Not My Satan

Natalie once again found herself awkwardly sitting on a toilet in front of a demon. It just wasn't the right demon. God had promised her a do over after everything that happened. She felt cheated.

"You're not Satan," she said automatically. Zadkiel scoffed.

"Yes, I am girl," he said. Zadkiel had taken on his male persona and from what she remembered, he seemed to prefer it. She looked at the tattoos on his arms. The patterns were the same, only inked in a dark purple to compliment his skin tone. Natalie groaned and put her head in her hands. She hadn't been specific enough. Satan was a title after all.

"Could you stop gawking at me and pull up your pants now please? This situation is ridiculous enough as it is," Zadkiel said, looking away. Natalie did as she was told, mind racing. How could she fix this? If Zadkiel had led the rebellion, would Lucifer be on earth too? Maybe, at the bar?

"Where is Lucifer? I want to see him," she said. Zadkiel mood soured even more.

"Can't help you there sweetheart, you're going to have to ask for something else. He's probably somewhere in Heaven laughing his face off, the ass, " he said. Natalie eyes widened. She'd almost used her contract without realizing it. She shuddered. There was only ever one person she was willing to go to Hell for, and he wasn't here anymore.

"I wasn't asking to use the contract. Never assume that unless I specifically ask you, okay. I just thought you might know where he is because . . . " she trailed off and sighed. Because I remember a whole different timeline and it's messing with my head. Zadkiel raised an eyebrow.

"Because what? You think I'm my brother's keeper? Demons and angels aren't exactly buddy buddy," Zadkiel said. Natalie looked away. They were standing a respectable distance apart, but the bathroom suddenly felt way too small. Natalie walked passed him and put her hand on the doorknob. She paused. Natalie wasn't about to tell this demon she'd been warned about her secret, but she needed to tell him something.

"I thought he fell too," she muttered, not caring how little sense that might make in this new world that she wasn't sure she liked. What else had changed? She opened the door and flopped down onto her mattress, ignoring Zadkiel's booming laughter from the bathroom.

"You're kidding right? God's favorite son, rebelling? He's too much of a golden boy to do that,"Zadkiel said leaning against the bathroom entrance, a maniacal grin still lingering on his face.

"I wouldn't go looking for him if I were you. He'd never admit it now, but he absolutely loathes humans. The only reason he's still in Heaven is he's learned to tolerate you lot over the years," Zadkiel said, a dreamy smile on his lips as he looked up, presumably at Heaven.

"What I wouldn't give for a chance to corrupt that boy," Zadkiel said with a sigh. Natalie pushed herself off the mattress and glared at him. She'd sacrificed far too much to let that happen to him again.

"I order you not to do that," she said. Zadkiel let out a snort.

"As if I'd get the chance anyway, Lucifer never leaves Heaven," he said. Natalie's heart sank.

"Never," she whispered to herself. Zadkiel walked over and eyed her suspiciously, choosing to sit cross legged on the bed beside her. He leaned forward with his elbow on his leg and his chin in his hand.

"Why do you care anyway? Looking to get a glimpse of those flashy rainbow wings? You humans obsess over the weirdest things," Zadkiel said, rolling his eyes.

"I've seen them. I'm not sure I could see them again without crying," she said quietly. Natalie was giving herself away, but what did it matter. There was no way to go back. God had made that quite clear when she'd agreed to this. Anything to spare him pain, and yet, here she was miserable because this peace God promised Lucifer did not require her.

"You know more than you're letting on girl. Tell me," Zadkiel said. He seemed sincere, concerned even. Girl . . . she didn't like that word coming out of his tongue.

"My name is Natalie. I order you not to call me girl again, use my proper name," she snapped.

"Fine, Natalie," he muttered. Zadkiel still stared intently at her like a predator looking at its prey. She couldn't stop her heart beating faster. By now, Natalie understood that there wasn't good in everyone, and she'd never had the chance to find out if Zadkiel was one of those people or not. Zadkiel smirked.

"If you want to be difficult, I have other ways of getting answers out of you," he said, mysteriously producing a knife from behind him. Natalie didn't hesitate.

"I order you not to-" A hand clamped over her mouth, his other hand holding the knife delicately over her neck.

"You were saying, sweetheart" Zadkiel said. Natalie gulped, a tiny cut appearing on her neck. They were in a stalemate. Zadkiel was physically stronger and faster than her but if he removed his hand to get the answers he wanted, she could simply order him not to harm her. She couldn't help but feel frustrated. Weren't they supposed to be keeping tabs on her? The one time she actually needed divine intervention, Michael was nowhere in sight.

As if reading her mind, Michael appeared, looking especially ticked off and ready to kill. For once, she was relieved to see him. At Michael's arrival, Zadkiel begrudgingly removed his hand from her face and the knife from her throat. He took out a second knife from behind him, ready for a far more difficult fight.

"I order you not to harm me or Michael," Natalie said. She'd had quite enough of angels and demons beating the crap out of each other, thank you. He grumbled and dropped the knives in exasperation.

"Congratulations kid, you've killed me. Michael doesn't hold back. As the ex angel of mercy, I would have let him live," Zadkiel said. Natalie wasn't worried. She already knew what Michael wanted.

"The role never suited you, it's a shame it came to this, but I'm not actually here for you. I'm here to talk to Gingersnap over here," Michael said, glancing at her. Natalie smiled, hoping she didn't look too eager. She had to at least pretend she wasn't completely horrified by her current situation if her plan was going to work.

"I want you to break the contract with my brother/sister dearest over here. I was going to wait and see how things progressed, but Zadkiel doesn't know how to play nice apparently, " Michael said, briefly passing his glowing hand over her neck to heal her cut.

"Okay, but I have one condition," Natalie said, hoping the trade wouldn't be difficult but knowing Lucifer . . . Michael probably wouldn't be too happy about it either.

"We'll keep your soul safe of course. You don't have to worry about that," Michael said. Oh, Natalie looked down embarrassed. She wasn't even thinking about that.

"Okay, two conditions, then," Natalie said with a laugh. Michael's happy go lucky facade slipped a little, but he quickly fixed it, probably thinking a human wouldn't ask for much.

"So, what's your other condition?"

Natalie was having trouble spitting it out. It wasn't exactly ethical to purposefully force an angel to spend time with her, but if he never left Heaven, she wouldn't see him until she died, and even then, there was no guarantee he'd want to see her. Taking a deep breath, she made the selfish choice.

"I want a contract with Lucifer instead," Natalie said. It's what she was supposed to get anyway. Michael's face fell, but he recovered quickly again, desperate to hide the ugly human part of his soul.

"Sorry Nat, I don't think Lucifer will go for that, but if it's a guardian angel you're looking for, I'd be happy to pop in from time to time to check up on you," Michael said. Natalie rolled her eyes at him, smirking. Michael would do that anyway.

"It's the only way I'll break the contract. So, go talk to him for me, Michael," Natalie said, subtly getting closer to him, until they were inches apart.

"You want to save my soul don't you?" she asked, knowing the effect it would have on him. Michael blushed and instinctively looked away. Natalie hated to lead him on like this when the angel had no idea why he was feeling the way he was, but she'd do anything to see Lucifer again. He'd taught her well.

"I'll see what I can do, Natalie," Michael said, summoning his wings. He gave Zadkiel one final warning look and took off. The gentle fluttering of his wings sounded like bells, and it always made her laugh. She giggled before turning around to deal with her unwanted guest. Zadkiel now lay sprawled on her bed, a prominent frown on his face as if deep in thought.

"You played Michael like fiddle. I'll give you that," Zadkiel said, looking up at her as she sat by his head. It was probably his version of a compliment.

"But if you think Michael is going to convince him to make a contract with you, you're dreaming," Zadkiel said, ruffling her hair affectionately. Zadkiel was strangely nowhere near as irritable as Lucifer despite having Hell inside him. Did he not hear the voices or was Zadkiel just better at coping? Natalie could ask, but she wasn't looking to get attached.

"It's worth a shot," Natalie said instead. She knew he was right, but this was all the leverage she had.

"Then, you're going to Hell," Zadkiel said. It wasn't an insult, just a fact.

"If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I'll break the contract with you and let him go. And, you can go back to doing whatever it is that the devil is actually supposed to do." Natalie said, a far away look in her eyes. She'd always have her memories at least. That was a rather new luxury for her.

"I could show you if you let me," Zadkiel said with another smirk.

"I order you not to do anything bad while we're contracted," Natalie said. She was aware that bad was a rather subjective term, but she didn't know Zadkiel well enough to get into any specific no no's for now.

"You're no fun," Zadkiel said, turning his back on her. She took the opportunity to stretch her legs, before replying.

"You want to go to a karaoke bar? " she asked. Zadkiel shot up from the bed and gently punched her arm.

"I'd rather go to a real bar, but your offering is acceptable," Zadkiel said, heading straight for her closet. Natalie didn't completely register what was happening until Zadkiel stepped out in her female form with a pile of her clothes.

"Are you raiding my closet?" Natalie asked, more amused than anything.

"Singing is more fun when you're a woman," she said matter of factly.

"I'll take your word for it since I've never been a man," Natalie said. Zadkiel went into her bathroom to change. She stepped out looking gorgeous in a purple pastel summer dress that she'd gotten from her grandma one year and never worn since.

"You can keep that if you want. It looks better on you," she said. Zadkiel hummed noncommittally, returning the clothes she'd decided against before taking out a little black dress that Natalie didn't remember having.

"Wear this," Zadkiel said. It was a little on the short side. The thing would barely cover her thighs. Natalie was getting dejavu. It wasn't the first time she'd been told to dress up, and she was a little less oblivious this time around.

"You're . . . You're not attracted to me are you?" Natalie asked.

"Jesus kid, I was trying to be nice. You want to look good, don't you?" Zadkiel asked. Reassured, Natalie took the offering and went into the bathroom. The dress slipped on easily, and she felt like an entirely different person as she gazed into the mirror. A person willing to drag an angel out of Heaven. Before she could feel too guilty, Zadkiel knocked.

"Are you decent?" she asked.

"Yes," Natalie said, already tying her hair into a familiar bun. Zadkiel entered. She didn't ask how she managed to get in when the door was locked. The Fallen were good at picking locks.

"That won't do," Zadkiel said, undoing her hair do.

"Hey, I'm trying to get ready here" she complained. Zadkiel ignored her, looking around for potentially useful hair products. She had quite a bit. It's what people usually gifted her when they didn't know what to get her for Christmas. She settled on one and picked up a hair brush.

"Your hair looks better when it's down," Zadkiel said, in a way that said there was no room for argument. Natalie took the path of least resistance and let the fallen angel do her hair. She seemed like she knew what she was doing anyway. When Zadkiel finished with her hair, she insisted on doing Natalie's make up as well.

"What do you think?" Zadkiel asked.

"I think you're a miracle worker," Natalie said, feeling it was too soon to joke around and say she had the touch of an angel. This was probably the closest she'd ever get to having her hair and make up professionally done.

"It was kind of my thing," Zadkiel said, a hint of sadness there as she quickly put everything away. Natalie smiled. Zadkiel was more considerate than Stan. She'd give her that much.

"Do you ever miss it?" Natalie asked. She knew it was a bad question. When she'd asked Lucifer, he had blown up in her face and told her to shut up. He'd stayed moody for days after that, but she was curious what Zadkiel would say.

"Of course, I do, Idiot," Zadkiel said flicking the tip of Natalie's nose. Ow. She covered her nose as Zadkiel walked past her.

"But I don't regret it if that's what you're actually asking." Zadkiel didn't elaborate as to why, and the walk to the Karaoke bar was awkward.

Once there, Zadkiel mood improved considerably, and she acted as if nothing happened which Natalie was grateful for. She needed to blow off steam after experiencing so much disappointment today: wrong Satan, life threatening situation, making a morally ambiguous decision that made her feel less worthy of Heaven than anything else she'd ever done. Zadkiel had, well, the voice of an angel. Her song choices however made it hard for Natalie not to assume certain things about the demon as she sang: A Long Time Traveler Away from Home, People Ain't No Good, and I May Fall. Natalie listened as Zadkiel sang song after song, forgetting why she was there in the first place until Zadkiel sat down to join her.

"Why don't you sing a song? It's why you came isn't it?" Zadkiel suggested, forever patient and calculating. Natalie nodded but didn't make a move to get up. She did have a song in mind, but it wasn't her usual thing. She was nervous.

"What if I told you Lucifer was watching you right now? Don't you want to make a good impression?" Zadkiel teased. Natalie started blushing.

"Is he?" She said, looking around.

"No, obviously not. He'd have to come to earth if he wanted to spy on you, but I assume you were thinking of singing a love song?" Zadkiel asked, eyes glowing faintly for a moment. Natalie nodded and hid her face. She laughed and lightly hit her on the shoulder.

"Go for it, he's not around to hear you," Zadkiel said. Natalie stood up and squared her shoulders, mechanically walking to the stage. She took a deep breath once she was up there. She needed to get this out of her system.

"You can blame me, try to shame me, but still, I'll care for you," Natalie began, slowly finding her regular rhythm. She stared straight ahead, unwilling to look at the crowd, especially Zadkiel. As she sang, she gained confidence, smiling happily as she reached her favorite part of the song.

"The world may think I'm foolish. They can't see you like I can," Natalie said, tears in her eyes as feelings she's been suppressing threatened to spill over and consume her.

"Oh, but anyone who knows what love is will understand," Natalie continued. Heart thumping hard in her chest. Her Lucifer was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

As she finished the song, she finally had the courage to look at Zadkiel. Her eyes were glowing, but she wasn't looking at her. She had that far away look that Natalie sometimes had when thinking of the past. Natalie ran straight into the bathroom wiping the tears from her eyes. She was relieved to realize that Zadkiel had thoughtfully applied the waterproof mascara when doing her makeup. So of course, Zadkiel entered the bathroom to check on her. Perhaps, she really was the merciful one after all. Natalie did her best to smile and wave away any questions and concerns the demon might have acquired after that performance. She never had the chance to try, because Zadkiel said the one thing Natalie couldn't deny.

"Lucifer was Satan in your timeline. Wasn't he?" Zadkiel asked. Natalie nodded.

"How did you figure it out?" Natalie asked. Zadkiel didn't look at her. Angels and the Fallen always seemed to get uncomfortable when dealing with human's various bodily fluids.

"You dropped enough hints, but the song is what convinced me," Zadkiel said, finally forcing herself to look at her, a playful smile on her lips.

"It's not a song you would sing to an angel, but it makes perfect sense if you were talking about loving a devil," Zadkiel said, hesitating only a moment before embracing her. Natalie was unable to keep her composure and returned the embrace, sobbing uncontrollably. Why did everything have to go so wrong?

"You should be careful singing that, love. It's a dangerous thing you offer. That's the kind of sentiment that attracts demons," Zadkiel said. Natalie winced as her stay in Hell briefly crossed her mind.

"I know," Natalie said quietly, suddenly withdrawn. Zadkiel frowned not expecting that reaction. Once she managed to stop blubbering, she pushed Zadkiel away and wiped her eyes.

"I think I want to go home," she said. Zadkiel nodded and didn't argue. When they arrived, Natalie went through the front door, lying easily to her father about who she'd been with and why her eyes were red and puffy. Once in her room, she opened her window and let Zadkiel in. She wordlessly handed the demon some of her father's clothes. Zadkiel returned from the bathroom in his male form.

"You can have the bean bag chair or the couch, whatever you feel more comfortable in," Natalie said before going to change into a nightgown. When she returned, Zadkiel had made himself comfortable on the couch. She turned off the lights and slipped into the sheets, feeling numb.

"Are you sure there isn't anything you'd sell your soul for?" Zadkiel asked sweetly. She turned her head to look at him. His glowing amethyst eyes less disconcerting than Lucifer's gold ones in the night.

"Nothing you could give me," she said finally, unconvinced that Zadkiel wasn't at least somewhat smitten. He gave an unsatisfied grunt and didn't say anything more. This new devil wasn't with her in the morning, and at the moment, she couldn't say she much cared.