14A/N: This is an episode tag to "She" which I wrote after the episode aired. It's been a long time since I watched the show. And I wasn't sure I wanted to post this because of that. There may be errors in here that come from being out of the game for awhile. But after seeing "Daughters" last night, it feels like the right thing to do. Welcome back Ziva.
Tony opened the front door and dropped his bag. "Hello?" he called. "Anybody home?"
He walked down the front hall, stepping around a pile of blocks and over a stuffed bear. "Ziva?"
"Grrrrr!"
A three-foot tall monster jumped on his back and wrapped its arms around his neck. "Ahhhh!" Tony yelled, staggering with exaggerated movements down the rest of the hall and into the living room where he fell to the floor as dramatically as possible, careful not to crush the tiny person attached to him.
"I got you!" her little voice said with delight as she pounced on his chest.
"You got me," Tony admitted. "You've been spending too much time with your mother. You can take the girl out of Mossad, but you can't take the Mossad out of the girl."
"Don't say that in front of her," Ziva said in French as she breezed through the room on the way to the kitchen. "Tali, tell Abba about school today."
"I painted a picture of a cat," Tali told him in English.
"A cat?" Tony asked, widening his eyes to look suitably impressed. "What color?"
"Purple!"
"A purple cat? Well this I have to see."
"I'll get it!"
Tony grunted as she jabbed her knee into his stomach in her haste to jump off of him. He got to his feet and made his way to Ziva, sliding his arms around her waist. "I missed you," he said as he buried his face in her hair.
"I missed you too," she said as Tali came barreling back into the room. "How was Berlin?"
"Not the same without you."
"Here!" Tali climbed up on the counter and thrust the picture into his face. "Look!"
A purple blob that resembled a Teletubby more than a cat took up most of the paper, which still seemed to be wet. "That is…something," Tony said. "I think you have your mother's talent for art too."
"Be nice to her," Ziva admonished as she began pulling out things for dinner. "Do you want pasta?"
"I do," he told her. His eyes flicked to Tali who was playing with a doll while sitting on the counter. "I heard from Tim today."
He'd called his friend back as soon as he'd gotten his voicemail. McGee had sounded upset, which made sense considering that memories of his "dead" friend had just rocked the whole team. Tony had felt, not for the first time, a stab of guilt over their secret.
"Oh?" Ziva added water to the pot. "How is he?"
"He had a question about a case."
"A new one?"
"An old one."
She stopped and glared at him. "Spit it up Tony. What's going on?"
He didn't correct her. "The Morgan Burke case."
He watched her carefully, but as usual she was unreadable. "Tali," she switched to Hebrew. "Go play in your room."
"I don't want to," Tali said.
"Go!" Ziva's voice was uncharacteristically sharp toward her daughter.
Tali frowned at her, but took her doll and left the room. "Ziva?" Tony asked.
"I-" she shook her head, trying to get her bearings, "did they find out who did it?"
He avoided her question. "McGee seemed to think you might know something about it. Ziva what's going on?"
She looked shaken and she sank down onto a barstool, her hand still clutching the peppermill she'd been using. "You don't remember that case?"
"Kind of. A suicide right?"
"No," she said forcefully. "It wasn't. It was murder Tony." She gripped the edge of the counter. "She was eighteen. She was pregnant." Ziva's eyes flicked toward Tali's room. "It was our responsibility to find out what happened and I…I made a mistake."
"You handed over the case," Tony said, now remembering a few more of the details. No wonder she was so flustered.
Her face was pained. "If I had not done that, if I had listened to my instincts, perhaps her mother would not have died without facing her daughter's killer."
Tony couldn't let her suffer any longer. "Ziva, they think she's alive."
Her eyes found his. "What?"
"Morgan has a daughter. They found her hiding in a storage closet. They're trying to find Morgan."
"A daughter?" Ziva's words were a whisper. "Are they sure?"
"DNA confirms it."
"But her body…"
"It wasn't her." Tony looked at her closely. "Why is this case bothering you so much?"
Her eyes were full of a sadness he'd hoped never to see again. Their little home in Paris was peace. They'd both ensured that Tali would grow up knowing nothing else. Tony almost wished he hadn't said anything. NCIS was a part of their history, but it seemed it wasn't content to stay there. "There is something I have to tell you," she said.
He listened while her secrets spilled out. Secrets she'd kept for fourteen years. From him, from Gibbs, from everyone. Notebooks full of feelings and facts. A hideaway where she could truly be herself.
"Well I always knew you were a woman of many mysteries," he said quietly when she'd finished.
"I'm sorry Tony. I should have told you."
He shook his head. "I'm not upset. I'm just sorry you felt like you had to hide that part of you."
"I really hadn't thought about it in so long," Ziva said. "I made that last payment before…" she let the sentence hang. "And I haven't thought of it since."
"Why tell me now? There's nothing to say Gibbs will track down your little hidey hole."
She narrowed her eyes at him and he smiled. "What am I saying? It's Gibbs. They'll find it."
"Tony."
The way she was looking at him he knew what was coming next. He felt his gut clench."Ziva you can't."
"I have to."
"It's not safe. What if someone sees you?"
"I will be very careful," she said breezily getting up to continue cooking dinner.
He watched her and then shook his head incredulously. "You're a little excited about this."
"Of course not Tony, this is a woman's life," she snapped as she began chopping an onion.
"Ziva David, I know you inside and out," he said. "You've said you're out of the game. That you don't want to be chasing bad guys anymore. But part of you is hoping that you'll get to take this guy down."
"Fine," she said. "Maybe a little. But it is mostly about clearing my conscience! And keeping the promise I made to Morgan's mother."
"What if I go with you?"
"You can't. You have to stay here with Tali."
They'd never left her with anyone other than her teachers at school. Their fear was too great and she was too precious. But he didn't relish the thought of Ziva putting herself in danger like this alone.
"You'll be careful?" he asked.
She brandished her knife, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. "I am always careful Tony."
As he held her in their bed that night she slept soundly while he stared at the ceiling. They'd worked so hard to make a new life for themselves. He didn't regret telling Ziva about the case, but he couldn't shake the fear that he might be losing her again.
Leaving her daughter for the second time in her life felt almost more terrible than the first. Tali had clung to her, crying until Tony pried her away. She'd been too young to fully remember the last time they'd been separated, but it seemed the feeling of trauma had persisted despite their best efforts.
Tony had been uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes serious. "Promise me you'll come home," he'd said as she walked to the door.
"I promise," she'd told him.
Now she was on a plane, flying toward the place that had been home once upon a time. It felt unreal. She'd never expected to be in D.C. again. That life was gone, she'd made sure of it when she'd sacrificed her freedom so Tali could be safe.
She felt bumblebees, no, Tony said it was butterflies, in her stomach as the plane touched down. The last time she'd been here…
She shook her head. She would not let the memories take over. She was here to do one thing. She would focus on that and not let the past become the present.
Checking into the hotel was easy enough and once she reached her room she sent Tony a text letting him know all was well. He sent back a picture of Tali playing with her dollhouse and Ziva smiled.
Her next step was to turn on her laptop and search for news about the case. Gibbs and the team would be tight lipped as usual, but fortunately the local PD who'd originally investigated didn't appear to have the same scruples. She spent a little time digging and then grabbed her bag. It was time to go visit the past.
It was quiet as she approached her little hideaway. She paused with her hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath. She'd never thought she would see this place again.
Stepping inside she breathed in its familiar, piney scent. Her scarf and coat were where she'd left them the day she'd turned her back on her family and begun a journey to find herself. She held the scarf in her hands, running her fingers over the stitching. Just being here felt like she was drowning in memories.
She set the scarf down and moved to the cabinets. "Just do it," she muttered to herself as her hands lingered on the latch. Pulling open the doors she felt her heart stop. They were empty. Frantically she moved to the second and third and found the same thing. Where could they have gone? She needed at least the one on the Burke case if she was going to keep her promise.
Sinking down into a chair she tried to think. If someone had broken in, why would they have taken the journals and nothing else? She had weapons and cash stashed here as well and a quick check told her they were still in place. Who would take the journals but leave the valuables?
Realization dawned and she almost smiled. Gibbs. He would only care about what she'd written, not about what she'd stored for emergencies. Things had just gotten more complicated. She would have to break into Gibbs' home.
Picking the lock was easy enough. Gibbs apparently still wasn't concerned about security.
There was something calming about finding his home the same as when she'd left. Her journals were lying on the coffee table in the living room and even though she knew she needed to be quick, she couldn't resist walking through the house.
Her walk led her into the basement where the familiar smell of wood shavings and varnish filled the air. A bottle of bourbon sat on the workbench, a half finished project taking up the middle of the space. She ran her hands over the smooth wood. She could feel Gibbs in this space and the urge to cry for what she'd lost was nearly overwhelming. The guilt she felt over hiding from him was nearly as painful as lying to Tony about Tali had been. It wasn't right, but it was safer this way for all of them.
She turned to walk up the stairs when something caught her eye. On the corner of one of the shelves was a picture of the whole team. She picked it up, staring at the smiling faces, frozen in time. They'd loved her, cared for her, and she'd broken them. Her peace had cost them all so much, something for which she would be forever sorry.
A car alarm outside brought her back to herself and she put the picture back, hurrying up the stairs. She couldn't take the journals, Gibbs would get suspicious. But if she just took the one page she needed, there was a chance they might not notice.
Searching through the stack she found the book she was looking for and ripped the letter from the last page. A car pulled up and Ziva felt a jolt of panic. Gibbs was home.
She tucked the page into her pocket and slipped through the house. She could escape out the back door and he would be none the wiser.
She heard the front door open just as she clicked the latch into place. She needed to go but found herself rooted to the spot. There had been no real goodbye, no closure for either of them. She wanted to see him, just one last time.
Ducking into the brush she waited and then sucked in a breath as she caught a glimpse of him through the window. He looked older, tired, and sad. A sadness she was certain she was at least partly responsible for.
His eyes drifted outside and for one, heart stopping moment, she thought he'd seen her. But then he turned and walked away and she moved quickly toward her rental car. It was time to finish this.
She walked through the hospital, avoiding the cameras as best as possible. It wasn't hard to find the correct room; it was the only one with a police officer waiting outside.
Quietly she slipped into the staff locker room and searched through several lockers until she found a pair of scrubs. Grabbing a clipboard off the nurse's station she walked authoritatively toward the room. "I'm doing his six o'clock check," she told the officer, affecting her best American accent.
He stepped aside, allowing her access. She mentally rolled her eyes. Robert Hill had held a woman and her child captive for nine years and he was letting just anyone into the room? It was lax behavior even if tonight it eased her mission.
He was lying in bed, his eyes closed. Ziva kicked the corner of it with her foot. "Wake up," she said tersely.
His squinted up at her. "Water?"
"No," Ziva said coldly.
He eyed her closely. "You're not a nurse."
"Who I am is not important," she said. "You deserve to rot in hell for the way that you have destroyed this family. You ripped a child from her mother. You ripped a baby from her father. You are scum and I am going to make sure that every, single miserable day you have left on this earth, you are tortured with regret for what you've done."
"Nurse!" he yelled, but Ziva whipped out a scalpel and pressed the tip to his side under the blankets as the officer entered the room.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"Our patient is having some discomfort. I'll take care of it," Ziva told him sweetly.
He nodded and took his leave. Ziva turned ice filled eyes to Robert. "Do that again, and I will make sure you leave this hospital missing some vital organs."
He looked scared and Ziva felt a sense of pleasure watching it. Tony had been right; there was a part of her that missed this. "I have something to read to you. And you are going to listen and remember.
She read the letter Morgan's mother had dictated, speaking the words with the quiet sense of agony with which they'd been spoken to her. When she was done he looked the same, not a single ounce of regret in his eyes, but she felt a sense of peace. It was done. She'd kept her promise.
"I—" he started to speak but she pressed the scalpel more firmly into his flesh and leaned close to whisper in his ear. "Until the day you die, you will remember my face. You will remember what you have done. I will haunt your waking hours and your dreams alike. When you close your eyes you will think of me and you will remember that as much as you have hurt this family, I would hurt you so much more without hesitation."
She gave him a final jab and then walked out of the room. "He is settled," she told the officer.
And so was she.
It was risky, but she needed to stop by the cabin again. Gibbs' team was savvy; if she didn't cover her tracks somehow, beg for secrecy, nothing would stop them from coming to find her.
The note was written on a spare piece of paper. She chose her words carefully, deliberately. And then she took one last look, tempted to take the coat with her. She'd always loved that coat and it pained her a bit to leave it behind. But it was part of her past, and she'd shed all those things years ago. There was no point in inviting it back in now.
She went immediately to the airport. She'd promised Tony she would leave as soon as the work was done and she intended to keep her word. Three hours later she was on a flight headed toward Paris.
Typically it wasn't difficult for her to sleep on a plane. After completing her work she'd thought this time would be no different. But something gnawed at her stomach, her mind turning over restlessly, making it impossible to drift off.
By the time she reached their apartment she'd worked herself into a bit of a state. She was tired, and frustrated, and weary. So incredibly weary.
The apartment was dark and quiet, appropriate for 2:00am. Exhausted, she stripped off her clothing and slipped into bed beside Tony, trying her best not to wake him. But he stirred anyway, his eyes finding hers. "You're home," he said a bit groggy.
"I am home," she said, kissing him.
He threaded his fingers into her hair and pulled her close. "Did you do what you needed to do?"
She nodded against his chest so he could feel it. "Yes. I kept my promise to Morgan's mother."
"And to me," he said.
She nodded again without speaking. She'd thought she'd feel better once she was in his arms, but her heart was still unsettled. "What's wrong?" he asked, kissing the top of her head.
"Nothing."
"Ziva…"
"I saw Gibbs," she whispered.
He pulled back, fully awake now. "Did he see you?"
She shook her head. "No I had to retrieve something from his home. He came back as I was leaving so I watched. He looked sad Tony."
"He loves you," Tony said. "You know he loves you."
"I left because I had to. And then I did what needed to be done to save Tali, to save you. I did it knowing exactly what it would do to the people who cared about me most." Hot tears filled her eyes.
He caressed her face, smoothing her hair, wiping the tears away. "Ziva, my Ziva, you did the right thing. It was the hard thing. But it was the only choice you had."
"I know," she said. "But I am reminded that I am not the only person who lost when I became a ghost. And I wish I didn't have to hurt him."
Tony pulled her close and let her cry into his chest. "It's all right," he murmured.
Her heart hurt too much. She knew he was right, she'd known the choices she was making, the sacrifices that would have to be given for this life. She'd always lived in lies and secrets, but she'd never thought it would be so painful to keep them.
"It may not always be like this," Tony said when she had calmed. "There may come a day when we can go back."
It seemed like an impossibility, something too good to hope for. But then again, she'd never let herself hope for Tony or Tali either. "I just want him to be all right," she whispered. "He's lost so much already."
"He'll be all right," Tony said. "He's got a good team. He's got McGee. They'll take care of him. And maybe one day, we can all be a family again. Until then, you've got me. And you've got Tali. And we've got you."
It wasn't peace, but it was hope.
A/N: Here's hoping we might still get a happily ever after. Leave your love in the reviews!
