113. In the Hall of the Mountain King
The time she was in the Sphere Music Hall had enclosed itself around her, like a tide. At first she really was just caught by the camaraderie, by the brightness that seemed to infuse every interaction between strangers, that stripped down the barriers of social niceties and allowed everyone to be nothing more than who they were. There was music, and dancing. And, if Elizabeth was to tell the truth, Blavat: no matter how coarse, how unsettling the look in his pale violet eyes; with only a glance he reached to her deepest thought and made them plain to see. Elizabeth has always been a chameleon. She knows how to deflect, to talk about others rather than herself. Sometimes her own thoughts scare her, so she tries not to think of them. Sometimes her own thoughts seem far too shadowed for the bright person she tries to be; the sun may dance off the shallow water, but underneath, she feels cold currents, selfishness, and worse. Being seen was far too thrilling to pass up, far too terrifying a prospect to merely walk away from.
She had been courted, she realizes now. Letting her know the simple joys of community, giving her bracelets to prove her place, letting her into the inner circle to make her feel responsible. Ciel—the real Ciel—hadn't merely tried to steal her away, as though his being her fiancé made it a matter of course. If he had, she doesn't know what would have happened, but she thinks she wouldn't feel so lost now.
He had explained how, after their kidnapping, his younger brother had left him for dead to take his place as the heir.
They had brought her into meetings where Ciel and the Undertaker talked about things they never quite said out loud, but it was always about blood, blood entering her dreams, making her feel lightheaded. By the time she noticed the disappearances among the Sirius, she had felt a deathly fear closing in, but they didn't answer her questions: they never did.
"You shouldn't worry, Lizzy," Ciel says, putting one cold, pale hand to her cheek. "Everything will be fine. All you need to do is protect me with your sword, and it will turn out all right."
"Are you sure?" Lizzy asks. Standing with blades in hand, a habit she had started in the times when Ciel had been so weak he couldn't do anything but sleep fitfully, and cry out in his dreams.
"Yes," Ciel says. "You take so much onto yourself, Lizzy, it isn't healthy." He pulls her down beside him and she curls herself into his embrace, trying to hold on against the fear.
The fear started when she saw him the first time, and shattered her. She has been floating, suspended in mid-motion, since, and all she wants to do is stay in the warm dark and not have to think, because when she thinks, she feels more afraid than ever.
"It's just… I have this feeling that… perhaps something bad is happening," she whispers. "Have you asked Undertaker what he's really doing here? How he plans to save you?"
"Lizzy," Ciel says harshly. "I told you not to worry. How am I supposed to get better if you act this way around me?"
"I'm sorry," Lizzy says. Tears have risen to her eyes, and she feels so confused.
"Are you?" Ciel says coldly. For a moment, he looks more like him than ever, if it weren't for the two blue eyes. She swallows, her mouth dry, feeling guilty, ashamed, but she doesn't know why. "If you were really sorry, Lizzy, I think you would try to help me. I've been alone for so long, and I thought that you, at least, would remember… how it used to be…"
"Oh, I do!"
"Then what is this?"
"I…"
"Trying to be an amateur detective, weeping at the slightest provocation, this isn't the Lizzy I know. Where is the carefree girl who didn't take anything to heart?"
Lizzy flinches back. "Aren't I her?" she asks. But her voice is so low she can hardly hear herself, and she hates the way it wavers thinly, filled with self-recrimination. She doesn't know where that girl went. Ciel—he was supposed to help her keep her innocence, but somehow she's shattered anyway, and become useless to him. (To which one? She dares not think.)
"Do what you're good at, Lizzy, and let others do the rest. Do you understand?"
She can't look at him.
"Do you understand?" he repeats, harshly.
"Yes."
Ciel's voice becomes sweet again. "You'll always have a place with me, Lizzy. This hall is as much your legacy as mine." He reaches up to a ceiling strewn with stars. "I'll give you the world, if you ask it of me. All I ask, in return, is you."
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