this in too…" Akira falls silent for a minute. Her concern for Hanako is touching, but I can't help wonder how she'd broach the subject with Lilly without bringing up what's going on over here. "She wants an equal. You know, a friend, or maybe even…" She trails off. "Well, nevermind to that for now. Baby steps," she mutters, apparently deciding against finishing that point. "Look, I know I'm not the best at this. I'm certainly no psychiatrist, and I can't tell you what you should be feeling or how you should behave here. I'm definitely not going to sit here and tell you that everything I've said is foolproof advice. For a huge chunk of my life, if I wasn't studying law, working, or taking care of Lilly, I was sleeping, so I don't really have tons of experience regarding this kind of thing," she confesses. "I never really had many friends, because there was just no time, so I never had to worry about dealing with a friend who was hurting or angry like this. And it was just me and Lilly too, so being that mom and dad were never really around it's not like I'm swimming in pearls of parental wisdom either. But with that said, I-" She stops abruptly.

"Hello?" I ask, a pang of worry rushing through me. "Everything okay?"

"Just heard a car door out front. Lilly and the folks are back," she says with a small sigh. I can practically hear her gritting her teeth over the phone. She must really dislike her parents. "I guess this is goodbye for now."

"Thank you so much for this."

"You know what you want to do?" She asks an obvious question.

"Not at all," I reply honestly. I know it's probably not what she's looking for, but it is what it is. I understand the situation now at least, but I'm still not sure what I should be doing next.

"Try and get this figured out, kid. But if you're not going to have this worked out by the time we get back, you need to call my sister and tell her what's going on. It'd be a real shitty surprise to come home only to realize that you're best friends are fighting and one of them might hate you."

"Who are you talking to? Is somebody else here?" A familiar voice I recognize as Lilly's resonates distantly in the receiver.

"Ah, hey Lilly. Welcome home," Akira gives her sister a quick greeting. "No, it's nothing like that, I'm just on the phone. There was just an issue at work and somebody needed to clarify something with me. Not a big deal." Akira's lie comes very naturally. Considering her earlier reluctance to hide this from Lilly, that seems surprising. I appreciate that she's keeping this a secret for me though. "Would that be all then?" Akira asks me in a strikingly business like tone. The sudden shift is jarring. Before I even get a chance to reply, I hear a muffled click and realize we've been disconnected.

If nothing else, I have an answer as to what caused this. An answer that should have been obvious some time ago, if only I'd been capable of listening. I've made a lot of mistakes, and have failed Hanako in a lot of ways through my own lack of understanding. But now, I do understand, at the very least, what it was that she wanted from me. So… What happens now? I guess before anything else, I should get some sleep. I think I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow.