392i ain't gonna bother giving excuses and just say that i'm sorry it took so long. life, y'know? it sucks, you die, and that's the short and sweet of it.
everybody, please, please give a huge round of applause for my beta, the goddess hinezumi on tumblr because without her, this chapter and the two after would would be one giant mess. she combed all 21 pages of this chapter and put in suggestions and fixed my errors and honestly i don't know i'd do without her. thank you, hinebean. i love you so much and appreciate all that you do!
one more thing. remember how i said last chapter there'd be smut in this one? yeah about that...sorryilied. if i hadn't cut it in half this chapter would easily be about 45 pages and...uh no lol. BUT next chapter for SURE and i promise that's not a lie because it's already done and dusted; it just needs to be proofread/beta'd and hine already has the document, so this time you won't be waiting a goddamn year for an update. scout's honor! (pfft yeah right keiz you fucking slut you are anything but a scout a;djoiafjd)
anyway i hope this chapter reaches your expectations and clears up a lot of questions i know some of you had. if you'd still like for me to clear something up or even point out a loop hole or whatever (because let's be honest there's probably a few of them) feel free to shoot me a message.
You Rescued Me
Chapter 14
It was after 11 pm. The moon was full, the night was calm, and Inuyasha had to be up early tomorrow morning. But he wasn't sleeping. His bedroom was dark save for the illumination of silver moonlight that spilled on the hardwood floor from the bay windows. The only sounds were various creaks and groans as the old farmhouse he called home settled. And yet, despite the tranquility of the night and the quiet that settled through his house like a familiar ghost, sleep would not claim him.
Sitting on the armrest of Jax's couch, elbows braced on his knees and donned in nothing but a pair of loose-fitting jeans, Inuyasha stared listlessly out the bay windows with an unreadable expression, lost in thought as he focused on something only he could see. The silver picture frame that he'd been studying for the past thirty minutes dangled from his clawed fingertips, his grip relaxed yet still tight enough to keep it from falling.
Thin and wispy purple clouds passed briefly over the silver disc that was the moon in the dark night sky and Inuyasha's craving for a cigarette strengthened, but he ignored it. He hadn't lit up once since the whole shit with Naraku went down and he intended to keep it that way. Not smoking proved to be more challenging than he'd anticipated, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. As he'd said what seemed like a lifetime ago now, he could quit whenever he wanted. He'd just never had the incentive to do so.
Until now, anyway.
His incentive to change was just on the other side of the wall, lying in bed with his dog and doing a whole lot of not sleeping as evidenced by the amount of tossing, turning, and sighing he heard from his perch.
A month. It had been one month since Naraku had blown his brains to fucking kingdom come and Kagome's nightmare had come to an end.
And Kagome?
His girl was leaving tomorrow morning and it was unclear if he would ever see her again.
Sighing, Inuyasha let his head fall back against the angled wall behind him as his mind took him back to one month ago. Memories of an intense discussion with Kagome and her family flashed through his mind's eye and Inuyasha reflected back on all that had happened since then.
A lot had happened during the first week of Kagome's stay post Naraku fiasco. It had been more strained and awkward than Inuyasha would have liked while he and Kagome struggled to adapt back into a regular routine. At least, as regular as one could get considering the circumstances. After managing to wrangle a promise from the young woman to call and check in often, Kagome's family had left sometime around midday and Inuyasha had waved from where he was giving Rain a bath at the front of the barn. Kagome had stayed inside the rest of the day, not once venturing outside to see what he was up to, and Inuyasha had let her be. She'd been through a lot, and as she'd said earlier that morning, she needed time to process everything at her own pace without him hovering over her shoulder and asking if she was all right every minute of the day.
Even if he'd wanted to check on Kagome he hadn't had the time or opportunity. Most of his time during the first half of that week had been spent coaxing and calming a thoroughly spooked mare into not bolting away if she was anywhere near the barn. Rain absolutely refused to step foot inside the barn and it had taken up all of Inuyasha's time and patience to chip away at the fear the mare still harbored. Thinking back on it, Inuyasha still wasn't sure what had gone down inside – Kagome had remained tight-lipped and he wasn't about to pressure her – but evidently whatever took place had spooked the horse badly enough where even getting near it made her rear up, pin her ears, and start displaying some pretty aggressive behavior that always made him retreat with a sigh before putting her back in the pasture.
It continued to be a work in progress, and Rain still wouldn't go in her stall. But with diligence and the patience of a goddamn saint Inuyasha had managed to at least get her past the threshold of the barn before she started getting antsy. He counted that as a win.
Kagome wouldn't go inside the barn either and Inuyasha didn't blame her one bit. Even after he'd repainted the walls and replaced the bloodstained flooring with fresh cement and wood – using Sesshomaru's connections to get it done faster – she'd been very wary and would only hover around the doorway. He never had nor would ask her to go inside anyway; he understood her reasons.
Besides, the look she'd given him during the renovations had spoken volumes of her gratitude. That had been, and still was, more than enough for him. A soft grunt escaped his lips and a wry smile curved his mouth as he continued to recount all that'd happened up until now. There hadn't been a dull moment since Kagome had come into his life.
For starters, the poor girl had started having nightmares ever since the incident. And not your average nightmare either; the heart pounding, gasping for breath, and waking up in a cold sweat kind. After Kagome's third consecutive nightmare Inuyasha had tentatively suggested the idea of therapy. Her nightmares had been getting progressively worse, and he was worried that she was losing sleep despite her claims to the contrary. Every time he burst into her room in the middle of the night, frantic with worry at the sound of her terrified scream, she always told him she was fine, but he didn't really believe it.
He hadn't known how Kagome would take the suggestion. However, his concern had been very clear on his face and in his voice as he'd stressed that he wouldn't force her if she truly didn't want to. It had been a traumatic experience and he just wanted to make sure Kagome received the help she needed to cope if she so desired.
Thankfully, Kagome hadn't snapped at him or immediately rebuffed the idea. She'd looked at him in surprise, then adapted an expression of contemplation before nodding once and giving a small smile. Inuyasha had dropped it after that, giving her the time and space she needed to think about it on her own without any outside influence from him.
It was Inuyasha's turn to be surprised when just the very next day Kagome approached him as he was transferring hay onto the loft. She'd told him she agreed to see someone, that she'd given it a lot of thought, and had even asked her mother and Sango their thoughts on it. She'd relayed it was probably for the best, and Inuyasha hadn't even bothered to hide his relief, simply striding over to her and gathering her close for a hug.
Then Kagome, his cheeky little woman, slapped him with one condition: that she'd only go if he attended the sessions with her. And Inuyasha being, well, himself, hadn't been able to say no to her, so he'd agreed with no fuss. Besides, he'd figured it couldn't hurt; he'd be able to also lend his support if she needed it too. It was a win-win for both of them.
True to his word, Kouga had continued to update him on Jax's condition, and when the time came to pick up his dog from the vet Kagome had said she wanted to go with him. Inuyasha had been equal parts relieved and grateful. Up until that point, Inuyasha and Kagome had barely spoken to each other, besides bringing up the suggestion of therapy, so when Kagome had expressed her desire to go with him into town to pick the beloved canine up and take him home, it was like whatever invisible barrier that had formed between them shattered. When she'd given him her first real smile in days, the relief was evident on his face when he'd smiled back. Neither had felt the need to fill the silence with insistent chatter on their way into town. They had been comfortable and relaxed with one another for the first time in days.
Jax had acted more or less like himself when they'd entered the vet's office: all happy tail wags, butt wiggles, and lolling tongue. The only difference had been the lack of excited barking but that was to be expected. The wound on his throat was still healing, and it was likely to be sore for a while which resulted in a considerably quieter Jaxson, at least for the time being. Inuyasha hadn't cared, though. He was just glad his beloved companion of four years was alright and he was more than happy to let the dog have as much bacon as he wanted. Granted, that bacon would more than likely be hiding a dose of his required daily medication until he was fully recovered, but Inuyasha was willing to do whatever it took to ensure the health of his four-legged best friend.
They'd run into Kouga on the way out. After exchanging pleasantries and Kagome expressing her gratitude for watching over Jaxson's care for them, the deputy chief had revealed that he was now on an administrative unpaid leave of absence. When pressed for details, Kouga had further revealed that it was due to launching a private investigation without notifying the chief using government resources and failing to adhere to police protocol. Despite that, however, the wolf demon had confided that he didn't regret it. In the end, his investigation had reopened several cold cases and they were able to nail the dead SOB with several more counts of murder and though it was five years late, Kikyou's case was finally closed.
Kagome had gone suspiciously quiet when the wolf brought up his deceased fiancé, avoiding his gaze in favor of idly rubbing Jaxson's ears. Kouga didn't seem to notice and went on telling Kagome about how she was free to pick up her vehicle whenever she wanted. He also informed her that her former apartment had been cleared so she was able to return to grab anything she'd previously left behind.
Inuyasha had bid the wolf farewell after thanking him again for helping with Jax and Kouga merely shrugged, giving the canine a few fond pats himself before bidding them both adieu and disappearing back into the vet's office. Inuyasha had led Kagome back to the truck with Jax trotting between them sans leash it hadn't been until after they left the parking lot and were cruising down the street that Inuyasha asked Kagome if she wanted him to take her to her apartment so she could grab a few things. He planned on recruiting Miroku to help him procure her car at a later date as well as having it professionally cleaned as a little surprise, so he didn't bother to ask her about that.
Whether Kagome had a sneaking suspicion of his surprise or just had forgotten about her car entirely was still beyond him. But when she'd simply hit him with a grateful smile coupled with a soft reply of "Yes" to his earlier question, Inuyasha figured he had nothing to worry about.
He'd waited outside while Kagome ventured into her previous place of residence and it had only taken about twenty minutes for Kagome to return. When she came back from her apartment, all she had with her was a backpack, a duffle bag, and a plastic bag of miscellaneous items that looked to be precious mementos and other valuables. To his surprise, the backpack had been stuffed with notebooks, nursing textbooks, and a laptop. Kagome had been going to college before running away from her now deceased ex and evidently had been forced to put a stop to her education in order to deal with everything that was happening. He hadn't said anything about it, though, and the sheepishly grateful look she'd given him suggested that she was glad he hadn't. So he'd merely nodded and wordlessly took off for home, secretly hoping her school would understand her predicament and make accommodations for her to continue.
Miroku and Sango had been waiting for them when they returned from Kagome's old apartment. It had taken everybody a moment to register that the new girl Miroku had been gushing about the night Inuyasha had stumbled upon Kagome was indeed said woman's best friend Sango. And nobody could have imagined that the guy Sango had "shacked up with" was in actuality Miroku. Neither woman could believe they had been so close to one another the day Miroku had driven up and discovered what his best friend had been up to as of late. After a tearful apology from Sango and soft reassurances from Kagome, the four had retired into the house where Sango was formally introduced to Inuyasha, and Miroku was likewise introduced to Kagome.
The days after that first week seemed to blend together and gradually Inuyasha started seeing less and less of his beautiful houseguest. The difference had been subtle at first; since he spent most of his time outside doing chores while Kagome opted to stay indoors with the still recovering Jax he'd never really noticed the gradually growing distance between them.
It wasn't until Kagome had started actively avoiding him that Inuyasha finally began to notice. She'd tried to put up a front at first, giving excuses to leave a room he'd just entered, but then it progressed to her wordlessly walking away when he approached her if she was outside hanging with Rain. That was when he'd realized there was still something between them, something separating them. It was as if Kagome had built an invisible wall around herself by refusing to answer him whenever he asked if she was okay or by continuing to keep her distance. Then after that, it wouldn't be uncommon that days would go by where he saw neither hide nor hair of his girl.
It was always the mornings after she'd been plagued with nightmares that had been the hardest for Inuyasha to endure. At first he'd tried to console her like he had before, jumping out of bed so fast he'd barely remembered to jam his legs into his pants before he burst into her room at the sound of her terrified scream. However, she had rejected his touch, refused his comfort. Inuyasha had reluctantly respected her request to endure it alone and left her in peace despite the almost physical ache in his gut screaming at him to ignore it and comfort her anyway.
It had hurt. God, it still hurt and though Inuyasha had no idea why she was suddenly distancing herself from him, not even showing up for dinner and instead locking herself in her room – most of the time with Jax – he buried the hurt and resolved to give her the space she evidently needed. It was difficult, especially when all he wanted to do was take her into his arms to not only reassure her that she was safe and that he'd protect her always, but to also reassure himself that she was real. She was alive. Warm. Beautiful.
It had been a conscious effort not to seek her out, but he managed. He acquiesced her silent request for isolation by always leaving her a plate of breakfast and dinner on the table and making himself scarce whenever she decided to venture downstairs. It was a little disconcerting, to miss somebody so much when you shared the same residence. Inuyasha had gotten so used to her in his home, her pleasant scent lingering in every room and it never failed to soothe his ruffled nerves and calm his mind. So having Kagome suddenly be this quiet, scarcely seen presence in his house, a ghost wandering the rooms with the only evidence of her existence being the lingering notes of her scent and the plates of food he left that mysteriously disappeared was unsettling to say the least.
It was disquieting, and Inuyasha wasn't sure how to feel about it. He didn't like it, that was for sure, but there was something else now: a nervous, enigmatic energy that always seemed to hover in the air and it put him on edge. Despite his misgivings, however, he dealt with it. Kagome was too important to him and his respect for her overrode his selfish desire to be close to her at all times. He suspected he knew the reason for her sudden distant behavior, but refused to dwell on it. There would be a time when everything could be aired out between them, when questions would be answered and until then, he'd vowed to be patient.
Or at least try to be. Inuyasha was pretty damned certain now after everything that happened, his feelings for her went far beyond platonic even if he wasn't yet ready to put a label on it. So, understandably, it was one of the toughest things he'd ever had to do.
Thankfully, though, he had plenty of things to keep him occupied, such as returning to work after his one-week vacation had ended. At first he hadn't wanted to leave her alone for nine hours every day with only a lethargic dog and skittish horse for company. But then he'd bitterly thought if it would even make a difference if he was there or not. Kagome was pretending he didn't exist anyway so she probably wouldn't even notice he was gone. That thought had put a damper on his already less than pleasant mood and he'd taken his frustration out on whatever unfortunate vehicle happened to come into the shop that week.
One thing he was grateful for, however, was that Kagome still attended the therapy sessions, but instead of asking him to drive her, it was either her mother or Sango that showed up to take her. He couldn't bring himself to be mad, though. Sure, he would have liked to join her like they had previously been doing, but as long as Kagome was getting the help and care she needed, then he could accept this new arrangement with no qualms. It still hurt that she didn't want him near, but he ignored it and always sent a thank you text to whoever it was that had driven her.
During the following days in which Inuyasha had felt like a stranger in his own damn home since he spent more time outside it than in, his parents had dropped by to see how Kagome was fairing, and to his surprise Sesshomaru and Kagura had come to visit too. Rin was more often than not with them as well; she was anxious to hear about how Rain was doing and was desperate to visit her new best friend Kagome.
Inuyasha had liked it when Rin accompanied his brother and sister-in-law because it was pretty much the only time he'd see Kagome, and it had always been with a gentle, caring smile on her face. At that point, Inuyasha hadn't even cared that Kagome never acknowledged him; just getting to see her look genuinely happy as she chatted with his niece always eased his troubled mind. It made him forget why he was so upset to begin with, reminded him that she was worth the wait. She was so goddamn worth it and he just had to keep telling himself to be patient. He'd been confident she'd come around and until then, he'd vowed to do his best to abide her unsaid wish to be left alone, despite how much it hurt when she refused to even look at him.
Much to his surprise but also endless relief, it had been an unexpected visitor that ended up being the catalyst that drew Kagome out of her isolation. More than that, however, it was the reason Kagome had talked to him for the first time in days and his relief had nearly made him giddy.
It was on a warm Saturday afternoon. Inuyasha, at the time, was unsurprisingly outside getting ready to mount the ATV so that he could drive around the pasture in search of baling twine or anything else that didn't belong. That is, until an unfamiliar car trundled on up the dirt driveway and parked in front of his house. Before he could approach to see who the hell had the balls to come onto his property uninvited – he'd chased so many goddamn journalists off his land it was a wonder they kept coming back – a slim figure had stepped out of the car and the scent that had slammed into him had made him stop in his tracks and gape as familiar cinnamon eyes locked with shocked amber.
Kaede had offered a small, tremulous smile and she'd reminded him so much of her sister right then it was like a punch to the gut.
Despite being only a few years apart in age, Kikyou and Kaede were polar opposites of each other. Yeah, they both had dark hair and brown eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. Whereas Kikyou had always been tall and slender, her younger sister was on the shorter side and a bit more curvaceous. Kikyou liked to dress formally and in soft pastels, while Kaede preferred loud, vibrant clothing that matched her spunky, mischievous personality.
Inuyasha could admit they were both beautiful in their own right, however he'd always been drawn to the elder of the two sisters. Her elegant beauty had captivated him right from the start, her gentle smiles and soft laughter making his stomach riot with butterflies and her even softer touch never failing to make his heart pound.
Seeing her again after more than five years was not something Inuyasha had been prepared for. But then again, he didn't think he would ever be prepared to see the sister of his deceased fiancé again no matter how much time had passed. What could he possibly say? Did she hate him for letting her sister die? Was she angry that he had been away when she was so ruthlessly murdered? A mere apology had seemed so inadequate, not nearly enough to express the depth of his sorrow, the intense regret from his failure to protect his former love.
But then Kaede came forward and put her arms around him and Inuyasha hugged her back just as tightly, instinctively knowing right then and there that she didn't blame him for Kikyou's death, and he'd felt her gratitude in how she'd trembled against him. She was thanking him for finally bringing her dear sister to justice, for finally ending a deeply disturbed man's lethal madness.
Inuyasha's relief had been evident in the shaky sigh he emitted and when they finally pulled back a moment later, they exchanged smiles and wordlessly he led her inside. He made a pot of coffee and together they'd sat at the table, reminiscing about times past, laughing at memories, and quietly sharing fond anecdotes about the beloved woman that completed their happy trio.
Kagome's arrival into the kitchen had been a complete surprise and without thinking Inuyasha stood from the table and beckoned her over to him with a wave of his hand, his eyes begging her to trust him. Only after a minute's hesitation had she complied, shooting a gently smiling Kaede bemused glances as she joined the two at the table. Before she could sit down, however, Kaede stood, rounded the table, and took Kagome's hands into her own, her dark eyes staring into alarmed depths of melted caramel.
Inuyasha hadn't been expecting the younger woman to wrap her arms around a surprised Kagome in an embrace that bespoke of camaraderie and understanding. But what Inuyasha hadn't expected even more was for his girl to return the gesture. He remembered watching Kagome closing her eyes and holding on tight to someone she probably never anticipated to meet, but was visibly grateful for meeting all the same.
By the time Kaede left around 7 pm that night, Kagome had made a new friend. However, he could tell Kagome had even more questions since the younger woman had refused to answer any of them, for which Inuyasha was grateful. Kaede had provided enough to appease Kagome's curiosity, but hadn't delved into the waters of Inuyasha and Kikyou's relationship because she knew it wasn't her story to tell. Kagome hadn't pried thankfully, and Inuyasha had hoped soon they'd be able to sit down and really talk about everything.
When Inuyasha had gone to put away the ATV and give Rain her late dinner, he remembered how surprised and utterly delighted he'd felt when Kagome followed him. It must have been evident on his face at the time because she'd blushed, briefly looked away, but then lifted her gaze back to his with a smile that was equal parts apologetic and hopeful. The urge to go to her, take her into his arms and never, ever leg go had felt stronger than ever but Inuyasha had managed to tamp it down. Instead, he'd let his expression soften and coupled it with a reassuring grin, telling her without words that she had nothing to apologize for.
Her eyes had brightened, her smile had broadened, and just like that the invisible wall Kagome had seemed to put around herself evaporated. From that moment on she'd stopped distancing herself and they started talking again. Granted, they always carefully avoided the heavy topic of conversation that constantly hovered between them, but things were good. It was by mutual and silent agreement that they'd pretended the previous strain and awkwardness between them had never happened. That had made things so much easier and comfortable between them that at times it was hard to believe it had ever gone away.
He didn't know what had brought about this change, why it was Kaede's visit that seemed to be the catalyst, but he wasn't complaining. Inuyasha suspected it might have had something to do with Kagome hearing from the one person that knew Kikyou most about how she'd acted in life. Perhaps it made her seem more real and not a specter that had tried to drive a wedge between them. Hell, maybe Kagome realized that she and Kikyou had something in common – him – and it made her relate to his lost love. Whatever it was, he would never know, because he wasn't going to ask. And he knew Kagome wouldn't volunteer that information until she was ready.
But that was fine with him. He was just happy to see her smile again, to hear her laugh, and have those gorgeous brown eyes light up when she saw him like they used to.
The last week and a half had been eventful. Inuyasha had snuck Kagome's car into the shop, fixed the blown gasket, spruced it up with a new paint job, a new interior, and had it professionally cleaned. He swore he could still hear Kagome's squeal of delight in his ears. And when she had thrown herself at him in her glee while saying a mantra of "thank you" over and over, he'd been hard-pressed to not ever let her go. He'd nearly forgotten what it felt like to hold her in his arms, inhale her sweet scent, and it had been with great reluctance to let her go so she could investigate the new upgrades he'd given her.
Seeing that bright, beaming smile on her face as she'd bounced excitedly in her new bucket seat was totally worth the three paychecks he'd sacrificed to make it all happen.
Just a few days prior to gifting her with an upgraded vehicle, Inuyasha had replaced her phone as well. Upon reflection, he realized that it had been the best decision he'd ever made.
Inuyasha had been at work in the middle of giving an oil change to a tiny Honda that had seen better days when his phone buzzed. He'd told Kagome to call or text him any time if something happened if he wasn't around, so when he felt that telltale vibration he hadn't hesitated in pausing his work to fish it out of his coverall's pocket and hurriedly bring up his messages.
Kagome had sent him a picture of her and Jax, one arm around the dog with the most beautiful smile on her face while his dog donned his own doggy smile, tongue lolling and ears perked up. The caption had read "Somebody misses you" and Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder if she was talking about Jax or herself.
He remembered hoping it was the latter as he'd promptly saved the photo and made it his background.
After that Inuyasha had started sending her random photos whenever he had the thought to and most of them had contained some snarky or humorous comment attached to them. Probably the best one he'd sent was of Rain with her ears pinned while glaring at him and he'd written, "i called her fat. if u don't hear from me in 10 mins send help."
He'd heard her ringing laughter even from his location in the barn and he hadn't been able to wipe the proud grin off his face for the rest of the day.
At one point during one of her frequent visits, Rin had managed to pilfer his phone and she'd bullied him into taking a selfie with her. Had he known she'd send it to Kagome he never would have agreed. However, during dinner one night he'd caught a glimpse of a surprisingly familiar photo as Kagome's background on her own phone. He wouldn't tell Kagome why he was grinning and he thought she'd looked adorable as she sat there pouting at him, complete with wrinkled nose and pursed lips. Perhaps taking that selfie hadn't been all bad.
A couple nights later after the sun had gone down Inuyasha, had been inside preparing them an easy dinner of stir-fry and fish. He remembered thinking that maybe he'd surprise Kagome with her favorite wine when the woman in question had wandered into the kitchen with Jax at her heels. He assumed she'd taken one look at him and then promptly screamed her head off from seeing familiar clothes on an unfamiliar dark-haired stranger.
After jumping a mile in the air since he hadn't noticed her approach, Inuyasha immediately reacted. He remembered darting over to her with concern clear on his face as he tried to ask her what was wrong or if she was hurt. He hadn't expected her to back away from him with a frightened look on her face while calling out his name, and the pain from her rejection had swiftly changed to confusion. He hadn't understood why she'd called for him when he'd been standing right in front of her.
It wasn't until she'd started demanding who the hell he was and what he was doing in Inuyasha's house that it had suddenly hit him and her bizarre behavior finally made sense. His relief had been so great that he'd started laughing, and when Kagome had uneasily asked him what was so funny, Inuyasha had grinned at her and patiently explained about half-demons and what the night of the new moon meant for him.
Ten minutes later Kagome had sheepishly apologized, he'd brushed it off with a shrug and continued cooking dinner, telling Kagome to look in the pantry next to the fridge for a surprise. Her cry of delight at finding her favorite wine had made him feel quite proud, but then Kagome had surprised him by appearing at his side and leaning up to kiss his cheek with a quiet murmur of thanks.
She'd teased him the rest of the night about his blush and that was when Kagome had learned his appearance wasn't the only thing that was altered during the new moon. He really hadn't wanted her to discover that his human emotions were a lot closer to the surface on moonless nights. But as Kagome had cuddled drowsily into his side that night while watching some random B-movie on Netflix, Inuyasha surmised that maybe his previously annoying human emotions weren't so bad, after all.
The following morning, Inuyasha's control had been tested to its limit when Kagome stumbled in on him. He'd been freshly showered and wearing nothing but a pair of unfastened jeans.
Standing in the bathroom a little after 6 am, hair damp and skin still glistening with water, he'd been getting ready to shave the five o'clock shadow darkening his jaw when Kagome quite literally stumbled into the bathroom, pushing open the door he hadn't bothered to close all the way since she usually slept until 7 am or later.
Evidently the call of nature must have woken her up. Inuyasha remembered wondering if she was still half asleep as she stood there in the doorway, blinking drowsily at him while he gazed steadily back with eyebrows raised and an amused quirk to his lips. Then her eyes had widened, her face had gone dark red, and the fucking delicious scent that had slammed into him had caused his muscles to tighten and a deep, rolling growl to reverberate in his chest. His eyes had gone half-mast and he could distinctly remember the way her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes daringly dropped lower than his face and shamelessly stared at his bare chest and stomach.
He'd been just about ready to say "fuck it" and take a step toward her when she suddenly seemed to regain her bearings. She'd jerked her head up with a gasp and then abruptly spun away with a muttered apology, hightailing it back to her room as fast as she could go. He'd been hard-pressed not to follow her right into her room with her.
Instead he'd dug his claws into the porcelain of the sink, cursed a blue streak for five solid minutes, and had taken a moment to compose himself. A long moment to compose himself. He still remembered how the scent of her arousal lingered and how it had only sharpened his hunger.
He'd abruptly decided at that moment shaving could wait another day and instead left the bathroom to go finish dressing. Walking by her bedroom door on his way downstairs had been one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do but he'd managed. Instead, he'd ended up giving Kagome plenty of space that day.
Whenever he'd been near enough the scent of her embarrassment was prevalent above all else and she wouldn't meet his gaze, instead almost always opting to stare at a random spot in front of her. Keyword almost. Sometimes, when he swore she must have thought he wasn't paying attention, he'd catch a glimpse of her staring at him. He was pleased to note that there were still hints of her fervent appreciation woven in with her usual scent. He'd also been supremely gratified to know that his attraction was definitely not one-sided.
Of course that amazing kiss they had shared what seemed like forever ago now should have been proof enough of that. But after considering recent circumstances, there was plenty of room for doubt to creep in, and he was thankful that didn't seem to be the case.
Still, despite the new revelation, he'd been smart enough not to bring it up. Unsurprisingly neither did she, and soon enough things returned to normal as they both pushed what happened behind them, wisely ignored but not forgotten.
Definitely not forgotten, as just the next day Inuyasha had caught her coming out of the bathroom in naught but a towel. Blessedly she hadn't even noticed as she disappeared into her room. Needless to say, Inuyasha hadn't been able to look at her without vividly recalling smooth glistening skin and the jasmine soap she preferred for the rest of the goddamn day.
He'd cursed whatever Gods that were up there laughing at him. How dare they give him the one woman he wanted more than anything but couldn't have? He hadn't been able to sleep that night because whenever he'd close his eyes he'd see her, taunting him with bewitching smiles, alluring bedroom eyes, and teasing flashes of bared skin. He'd doubly cursed whoever up there hated him when he dragged his tired ass down to the kitchen to make some coffee the next morning, already thinking about a potential nap he could catch in the hayloft or something.
It wasn't until around 10 am that day that Inuyasha had sorely regretted cursing the Gods and evidently pissing off the wrong one. When they'd retaliated, it was abrupt and without mercy because as an act of ruthless revenge, it seemed they'd decided to take Kagome away from him.
She had found him that morning outside hauling bags of feed from the truck bed into the barn. He recalled how the look on her face had made him freeze in his tracks. What she'd told him next had made him want to drop to his knees and apologize to the Gods, any Gods that were willing to listen, but it was too late.
Her mother had found a place for her to live and would be arriving tomorrow morning to pick her up.
That had been just thirteen hours ago, and now as the clock reached 11:30 pm, Inuyasha still had not come to grips that his Kagome would be leaving in as little as nine hours.
He'd thought they'd have more time. There was still so much he needed to say, so much they needed to talk about, and so much he wanted to ask her. Part of him didn't want to believe that Kagome had even agreed to leave; didn't she want to stay? They'd been doing so well together and things were good; they laughed, they joked, they lived… hadn't they?
He'd thought for sure Kagome would want to stay with him. She'd looked so damn happy, always smiling at him. Her enthusiasm had seemed so genuine when she played with Jax, groomed Rain, and cracked jokes with him whenever they watched a late-night movie. She didn't shy from his touch anymore; he'd even catch her blushing sometimes while staring at him, and he knew he wasn't mistaking the particular scent that occasionally wafted off her for something else.
So he didn't understand. What had changed her mind? Was she truly unhappy? Was it all a front, a façade to make him believe all was well until she would inevitably leave?
No. No, that couldn't be it. Kagome wasn't that cruel. She would never do something like that to him, even unknowingly. Did she feel like she had to leave? Inuyasha frowned. That didn't make sense either. Kagome knew she was welcome to stay for however long she wanted. Not once had he ever hinted that she was unwanted or that her presence was a nuisance. Fucking hell, he acted like Jaxson did whenever she entered the room: ears going straight up, instantly zoning in on her and if he'd had a tail, he admitted it would probably be wagging furiously, making him very glad he didn't have one. Kagome made his days brighter, filling them with laughter and warmth and purpose. She couldn't possibly think he would want her to leave, right?
Or maybe...fuck, maybe Inuyasha was just imagining everything and the inevitable was right in front of his face the entire time. He'd been so deliriously happy, the happiest he'd been in a very long time, and maybe it had blinded him to hints that something was amiss with his beautiful houseguest. Maybe it was possible his mind had blocked any signals that pointed toward Kagome being secretly miserable while living here. Either that or he had simply refused to acknowledge them in his elated state. He hadn't wanted anything to ruin their happy little bubble of paradise.
Inuyasha's ears pinned and he winced, dragging a hand down his face. Damn…was he really that selfish? Was he really so greedy for Kagome's smile, her laugh, her touch that he'd deliberately ignore the signs that the feeling of bliss and happiness maybe wasn't mutual?
Christ, how much of a giant asshole could he be?
Groaning, Inuyasha closed his eyes and rested his head against the cool glass of the window beside him. It was no wonder Kagome didn't protest leaving; she didn't even want to be here in the first place. The very real physical ache that manifested in his chest at the very thought hurt far more than the hole that bastard Kageromaru had put in his gut.
Minutes passed as he wallowed in his self-loathing and Inuyasha was just starting to consider the merits of maybe letting Rain trample him into the ground when the creak of a door opening had his ears perking in attention. On instant alert, he straightened from his slouched position and turned his head to frown at the door to his room, ears swiveling forward as they picked up the faint sound of soft footsteps padding down the hallway toward the stairs.
Kagome, he thought, every muscle in his body tensing, aching to follow after her. After a moment's deliberation, Inuyasha decided to just fuck it and obey his heart's desire to be close to her.
Maybe it really was selfish, but he didn't want to waste this chance. This would be the last time he'd have any time alone with her, the last time they'd have the opportunity to talk, and at that moment Inuyasha suddenly had the burning desire to explain everything to her: His relationship with Kikyou, what had happened, how that bastard Naraku had ruined their lives. She deserved to know and he was damned if he was going to keep it from her any longer, especially since she had been forcibly entangled in their chaotic web of drama and loss.
And afterward, if she decided she was done with him and never wanted to see him again? Well, it was nothing less than what he deserved. And though he was sure it would damn near kill him, he'd let her go because her happiness and wellbeing meant more to him than his own.
Heaving a sigh, Inuyasha hopped down from Jax's couch and strode over to his dresser. There was a slight twinge in his chest as he brought the silver picture frame still clutched in his hand into view. That twinge was easily ignored, though, as he gently, tenderly brushed clawed fingers against the smooth glass over Kikyou's smiling face. He carefully traced the intricate frame, golden eyes flashing with a brief, minuscule amount of longing.
Then abruptly the breath punched out of his chest in a loud exhale before he swiftly opened a top drawer and withdrew a red velvet cloth. He gave the photo one last glimpse, one last gentle tilt to his lips, before steeling himself and gingerly wrapping it up in the cloth. His movements were slow, deliberate. He felt strangely calm as he carefully placed the cloth-wrapped photo in the drawer and slowly pushed the drawer shut. The half-demon was filled with a sense of reverent finality that he couldn't help but feel was a long time in coming.
Inuyasha's heart felt a little lighter, as if he'd finally closed a painful chapter of his life. And as he turned around and exited his bedroom to join his girl downstairs, the hope spreading throughout his body with every beat of his heart made him think that maybe not everything was lost.
He wasn't at all surprised to find her in the living room. She was seated on the floor with her back against the couch and legs drawn up towards her chest. What was a surprise, however, was that her loyal canine companion was nowhere to be seen. Then again, Jax was still recovering and his medication made him more lethargic than usual. He was probably still sleeping in Kagome's bed, blissfully oblivious. As Inuyasha rounded the couch to sink down on the floor beside her, he internally scolded himself for being jealous of his dog for being the one to share her bed and not him.
Kagome said nothing as he leaned back against the couch with a soft grunt, copying her posture and draping his wrists across his bent knees. But she didn't tense or shy away from him, so he counted that as a win. Her gentle scent washed over him and he relaxed, giving a soft sigh as the tension gradually drained out of his own shoulders. The steady sound of her heartbeat lulled him into a state of peacefulness he hadn't felt in the last twenty-some hours and when he heard a barely imperceptible sigh next to him, the corners of his lips couldn't help but flicker with the hint of a smile.
"Can't sleep?" he murmured, as if he hadn't heard her tossing and turning for the last two hours.
Kagome sighed again and brought her chin to rest upon her knees. "No," she muttered. "You too?"
He didn't answer and after another minute of silence, Kagome snuck a glance at him and frowned at the slightly troubled look on his face. Eyes closed with a tense jaw, it looked like he was mentally debating something. Kagome was just about to ask if he was alright when he suddenly sighed, his shoulders dropped, and when he opened his eyes, Kagome was alarmed at the anguish she saw swirling in those honeyed depths.
Before she could utter a single word, however, Inuyasha spoke, and Kagome made sure to give him her undivided attention.
"I graduated high school at nineteen, fucked off for about a year, and after realizing that my life was going absolutely fuck all nowhere, I made a decision that pretty much changed my life: I joined the army," he began, thinking that it'd be best to keep this as short and painless as possible for her. Kagome didn't need to know about the morbid details of his time in the military or his intense infatuation with his deceased fiancé.
"It wasn't easy," he continued, recalling all the times he'd wanted to give up and call it quits. "If it weren't for my stubborn pride and the support of some of my fellow privates, I don't think I woulda made it as far as I had. What made it all worth it, though, was the look of annoyance on my commanding officer's face whenever I successfully completed some ridiculous, bullshit task he gave me that no normal human would have been able to do."
Kagome smiled and held back a snicker. She totally could see a younger version of Inuyasha smirking arrogantly at some pissed off man in a uniform. Even she had to admit that pride was a great motivator.
"So, through hard work, busting my ass, and sheer force of will, I climbed the ranks until I made it to Specialist some two years later and I started receiving my orders from someone else. I had no idea who the hell it was, but news travels fast in a small military base. Some of the things I'd heard about him weren't really encouraging. Over six feet tall, built like a fucking ox, and apparently he wore a perpetual scowl on his face that screamed murder. Not exactly someone I was thrilled to meet. But then the day came that I was summoned to his office, and that was when…that was when I saw her."
Kagome tensed. He didn't need to elaborate on who exactly he was talking about; it was obvious. Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, Kagome sucked in a breath, closed her eyes, and waited.
It wasn't long until Inuyasha started once again, and there was a certain strain in his voice that hadn't been there before as he revealed, "I was coming into the Administrative Facilities, she was coming out, and we nearly ran into each other. Nine years later, and I still can't explain it, but something…something happened between us right then. Something clicked. From then on, we were a permanent fixture in each other's lives."
Inuyasha paused to steal a glance at the woman beside him. He knew hearing all this couldn't be easy for her. But he wanted to make sure she was okay before he continued; he'd reached the point where his tale was about to take an abrupt nosedive into more sensitive material. However, her hair was hiding her face, making him unable to make out her expression, and her scent gave nothing away either.
Resigned, Inuyasha sighed and rubbed his forehead, frowning as he recalled what happened right after his and Kikyou's initial meeting.
"I remember stuttering like a damned fool and hurrying to hold the door open for her, and the way she smiled at me was…" He stopped and cleared his throat just as he smelled Kagome's scent turn a tad sour.
Grimacing, he tried again. "She thanked me and I watched her go with probably the stupidest grin on my face. I wondered what her name was, thinking about how much trouble I'd be in if I followed after her... Then the door suddenly slammed in my face and I turned around to face a wall of unyielding muscle and notoriously bad attitude. Nobody needed to tell me; I immediately knew who he was and if the look he was giving me was any indication, I'd just put myself on his permanent shit list."
Sighing, Inuyasha racked a hand through his hair. With his head tipped back he stared at the ceiling and relayed, his voice sounding resigned, "First Sergeant Reizo Hidaka. Toughest bastard on base, my new commanding officer…and Kikyou's father."
Kagome gasped and snapped her gaze to his face. He smiled wryly at her reaction and continued, "Yeah. I don't have to tell you how well that meeting went. I'd just made eyes at his daughter and that was grounds for immediate, strong dislike. He certainly had no qualms in letting me know."
Inuyasha paused in his reverie and gave a dry chuckle. "You can imagine the sort of relationship we had after that," he continued. "Our shouting matches were legendary. Needless to say the first month after that meeting I'd become very familiar with the insides of the latrines if you catch my meaning."
Kagome tried to hide her smile by ducking her head but he caught it anyway. His next words, however, wiped that smile clean off her face and he didn't have the balls to look at her as he continued.
"It didn't stop us from seeing each other, though," he admitted, voice rough, eyes closed. "Kikyou felt as drawn to me as I did to her; she snuck onto base as many times as I snuck out. I always knew when Reizo was aware of one of our rendezvous because the next morning I was always either singled out, denied any food that day, or given rigorous or meaningless tasks. When it was a combination of all three, I knew that Hidaka was well and truly pissed off and I made sure to be on my best behavior."
He paused for dramatic effect. "For about a week anyway. Then it was back to defying orders and seeing Kikyou behind his back despite his numerous threats of discharge or other such bullshit."
Inuyasha was surprised when Kagome spoke up. Her voice was tinny, soft, but he didn't convey his surprise. Instead, he patiently waited.
"Why…" she started, choosing her words carefully but still not looking at him. "Why weren't you discharged?"
"Because I was good at what I did and he knew it," Inuyasha answered without preamble. "Ranking as Specialist meant that I was responsible for a small number of privates under my leadership. I made sure they were experts in carrying out their own responsibilities as privates, and though Hidaka never said as much – I imagine he'd have rather shot himself first before ever telling me – he knew it would be foolish to discharge someone so good at their job. I knew it and he knew that I knew. So I continued seeing Kikyou, he seethed in silence, and the cycle continued."
Kagome nodded, satisfied with that answer, and waited for him to continue.
"A year passed and Hidaka realized we weren't going to stop seeing each other, so he more or less accepted that but he never accepted me. He still made it clear on a daily basis that he didn't like me and that he would never come to terms with me having a relationship with his daughter. But I didn't care. At that point, mine and Kikyou's relationship had grown serious and we were officially together."
Inuyasha stopped to suck in a breath and closed his eyes, internally bracing himself. It was never easy to relive this next part. Despite it having been nearly ten years since it happened, the guilt he felt had never truly vanished.
"Shortly after that," he murmured, missing the curious glance Kagome gave him at the obvious strain in his voice, "Kikyou and I got our own place off base. A month after that I was deployed."
His ear flicked at the soft gasp beside him. Yet he still didn't spare her a glance as he rasped, "It was hot. Nothing but mountains and sand, lizards the size of small horses, and feral youkai that were as dangerous at the enemy. Reizo was there with us, leading his troop and putting himself in danger before his soldiers. He may have been a first-class asshole, but never let it be said he wasn't loyal to those under his protection. And I—"
Inuyasha's words were abruptly cut off as his throat closed, choking him. His chest felt tight, the heavy weight of guilt making it hard to breathe. He clenched his fists and swallowed once, twice, his tongue feeling swollen and his mouth dry.
With wide eyes Kagome stared at the half-demon beside her, face pale and heart beating a mile a minute. It was obvious talking about this was difficult, and as much as she wanted to hear what happened, she didn't want him to relive such painful memories for her sake.
"Inuyasha—"
"…I learned that the hard way," he finally managed to choke out, teeth gritted and brows furrowed into a deep frown. Meanwhile, Kagome went utterly still beside him.
"The attack came out of nowhere. One minute there was silence, damn near deafening in its intensity, and then the next there was nothing but gunfire. I remember Hidaka bellowing at us to find cover but there was none. There was nothing but fucking sand. So we did the only thing we could: fight back. Were we terrified? Fuck yes, but still we did what we were trained to do. It doesn't matter if you're scared in battle. Nothing matters but surviving and we knew that. It had been drilled into our heads since day one. We knew the risks, the sacrifices we were making, but none of that was on our minds as we returned fire blindly through the dust and sand.
"I remember," he rasped and had to swallow several times before he could continue. "I remember the smell of blood and smoke was overwhelming. By the time the gunfire finally ceased I couldn't hear anything over the ringing in my ears. That was why I didn't…why I wasn't aware of the fucker that had snuck around behind my troop intending to take me by surprise."
Kagome gasped, hand flying up to flutter fingertips over her lips. Her dark, wide-eyed gaze stared, pinned to the side of his face. Inuyasha's breath rushed out of him in a rough, long exhale as his entire body slumped, shoulders dropping, muscles relaxing, expression blanking.
"Reizo was," he said, his voice strangely bland as he stared unseeingly straight ahead. "He saw the gun aimed at me through the settling dust, dove forward to shove me out of the way, and took the bullet meant for me. Damn thing went straight through his chest and into my shoulder."
He lifted a hand and dragged his fingers across the star-shaped scar on his left shoulder, the one she'd seen for the first time in the barn what felt like a lifetime ago.
"And before you ask, no, a normal bullet wouldn't do that," he explained and Kagome blinked because she had wondered. "The enemy used ammo meant to kill bigger and tougher things than humans. The ammo they used was narrower, designed for speed and precision, designed to be able to pierce the toughest youkai hide. Reizo knew this, and still he…"
He didn't realize he'd dug his claws into his palm from clenching so hard until he felt a light touch on his hand. He was so surprised that he allowed slim fingers to gently coax his hand open. Kagome had taken off her shirt, revealing the simple white camisole she wore beneath it, and carefully wiped off the blood that stained his palm a deep scarlet and seeped through his fingers.
Inuyasha watched her while she kept her eyes focused on her task. Her hands were shaking and her face was pale, yet her touch was so light, so soft, that it gave him the strength to continue.
"He saved my life," Inuyasha rasped, his voice barely above a whisper. But he knew she still heard him. "He lost his because of it. I remember how I held him in my arms as he bled out and we both knew he wasn't gonna make it. I remember him glaring up at me as he struggled to breathe as the blood filled his lungs and leaked out of his mouth. I remember him telling me his dying words; words that I'll never forget as long as I live."
Swallowing thickly as she gently dabbed at the already healing punctures in his hand, Kagome breathed, "What were they?"
Inuyasha suddenly chuckled, prompting a startled look from Kagome. With a wry curl to his mouth he recited, "'Stay away from my daughter, you no good son of a bitch.'"
Kagome's mouth dropped open while Inuyasha just chuckled once more. Against her better judgement, she couldn't stop the soft laugh that escaped her lips nor the tear that raced down her cheek. And then before she even realized what was happening, Kagome felt a clawed finger tenderly brush against her cheek as Inuyasha wiped the tear away.
"As much as I was grateful to the man for saving my life, and as much as I regretted not being able to thank him for it, I couldn't obey his last order. I loved her. And by some miracle she loved me too, though I thought that would change once she was notified of her father's death. I truly thought she'd hate me because his death was my fault. He died so I could live, and the next time I saw Kikyou months later I begged her to forgive me and told her I would understand if she didn't want to see me anymore."
He smiled, just a slight upturn of his lips, and he tenderly wiped away another tear from Kagome's cheek before continuing.
"To my never-ending shock and utter relief, she did forgive me. Just like that. On top of that, she didn't blame me a single bit. I still remember how, even though she was crying, she still smiled and said she understood why her father did what he did. She told me that even though he died hating me, he knew she would be devastated if I died; she was confident he knew what he was doing when he took that bullet. He died not only protecting me, but protecting her as well. And isn't that what every father does for their child? Protect them, even from emotional pain. To this day First Sergeant Reizo Hidaka is still one of the most fierce, loyal, dedicated men I have ever met in my entire life and there's no one I respect more, aside from maybe my own dad. I owe that man a debt I can never repay and there ain't a day that goes by I'm not thankful for it."
With a sigh, Inuyasha dropped his hand from Kagome's face and sat back against the couch, frowning as he tiredly rubbed his eyes.
"Kikyou's mother's health, which already wasn't the best, progressively deteriorated after her husband's death, and it wasn't long before she was admitted into a psychiatric hospital under suicide watch. That was when Kikyou decided to go to school to be a psychiatrist. She wanted to help people like her mother. I supported her of course and she was able to get into one of the best schools around. A year later I was promoted to Sergeant, and a day after the anniversary of her father's death, I proposed. She said yes."
Kagome closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, held it, and let it out slowly. She swallowed once, twice, and gradually relaxed. She'd known he'd proposed, of course; they had been engaged after all, and how else did a couple become as such?
Didn't make it any easier to hear, though.
"Things were good for a while," he continued, sounding tired. "Even though the wedding was a while away, Kikyou immediately began wedding plans and decided Italy was—"
Kagome suddenly stiffened and Inuyasha flicked her a brief glance.
"Italy," Kagome murmured, more to herself than to him. "Per te, amore mio…"
Inuyasha froze and swallowed thickly. Cautiously, slowly, he added, "…'For you—'"
"'My love,'" Kagome finished and finally lifted her gaze to his. Inuyasha's jaw clicked shut. Licking her suddenly dry lips, Kagome sucked in a steadying breath before explaining.
"When…when we were dating, Naraku had some kind of obsession with Italy. Sometimes, when he was especially angry, he'd start firing off in Italian even though he knew I couldn't understand him. I never understood why."
Inuyasha grimaced and had to look away as he said, "She'd always dreamed of going to Italy someday. Said it was her dream vacation, and honeymooning seemed like the perfect reason to go. I never realized she'd shared that information with that bastard."
Kagome went silent and bowed her head. Clearing his throat, Inuyasha cast her one more glance before continuing where he left off.
"Uh, anyway. Kikyou's classes were going great, and even though my being a Sergeant meant more work, it also meant a pay raise. So we bought a house together. One more year passed without mishap, and Kikyou started interning at the hospital her mother was admitted to."
Kagome straightened a little beside him and blinked in surprise as if a lightbulb had just gone off.
Inuyasha paused, then murmured, "You might have already guessed it, but one of the patients she was charged to look after was one Onigumo Morikawa. You know him better as Naraku."
Another pause, as if he was waiting for something. Inuyasha didn't continue until Kagome relaxed and gave a curt nod.
"He was a new patient, freshly admitted because of some drug related issue that I never got the details of. It doesn't matter anyway, though. It was obvious he wasn't mentally stable; Kikyou would come home some days and tell me how he thought there were thousands of demons in his body and that only 'Kikyou's caring touch could calm the storm raging inside him.' He was a fucking whackjob; I didn't want her working with him. She insisted it was fine though, and that she was perfectly safe. The psych ward had armed guards, some of them demons, but that didn't make me feel any better. Still, I trusted her. She truly enjoyed what she was doing so I let it be.
"Soon though," Inuyasha went on and his voice became rough, his throat tightening as he recalled painful memories, "it became apparent that Naraku's issues went far deeper than either of us were aware of."
Kagome's skin erupted in goosebumps and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She shivered and unconsciously rubbed her arms, waiting with bated breath for him to continue.
"He became obsessed with her," Inuyasha growled and a peek at his face revealed a dark frown. "To the point where he wouldn't allow anyone but Kikyou inside his room. He wouldn't cooperate without her and he threw constant tantrums until she was paged to his room to calm him down. He wouldn't eat unless it was Kikyou who delivered the food. He'd refuse his medication and trash his room while screaming for her. I know all this because she told me, and I told her that I was more than happy to step in and do something about it so that she wouldn't have to deal with his bullshit anymore. But she shot me down every time, telling me she could handle herself. She pitied the fucker. Despite his raving and sick infatuation, she refused to back away from someone who clearly needed help. It took some convincing, and I didn't like it, but I eventually backed off. I trusted her. Like I said before, Kikyou was a strong, smart woman and I knew she could take care of herself."
Kagome's brow furrowed. Those words sounded familiar... Then with a start, she realized that's almost exactly what he'd told Naraku a month ago in the barn with a gun pointed at her ex's face.
"I regret it," he husked and the way his hair fell into his face prevented Kagome from making out his expression. "I was so stupid. Naraku was unpredictable; he was dangerous. I knew it, she knew, and yet I still let her continue treating him because I fucking trusted her—"
He choked on his next words, his throat closing, preventing him from saying anything more. He hadn't realized he was shaking until he felt Kagome's hand on his arm, stalling his trembling. He gasped and without thinking he grabbed her hand, holding it tight, needing her touch to ground him like he needed air to breathe. Kagome responded by scooting closer, silently giving her support. Inuyasha inhaled her scent, letting it soothe his frazzled nerves and calm the wild beating of his heart.
Desperately he squeezed her hand, and when she squeezed back, he managed to grit out, "This went on for a couple months. When nothing happened, I started thinking maybe I was overreacting. Kikyou was fine; she could take care of herself. That thought made leaving her a little easier when I got deployed again. Had I known it would be the last time I saw her I woulda put up more of a fight."
Beside him Kagome tensed and bit her lip, but she didn't pull away; she only clutched his hand harder. He took her comfort and gave it back, sweeping his thumb across the back of her hand in a soothing gesture he wasn't even aware of.
"Our encampment was ambushed," Inuyasha began, a deep frown dipping his brows low over his eyes as long suppressed memories rushed to the surface. "It was the middle of the night. We were woken up by explosives going off that had been planted by a mole in our unit. I was shouting orders to my men to take cover while I ran to get my gun, but a truck I was passing by exploded and threw me back several feet. When I came to, I was covered in blood with shrapnel sticking out of my chest. I never found out who the mole was."
Kagome gasped and her eyes flew to his chest, realization dawning as she zeroed in on the large scar directly over his heart. Oh, no…
Inuyasha braced himself, closed his eyes, and forged on.
"The next time I woke up I was in a hospital. The shrapnel had been dangerously close to my heart, and even nicked a lung. My body wasn't healing like it should, so I was put into a medically induced coma in order for my body to finish healing itself properly. I was out for approximately fifty days. When I woke up, I learned that my fiancé had been murdered by none other than her patient, Onigumo Morikawa."
Unbidden tears sprung to Kagome's eyes at the absolute anguish she heard in Inuyasha's voice and she desperately wanted to take him into her arms. But she also knew that wasn't the best idea right now. So she settled for simply sitting there and made sure to give him her undivided attention while she squeezed his hand in both of hers now. She wanted to let him know she was there for him.
Sucking in a haggard breath, Inuyasha dropped his gaze to their joined hands and abruptly shifted his grip so he could thread his fingers through hers. Her hand was so soft...so warm... He concentrated on the feel of those hands for a moment, enjoying her soft skin against his own, before gathering up the mental strength to wrap up his story now that the hard part was over with.
"I was only a day out of my coma when Matsuno visited me and explained what happened. Both my parents were in the room when he told me Kikyou was dead. Had it not been for my dad holding me back, I would have killed the wolf. I went into a rage. I didn't want to believe it. I cursed him, screamed absolute nonsense, even called him a liar. It got so bad I had to be sedated because my vitals were skyrocketing. I'd reopened the stitches in my chest in my attempt to escape my dad's hold and I ended up causing more damage to my injuries which is why it scarred as bad as it did. When I woke up again, Kouga and my parents were still there and that's when I realized it was real. Kikyou was dead. I'd lost the only woman I'd ever loved, and I didn't even get to say goodbye."
The choked sob that escaped Kagome caught Inuyasha's ears faster than his eyes as evidenced by the way his ears flicked. He shifted his gaze to stare at the woman beside him and couldn't help but look at her with a mixture of confusion and awe. God…how big did her heart have to be to cry like this for him? How could she cry so deeply for him knowing that his pain stemmed from losing a past love, the same person who had driven a wedge between them and caused so much tension?
And yet here she was, with a fervent stream of tears rolling down her face and she looked so damn sad all Inuyasha wanted to do was gather her into his arms and not let go until she smiled at him again.
But he wasn't finished. Though it pained him, Inuyasha forced his arms to remain where they were. However, he did allow himself the small comfort of lifting his free hand to tenderly wipe away her tears, his chest feeling tight, his hand shaking.
"I was given an honorable discharge from the army because of my injury. It wasn't until after I was released from the hospital that I learned the bastard escaped before authorities could arrive at the scene and detain him," he revealed in a voice thick with gravel.
"I don't know if I mentioned this before or not, but Kaede was one of the nurses assigned to his care. The bastard had somehow found out where she lived, fled to her house, and begged her to hide him until things calmed down. When she refused, he threatened her and forced her to take him in. He stayed in her basement for about a month before leaving without a word and he changed his name to Naraku to ensure his identity would remain hidden. He grew out his hair, dyed it black, and lost some weight and muscle mass, which is why I assume he was able to fly under the radar for so long without drawing attention to himself."
Inuyasha paused, and then winced as he added tentatively, "I'm also guessing that was why you didn't recognize him when you met him, what, a year later? Give or take?"
Kagome sucked in a sharp breath and jerked her head in a curt nod, her grip on his hand tightening a fraction.
"And the rest, as they say," Inuyasha rumbled, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back onto the couch behind him, "is history."
For the next minute or so, Kagome was silent as she absorbed all that Inuyasha had told her, inwardly marveling at his strength. It was astounding to her that as someone who'd faced so much loss in his life and experienced so many horrors while deployed, Inuyasha seemed to have survived it all relatively unscathed.
Well, mentally unscathed, anyway, Kagome inwardly rectified as she flicked a glance at Inuyasha's scarred chest. Kagome was almost positive that any lesser being, someone who didn't possess the strength and determination to persevere that Inuyasha displayed on a daily basis, would have surely succumbed to the evils of the mind and suffer lasting damage like PTSD or depression. Yet he'd done his time, paid his penance, and fate had been kind enough to reward him with a sound mind and a lightly scarred, fully functional and intact body.
Kagome's admiration for this strong, brave man grew considerably. But a small part of her wanted to break down and weep at the unfairness of it all. Why did it have to be him that had suffered so much? Why did he have to be dealt such an unfair hand?
"That's…" Kagome started, her voice hoarse, and she had to clear her throat before continuing. "Inuyasha, I…"
Her voice trailed off and she sighed, giving up. Despite her best effort to reign in her emotions tears soon brimmed her caramel-colored eyes as she lifted her gaze to his.
"I don't know what to say," Kagome whispered. "'I'm sorry' just doesn't seem good enough."
Honeyed eyes softened at her. The crooked grin that curved his lips only proved just how strong he was as he lifted a hand and tenderly wiped away the tear that cascaded down her cheek.
"You don't have to say anything," he rasped, sweeping his thumb beneath her eye. "You just need to smile. That'll be enough for me."
Her heart ached. In spite of the overwhelming urge she felt to break down and cry, a watery laugh burst from Kagome's lips instead while her mouth curled up into a trembling, but genuine smile.
"That's my girl," Inuyasha murmured and a pleasant warmth blossomed in her chest, gradually spreading outward and successfully chasing away the chill she'd felt while listening to him share his painful memories.
Sniffling, Kagome swiped at her eyes and managed to get out, "It must have been difficult, though. Dealing with everything and suffering such a great loss."
"It was," Inuyasha revealed on a sigh and dragged a hand down his face. "I felt numb for a while and didn't know what to do with myself. It wasn't until I needlessly picked a fight with Sesshomaru one day just to feel something that I sorta 'woke up,' for lack of a better phrase. Totally kicked his ass, by the way."
Kagome's lips twitched and her eyes glinted a bit impishly. "He wiped the floor with you, didn't he?"
"Completely," he confessed easily, reveling in the snort-laugh Kagome failed to muffle. "After leaving me in a bloody mess on the floor and imparting some wise bullshit that I don't even remember, I decided a good place to start my 'road to recovery' would be to visit Kikyou's mom. I knew it wouldn't be easy; hell, there was a chance she wouldn't even want to see me. But I owed it to her to at least apologize and get some kind of closure.
"So, I managed to grow some balls big enough to face her and apologize for being a giant fuck up. Except… All I found was an empty room instead of a frail middle-aged woman. I'd asked one of the nurses if she'd been moved, but it turned out, with both her husband and daughter dead, she lost any fight she had left in her. She died shortly after Kikyou did. I felt somehow relieved and guilty all at once. After all that and feeling like I was just a fuck up in general, I decided to spend the night in the cemetery by their graves. I figured if I couldn't apologize to their faces…well, the next best thing would have to suffice."
"You're not, you know," Kagome opined softly. Inuyasha's questioning look had her adding, "A fuck up. None of what happened is your fault. If people fail to recognize that, well…"
She shrugged and the smile she gave him did wonders to lift his heavy heart.
"Who needs them? Nobody's perfect, Inuyasha. It's not right for anyone to expect you to be."
You are, Inuyasha wanted to counter but instead, the half-demon opted for squeezing her hand in silent gratitude. Kagome acknowledged his gratitude by squeezing right back.
"The next day," he started, voice rough, "I figured the first step to picking up the pieces of my shattered life was to put our house on the market and thankfully it sold just a week later. I stayed with my parents for a while, got a job at the auto shop in town, and when an old farmhouse got put on the market I used the sale from the old house as a down payment. It was a fixer upper that definitely needed some work, but it was isolated and there were no neighbors for miles so it was perfect for what I wanted. I moved in shortly after and threw myself into renovating and turning it into a home I was happy with. I figured if I worked hard enough every day, I'd be too distracted to think. I also figured I'd tire myself out so that I'd actually get some sleep at the end of the day. Nightmares about my deployment and Kikyou's death were common at that point so sleeping for an entire night was a rarity for me."
Kagome smiled in sympathetic understanding. So he hadn't been as emotionally unscathed as she'd originally thought. But he hadn't let his strife interfere too heavily with his life, and for that she was grateful.
"Thankfully," Inuyasha went on, the corners of his mouth flickering into a fond smile, "the solution to those sleepless nights showed up on my front porch a few days later. It was scraggly, looked half-starved, and had a tail that wouldn't stop wagging when I gave him some of my bacon."
Kagome's face positively lit up and Inuyasha had to chuckle. She really did love that dog. And he was infinitely pleased to say that the feeling was definitely mutual.
"He didn't stick around at first. He came and went as he pleased. But I always left out some food and water for him on the porch. Then one day I came back from work to find him curled up in front of the door and when I went inside he followed right after me. A few days later, after getting a clean bill of health from the vet aside from being a little underweight, Jaxson had a new home and I had a new bedmate. Don't have a damn clue why his presence made a difference, but I was grateful nonetheless. That first night he was there may have been the best damn sleep since…well. It'd been a while."
"Was he a bed-hogger then, too?"
Inuyasha sighed and Kagome laughed because that was answer enough.
"I had a cat growing up as a kid," Kagome offered and Inuyasha made sure to give her his undivided attention. "Buyo liked to sprawl. When he wasn't lying on top of me and crushing me with his sheer fatness, he managed to take up half the bed and push me out of it once or twice."
Inuyasha grinned, because yeah he could totally imagine Kagome falling out of bed with an undignified squawk in a tangle of limbs and blankets on the floor.
Kagome narrowed her eyes at him, however, and he quickly blanked his expression. She eyed him for a second longer then shook her head before continuing, though her tone was a bit more subdued.
"The thing was, though, I always slept better with him there with me. Especially after my father passed away. It's like he knew, you know? So maybe…maybe some higher power guided Jaxson to you because you needed each other. It's a nice thought at the least, anyway."
Kagome leveled a small smile at him, but it dimmed when Inuyasha lifted a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His expression was soft, amber eyes hooded, and she felt her breath catch in her throat.
"Maybe," Inuyasha conceded in a low rumble and she felt a blush heat her face. "And maybe that same higher power guided me down that backroad a month ago and led me to you."
Kagome's eyes shined up at him, bright and glinting with a vulnerability that made his heart ache. Swallowing thickly, Inuyasha boldly brushed his thumb across the softness of her lower lip. He heard the way her breath hitched and a fetching shade of scarlet stole across her cheeks.
"That higher power saved your life, Kagome," Inuyasha rasped, a sudden surge of emotion tightening his throat and causing his chest to constrict painfully. God, she had come to mean so much to him and just thinking of all those dreadful "what if" scenarios was enough to make him feel physically sick.
Kagome smiled at him then but it was strangely somber as she raised a hand to grab his clawed one, lowering it from her face to wrap both of her smaller hands around it and lovingly cradle it in her lap. She ran her fingers across his calloused palm and then along his own fingers. Stupidly the action made Inuyasha's heart race and his gut clench not so unpleasantly.
"That power didn't save my life, Inuyasha," Kagome whispered and said half-demon was unable to tear his gaze away from her own even if he wanted to.
"You did."
Inuyasha had to forcibly swallow back the pathetic whine that bubbled up his throat, ears low on his head and his eyes flashing with conflicting emotions. Before he could say anything, however, or do something incredibly stupid like kiss her senseless, Kagome closed her eyes and sighed. It was when she bit her lip, shifted around, and scooted closer to him to settle against his side that Inuyasha knew she was finally going to tell him what happened in the barn.
And it was just as well. It had been a long time coming, just as his explanation of his relation to Kikyou and Naraku had been. They both knew they couldn't continue to skirt around the issue forever with frivolous chat about renovating his house and pets. As nice as it had been pretending everything was right in the world if only for a few minutes, it was inevitable and Inuyasha mentally braced himself; he knew he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.
Inuyasha waited patiently, if not a bit anxiously, for Kagome to gather her thoughts and he could feel how tense she was while leaned against him. He knew this would be hard for her to talk about, probably more so than it would be for him to listen. But he was going to be there for her just like she'd just been for him. Without hesitation Inuyasha shifted his hand to lace their fingers together and silently lended her his strength. He gave her his undivided attention as Kagome closed her eyes and took a steadying breath before beginning.
