3Day 1
I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a precipice. As if the path I should follow runs over the cliff. I can see that path, I can see it leads to a safe place, to a goal I can finally see before me, and yet I don't know if I manage to travel it, for every step may as well be my last one, and everything around wishes to push me down. I want to follow that path, I must reach its end, but I don't know if the world won't fall into pieces first.
It seems to me I'll fall into pieces myself before.
How gods can be so cruel to give a chance and then take it away? It's like, after numerous attempts, I succeeded in throwing a line over the terribly deep ravine, only to realise that the tree it caught on is rotten and can't bear the weight.
We learned about the Ope Ope no Mi, salvation for Law and chance for averting the sentence that has been hanging over his had for three years. Finally, after months of searching, we got the information of the only thing in the world capable of curing him of the Amber Lead Syndrome, and being in our reach, on top of it. And the very same moment the Amber Lead Syndrome, as if it were a living creature, not an illness, struck with all its might in order to not be defeated. It rose its head like a serpent and showed its fangs, making us understand it would never let go of its victim willingly.
Law lost consciousness when we thought we could finally win. He collapsed from fever that took all strength of his already weakened organism. He stayed hours out cold, and I was sitting by his side, struck by that unexpected turn, praying that he opened his eyes and begging that he didn't give up. He had said he wouldn't die for at least half a year...!
He waked up when it was late afternoon and I almost had taken leave of my senses. His fever eased just like that, and without any medication. He opened his tired eyes, grey like sea in a cloudy day by daylight and glistening yellowly at night, and looked at me, relieved.
"Cora-san," he said and tried to get up, then realised how weak he was. His gaze filled with guilt that almost hit me like a punch. "Sorry..." he whispered.
"You silly! What for?!" I yelled though I should've been quiet, but my relief needed to be vented, too.
"I lost consciousness, and we were to set sail..." he muttered.
"But we're going to make it, we'll make it, Law...!" I fervently started to convince him. "More important, how are you feeling...?"
He told me he was quite fine, only weak. He wanted to drink and eat something. Briefly, emotionlessly, he informed me that such attacks of fever would probably happen more often, and instructed me to supply us with lots of aspirin. He assured me that everything was all right, that he would manage, that he was feeling better already. And that we would be able to set sail tomorrow. My heart was breaking as I saw him mustering his strength, forcing himself to remain calm, pretending everything was okay and there was no reason to get anxious.
By night, he lost consciousness again. Between changing cold compresses on his forehead and applying the aspirin, I felt like screaming and cursing. Only three weeks separated us from the victory... three weeks that were going to be a dance between life and death.
Day 2
In the morning, Law had no fever. He tried to convince me he'd had a good night rest - as if anyone could rest amongst such feverish nightmares - though he could barely sit up.
"I don't think I'll get any better that this," he said in a crisp voice, "so there's no point in waiting. I think that such... fainting fits would repeat, but we shouldn't be concerned about them..."
I felt like yelling at him, but this time I checked myself and only nodded. "Then, what would you have me do?" I asked.
"Just let me rest."
We stared at each other for a longer while.
"You remember we're going to get the Ope Ope no Mi in three weeks... to make you recover?" I finally asked.
After a moment of hesitation, he nodded, though he didn't seem convinced.
I grabbed him by his arms. "Just three weeks, Law," I said in a firm voice. "You must do everything... you must hold up. It's just three weeks."
"I'm going to survive three weeks," he replied with some annoyance before averting his eyes. "I promise."
That had to be enough. Well, what else should I expect of him?
We set sail. Law lay down at the bottom of the boat and cast me occasional looks. The weather was fine; the southeast wind carried us right towards our destination.
"Cora-san..."
"Yes, Law?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to say it," he replied and rolled over, but I managed to see a shadow of smile on his face.
If the situation weren't that bad, I'd feel the happiest man in the world."
Day 3
I think we developed some routine that helped me regain my balance and believe everything would be fine. Law's fever continues, so he takes aspirin few times per day - I never needed drugs, so I observe it somewhat anxious, but he probably knows what he does - and blacks out every now and then, but he always wakes up after a few hours to assure me he is fine. I know every attack makes him weaker, but he tries not to show it.
"Sorry, I'm useless..." he said today, and it surprised me so much that I almost dropped the binocular into the sea. Okay, I did drop it, but I managed to catch it on time.
"We'll somehow manage," I replied cheerfully. "You should rest."
"Not that I was of any use before," he decided in a critical voice, then blushed and turned his face to the side. "I only yelled or tried to escape."
"You won't try again?" I asked.
"No," he replied and pulled the blanket over his head.
It's as if his physical weakness chastened his character. He has no strength to 'yell and escape', and thus other traits of his become visible, among others his need for contact that I wouldn't have guessed. Now it's him who starts conversation every time... and he is the one to end it every time, too.
Something changed that morning, two days ago, when he called me 'Cora-san' for the first time. I have no idea what brought that change - what happened to make Law stop regarding me as his enemy in the worst case and a nuisance in the best - but it fills me with endless joy. I was at the verge of hating myself for dragging him to the hospitals and exposing him to suffering. After all, the doctors couldn't help him, they were only scared like hell, and so meeting them must have evoked feelings of being rejected and hopeless, over and over again. I blindly believed in success and didn't think about its price; I didn't think he was not an adult, only a kid. I couldn't demand that he didn't care about how they treated him, that he reacted to fury with anger, that he told himself it didn't matter when juxtaposed with the benefit of being cured. And when I finally started to realise my own cruelty - and that I, once again, had tried to save someone without caring about their feelings... it was when Law bridged that gulf between us that was getting even wider. He gave me one more chance.
We no longer need any doctors or hospitals. I'll get the Ope Ope no Mi to cure Law. I must show him I'm not that evil man he's considered me as, for last six months.
Day 4
So far, our journey has been proceeding without trouble. We have two weeks and a half to reach the northern region of the North Blue, and the winds still favour us. We must arrive before Doffy, even though it would be easier to get the Ope Ope no Mi from Doffy, for he wants to give it to me himself, according to his words at least. However, to get the Devil Fruit is but a half of success; as important as that will be to get Law from Doffy, once and for all. My brother is strong and would do anything to never let us escape, so we must avoid him at any cost.
"Cora-san...?"
"Yes, Law?"
"You said that once we got that Devil Fruit... we would disappear somewhere together. You did say it, didn't you? Or was it just my dream?" Law muttered, and then his eyes widened, and he yelled, "Cora-san, your trousers are burning!"
I was so surprised by his words I didn't notice the cigarette got out of my mouth. I put out the fire with my hands and stared at him again. The anxiety in his eyes eased but didn't disappear completely.
"I did say that," I replied, recollecting my own words. "You don't like that idea...?"
He shook his head, and my heart nearly stopped. I forced myself to smile, though. "Right, you'll be free to go wherever you please," I said. "The whole world will be open to you, so-..."
"That's not what I meant," he interrupted me and sat up. His eyes were glistening, so I knew his fever was rising, although it was something else occupying my mind now.
"Then... You want to stay with me?" I asked and held my breath.
He nodded and looked away, and I felt like my heart would explode in my heart.
"Really? Really, Law?!"
He cast me a startled look and nodded again, before laying down with his face to the side. "Just try not to burn yourself before that, okay?" he muttered.
I felt like throwing the cigarettes to the sea, but I checked myself. I'll be needing them for two and a half weeks, but then... maybe I'll be able to stop smoking. Like they say, one can live only breathing happiness.
Day 5
Law slept the whole day. Aspirin seems to lose its effect, or it simply can't do much for that terrible disease. Law endures his situation without a word of complaint, which is something I can't really grasp... On the other hand, if he complained, I probably wouldn't be able to stand it. No, I turn it back, of course I'd stand it. I'll stand everything. He is so brave, so strong... I hope that, once he recovers, he'll reclaim not only his life but also the right to normal behaviour and reactions. I want him to laugh and cry, to be happy and complain, just like any kid. When we escape together from Doffy and all people that are going to pursue us...
I still find it hard to believe what he said: that he wanted to stay with me. After what I dragged him through, I'd rather expect him to say he would never want to see me again. Yet, what surprised me the most was my own reaction when I thought he would refuse. I really wanted... want us to stay together. We've spent half a year together, and I'm positive I can't imagine us to part. Somewhere between the islands, between the hospitals, between furious protest and teary despair, I became attached to that boy. I want to stay by his side, to support him and take care of him. I want him to recover and enjoy his life, to achieve everything he might, and I want to be there, to see it with my own eyes.
I embarked on this journey to do something instead of just stare at the fate. Since I'd been saved by Sengoku-san, I've stopped being happy with just observing my own life - like that time when Doffy killed our father and I could only look. I decided to never again let someone dear to me become crushed by the wheels of destiny. I believed I'd be able to crash those wheels, instead.
I still believe it, but during this journey I changed from a justice fighter and a rebel against destiny into someone much more human. I became someone who needs another person, that special one, instead of being an angel of salvation for all.
And Law wants me. That amazing, brilliant Law, that could have anyone, wants to stay with me. Will it be enough what I can give him: my presence, my smile and my strength? That's ridiculously little... What if he wanted more? Won't he be disappointed... won't he decide he doesn't need that giant who is capable only of hurting him...? But he asked it himself... and that makes me happy...! Well, in any case, I should postpone such thoughts for later, when we'll have got the Ope Ope no Mi and freed ourselves from Doffy.
I look at his tiny frame by the side, curled under the blanket. He is small for his age; the disease that etched with whiteness into his body tries to takes absolutely everything from him. He's in a feverish sleep, breathing quickly through the open mouth. His face is flushed, his brows are knitted, and his lips are parched. He makes me feel compassion and respect. I'd let my heart be torn from my chest, I'd let myself be cut into pieces if it could help him; yet, even though I could beat any human enemy, I can't fight with this particular one and win. I can only support Law in his battle... and relish every elevation of his chest, every flicker of his eyelashes, every twitch of his fingers. I know he is fighting. He promised me to survive three weeks, and I know that, just like myself, he is someone to keep his promises.
How could I want to leave someone like him?
Day 6
It's easy to give in to the illusion - oh, how I'd like to believe it! - that sleeping that much helps Law to recover his strength. Today, he's stayed conscious for the whole day, drawing me into a conversation over and over again and trying to prove he's all right. He insisted on sitting and stated clearly that feeding him was out of question. Only every now and then, he would say that he needed to lay down, just for a moment...
I reply him with smile; just like him, I don't take off my mask. We pretend everything is just fine. He pretends that I don't need to worry about him. I pretend that I don't worry about him... not too much, at least. I'd smile anyway, for I never lose hope... for I still believe in a happy end for him.
Law became someone who doesn't want to worry me. When did I become someone he doesn't want to worry? When did it happen? I don't know, but the very realisation makes me dizzy and makes my smile more genuine.
He told me about his childhood in Flevance. He started with one sentence, then came another. Then I said I was listening to him, and so, word by word, sentence by sentence, slowly, somewhat chaotically and jumping between the topics, he described me his life in the White Town. Without emotions, without exaggerating; I know he never exaggerates. He told me his parents had been doctors and had cared for the ill with the Amber Lead Syndrome until the very end. In his calm and composed voice, he said he hoped his sister hadn't suffered any more she already had. He said he hadn't managed to save her.
"You know, Law? We're quite similar," I said after all that, and he snorted quietly. "My parents, too, were good people, and I lost them as a kid, too. I had to look how they died, too. And, just like you... I couldn't save my brother," I added in a lower voice.
He stared at me, clearly struggling inside. "Are you going to?" he finally asked.
I shook my head. "I can't. I'd like to, but... it's not possible. I know when to give up."
He raised his head, and his brows curved mockingly. "Says the guy who spent half a year dragging me to every hospital in the North Blue," he said with not so little dose of irony.
I shook my head again. "You, I'm going to save," I replied calmly, convinced. "You are not Doffy."
He turned away and said no more.
Day 7
Our luck left us. No, we lost even that small, minimal, really minuscule amount of luck we'd had so far. The wind ceased blowing, and we're stuck in the middle of the sea, as if we were at some fucking Calm Belt. We have food and water - but we have no time. There's two weeks left. Two weeks from now, we must be in the northern region of the North Blue, otherwise everything is lost.
No, it isn't lost. Even if the Ope Ope no Mi falls into my brother's hands, I'll find a way to get it from him and give Law. Our situation will just become a bit more complicated, and it will need a bit more trouble to escape, nothing more than that. One of my rare virtues is that I never give up; I always, always search for a solution, a way out of predicament. There's no such difficulty that you can't do anything about.
But Law becomes weaker with every passing day... every passing hour. He promised to survive three weeks, and I believe him, believe in his willpower. At times, I have the frightening impression that it's only his willpower that keeps him alive, as if he'd made some kind of deal. Three weeks and not one day more. Thus, we must be there on time. We must reach our destination no later than two weeks from now.
"The ships should have the engines," Law said after some hours of our forced sojourn.
"Engines?"
"To move them. So that you can sail regardless of the wind."
"What about the fuel?"
He shrugged. "No idea, I'm not a scientist. But think about it, people can make bullets fly, so why not something similar?"
"The Navy ships are able to cross the Calm Belt," I said without thinking. "The ships have..." Damn it. Shut up, Rosinante!
Law opened his eyes wider. "Cora-san... You're not a Marine, are you?" he asked the question I hated the most, as he used to occasionally.
"You silly, of course I'm not! As for those ships... I just heard it somewhere."
Law said nothing. He kept staring at me with his intent eyes for a longer whole before rolling over.
I feel bad every time I lie to him about it. They say that the first lie is the most difficult... As far as I'm concerned, it seems that every new creates another barrier between us, and it will need more effort to break them all.
Still, I know it's not because of fear that I lie, not because of that degrading horror of being hated and rejected. Not anymore. Law has to be able to rely on me, to believe me. For him, I'm Cora-san, not anymore Corazon and not yet Rosinante, whom he would never trust.
How many times more will I have to lie? As many as it takes. But only until I'm able to tell him the truth, and not a single time more.
It's only two weeks left.
Day 8
We're still stuck. The precious time flies by, I can almost hear the passing seconds, as if some clock in my head counted them down, and every sound brings me closer to the panic. Uncertainty, fear, feeling as if my legs were to lose their footing any moment - I am under the impression they will eat me away the very second I let them.
I'm not going to let. In the end, I grabbed an oar to push the boat towards our goal with my own hands. I'm strong; we'll manage to go many miles like that.
Law waked up from the feverish sleep and saw me rowing. His eyes turned big like two balls. "Cora-san... are you crazy?" he asked in a weak voice.
"It's a good exercise, and I need some workout," I replied cheerfully. "We've been a whole week on sea already."
Law knitted his brows. "A week..." he repeated.
I nodded. "Just two weeks left."
"Cora-san... why are you doing this?" he asked, and I thought it didn't come easy to him; however, before I managed to answer, he went on, "Why are you trying so hard? Why... that all... I'm going to die anyway-..."
"You moron! Don't say such things!" I called with anger. "We'll get the Ope Ope no Mi, don't even doubt it! And it's a truly miraculous Devil Fruit capable of curing every illness, even the Amber Lead Syndrome! Just wait two weeks-..."
"But... Cora-san... Why... you? Why do you care so much?"
'Because you have no-one else to care,' I wanted to reply, but instead I said, "I don't want you to die."
"But why?"
That question fazed me completely. Law was staring at me with his grey eyes as if he couldn't comprehend it. Maybe he really couldn't? I wondered about my answer, some thousand of arguments flowing through my mind, until I finally became really mad.
"You don't need a reason to think that," I grumbled. "So take it into your head and never ask again."
Day 9
It's blowing again. Never before did I delight in wind as I do now, especially that it blows from the right direction. We should make it. We will.
Law is sleeping in fever. I almost got used to those naps of his, lasting many hours. If only I didn't feel like getting a heart-attack every time he loses consciousness in the middle of our talks, then everything would be okay.
I ruminate on his question, that wouldn't leave me be. Why? Why do I try so much, why do I do this all, why me, why for him? There really isn't a right answer to that, or there is some thousand of them.
Law deserves to live. He is someone extraordinary, the most unusual boy I've ever met. He suffered so much that I want to give him a chance to finally be happy. If everything ends this way, then there will be no justice, and I carry the justice mark, now invisible, on my back. If I let him die, a hole will open in the reality and the world will have lost something precious for ever. Besides, even if it weren't him, only some other child... Every kid deserves to live, it's obvious. What adult might wish for a kid's death?
I want to be his hope, even though he probably lost hope already, which scares me. His words, 'I'm going to die anyway,' made my hair stand on end. Such words coming from a child's mouth make blood freeze in one's veins. A kid shouldn't say such things. Then, if he already gave up, I must strive for saving him for us both. This, too, is obvious. I must work for three, five, ten, hundred people. As much as needed. Until I succeed.
Why me... Because there's no-one else but me. Because no-one else could help him, not even the best doctors... Well, those doctors weren't the best, rather the worst, but it no longer matters. The cure is within our reach. And I know Law trusts me, so I mustn't betray his trust. I'll do anything to get the Ope Ope no Mi for him, whatever be the cost.
I want to save him because if I'm not able to save a single child suffering before my eyes, then there will be no point in me being born. Once, I was saved myself, and now is the time to pay that debt, to pass on that gift of life I got from Sengoku-san.
Day 10
We move on. The majority of gods turn their backs on us, but there must be one that keeps favouring us. The wind still pushes us towards our destination. We are halfway, aren't we? Well, I know that we're halftime, at least. Now it should be downhill... or so I hope.
Law eats less and less. I must virtually force him to drink. We still have enough of aspirin. As for the illness, I thought nothing had changed in his condition, which - in this situation - is a reason for joy and optimism. However, today, as I lifted his head to give him medication, he gave a quiet cry.
"What's happening?" I asked, feeling my heart stop.
"Nothing..." he muttered in response, trying to look calm, and took the pills.
"You're in pain, aren't you?" I didn't give up.
"A bit..." he said, and his face twitched with suffering.
I remembered what I heard about the Amber Lead Syndrome. That people ailed and died in pain. Ailed and died in pain.
"Law, stay with me... Law...!" I had to check myself in order not to shake him. "Law, you must hold up. It's just one week and a half. Don't die, Law...!"
He opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on my face. "I'm not dying," he replied in a weak voice but with some annoyance that, more than the words, told me he really wasn't that bad yet.
"But you're... in pain...?"
"Aspirin works just fine," he muttered. "Besides, I have quite high pain threshold..."
"High pain threshold? Like, you can feel only the strongest pain?" I said but didn't find it reassuring, quite the contrary. "That means it must hurt like hell now. Law..." I whispered with my hands mid-air. I wanted to touch him, comfort him, but I was scared that I made him feel even worse.
He averted his gaze, but I managed to see a shadow of fear and uncertainty in his eyes. How must he have felt, aching all over and being too weak to even raise his head? I couldn't even imagine that.
"Law, what can I do for you?" I asked in a low voice, feeling utterly helpless and useless.
"Just let me rest," he answered in a whisper and closed his eyes. "I'll be fine. It's enough that you're here," he added even more softly.
Day 11
We're sailing north, and thus it became quite cold. I wrapped Law with my cloak, but it doesn't help much. Cloak or not, he's shivering all over. Cold doesn't affect him in a good way, taking even that rest of his energy he'd managed to keep owing to his inactivity last days. What's more, the shakes make him suffer, adding to his pain that even without that must be terrible. I can't even console myself with the thought that he doesn't feel that pain when asleep, for I sometimes see tears flow from behind his eyelids. Every now and then, he gives a stifled moan, although when conscious he still have enough strength to control his reactions.
Those moments when I have to water him and give him aspirin are the worst. How can I touch that creature that seems to be but a bundle of pain? How might I willingly amplify his suffering? I must remind myself over and over again that he needs that water and those drugs. Even if they seem to not help at all, for he still has that dreadful fever and his pain only grows... maybe it's exactly for them - and his willpower - that he lives on. Thus I force myself to touch him, to lift his head, to put the glass to his lips and force him to swallow the pills - regardless of that pained expression, those treacherous tears he's unable to stop, those involuntary moans that pierce my heart like knives.
When he's sleeping, I almost bit my fingers to blood to contain my scream that tries to escape from my throat. I feel like activating the Nagi Nagi no Mi and yell in despair, but I don't dare to lose contact with him, not even for a moment. I must hear him breathing.
Someone else's suffering is much harder to bear than one's own. Helplessness almost makes you crazy. You may be strong, even powerful according to some standards and possess superhuman abilities, but you can't do anything about someone else's pain. Nothing! You can only be a witness and a supporter, staying where you are. Yes, staying. Law said, 'It's enough that you're here,' even though it seems anything but enough. It's him who's fighting, I can only be his silent companion who stands aside and prays for victory. Actually, it's a display of a real courage, for I'd like to run away and never again stare at such torture.
Yet I'm a soldier. I'm a justice fighter. I'm a man. I'm a carer. I'm a father, a brother and a friend. I'm a partner. I mustn't run away. I'm not going to run away. My discomfort and Law's tragedy don't even have mutual proportions. To stay with him and witness his suffering - that's all I can do...! No, Law, you're not alone. I'm with you. I'm by your side. I'm here. I'll be here until the very end. I'll stay as long as you wish.
I wonder if that is what makes Doffy a monster: inability to feel someone else's pain. I wonder whether I would have become like my brother if not for Sengoku-san. Does Doffy consider cutting himself from other people as a strength? Did he, having chosen hatred, gain some protection against suffering? If that's so, then I'd rather be weak and choose to endure suffering.
Law, hold up little more. It's only ten days.
Day 12
It's cold. Law has no strength left and he rarely ever regains consciousness. He wakes up just for short times filled with pain and suffering. I am on the brink of hysteria and have no idea how I'll be able to survive the nine days separating us from our goal. My hands are shaking, I light the next cigarette from the previous one... but when Law comes to, when he opens his eyes and stare with that tired gaze of his, then I assume a calm expression, as if I used the Nagi Nagi no Mi to cut off my all reactions. I've no idea where I get this strength from.
"Law, we'll be there soon," I try to infuse him with hope. "Just a week or so. No more than just nine days, and we'll have got the Ope Ope no Mi. Nine days... it's not long, isn't it? We're already close. You see how cold it got? We're almost in the northern region of the North Blue. Endure it, I know you're freezing, but it means we'll be there soon."
"Ope Ope no Mi, right..." he remembers, and then a shadow of smile appears in his eyes. "I'm not freezing, your cloak keeps me warm," he whispers, although his teeth are chattering. Then, however, he frowns with anxiety. "But you're going to be cold, Cora-san..."
"You silly, of course I'm not!" I reply truthfully. I'm perfectly immune to the outside temperature, tolerating both frost and heat. Besides... When Law calls me 'Cora-san,' it's enough to warm me, to say nothing of his concern. "Don't worry about me, just think of yourself!" I say a bit too harshly, for Law's eyes fill with resentment, and it takes me a longer while to understand why.
"I used to think those cloaks of yours were ridiculous," he says after a moment. "Doflamingo looks like an outgrown flamingo, and you, Cora-san..." He muses.
"Like what?"
"Like an outgrown hen."
A blow to my very heart. But, wait a moment... He said, 'I used to think.'
"And now, what you think?" I ask warily.
He pulls the black feather over his nose, like an embarrassed kid. "That they are not so bad... At least, not yours."
"We'll get you similar once you recover," I promise without a second thought. "And when you grow up some more, we'll look like two outgrown hens. How do you like the idea?"
He's not answering. Fever took his consciousness again.
Day 13
I'm under the impression that cold sucks Law's life. When it's over, we'll escape to some summer island, so that he needn't freeze again. He hasn't come to for one day and a half. As long as I hear his quick breathing, I'm able to stay sane. I keep telling myself that we still have a chance. That today will end just like yesterday. That every moment brings us closer to our goal. I repeat it over and over again, until those words, sentences and phrases sound in my ears like a mantra. They keep my horror in check.
Law became attached to me, there's no doubt about it. It's probably because I'm the only man in his life now. The world has narrowed to the two of us, this boat and the sea. Nothing else connects Law with the reality; I'm like an anchor that secures him. It's obvious he focuses his all attention on me (when conscious).
That's how I explain it to myself, and yet I'm immensely happy, at the border of despair. I'm glad he managed to get rid of the hatred he'd been feeding on for years, and was able to find something positive inside himself. And I'm happy like mad that he no longer hates me. That he no longer rejects me nor deny my existence, like he was doing it for two years. It's not easy to be an object of hatred. It leaves a soul wounded, and only love can heal those wounds.
Law became attached to me. I became someone important to him. The realisation makes me smile, although most of the time I'm far from smiling. I bit my lips to blood and try to smile. Law knows me only with my false, painted smile that, for last four years, was the mask concealing my despair. Now I want to smile for real, to show him my genuine smile. We must get the Ope Ope no Mi; after that, there will be no reason to be sad anymore.
I reminisce about Law when he appeared in the Family over two years ago, hell-bent on becoming like my brother: evil incarnated and demon of destruction. How long - and yet not too long - we had to walk until the day when he called me 'Cora-san' for the first time, almost two weeks ago… It was the day of joy and sorrow. Day of despair, but also of faith, hope and love. It was the day that everything started anew and that Law took another first step, this time on the road he won't stray from, I'm sure of that. The road of happiness.
"You won't return to Doffy, right?" I asked when he came to in the evening and I could give him water.
He looked at me half-conscious. "Who?" he asked in astonishment, frowning. I wondered if he was joking, but then he made an expression saying he couldn't care less. "I'm not going anywhere. I stay here..." he muttered and closed his eyes. Then, however, he lifted his eyelids again, anxiety flickering in his gaze. "I may stay, right...?"
I couldn't utter a word and only nodded.
Stay.
Day 14
It's getting colder and colder, and I'm terrified. Law has fallen deeper into unconsciousness, he's actually in a coma. His breath became slower, he stopped tossing, he probably ceased sensing pain as well - but instead of relief I feel terrible fear. He doesn't react to my touch and voice, I just can't wake him up. I keep trying. I spend time, staring at his chest and the cloud of steam coming from his mouth, I pray that he opens his eyes or just moans, give me to understand that he's still fighting, that he's still resisting. In vain. It's as if his soul left, leaving behind just an empty shall that woul fall apart and vanish any moment. I hold him by me, I don't want to let go of him, for I'm scared that if I do, the death will sweep him in one move.
I ask myself if I lost my mind already.
There's just one week left, just one week more, and the situation became even more grave than before. I don't know what to do, I can only keep him close, calling his name, shaking him and pinching his cheek (I hate myself for it) in order to bring him back to consciousness. Law is so small, so light in my arms... and I feel like I'm holding the whole world.
I can't lose him, I can't let him go. Even if he gave up himself and is waiting for the end like deliverance from suffering, I can't imagine he might die. It would be an injustice. It would be a waste. But, above all, I don't want it, I don't want Law disappear. Over those months, he became someone irreplaceable to me, a part of my very life. His mind and brains, his irony and sarcasm, his willpower and strength, his broken heart and twisted character - I admire them all and accept as a whole. What I don't accept is that disease of his, I want to destroy it, make it go away and never affect his life again. We have the Ope Ope no Mi in our reach...!
Law, wake up, regain your senses. We're so close...! We've been fighting half a year and two weeks. And before, you had fought it alone for many years. That effort cannot go to waste. You mustn't give up now, when the victory is near...!
I'm unable to think of the world without Law. I can't remember the time when he wasn't there. I want to stay with him, see him spread his wings and use his abilities, grow up and turn into a man he were bound to be if not for that cursed Amber Lead Syndrome. I want to be a witness and a participant, as much as he lets me.
Law, you said you wanted to stay. Than once we got the Ope Ope no Mi, we would set on a journey so that no-one would find us. Law, you can't leave me now. What will I do, all alone on this empty sea? How will I be able to move on - with this feeling I won't ever smile again? Law, tell me how...!
Just one week.
Just one week that seems to me longer than eternity.
Day 15
Law's condition isn't changing. In last two weeks, I developed a terrifying and cursed ability to be happy with no change. I pray that there are no more changes, for I'm dead sure that his condition just can't get worse. The next change will be the final one.
Law is fighting. He is still breathing, his heart is still beating, and his skin is warm. Even though he's unconscious, staying in a sleep deeper than any normal rest, he's still hanging on the life and not losing his grip. I learned to derive strength from that, to rejoice every passing moment that brings us closer to out goal and to the victory. To celebration.
I tell him what we will do once we get the Ope Ope no Mi. Where we will go. What we will occupy ourselves with. I tell him whom we will pretend to be and how we will blend into the scenery of the place we'll stay in. We'll run from everyone - from Doflamingo, from the Navy, from the World Government. We will burn our bridges, sever relations, go into hiding at the end of the world where no-one could find us and stay there until everyone forgets about us. Until Law is cured. Until he recovers. Until he fully masters his Devil Fruit, so that no person can harm him anymore. Oh, how much fun we will have...! No matter the difficulties that might arise, there will be only a human sentence over our heads.
I press Law against my body so that he doesn't freeze in this pervasive cold. I keep him close so that he knows I'm here and won't leave anywhere. I embrace him, for he's my only treasure and I won't let go of him, come hell or high water. For him, I'll be able to breach the barriers of impossible, break the established order of the things and shape the reality anew with my own hands. If he doesn't make it and loses this battle, then I'll follow him to the other side, never letting go of his hand. It's the destiny that brought us together and entwined our lives in one, giving me purpose and giving him the possibility to reclaim the time he'd been robbed of. I never wanted to believe in the destiny, I didn't like the idea that everything was foreordained, but now I leave this belief on the altar of faith and hope that someone wants Law to live. More than happily, I'll become a tool to enable that, for I know that I care about him more than any force majeure might ever do.
Oh, Law, Law, there's so much fun awaiting us...! Imagine a tropical island where it's always warm. People are friendly, they like to sing and dance. You can eat fresh fruits and vegetables all year round, and you'll never get bored observing the frolicking of monkeys and colourful birds. And when we have enough of it, we will move to the moderate-climate island. They surely have one or two bigger cities where people are decent and hard-working. The merchants care about their customers, the municipal services ensure the security, and the bookstores get new books rather quickly. And when we can't stand it anymore, we'll find an island with a good university and a hospital where you will be able to learn from the best professors and widen your knowledge. Even with the Ope Ope no Mi, I can't see you as a conceited person who doesn't want to acknowledge the accomplishments of others and humbly integrate their discovers to your education.
Law, the whole life is ahead of us. We only have to climb the last hill and reach the top to see that splendid view. There's just a few steps left, so gather your strength.
Day 16
It's six days left until the trade between Doffy and the Barrels Pirates. Three days earlier - three days from now - Doffy will already have arrived. Those three days between Doffy's arrival and the trade are the narrow window for us to absolutely be there. It would be the best to deal with it before the Family lands, and I do hope that we will get there earlier, indeed. The weather is favouring us, even if everything else turned its back on us.
It's another day, and I'm out of my mind. Law is lying supinely in my arms. I miss his voice. I yearn that he says something in that ironic tone of his. I'd welcome even the harshest words of critic with joy. Law is wonderful when he gets angry, his retorts are both cutting and smart. I want him to open his eyes - grey by daylight and yellow in darkness - and look at me, see that I'm still here. In his life, Law already lost so much that he probably no longer believes he's able to keep anything... that someone might stay with him, and he surely doesn't demand that. For two years, he did everything to never become attached to anyone again and never depend on anyone again - and I, without asking, dragged him out of that shell of hateful indifference, shaking his stability he'd developed as his protection. The responsibility is all mine, and I take it whole-heartedly.
Our life gets its meaning only when we matter something to other people. When we discover in one another something that we want to protect no matter the cost. When in the other person we see someone worth sacrificing everything for them. During those years of my service in the Navy and later, when on mission by my brother's side, I never felt so... fulfilled I did during those six months with Law. I didn't feel such a sense of purpose and satisfaction. I'll be damned if I let him die. I will snatch him away from death, I will save him from the Amber Lead Syndrome, I'll take him from Doffy and break the last shackles of hate still binding him. There's no price that I wouldn't pay for his happiness. If I manage to save that single child, then there is still hope for the world and evil will never triumph... But what really matters to me is Law's smile.
"Law, Law," I talk to him, I still want to keep that contact, even though there's no contact at all. But what we really know about people in coma? How can we be so sure that they don't receive our touch, warmth or voice? "Law, we're close. Look, the North Star is getting higher and higher, so we really don't have that much travel left. Before we know it, we'll see the Swallow Island, maybe as soon as tomorrow, or maybe the day after it... It is called that because it's in the shape of a bird. Past Swallow is Rubeck, but we have no business there. Our destination is Minion, the smallest of the three islands. People no longer live there, it's a deserted land, so we'll come unnoticed. It is where the Ope Ope no Mi is now, and we're going to get it for you. It's going to happen soon... So come back to me and open your eyes to see that completely new world unfolding before you now."
Law isn't answering, he's lying inertly... but as I keep talking, repeating those things over and over again, his fingers clutch at my shirt. For a second, I think I only imagine it, but then his hand, hooked on the fabric, closes into a fist. Just one gesture expressing his whole strength, just one reaction amongst the lack of others - and I feel as if the sun rose after the long night.
We still have the victory in our field of vision.
Day 17
I have hope again. Not that I lost it, but now, seeing as Law gets better, I believe some hundreds times stronger that we will succeed. Well, to say that he 'gets better' is quite a misunderstanding. I mean that he emerged from the coma state he'd been in for three days straight. He's still terribly ill, his breath is quick and forced again, and he's in pain, which he expresses in occasional moans - but he's closer to me. I'm able to wake him up, I'm in touch with him, I know he's here with me.
I let him sleep, but I also regularly interrupt his rest to water him. For three days, he didn't drink at all, forget about the drugs, but somehow he survived until now. He's clinging to life with all his might - how enormous it must be since he had no strength at all? My respect for him only grows. I've never met such a brave child, capable of bearing with his fate with such persistency... No, there's not need to talk big and use words like 'fate', when it's physical state on the border of life and death, and in great pains, in question. I have no doubt that only willpower keeps him alive and still in the battle that many adults would have long forsaken...
Or maybe what sustains him is the knowledge that he is not alone in this fight...? Maybe he still remembers that there is a future for us, a reality to be shared only by the two of us...? Oh, how I want to grab his hand and already take him to the time and place where all problems will seem but a trifle after what he went through. It's just a few days, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after – that much and that little separates us from that new life, with happiness being its first principle.
"Do you remember what we are sailing for?" I ask when he's awake again. "The Ope Ope no Mi. Your salvation...!"
Law opens his eyes and looks somewhat confused, then he nods. I know he won't remember it the next time I ask, but it doesn't matter.
"I'm glad you're here, Cora-san," he says in a quiet, tired voice. His eyelids fell again. "Don't go anywhere, okay?"
"Once I get the Ope Ope no Mi for you, I'll stay by your side as long as you want me to," I assure him with ardour. "Until you're completely sick of me."
Once more, Law fixes his gaze on me, and then a little smile stretches his lips. Actually, it's more a half-smile, maybe even quarter-smile, but convincing enough. It warms my heart, although, at the same time, I can't wait for the day that he becomes all smile.
His eyes close again, but there is that expression of calm satisfaction on his face. "I'm glad you're here, Cora-san," he whispers and dozes off.
In such moments, I'm perfectly sure only death might tear me from his side.
Day 18
We just had to encounter a storm, and at such time...! We're so close, we might have reached Minion today, but in this weather it's impossible. We must believe in those scarce good spirits that have been watching over us so far... trust that we will survive this without any damage. Forget about sailing, if only the boat stays on the waves...! Until now, I haven't even thought, not for a single second, that something might happened to me. I was so focused on Law and his situation... But yet, one too big wave is enough that Donquixote 'Corazon' Rosinante sinks like a stone and...
No, I don't even want to consider such event of action. I'm here to help Law. No-one else would help him. We must get to Minion and snatch the Ope Ope no Mi from the Barrels Pirates; until then nothing of that kind is allowed to happen.
I keep Law close, for he's too weak to sit by himself. He's been conscious the whole day, he even managed to eat something. Sometimes, a horrifying thought strikes me that it's just a momentary invigoration before the end, one you often hear about in the case of the terminally ill people, and it makes me feel terribly cold. Then, however, I remind myself that I'm not going to let that end happen. I'll wrestle Law from death with my bare hands, no matter how hard I'll have to fight.
Law isn't bothered by the storm at all. Maybe he stopped sensing fear, or maybe he feels safe enough. Yet, he is conscious and realises our situation. He turns to me and gives me a painted look.
"The Government knew we would die... and yet ordered us to mine the Amber Lead for profit..." he says in a serious voice. "It's the Government that killed my family and all in Flevance...! So, Cora-san, if you're their ally... if you're a Marine... just tell me..."
"Nonsense! I'm nor a Marine!" I call angrily. Why must he ask it now?!
Law says nothing for a longer while... and then, completely unexpectedly, he smiles widely, in relief that brightens his face all the way to the corners of his eyes.
"That's great," he replies and has never seemed so happy before.
I tell him that by stealing the Ope Ope no Mi we'll become fugitives and everyone will try to get us - Doflamingo, the Navy and the Government - but he seems to care little about it. And I promise myself that, together with the Devil Fruit, I'll bring him the truth. He doesn't need to change his opinion and start trust the officials, but I want him to know there's at least one soldier he can put faith in.
Maybe he'll forgive me all my lies.
Day 19
Today is the day that I should meet with Doffy on the Swallow Island. Doffy must be here already. Because of that storm we didn't manage to arrive before him, but there's hardly anything we can do about it now. Moreover, I have no idea when he exactly came; it may be that he's been waiting here for a week, and in that case my frustration is futile.
We arrived in Minion, Island of Fate. There is no wind. The snow is falling from the sky at a slow pace, smothering all noises and covering all surfaces. It's easy to believe there's no living man here apart from the two of us - but I spotted both the ship of the Barrels Pirates and the scout ship of the Navy by the shore. No doubt everything is ready for the trade for the Devil Fruit. Three parts that need the Ope Ope no Mi in order to gain wealth, power and eternal youth. None of them knows about us, who wish for that fruit to secure the life of one little boy.
We moored the boat in the place that can't be seen from the shore; no-one will find it. I leave Law in the corner between the chest and the side.
"Wait here, it won't take long," I say and turn to climb with the line onto the cliff, but then I am pulled from behind.
Law is standing and seizing my cloak, looking at me with a gaze clearly saying, 'I'm coming too.' I stare at that miracle and ask myself how could I ever thought of leaving him here. We've travelled that distance together and we must alight on this island together. Everything is going to end and start here. Law, who was struggling against his illness for nearly three weeks, was sleeping in fever and staying in coma, so weak I had to water and feed him, and hold in my arms, is now standing on his two feet, determined to go with me. It's as if he conserved his strength for this very day. He kept his promise and survived, he trusted me and put faith in my promise.
We're in this together.
I squat before him, put my hands on his shoulder and look him in the eyes. My heart is overflowing with great respect and boundless tenderness. I know I've never loved anyone like I love him. He brought sense to my life and gave me happiness after years of despair. The last three weeks, though filled with suffering and terror, are something that must have happened so that we could come where we're now. Despite their cruelty, I can also see their unusual beauty and wouldn't trade them for anything.
"Thank you for pulling through," I say.
He nods solemnly, but I can see something akin to a joyful pride in his gaze. Suddenly, he seems the strongest man in the world, and for a split second I can see something of an adult in him. When we stand on Minion, I'm convinced that the Law who will leave this island will no longer be a kid. There's one last task left for us: creating a new bridge to the future to replace the one made of the Amber Lead that is crumbling before our very eyes.
We're going for the Ope Ope no Mi.
