130L
L held the piece of paper that Light had written his script on with his forefingers and thumbs as if it were a wet painting. He was just finishing reading when Jack's door opened and she stepped out, wearing sweat pants and an oversized shirt with an irate cartoon fox on it. The text beneath it read: "Seriously, shut up," and L had to keep himself from snorting in amusement. Her blue hair was damp, showing she had showered, but her expression was almost numb.
"Hey, Nina," Matsuda greeted her.
Jack was staring off blankly, her eyes unfocused. L lowered the paper in his hands to look at her, concern rising in his gut. Though the phrase was a cliche, she seriously looked like she'd seen a ghost.
"Nina?" Matsuda repeated, frowning at her.
"Huh? Oh, sorry," Jack said, turning to face him. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought."
"Do you need to rest?" Chief Yagami asked, peering at her worriedly.
"No, no," Jack replied, waving him off. "Pump me full of royal milk tea and I'll be ready to take down a thousand Kiras!"
L couldn't help but glance toward Light at her comment, searching for any reaction, but the young man's face remained neutral. He turned in his seat to look at her and gave her a smile.
"Gotta say, I admire your enthusiasm," he said.
L's brow twitched at how honeyed Light's words sounded. Clearing his throat, L regained the attention of the room and gestured with the paper in his hands.
"This is good, Light," he said. "But if we don't take out the part that says: 'It is fine with me to kill L' part..." L looked down at Light with an innocent expression, "I'll die."
Light laughed sheepishly. "I just thought Kira would have wanted to make sure L died," he said.
Out of the corner of his eye, L saw Jack narrow her eyes at the back of Light's head. L recalled their instant message conversation; he recalled that Shinigami existed and there were notebooks that could kill. There was no way to see the Shinigami unless one touched the Death Note, so there was no way to tell, but L wondered if Light had a death god hovering near him right then. It nearly sent chills down his spine.
"I was just kidding," Light added after L didn't respond to him right away. "You can take it out."
"Okay," L said, turning toward Aizawa. "Aizawa, the draft is done, can you please take care of the rest?"
"Yes," Aizawa took the paper, crossed out one of the sentences on it, then hurried out of the room.
They had the tape created and delivered to Sakura TV in a similar fashion as the previous tapes they received. The news station was not informed that this tape was created by the police—L wanted to ensure that it was believed that the tape came from Kira. The instructions on it were to play it at 5:00 PM, so most of the day was still open to them.
"If you don't mind, I would like to have some time alone," L said. "That is, if you could return to the police station, and Light, your home. I appreciate all your assistance today."
"Of course, Ryuzaki," Yagami said, bowing his head. There was a knowing gleam in his eyes; he knew that L wanted to speak with Jack's brother.
"I'll just hang in my room, if that's cool," Jack said. "Kinda live here for the moment, soooo..."
L offered her a light smile and shook his head. "I'll go to my room, Nina."
"Thank you for letting me help, Ryuzaki," Light said, offering his hand to L.
L eyed it for a moment before shaking it. "Of course. Your assistance is invaluable, Light."
The officers all said their goodbyes and them, along with Light Yagami, filed out of the hotel room. Once the door was closed and locked, Jack exhaled sharply and looked at L.
"Well. This has been a day full of nothing but disarray," she said in English.
"Couldn't agree more," L replied, reverting to the same language. "Have you spoken to your brother?"
"A little," Jack said. "I know, I know, you want to know how he found us."
L nodded, his movements a bit tight. If someone could track down where they were staying, who was to say Kira couldn't? That is, if Light Yagami wasn't Kira.
"Austin works for an intelligence agency," Jack explained. "I don't know much about them, but to put things into perspective, Austin is almost as good as me at hacking and he has a lot more resources than me. He tracked me down, not you. Used security cameras and facial recognition software, along with taking a peak at the airline's databases. Linked everything together. Found out my alias, saw the check-in info at this hotel. Pretty standard for tracking someone down."
L blinked at her a few times and rubbed the back of his neck. It all made sense. After all, Jack said she alienated her brother nearly a year ago, so it wasn't surprising that he would try to find her. Yet all the same, L worried.
"The only reason he found me was because he has loads of pictures of me," Jack insisted, seeming to sense L's discomfort. "I don't think a photo of you exists. So, no worries."
"This is still dangerous," L replied. "Another individual involved, another person who knows your true name, is in Japan where Kira is."
Jack hesitated for a moment, adverting her gaze and biting her lip. L furrowed his brows at her actions, wondering why she looked sheepish. He took a step closer to her, gazing down into her eyes until she looked back at him.
"What aren't you telling me?" L asked, his voice hardly more than a whisper.
"I just... Look, this is all so complicated," Jack said, shaking her head. "Everything is hitting the fan at once, and I'm just trying to keep up, you know? So... so can you just give me time on this one? I promise you, it's nothing that's... It isn't going to hinder the case, all right? And I will tell you, just... not right now, okay? Please?"
There was sheer desperation both in Jack's eyes and voice. L pursed his lips into a tight line and took a step back from her, exhaling through his nose. Once again, Jack had a secret that she insisted wasn't dangerous. Her last secret, Nox and the Death Note, was incredibly detrimental to the case and to her life. What if this new secret was just as damning?
"Jack..." L began.
Jack shook her head at him. "No, I'm serious, L. I don't want to get into it yet; I can't. So just back off it for now, because you'll only drive yourself crazy."
L pressed his lips into a tight line. Jack's expression show both anxious confusion and a little bit of fear. How could L just let it go, even if she promised to tell him later?
"I'm meant to be focusing on a case," L said in a low, warning tone. "The biggest case either of us have ever seen. Jack, I can't keep this up if you insist on gathering more secrets to keep from me!"
"It's not like I asked for this one!" Jack shouted back. "I didn't ask for Austin to track me down, I didn't ask him to come in here and-and... Look, I told you, it won't effect the case, it will only... Ugh! Just let me figure it out first, okay?"
L shook his head, bewildered. "Why won't you let me help you?" he asked.
Jack ran her hands through her hair and then gripped it tightly, winding her fingers in the blue locks. Her face pinched in momentary anguish, and her eyes watered up. L's heart stammered. Clearly, whatever it was that Austin told her had her upset—beyond upset. So L exhaled softly and adverted his gaze.
"All right," he said gently. "But I need to talk to you brother."
"Yeah, yeah of course you do," Jack sighed and headed to her bedroom door.
After a moment, she returned into the living room with Austin just behind her. He had blond hair and aqua-green eyes; he looked a lot like his late father, based on the photos L had found of Shaun Townsend.
"Ryuzaki," Austin greeted, bowing his head slightly and offering his hand. "It's nice to finally meet you."
L eeyed his hand for a moment before taking it and shaking. "You as well. Nina has told me a lot about you."
"Good things, I hope," Austin said with a wary smile.
The three of them sat down in the living room, L in a chair and Jack and Austin on the sofa. L asked Austin about how he found them and he gave the same story Jack had. He even gave L the name of his agency: Serenity. Apparently they were often hired to do a lot of Robin Hood type work—take from the rich, give to the poor, pester corrupt politicians until they stepped down, etc. It wasn't far from what Jack did, but Serenity never delve into police work strictly.
"They can't know I used company resources for a personal matter," Austin stressed. "You don't exactly get fired from Serenity. I don't think they'd kill me, but I'd rather not find out about their severance proceeders."
"I'll look into it," Jack said. "Now that I've got a name, I'll be able to check up on all the things your little agency is doing."
"It's not little," Austin insisted. "We've worked with Anonymous a good number of times, hacked into major news networks, taken money from some pretty high name people, too."
"Like who?" Jack asked.
Austin smirked a little. "Steve Jobs."
"No way!" Jack punched his arm lightly. "That's a good one, bro!"
"Can we please get back on task?" L asked.
"Sorry," Austin said, but he and Jack shared a grin. It seemed despite how Jack had cut him out of her life, they were reconnecting rather well.
"What do you plan to do from here?" L said, looking at Austin critically.
Austin sighed and shrugged. "I didn't really think that far. This was the first chance I'd had to find Ja—er, Nina—since she took off." He shot her a small glare and L realized that there might still be resentment brewing in there after all.
"I'm sorry," Jack said sincerely. "It was to protect you."
"From what?" Austin demanded incredulously. "It was seven months before this whole Kira thing even started!"
Jack pursed her lips. L knew that it was because of Nox and the Death Note that Jack distanced herself from her brother, but she couldn't exactly tell him that. Nox could very well kill her for giving away her secret.
"I was... involved in another case," Jack murmured. "A dangerous one. And, I dunno, I suppose I just started to think—what if someone figured out who I was? What if they targeted my family to get to me? So I decided to keep you safe and distance myself."
Austin shook his head and glared at the ground. "You know I can defend myself."
"Yeah, well, I also know there's someone out there that can kill with just a name and a face. And someone who apparently just needs the first part," Jack retorted.
"Wait, what?" Austin blinked in astonishment and looked back at his sister.
"We suspect that there is a Second Kira," L said. "He's the reason for your sister's cast."
Jack lifted her casted arm and grinned.
"Well, in all honesty, Ni... Jack is responsible for it as well," L added.
"You said my name! Does this mean we trust Austin?" Jack smiled at him.
L sighed and waved her off. "I have no reason to suspect him of being Kira, it wouldn't make any sense. He doesn't fit any of what I've profiled. Besides, he's your brother."
"Thank you, Ryuzaki," Austin said earnestly.
"When it's just us, you can call me L," L replied. "I appreciate you being so forthcoming about your agency and how you found us."
"Well, I figured trying to hide anything from you would be pointless," Austin said. "Besides, I bet I can convince my agency to help you. After all, there's probably some reward cash for catching Kira."
"More resources are always welcome." L bowed his head slightly toward Austin.
Jack let out a heavy sigh and leaned back in the couch. Her headphones were still on, her right ear exposed to hear L and Austin. Her green eyes would lock on something across the room every so often—Nox, L assumed. He pursed his lips and grabbed a small candy from the dish on the coffee table. Things were going to be even more complicated with Austin here.
"Listen, I don't want Light knowing about Austin," Jack said to L. "I get that we don't have anything solid on him, but I don't want anyone who we have the slightest suspicion of knowing about him, all right?"
"Of course." L gave her a reassuring nod. "Hopefully we can have him out of Japan within the next fifteen hours."
"Whoa, wait, what?" Austin—who was sitting between L and Jack—looked between them with wide eyes. "No, I'm not leaving! I want to help!"
"Tough titties," Jack said. "Aussie, I've got a case to work on, and worrying about you is only going to exacerbate things!"
"Do you know what I've been through the past year?" Austin spat, standing up from the couch and leering down at Jack. "It was only five months since Dad died that you disappeared. You were—are—all I have left! My mind went wild with theories! You were so different after Dad and I... Jack, I thought you were dead. I thought you killed yourself."
Tears were lacing Austin's eyes. L suddenly felt like he was intruding on a private affair. His eyes darted between Austin and Jack. The latter was gaping up at her big brother with an expression of horror and anguish. Slowly, she got to her feet as well and shook her head.
"No, Austin, no..." she murmured, blinking rapidly. "I... I'm so sorry. I was selfish, and I know that. I just shut you out after Dad died and... but I promise, I was trying to protect you."
"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, right?" Austin said. "You running off all on your own... look at what it's done—you're arm! I saw the news clips, Jack, you could have gotten killed!"
Jack winced at his tone and adverted her gaze. "It was the wrong move to just cut you out, I see that now. But you don't understand—what fell in my lap... what I had to deal with... it wasn't..." She shook her head again and closed her eyes tightly.
Both L and Austin gasped when Jack's shoulders began to tremble and a soft sob left her. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she looked between them with desperation and helplessness.
"This just isn't fair, y'know?" she rasped.
More tears—more vulnerability.
L didn't know what to do. He started to rise from his seat, but before he could do more, Austin had already taken Jack into his arms. He patted his sister's back and head, appearing distraught.
"I'm sorry, Jack, I can't imagine what you've been going through," he whispered gently. "But I'm here now, okay? C'mon..."
L sank back down into his seat, feeling utterly useless and awkward. He wanted to think that he would be able to comfort Jack just as well as Austin, had he not been there, but some self-doubting part of himself denied it. Jack allowed her brother to hug her and her arms wrapped around him. For a moment, they just stood there, eyes closed and holding one another tightly. L adverted his gaze, a strange sensation claiming his gut.
"Listen, Aussie, I'm glad that you... well, that you know I'm alive," Jack said, finally breaking the hug and wiping her eyes hastily. "But this case... You can't be here."
"I want to help," Austin insisted. "You know I can."
"No," Jack replied harshly. "How the hell am I meant to focus on this case when I'm worried about Kira killing you? You have to go back to the States. Or Canada. Wherever your agency has you stationed."
"Scotland, at the moment," Austin said. "But I'm not going back, not until this Kira thing is solved."
Jack made an exacerbated gesture with her hands, lifting them toward Austin and balling them into fists. "Why must you be so difficult? Austin, you being here will hurt the investigation, not help it!"
"Ouch," Austin said, putting a hand over his heart as if he'd been physically wounded.
"It's not like—ugh, I know your smart and I know you're good with tech, but this is too damn delicate," Jack snapped.
"I have to agree with Jack," L said. "We are working directly with the only known suspect we have, and we just encountered another individual with Kira's abilities. This is dangerous."
"I know that," Austin pressed, looking between the two of them. "But I know how to work in the dark, where no one will see me. I can even stay in different hotels. You can contact me through a web call, just like how you communicate, L. I don't have a fancy emblem like you two, but hey, if you have someone on the outside and something happens to everyone but this suspect of yours? I'll know who it is."
L pursed his lips. That's what he had Watari do today, but Watari was vital to be close by as well. It wouldn't hurt to have yet another member of the task force be a faceless entity. Jack saw the look on L's face and shook her head.
"No!" she said. "No, no, no. Austin is not staying here! I'm not having someone else I love be a potential target!"
L's heart slammed itself into his ribcage. He gaped at Jack with his jaw going slack and his eyes stretching wide. Jack seemed to realize what she said and her cheeks began to flush with color. Austin peered at her with a curious frown.
"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked.
"W-well..." Jack stammered. "It... it was Dad, Austin." She faced her brother and her expression steeled over. "He was killed in the same way that Kira is killing his victims. That's kind of how I got involved with this mess."
"Kira killed Dad?" Austin exclaimed.
"No." Jack shook her head. "Someone else who has the same ability... well, had." She abruptly looked to her left and narrowed her eyes. "Shut up, Nox, I'm not breaking the rules!"
Austin blinked in confusion, looking in the same direction as Jack. "Er... who're you talking to?"
Jack exhaled sharply through her nose. "Nox. Uh, bro, you know my condition? Well, I have a constant ghost now and his name is Nox and he is a royal prick."
Austin blinked rapidly. "You haven't had a regular for years," he murmured, concern arresting his expression.
"The wonders of stress!" Jack spread her arms wide in a grand fashion.
L glanced between the two of them, feeling a bit left out again. The phrasing that the two of them used... it was almost like they had their own dialect, if not language.
"Anyway," Jack went on, shaking her head. "Nah, it wasn't Kira, it was someone else who possessed the same ability, for a time, at least."
Austin's eyes suddenly stretched wide. "Victor Skor. You're kidding... he...?"
Jack gave a tight-lipped nod.
"But how?" Austin breathed.
Jack shrugged. "What do you think we're trying to figure out?" she said, glancing toward where L knew Nox must be looming.
"Well, Skor clearly doesn't have that ability now... otherwise I'm fairly certain a lot more people would be dead," Austin said.
"I can allow you to look over our notes and files here," L told him. "You might as well get up to speed if you insist on staying. But none of the papers can leave this room."
"Naturally," Austin said, giving L a nod. "Once I look over everything, I'll get to a hotel of my own. I think I'll be able to convince Serenity to work with you. After all, it isn't often that someone can assist the great L."
"And the Cyber Detective! Oh, right, I'm not a part of this as far as the public knows." Jack pouted somewhat.
Austin chuckled and gripped her shoulder. "You've a bit too much showmanship to be a private detective."
"What can I say?" Jack started heading toward the kitchen. "I was made to be adored. I'm getting some tea on."
"Cheers," Austin called after her before turning to L.
He seemed a bit nervous with his sister gone. L looked him over curiously as he leaned forward to pluck a candy from the dish on the coffee table. From Jack's stories, L had painted a picture of Austin in his mind—intelligent, resourceful, caring, wild sense of humor to match his sister's. However, there was still something that L could tell he wasn't catching. Austin seemed almost squeamish to be left alone with L, but it wasn't anything to do with L himself. No, Austin's gaze was fleeting and his expression was nervous, almost sheepish.
"Have we crossed paths before?" L asked abruptly.
Austin met his eyes again and this time managed to hold the gaze. "I'm sorry?"
"Perhaps not directly, no," L mused. "I don't forget faces easily. But perhaps I've had unintentional run-ins with your agency. Perhaps you've had to combat me digitally."
"Combat...? No, no, no." Austin shook his head and his face was surprisingly sincere. "Serenity would never get involved with something that would require someone like you to stop them. I'll admit, not all our dealings are entirely legal, but we're not... I dunno if there's an exact category that you typically go after, actually, but I know they're typically the Big Bads, right?"
"I suppose that's one way to put it," L replied. "I'm inclined to believe you, Austin. But I can tell there's something you're hiding. Something to do with me."
Austin's jaw went slack for a brief moment before his face steeled over. "I dunno what you could mean."
L sighed and shook his head. "Jack assured me it won't hurt the case, and I believe her. I suppose distractions aren't welcomed right now anyway. Although, not knowing is a distraction in itself."
"It... it's not my place to tell," Austin whispered.
L met his eyes, pleasantly surprised by the man's honesty. He didn't continue to deny or defend like so many other people would. L found that he liked Austin.
"I know," L said. "Jack will tell me eventually. Until then, I suppose I'll just ignore the gnawing curiosity in the back of my head and focus on the case. Let me get you the files."
Jack
I was beginning to think I was cursed. It was three days after Austin arrived and he was now off in Kyoto, helping us digitally from afar. He was still in the process of convincing his agency to assist us, and L was due to speak to them directly—well, as directly as he could with his emblem on a monitor. I was the one who insisted on Austin staying out of Tokyo. I didn't want him walking around and risk the Second Kira seeing his name.
It fathomed me that the same day I recognize that I had genuine feelings for L—that I loved him—that Austin would show up and throw the biggest of all wrenches into everything. I'd known L from before. I was at Wammy House. Suddenly, Watari's reaction to seeing me for the first time made sense... the look of shock and his questions. He recognized me, but I didn't recognize him.
Somehow, I'd blocked all my memories from before my father, Shaun Townsend, adopted me. Typically, that was the result from psychological trauma. I knew Austin had more information on the subject and I was horrifically curious, but I opted to wait. There was too much in my mind; I had to focus on the case. Once we got Kira and now this Second Kira sorted, I'd be able to string together my past.
Of course, L's hunger for knowledge was unending. I could tell that he was trying to put it aside and just work the case, but there was a haunted gleam in his dark eyes every time he looked at me. I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid that the information would just bring more questions and completely derail us. Then, on top of all of that mess, my newfound acceptance of my feelings for the detective only served to make my heart jump and skip every time L touched me or said something intimate.
All in all, everything was a cesspool of confusing, frustrating, obnoxious shit.
Our message to the Second Kira was due to be released that day and I headed out into the living room in my oversized PJs, fiddling with my headphones' cord. L was sitting in one of the chairs near the coffee table, eating some waffles.
"When's it due on?" I asked.
L blinked and looked around, only just noticing me. "Hm? Mm." He swallowed his mouthful of food. "Two hours."
"Sounds like an eternity," I muttered as I sat down on the sofa and grabbed a plate.
"Agreed," Nox grumbled as he stalked across the room. So far, the Shinigami didn't seem to suspect anything. It was a relief that L finally knew the truth, but at the same time it made things more nerve-racking than ever. I wasn't sure if Nox would kill not only me, but L as well if he learned what I'd done.
L watched me stack a couple of waffles and begin to lather them in butter. He slowly put his own plate down and wiped his mouth with his thumb. When he began to adjust himself in his seat, I looked over at him fidgeting. He was in his usual perched position, but he was shifting his weight foot to foot and eyeing me.
"Is my bedhead that bad?" I said, perking a brow.
"It isn't that." L shook his head. "Besides, the bedhead adds a certain charm, I think."
"So then why are you looking so apprehensive?" I queried. "If it's about what Austin—"
"No," L interjected. "It isn't that either."
I frowned and stared at him expectantly. He sighed heavily and adverted his gave briefly.
"Why d'you need the music?" he finally asked, his words quick and abrupt.
I blinked, rather startled that that was his question. He'd never pressed about it before, and I felt there were so many more intriguing things for him to be asking about at the moment. I paused in buttering my waffles and pursed my lips for a moment.
"Originally, I only listened to music at night, to help me sleep," I said. "My... condition makes me hear voices, but it isn't Beautiful Mind or anything like that... It's indistinct. I call it 'restaurant chatter.' Sometimes, it would be so loud that I wouldn't be able to sleep. Music helps drown it out."
"And now?" L prompted gently.
I shrugged lightly. "When my dad died, something in me broke, I think. I've always struggled with the severe social anxiety and the depression side of the bullshit that's in my brain. My dad helped me cope. Then he was gone. The music... it... distracts me."
L furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"
I looked at my waffles, though my appetite was gone. I exhaled slowly and swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. "You don't want to know."
Nox gave a small grunt. I glanced toward him and saw that though he seemed to be attempting his usual snarky smirk, there was... empathy in his expression. His single blue eye met mine and he pursed his lips tightly. I knew he was recalling the night we met.
For a moment, there was silence. Then, I felt pressure on the couch cushion beside me and saw L sitting down in his weird bird-like way. He looked me over, his expression empathetic and concerned. It made him seem oddly vulnerable.
"I am aware of the dark places the mind tends to wander," he murmured softly. "I know the lull of that void. I recognize the voice of that deep, endless, sorrow. Sometimes, I think the only reason that I keep chasing these cases is for distraction. I love the challenge and I love to put my wits to the limit, but at the same time, when I'm on a case there is seldom room of thinking about anything else."
"L..." I slowly shook my head at him. "You don't have to tell me this..."
"I want to," L replied. "And don't get me wrong, this isn't a ploy to get you to talk about what Austin said to you the other day. I just want to understand you more, if that's all right."
"I thought you were satisfied with how much you already knew?" I said, frowning at him.
L's mouth twitched in a slight smile. "I don't think I could ever learn enough when it comes to you, Jack."
My cheeks warmed and I cleared my throat as if I'd choked on some of my own saliva. I thumped my chest with a fist and took a drink of milk from the jug on the table.
"Sorry," I rasped. "Er... yeah, well, that's what kind of started our little info digging war on our first case, isn't it?"
"I guess," L replied. "So... the music..."
"It... I suppose it makes me feel safe," I explained. "It forces those pesky thoughts and urges to at least skip a bit—a scratch in their CD, if you will. I don't get them nearly as much now, but I've been listening to the music for so long, I'm not certain I know how to cope without it. Not to mention Nox." I turned my head to stick my tongue out playfully at him.
"Hey, you know I'm growing on you." Nox smiled ear-to-ear. "I'm like a cancerous cyst."
"Ew, no, you're more like a weird spider that freaked me out at first but now I just kinda like watching it move around," I told him.
Nox laughed while L exhaled softly in amusement. However, when I turned to face the detective, his expression grew pensive and wary.
"Perhaps it's time to find out," he said.
"Hm? The-the music thing? What, here? Now?" I scooted away from him a bit. "Er, n-no, not today. We've a case to solve, L, a pretty intense one. I don't think it would be the best idea to... It would be quite distracting, you see."
Conflict rose in L's face and there was something in his eyes that I couldn't place. He pressed his lips into a tight line as he gripped his knees.
"What if something happens to where you lose your headphones?" he asked. "When you took off to Sakura Station, you had your earbuds, but what if they came out? What if you iPod was damaged? Jack... I understand what it means to you, but it's also a crutch."
His words hit me hard. I looked away from him and stared at the coffee table with a pounding heart. L, per usual, was completely right. However, teaching myself to live without the constant music was like suggesting a fish run on land. Sure, there were walking catfish and mudskippers, but I was fairly certain that I was one of those weird deep sea jellyfish that were transparent and fragile. Either that or a vampire octopus.
"I'm sorry," L suddenly said. "I shouldn't have said... just, never mind."
I turned to see him slowly getting off the sofa to return to his chair. In that moment, something seized me—something I couldn't identify, something that had no direct definition. I reached out and grabbed L's wrist before he could get far. He blinked in surprise and looked down at me in confusion.
"Jack, I didn't mean—" he began.
I took off my headphones.
L gasped in shock as I released him and held my hands out in front of me, tempted to put them over my so-very-naked ears. At first, I didn't notice much. The song I'd been listening to had been upbeat and cheery, and the abrupt silence almost seemed like it could be part of it. But then the silence stretched. It lingered and soon a high ringing began to pierce me. My breath quickened and my heart pounded, desperate to break free of its cage.
The ringing stabbed into me. It was beyond sound, beyond reality. It was like it held every single mistake I'd ever made, every shitty thing I'd said and done, every person I'd lost and every reason why I shouldn't be...
Alive.
Unending, unrelenting, a crescendo of doubt and pain and loss, all in a single piercing sound.
But then, there were arms around me. I gasped as L pulled me into his lap on the other side of the sofa. He cradled me against his chest and stroked my blue hair as he softly breathed, "Shh, shh, shh..."
The ringing began to subside as I curled into a ball against the detective. It slowly turned into something more rounded, a sound that was muted but at the same time humming gently against me. I didn't notice the tears rolling down my face until the neck of my pajama shirt was soaked.
"Here," L murmured softly, reaching with his long arm to snag my headphones on the other side of the sofa. "I'm sorry, I should have never—"
Yet as he tried to put them back on my head, I put up a hand to grab them. L furrowed his brows at me.
"Jack, you don't have to prove anything," he whispered.
"I know that," I replied, equally as soft. "But I... I think I realized something."
L frowned at me curiously. "What?"
"When I was young, I didn't take care of my hair," I said, meeting his gaze. "I had it long and it was always just this tangled mess. My mother used to say, 'One day, you'll have a crush on someone, and then you'll take care of that hair.'"
L's face grew even more confused. "...Okay?"
I laughed softly. "It's okay, I didn't see it at first either. Think about that. I was told that I would eventually find the want to take care of myself in order to please someone else. But what about me, you know? Why couldn't my mother tell me that I should want to take care of myself for me. And for a really long time, I've been putting my self worth into other people. How can people live like that? How have I not just... given up?"
L's eyes went from confused to concerned. He tightened his arms around me somewhat, pulling me closer into him. "Jack..."
"Hang on, let me finish," I insisted. "I think that I kicked that way of thinking a while ago. I started to see my own worth, and I became the Cyber Detective. I cut my hair, dyed it crazy colors, and I didn't need to have anyone else around to do it for. But for all my self-confidence, there are times when... when we need to realize that we need help."
I sniffled and wiped my tears and nose on my sleeve before giving out a shaky breath. I then smiled up at L and cupped the side of his face in one of my hands.
"It's important to be strong alone," I whispered, "but it's important to reach out when we don't have the strength to stand. Music has helped me through so much, but now it's time to move past it—to regain my independence. And... and as much as it sucks ass to say, I think I need help."
L slowly smiled at me, his gaze warm. "Then let me be your music for a while."
I felt tears threaten me again at his words. "You're oddly romantic when you want to be, aren't you?"
The words were out before I could stop them. L's eyes widened momentarily and my heart stammered. Romantic. How could I say something so blunt? However, the detective decided to surprise me.
"Only with you," L murmured.
I stared into his dark eyes, my mouth slightly agape. L seemed uncertain of himself as his gaze darted all over my face. It was like he was searching for the answer to an unasked question. His arms around me were so warm and welcoming. I felt safe—I felt like I was home.
Then, hesitantly, L leaned his face closer to mine. I mimicked his motions, inching toward him as one of his hands ran up my back to cup the back of my neck. When our lips met, a jolt went through me. Electricity poured into my veins, leaping its way through my entire body. I had seen all the romance movies and read a good number of young adult novels, but it wasn't what I was expecting.
It was so much more.
We were clumsy in our kiss; after all, neither of us were exactly experienced. Yet somehow, we were able to swiftly learn each other's patterns. It was an embrace that was beyond description. I was consumed by him, and he by me. We were a single entity in that moment, and all other thoughts and cares had dissolved to the wind.
When we separated, both of us were breathing shakily. Nox let out a long slow whistle that earned him a glare from me before I laughed weakly and turned back to L.
"Did... uh... did we just really...?" I stammered.
L swallowed and gave a tiny nod. His dark eyes with wide with both fright and surprise. He held me differently—like I was a fragile newborn and he'd never touched a baby in his life. There was so much tension in his limbs; it reminded me of those collapsable dolls—the ones that remain upright until their button is pressed and that loosens all their strings. Except L's button seemed to be either broken or missing.
"I'm sorry," I breathed, a sudden horror rising in me. "I didn't... It wasn't meant to..."
L licked his lips nervously before taking a deep breath. His muscles relaxed somewhat, but he still looked uncomfortable. I quickly scrambled off of him and onto my side of the couch. The detective remained where he was, his legs in a normal seated position, which told me he wasn't okay.
"L..." I had no clue what to say. That it was a mistake? That I didn't mean it? I didn't think even I could lie like that. This was too close, too... true.
"Forgive me," L murmured, slowly bringing his knees toward his chest. "It... not much catches me off guard. I always thought I would know how it was... how to react... but..."
"Hang on." I leaned toward him. "Was that your first kiss?"
L adverted his gaze. "You don't have to make it sound so insulting."
"No, no!" I exclaimed, waving my hands apologetically. "It... It was mine too. I just... I guess being private detectives really makes the dating life a pain in the ass."
L chuckled briefly before shifting awkwardly in his seat again. He turned his head toward me and his brows were furrowed.
"Did you... find it pleasant?" he queried.
Nox was chortling near the kitchen. "You two are puke-worthy, you know that?" he called.
I ignored him, holding L's gaze while my heart pranced around in my chest. "It was... I think pleasant is too bland."
"Is that a good thing?" L asked, his eyes almost hidden in the shadow of his bangs.
I let out a breathy laugh and worried my fingers in the folds of my pajama shirt. "Uh... yeah. Quite good. Er, very-very good."
L smiled, both with pleasure and amusement. "Jack, you're the only person I've ever felt comfortable around. Most people are... they can be too much, very quickly. Socializing with them exhausts me and I find that I need time to recharge in my own space, alone. But with you..."
He reached over and gently gripped my chin to tilt my face up toward his as he let his knees fold sideways onto the couch to lean closer to me. My breath caught, and even though I'd already finally discovered what kissing felt like, I was already yearning for more.
"It's like you're my battery pack," he said. "Somehow, you can recharge me."
"Wow, nerd," I said, making him smile and shake his head before leaning in to kiss me again.
The second one was more practiced, more precise. Rather than curiosity, it held hunger. I tangled my fingers into his dark hair and held him to me, moving my lips with his. It was still a bit messy, still a bit slobbery, but we were quickly finding finesse in the act. When we broke apart again, I let out a low groan and shook my head.
"What, what's wrong?" L asked.
"This. This!" I gestured to the two of us before I got up and starting pacing. "You know, I cut Austin out of my life so that I wouldn't have anything to lose. I didn't want anyone targeting those I care about while I try to take them down, you know?"
L sighed softly and nodded. "I understand how you feel. I've been... struggling with this for several months now."
"Yeah, and—hold up, wait, months?" I faced him again with one brow perked.
L shrugged sheepishly. "You... it's like I said, you recharge me. For so long, I move place to place without any real sense of belonging. There was Wammy House, and I thought perhaps that was home for me, but now I see that it isn't a place that's home—it's a person. It's you."
"That is some of the sappiest shit I've ever heard in my life, and I love it," I rasped, shaking my head at him before flinging myself down on him into a crushing hug.
L coughed and groaned under my sudden weight. "Okay, well, that wasn't an invitation to crush me."
I rolled away, but remained seated beside him, staring into his eyes.
"So," I sighed. "I suppose... this is a thing now? Our dating act becomes... real?"
"Is that what you want?" L inquired gently.
"It isn't that simple, L," I told him. "We still have Kira to deal with. Light might be our target and if he sees how much we... but I suppose that he already kind of sees that, doesn't he? That we're close."
"He won't hurt you," L vowed.
"Pfft, you think I'm worried about me?" I scoffed. "Listen, this is... our job is horrifically dangerous. I've kept my distance from you because if anyone tried to use you against me, I'm not certain I could resist them." I gazed into his eyes intently. "You're too important to me."
"The way I see it, we were already at a relationship worth kidnapping before... before this." He gestured weakly between our lips.
I let out a weak laugh and shook my head. "You want to do this? For real? There's so much at risk and..."
"Listen," L said, reaching over and taking my hand gently. "I've had time to think this through quite thoroughly. I could say no, I could deny... my feelings for you, and we could just keep on with the case. But both of us know that just being coworkers—just being friends—isn't going to ever be the same. That in itself will lead to a whole plethora of distractions. I figure... our relationship moving forward in such a harmonious way will in turn at least make the distractions that are inevitable, well, harmonious."
I blinked at him for a moment before grinning a bit. "You really have thought this through. Wish I could say the same, I've just kinda been... panicking."
L smiled back. "Sometimes, you tend to pants while I plot."
We kissed a third time, this one brief and warm. I hopped to my feet when we were done and cleared my throat loudly as I put my headphones back on. "All right, well, I'm going to bed, before either of you—" I pointed between L and Nox, "—comes up with another idea to get us all killed." I started to walk toward my room and turned around dramatically just before entering it and closing the door. "Or worse! Expelled!"
"Did you just quote Harry Potter?" L asked incredulously.
"Maybe. I'm a Slytherin, what're you?" I rolled my eyes. "Never mind. Clearly a Ravenclaw. Although... maybe secretly a Hufflepuff with all that good will and loyalty."
L shook his head, but he was still smiling. I waved my own insanity off and shrugged.
"I get weird when I get nervous. Anyway, I'm gonna make sure Austin is gonna watch the news too. Be back out in a bit," I said before closing my bedroom door behind me.
Nox floated through the wall and groaned. "That was sickening to watch."
"Whatever, I bet you're a secret romantic," I said.
Nox snorted and sighed. "What was that Hufflestuff you were talking about?"
"You know, I think you'd be Hufflepuff too," I muttered. "Mm, maybe Ravenclaw with the whole curiosity thing. Or a Gryffindor acting way too tough."
"Why can't I be a Slytherin like you?" Nox asked.
"You'd have to be cunning," I retorted before sticking my tongue out at him.
Nox grinned his ear-to-ear terrifying grin and sat on the end of the bed, his long thin legs crossing. "Just be careful, Jack."
My smile faded at his dark tone and I met his gaze questioningly. Nox shrugged and adverted his gaze.
"There's a lot of death going around with this little project of yours. Now you've got two people you really care about here in Japan, and after seeing how you handled that Ukita guy's death..." The Shinigami glanced at my arm cast. "It would suck if you ended up dying for someone else. Y'know, that's one of the only ways to kill a Shinigami."
"Huh?" I frowned at him, suddenly intrigued.
"If a Shinigami does something to directly interfere with a mortal's death by utilizing their Death Note, they'll die," Nox said grimly, meeting my eyes. "I think that says something, right? Caring too much can kill death itself."
"I told you a long time ago, I'm not a Death God," I murmured.
Nox chuckled under his breath. "Yeah, I know. A shame. You'd be fun to hang out with for this cursed eternity. Guess I'll take what I can get. Just don't make me watch you die, all right?" His single blue eyes flashed with what seemed not like fury, but the promise of it.
"I don't plan on dying, Nox," I told him with a firm nod. Then I grinned again. "Yeah, you're a Hufflepuff for sure."
"What does that mean, is it an insult?" Nox demanded as I grabbed my laptop. "'Cause even if we're friends doesn't mean you can pick on me! I'm a Shinigami! That demands a certain amount of respect!"
I laughed and plopped down on my bed, opening my laptop. It seemed I already had a message from Austin on our secure server I made (with L's funding). The moment I read it, my smile melted from my face and my eyes went wide.
Jack, we need to talk about your father. Your real father.
A/N:::
Hello, darling readers, I apologize this is coming out later than I anticipated. I've been backed up with a lot of family issues as well as some health problems of my own and everything seemed to hit at once. With all that on top of the holidays, I didn't have much time to writing much of anything, even my original works. But regardless, here's the new chapter and I'm going to be switching my schedule up to biweekly on Fridays just to give myself some breathing room until things calm down. So you guys can expect the next update to be on Friday the 11th. Love all of you, hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful New Year!
