3A/N: slightly shorter chapter today (^_^*) I hope you enjoy, and I would like to thank Orange Eye'd Wanderer and sonic-nancy-fan for the reviews and constructive criticism 3 I know it was a bit confusing to have Neil have pre-established relationships, and I apologize for that ^-^; But I really really hope you enjoy~!
「Neil's POV」
The air was so chilly from all the way up here on this skyscraper. I stared down in silence as my chest filled with guilt. It was all my fault… She died because of me. My vision blurred as sobs escaped my throat, my hands clutching over my eyes to try to catch my tears. Why couldn't I have just loved her like I used to? Maybe it was because it felt like she didn't love me. She was just using me… she needed me to live.
I could tell everyone blamed me for it, too. I broke her heart. I-I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like everyone knew. Everyone. It felt like everyone was whispering things behind my back. Saying things like "You killed her" and "You murderer". I wiped my tears as best as I could before opening my eyes again, staring down the long side of the building down below.
This was it. I sucked in a deep breath, my heart nearly escaping out of my chest. I just wanted to feel loved. Truly, truly loved. Why couldn't that just happen without being used? And without being hated…
My feet were on the very ledge of the building and slowly did I press my weight forward until they couldn't support me anymore, and—
"Neil!"
I opened my eyes just as I heard this voice interrupt my dream, and soon I couldn't remember what I was thinking moments before. All I knew was that I was falling, and soon afterwards I landed in the arms of a man I hadn't seen before. The world around us was a foggy, light grey, but not as light as this man's hair. What was I thinking of before?
"W-What?" I asked in a startled way, my eyes wide as he set me on the 'ground' of this world. It wasn't cold, but it felt odd. Because the ground was nonexistent and yet flat at the same time. I stared at the man above me, who floated in the air smoothly and looked down at me. His features were pale, pale white and he looked so delicate that I was surprised I didn't break him when he caught me. This… had to be a dream. But what was I dreaming about before?
"You don't need to remember," he cooed, his slim fingers curling around a slender pipe. The scent of sweet tobacco filled the air as he took a delicate puff, and he began to lazily float around me which made it difficult to keep focus on him.
"Remember what?" I scoffed, eyes narrowing as I crossed my arms over my chest. Alice had once told me of a dream demon, but I just thought she was just a very vivid dreamer. I don't remember how I came to Wonderland, so I often asked her how she had been brought here, and she had once mentioned something about how he had something to do with it. But if this was the guy, then he must have his priorities set on only coming into the dreams of pretty girls. Then again, that is was incubi do.
"I'm not THAT kind of incubus!" He childishly huffed, making me lose that little glare due to my surprise. "And I'll have you know, I've been a very busy man! I don't have time to come to people's' dreams all the time." He began to pout like a bratty little kid, and my mouth gaped. This fucker was reading my thoughts? This is the goddamn demon, isn't it!?
"What the hell…" I breathed out, just to get to my feet from where I was sitting. I walked up to him and pressed my finger against his chest from where he floated, a heavy scowl setting upon my lips. "So you are the dream demon! You're the one who brought Alice to wonderland, right? Or at least helped that Peter White guy?!" I was raising my voice, but it was just to appear threatening. If I remained calm, he might not tell me anything.
However, his reaction wasn't one I was expecting. He dropped his pipe and remained utterly still, just to open his mouth and to let out a weak cough. It sounded like he tried to suppress it, but that wasn't what mattered. It was the fact he just hacked up blood onto my face. I felt the specks of liquid on my cheeks and examined it to make sure it was true, just to quickly back away from him. He soon crumpled to the floor and began to hack up even more, until it turned into actual blood vomit. Panic quickly consumed me, and I rushed to his side.
"H-Hey? Are you alright?" I stayed knelt by him, trying to rub his back as I nervously moved some of his silk hair out of his face. I hated seeing people in pain. Back in my old world my friends would call me motherly.
"Y-Yes I'm fine," he assured, just to clear his throat. It seemed this little episode of his was somewhat finished, and he dabbed at his mouth with his hankie. He still looked very ill from it, and somewhat pained, so I remained sat next to him. My arms were draped over his shoulders in a protective way as my caring instincts took over, and I looked at his face to make sure he was alright. However, instead of assure me further about his health, he answered my question from before. "And yes… I'm the one who helped the White Rabbit bring Alice here."
My eyes widened, only for me to lean towards him slightly. I took the handkerchief from his hand and began to clean his face for him instead, lowering my voice much more than before so I wouldn't startled him again. He was weak, and I knew not to be rough with him. I needed to be careful and caring to weak people. It was my nature. "So… you're the one who helped bring me here?" I asked him, eyes locking with his singular pale orb. I needed to make sure that he wouldn't lie to me.
However, the frail demon shook his head no. He instead offered me a smile, allowing me to nurture him as if he wasn't weirded out at all. It was actually somewhat normal-feeling and comforting to be so close to him. "No. Rather, you brought yourself here, Neil. I didn't even know you came into this world until Alice told me about you."
This answer only brought more and more questions. How did I bring myself here? How come there wasn't a clear way back like how Alice had? Was there any way back for me at all? I didn't even know where to begin with these questions, and yet this demon didn't need me to ask anything at all. Instead, he had an apologetic expression for confusing me, and rested a hand over my own to stop me from cleaning the blood from his face.
"You brought yourself here because you wanted to be loved. You wanted this world. But you came in differently from Alice. You didn't drink the Medicine of Hearts… And it's best if you don't remember it at all." He sighed, and as if he could tell that only made me more confused, he spoke again.
"I don't know if there's a way back for you. I've been trying to figure it out myself, and I'll tell you if I find one out. But for now, enjoy yourself in this world. You're already making a good life for yourself here." He then moved my hand from his face, and instead pressed it to my own chest over my heart. However, I gave him a little unsure glare. I didn't want to be loved. At least, I don't think. And I don't like not remembering things. But most importantly, was this guy really avoiding talking to me because he didn't want to admit until now that he didn't have answers for me?!
Instantly, at that thought, the demon began to go into another coughing fit. He crumbled over, weakly hacking more and more blood onto the nonexistent ground of this dream. "N-Neil, you're so cruel!" He whined between hacks, making me feel both guilty and panicked. I quickly returned to my protective position over him, moving his silky hair out of his face and slowly rubbing his back to make it easier for him.
－ーーーー
I woke up very, very sick. My entire body felt like crap as I lied there half awake. So I really did meet the dream demon. But the things he told me didn't make any sense at all. My hands clutched against my thin, cheap blankets as I tried harder to remember the dream from before, but that only made my head pound a little harder. Was it my allergies that was making it feel like this? I groaned as I sat up in bed, rubbing my temples as I stumbled to the only other piece of furniture I owned. I opened up my dresser and pulled out some clothes to change into, just to sneeze hard enough to make my head feel like it was about to explode.
At a moment like this, it made me really wish Wonderland had cell phones. I could call in sick if it did. But I didn't want to worry my coworker or Elliot if he stopped by the shop today. So, I would have to go out and work.
"It's best if you don't remember it at all", huh? I wonder what he meant by that.
Once I opened the door of my apartment, all I could smell was flowers. It made my nose itch more, until finally I let out a loud sneeze. Ugh. Did they plant more flowers downtown or something? I wasn't badly allergic to flowers, and I could at least tolerate being in Blood's garden for small periods of time without giving it away, but this was just overwhelming. The best thing for me right now would be to get to work fast.
However, that might be an issue. As I made my way down the path to my work, the same one I took every day, it somehow lead me back to the circus. I held the collar of my jacket over my nose to try and filter out the pollen, but it mostly failed me. This was proven as I let out a sneeze, which was too harsh to be muffled.
"Bless you!" A cheery little voice piped up to me, making me jump. Quickly, I looked around to locate the source, until finally I looked down. There, in front of me, was a little faceless clown girl. She had pigtails in her hair, and her dress consisted of bright yellows and reds. She grinned as widely as she could towards me, making my heart immediately throb. Ah~ cute. "Thank you," I told her, just to lean down slightly. I lowered my jacket to show her I was smiling, and immediately she giggled.
"You look like shit, Mister!"
This took me aback, making my smile falter before returning as I let out a laugh. "Is it… that noticeable? Ah. Sorry. I just have a bit of allergies is all," I assured, only for her to nod sweetly. "That's alright! Hey, you should play a game with me!" Then, without letting me answer, she grabbed my hand in her own and began to tug on my arm. I gawked at this, just to finally agree. "Al-Alright, but can it be a fast game? I have to get to work by next time period."
"Okay, Mister! I promise to be fast, you might not even feel that much pain!" She giggled, her voice being so badly innocent that I could barely register what she said. Once the words finally processed in my brain, however, it was too late. She lead me to two other faceless children who took me roughly by the wrists, holding on so tightly that I was sure they would leave bruises.
"Let's tie him to this tree here!" Urged a faceless boy, earning happy laughter from the other two children. I began to laugh nervously with them. "Haha…Wh-What? No! Let's— let's not do that?!" However, my panicked exclamation fell upon deaf ears as they entirely ignored me, pushing me up against a tree. The third girl there made a rope appear in her hands, much like that Joker guy had done yesterday with those cards. She handed one end over to the boy who helped hold me down, and began to run around the tree with it to trap me.
Once I was tied—which I was genuinely a bit impressed and taken away by from the fact they could keep me down enough to do so despite their side—they took a step back. The faceless clown boy then turned to the faceless clown girl and gave her an excited smile. "This'll be great target practice!" He urged, giggling eagerly as he presented a felt case. He unstrapped it, revealing that it was filled with sharp, small throwing knives, making the other faceless clown children eagerly applaud and agree. Instantly, my heart dropped as I stared at the small blades, and my struggling turned even more desperate than before to no avail.
This wasn't going to turn out good for me at all.
