Chapter 4: First Love and Impressions

"So do you remember my brother?" Carlos asked her as he drove the septic truck while Evanna gunned the roof mounted cannon, spraying the buildings in sewer and devaluing their worth. It had been two months since the Saints had been 'resurrected' as quoted by the press and they had done a lot of damage within that time. For starters they had decided to go after Sons of Samedi first and taken out most of them, destroyed their labs, taken over their market and killed a prominent member of their gang and Shaundi's ex, Veteran child after he had attempted to kidnap and murder Shaundi. They had also heisted one of Ronin's casinos but had to cease the attacks on Ronin due to increase in the counter attacks from Samedi.

Often when not wrecking havoc on the gangs, Evanna took up other small jobs and side missions to earn more money and prove her worth. Even though the Saints respected her, she knew some of the old ones were still sceptical in her abilities to rule the gang even though they would never voice out their opinions so she was determined to prove them wrong.

"I'd be a liar if I said I did, Carlos. There were a lotta people in that gang" She said apologetically. For the past two months she had increasingly started spending time with Carlos. He was terribly insecure and had awfully low confidence in himself and often berated himself when he disappointed someone. He was also quite introverted, not unlike her when she had first joined the gang.

But he was the only one who had dared to break her out of the prison. He was dedicated, loyal and had to be the kindest soul she had ever met although that made him somewhat of a doormat. He was always willing to help the others any way he could and often the Saints gave tedious and fatuous work like polishing the guns parts and nozzles, keeping the headquarters clean, running errands for them to him. But he gladly did them, never complained and always sported a smile on his face.

For some inexplicable reason, she had a strong urge to protect Carlos. Carlos was always eager to please her so they had started hanging out together, whether it was to act as temporary bodyguards and protect celebrities from the crazy crowd by or engaging in fight club activities. She had insisted Carlos to join the fight club as well and the improvements in his melee combat were noticeable.

Another thing that was noticeable was the change in the way she interacted with Carlos compared to the other Saints. When Shaundi had pointed it out at first she had only laughed it off but she could not deny it. The fondness she had for Carlos had blossomed into something else. It was evident in her body language, the way she interacted and smiled when with Carlos, the way she did not berate him when he did mistakes, unlike the rants she went on when others did mistakes. She was partial towards Carlos and some of the Saints had started noticing it. A few brave ones even dared to tease her about it.

She liked Carlos. A lot. She was feeling the things she had felt for Johnny, only tenfold more.

Speaking of Johnny, her feelings for him had seemingly faded away. She still loved him, he was still her best friend but the perspective had changed. Her unrequited feelings for him had been smothered out and pushed back by the new flames she had started harboring for a certain adorable brunette boy.

Of course, she did not know whether Carlos was even aware of her obvious change, he did appear to be oblivious like Johnny. And she had tried to reign in her psyche at first.

She had a gang to run for fuck's sake! She could not indulge in matters of the heart. What she had on Johnny was just a crush, but what she felt for Carlos was real genuine love.

She wasinlove.

And that would turn out to be a weakness, it would destroy her. She could not afford to have feelings for him.

But there was no say in matters of heart. She was after all, just nineteen. She had never been loved, never experienced what it was to love someone romantically, never been touched with affection, never had someone stare at her with admiration that did not stem from her capabilities as a puckish rogue. She wanted someone to like the girl behind the strong facade she had put up. The girl that had been scarred from her childhood.

The girl that had witnessed the death of her parents when she was only twelve, first hand.

The girl who had survived on the streets for a year on her own.

The girl who had mastered wielding a gun at thirteen.

The girl who had witnessed the death of her friends at thirteen.

The girl who had killed people at thirteen.

The girl who had been blown up to hell at the age of fourteen.

The scarred, battered girl who was still living and breathing despite of the shit she had been put through.

She had spent a good portion of her life disguising herself as a boy and blasting things up and missed out on all her teenage years with the coma. Even though she put up a tough exterior and acted like a tomboy, she secretly wished sometimes that someone would look at her the way Johnny looked at Aisha. The way all of Shaundi's ex admired her.

Carlos gave her that. He admired her, and she often caught the fleeting glances he graced her with. Of course he would immediately look away but she could not help but hope he felt the same way.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, peering up at him through her thick lashes.

"So what did you do before you decided to join the Saints?" She asked him trying to make small talk.

"I was studying fashion in Steelport." She looked at him bemusedly as he continued. " I um also modelled for a few agencies" He added in a murmur, embarrassed.

She only chuckled. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about it. I mean you are cute." She caught herself as Carlos turned to look at her shocked. They quickly looked away as their eyes met.

"I just did not say that," She cursed inside her mind,

"ahaha-I I was kidding!" She laughed awkwardly and Carlos joined her

"Yeah. A-anyway so as I was saying, I came back here after I heard my brother got shot in the leg. He told me all about you and the Saints. Despite being shot in the leg he gave his life trying to protect the church from the Ultor forces. I could nothing as my brother was killed" He stopped the car and hung his head low.

Evanna placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"That is when I decided to break you out and continue his legacy of protecting the Saints. Although my skills are nowhere near his. I'm rather useless to the gang, huh?" he said with a sad chuckle.

" Who says you are useless? Carlos, if it weren't for you I wouldn't be standing here. Johnny could have died and the Saints would have never been formed again. Carlos, you resurrected the Saints." She said staring into his large, tranquil and benevolent light brown eyes. They were captivating.

Time stopped around them and she found herself leaning in.

"I-I did?" He whispered as he shut his eyes, lost in the moment. Before their lips could touch the honking of the cars behind them broke them apart. Carlos pushed her away by the shoulders, both of their faces red enough to put fire to shame.

"I-I'm sorry" Carlos stammered but she shook her head.

"No I'm sorry. I went over the line" She said. She could not believe what she had just done " Stupid, stupid, stupid! " She cursed herself silently, despite of the hurt creeping up in her heart.

Carlos had just pushed her away.

She refused to look at him lest he see the hurt swimming in her eyes as the rest of the drive continued in an awkward silence.

Evanna stared annoyed at Shaundi as she continued to laugh.

" That is not funny Shaundi!"

"Of course it is! You tried to kiss that punk!" Shaundi roared in laughter again as she covered her friend's mouth before someone else heard them. The only person she trusted when it came to matters of heart was Shaundi.

"Kiss? You tried to kiss somebody?" Pierce exclaimed in astonishment as he walked in with Johnny. So much for maintaining secrecy.

" Yes, that too Carlos!" Shaundi burst out laughing again as Johnny and Pierce stared at her shocked.

" You like that kid?" Pierce asked her. Of course, being dumb as her guy friends were, they had not noticed the change in her behaviour except Shaundi. Evanna glared at Shaundi and she raised her hands in surrender.

" I mean it was expected though. I would've been more surprised if Carlos had actually let you kiss him. That boy is more shy than a bride on her wedding night"

Pierce laughed at that "True. How can you like that punk?."

"I mean he is adorable" Shaundi said at the same time as Pierce.

"Adorable? What?! Shaundi, are you out of your mind?"

"There they go again" Evanna thought grimly. Their incessant fights were becoming a daily occurrence and it was annoying to say the least.

Pierce and Shaundi continued to bicker and Evanna just sighed before she plopped down on a nearby couch.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Gat said as he took the seat next to her. She had almost forgotten about him.

" Yes, orchestrate silly things like feelings in front of all the Saints, just what I need for my daily dose of 'proving my worth' " She said sarcastically.

"Whoa, no need to get snappy with me. And that's not a weakness at all. I love Eesh but can anyone deny I'm the baddest motherfucker around?" Johnny said boastfully and she could not help but let out a small smile.

Perhaps Johnny was right. As long as her feelings were not messing up with her plans for the Saints, it was okay to harbour them. She doubted whether she was even strong enough to get rid of them anyway.

Evanna walked with Carlos down the cave. They were on their way to meet Maero, the leader of The Brotherhood who had requested to meet the leader of the Saints.

Neither of them had spoken a word about what had happened two days back and there was an uncomfortable silence around them.

Thankfully, they came across the tattooed man sitting against a bench rather quickly.

"You Maero?" He nodded.

"Where's your crew then?" She asked him when she spied no other red uniform clad gang member around.

"I don't need one"

"Are you sure about that? I could kill you right now" She said threateningly , as the click of the safe lock of her gun reverberated inside the hollow cavern as she set it off.

"No. You couldn't" He said smugly, standing up and showing off his full height. He was a good foot taller than her and was twice the size of Johnny. She smirked impressed by his confidence before she dropped it into a dire expression. "What do you want?"

"Listen I'm not stupid. I know who you are. There's no reason for us to tear each other apart."

She looked at him sceptically "I'm listening"

"Here's what I'm thinking. We divide Stilwater-" He was cut short by the voices of the cops arriving. "Shit!" Carlos said as they ducked behind a bench, firing shots at them.

"That son of a bitch" Evanna grumbled as she drove back to the Saints hideout with Carlos. After getting rid of the police, Maero had taken them to his workshop to suggest his outrageous plan of an eighty- twenty division with the saints holding the twenty percent.

The Saints that used to own Stilwater holding only twenty percent of the city. She had been appalled at his nerve for suggesting such an atrocious offer.

And he had expected her to be grateful about it. Regardless to say, she was fuming.

Not only that, his girlfriend, Jessica had mocked and taunted Carlos publicly and she had also seen Donnie working there.

Donnie, the person who was indirectly responsible for the state they were in, the one who had betrayed the Saints for his own selfish gains.

So there were a few good reasons why her mood was the way it was.

"Hey, calm down-" Carlos said when she snapped at him

"Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! You may be a sissy but I am not one!" She erupted on him before dropping her head on her hand against the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry, Carlos" She said after a while, feeling the guilt settle in.

Carlos surprisingly had not been affected by her words as he only smiled at her understandingly.

"Hey, it's fine. I know you are upset. Don't worry. We'll figure out something, I promise" He said reassuringly.

She stared at him taken aback. With Carlos's low confidence, she had expected him to be upset with her. Carlos was starting to show improvements.

And that alone wiped away all her earlier homicidal thoughts as she beamed at him, proud.

It was amazing and scary at the same time, the effect he had started having on her to influence her mood, the way he could interfere with her temper and calm her down. It was a feat no one had achieved.

And it made her all the more fierce in her resolve to protect him.