Chapter 3: Reignited

It was the end of summer when I arrived at Anteros Academy to start my final year of university. I was excited to meet new people and re-visit my old stomping grounds of my high school days. I had gotten in contact with Rosalaya a while before I made my move into the dorms. I felt pretty nervous as I waited for her in front of the student center on campus, where we had agreed to meet. Surely it would be at least a little awkward… it had been so long since we had seen each other. Were we still even friends? Did she have hard feelings towards me? Would we be too different to be close again? But to my relief and joy, we were able to pick up where we left off. She gave me a little grief for not having stayed in touch but it was done half-joking. I apologized for not being in-touch (but skipped the part about how my break up with Lysander had been an influence). She also apologized for not having stayed in touch. Then as our conversation progressed on our walk around campus, the topic of old friends came up, including Leigh and his family.

"Um, so, how is Lysander these days anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Well… things changed a lot for him after his parents died."

"Oh no… s-so, both his parents died…?" I asked shocked. I suspected his father may have passed away in the time since we broke up since he was not doing well, although nobody ever confirmed it for me before, but his mother, too?!

"George's sickness got the best of him… but you knew that part, since you were still dating Lysander at the time."

"What? No, he would have told me that, so it must have happened after-"

"I remember he'd said the reason you didn't go to the funeral was 'cause of exams." Rosalaya said. I felt the blood drain from my face.

"That's right… I must have gotten confused because it all happened around the same time as the break up…" I said, trying to sound un-phased, but really my mind was racing; I realized that Lysander had possibly kept this information from me the very day we broke up. Why hadn't he told me?! I felt so guilty and angry at myself for not being there for him at that difficult time. But how else could I have known! Why hadn't he told anyone we'd broken up?! I probably looked like a real jerk for choosing my exams over him! I quickly decided to cast my hurt feelings aside and focus on the conversation at hand before Rosa could figure out the anxiety she had triggered in me with this information. "What about his mother?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, Josiane left us not so long afterwards… Doctors said it was the grief of losing her husband that deteriorated her so quickly," Rosalaya explained with a solemn look on her face.

"That is so tragic…" I said.

"Yes, it wasn't easy for Leigh and him… Neither for me, they were probably the kindest in-laws on earth. But Lysander was able to keep moving forward on his own."

"Wait, what do you mean he was on his own?"

"Lysander decided to take over his parents' farm." Rosa clarified. I was surprised. I remembered how Lysander had told me that he did not like life in the country side and much preferred the city. Whatever happened to his dream of being a prominent song writer in the music industry?

"I didn't know that Lysander took over his parents' farm… It was probably hard for him, losing both of them so early on."

"Don't make such a long face, he's all right now, it was years ago! Who would've thought, he is actually very happy to take care of the farm they held so dearly." Rosalaya said smiling.

"Then I'm happy for him." I said smiling politely, but really, I was concerned. I found it hard to believe that he would really be happy in those circumstances. At least not the Lysander I'd known… Just how much had he changed? I had so many questions still, but Rosalaya changed the subject and I didn't want to seem like a weirdo for still being so interested about an ex-boyfriend who seemed to have moved on. And, I reminded myself, I had moved on too! Whether he lied to me in the past or not, it was a long time ago. I should really let it go… but Lysander stayed in the back of my mind nonetheless.

School life began. I met many new people like Hyun and Chani as well as re-connected with some old friends from high school including, Alexy, Priya, Nathaniel, and even Melody. Then I saw a flyer for Castiel's band; Crowstorm. They were coming to do a concert in town! I was definitely going to see it, I was curious as to how Castiel was doing and it was a fun excuse to get everyone together on a weekend and celebrate the start of senior year.

"Do you think Lysander will come to the concert next weekend?" I asked Rosalaya, trying to sound casual and not too eager. I wondered if Lysander would come since he was Castiel's best friend in high school… surely they stayed in-touch. Rosa seemed to feel uncomfortable for a moment when I asked this.

"No, Leigh told him about it weeks ago and said Lysander could not get away from his work. The farm is his priority and he doesn't easily take breaks from it."

"Oh… That's too bad." I admitted in disappointment.

"Look, Candy, it's better if you forget about Lysander. He is long gone now." Rosalaya said with concern. I could see that she was trying to push for what she thought was best for me. I realized that it looked like I was still pining over my ex. I blushed with embarrassment.

"Wait, it's not like that! I've totally moved on, trust me!" I clarified. "It's just I would have liked to see him again and catch up… as friends!" I deflected. She scruitinized me with suspicion.

"I swear! You really think I'm hung up on someone I broke up with almost four years ago?" I said with a laugh.

"Uh-huh… right. Then let's talk about boys you DO like! Maybe we can bring you a date to the concert?!" she went back to being her cheerful match-maker self. I really didn't have anyone I was interested in yet though, so she dropped the subject and she decided we would go to the concert with our friends and set me up with someone at another time.

The school week went by and then Friday night came. My girlfriends and I met up on campus near the school entrance and took the bus downtown to got to the club where the concert would be held. I wore a red, plaid skirt with a sleeveless, black turtleneck, my studded boots, and a casual jacket since it was getting chilly out in the evenings now.

As we entered the club, everyone was chatty and drinking, having a great time. The music playing was from an opening band I wasn't familiar with. Rosa told me it was a local group that was starting to gain some popularity. I took that time to sip my cider beer and chat with my friends, especially taking time to get to know the newer ones. When Castiel finally came on stage, the crowd was really hyped and we all danced to the catchy rock music. It was so cool to see how Castiel had become a real professional and anyone could tell how much fun he was having. I was truly happy for him, despite my not always seeing eye-to-eye with him back in our high school days. We were jumping around and singing along with the crowd. At one point, I dropped my purse behind me by accident so I turned around to grab it. When I was getting back up, I noticed a flash of light illuminate, just for a moment, a head of white towards the back of the room. I froze in place, looking around for what I had just seen but unable to find it again.

"What's the matter, Candy?" Alexy laughed loudly, still dancing with the others.

"I-It's nothing!" I shouted over the music, shaking my head. I turned back around to face the stage and continued dancing with my friends. I must be losing my mind to think I saw Lysander. Rosa even said there was no way he would show up tonight! But only a few minutes later, it happened again; I saw the familiar face framed by the stunning white hair and this time I didn't lose sight of him. My heart raced as it hit me; Lysander was really, truly, standing at the back of the room. He was wearing dark, Victorian clothes consisting of a perfectly tailored navy colored suit, an elegant white dress-shirt, a chocolate toned fitted vest, leather shoes to match, and an emerald green necktie adorned his neck... His hair was longer than the last time I had seen him, stylishly resting over his right shoulder tied with a green ribbon into a low and effortless ponytail. His face looked a little older, more mature, but not much different than I remembered.

"Rosa!" I shouted, grabbing her and pulling her to my side. I was panicking.

"Hm? What is it?!" she shouted back over the music.

"You said he wouldn't be here!" I scolded her.

"Who?" she asked confused.

"Look in the back of the room. Lysander is here!" I said into her ear through gritted teeth. She glanced over and smiled wide, "Oh my gosh, Lys-baby!" she shouted, waving at him, making me jolt in place. He smiled and waved back at her. Then she looked at my anxious face. "Ooh… I'm sorry Candy, I really didn't think he was coming!" she said apologetically. "You gonna be ok, girl?"

"I- well, I am not mentally prepared! I don't know what to say to him!" I said.

"What happened to all your enthusiasm for being friends with him?" she teased. "I hope you're not nervous because you still have feelings for him!" this last part she said more seriously.

"No! It's just a little awkward to talk to him after so long, I don't know how to start!" I defended myself, but deep down I was feeling all sorts of things towards Lysander; nostalgia, anger, sadness, confusion, and a deep affection that I had not allowed myself to acknowledge for a very long time.

"How about you start by saying hi!" she said as she started pushing me in his direction. She then informed the others that we were going to go greet Lysander if they wanted to join us. They all followed along behind us.

When we finally broke through the crowd and were in front of him, Rosa went and gave him a big hug hello. Everyone was happy to see him and our new friends introduced themselves. I was the last one to greet him, my heart racing as I looked into his green and gold eyes for the first time in years. They hadn't changed at all.

"Hello Candace, it's been a long time." He said a bit bashfully.

"Yes. It has…" I said trying to force a normal smile, but I could feel the tension showing on my face. Just then, Castiel's band finished playing their last song and the crowd cheered.

"Thanks for coming everyone, have a good night!" he shouted into the mic. It took a while for the crowds to dissipate, during which time my friends and Lysander were chatting and catching up. I was quietly trying to calm myself down and hold back from staring at Lysander and making things more awkward. We all approached the stage and Castiel was happily surprised at his best friend's presence.

"Lysander! I thought you weren't going to come!"

"I didn't think I would be able to either, but I finished my work early for the day." He said as the two of them bro-hugged. I thought it weird that he was randomly able to catch some free time after Rosalaya had insisted he didn't take breaks from the farm very easily… I guessed it was just my luck that he would come through unannounced!

"Hey, how about we all go out to drink? There's a good bar nearby," Castiel invited us all out for our own little after party. Everyone agreed and so we went on foot to continue the good times. I chatted with Chani and Hyun along the way but I was still distracted by Lysander walking beside Castiel and Rosa just a few paces ahead of me. I wanted so badly to talk to him… but I was afraid. I didn't want to end up unloading all of my questions and thoughts on him that I'd had pent up for the past few years. When we reached the bar, I definitely worked on gaining some liquid confidence, but was careful not to let myself get drunk. I wanted to be brave enough to talk to Lysander, but make sure not to make a fool of myself either. Many of the others were not so careful. Rosalaya and Alexy were giggling at all sorts of nonsense, Priya was chatting with Castiel, Chani and Hyun were having fun trying different beers… Lysander however seemed pensive and quiet. I dared to walk over and sit at the empty barstool beside him. I cleared my throat after sipping my sangria and began to speak.

"So, Lysander, what have you been up to these days?" I asked casually. He looked at me a little surprised, then seemed to avoid making direct eye contact with me. Shoot, maybe I was making him uncomfortable?

"Nothing terribly interesting, just working on the farm..." he said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Nonsense, I'm sure it is very interesting! Tell me, what do you do at the farm exactly?" I tried to press on enthusiastically. I thought to myself, It's only awkward if you make it awkward, Candace, as a sort of mantra to keep myself from chickening out of forcing a friendly conversation out of him.

"Well… mostly I grow cash crops and tend to the animals." He said.

"What is that like?" I asked genuinely curious.

"It's a lot of early mornings and hard work, but it's very rewarding to see things grow by your own hands." He said smiling gently.

"Wow… I'd like to see that someday." I said thoughtfully. He then stared at me curiously.

"W-What is it? Do I have something on my face?" I asked nervously.

"If I am honest, I am surprised you are talking to me at all tonight… what with the way things ended between us, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me." He said sadly. My heart tightened. I had not expected him to bring up the break up all of a sudden.

"I-I could never hate you, Lysander." I said placing a hand on his' reassuringly. "I only wish things could have been different. I-I should have been there for you when…" I felt my face redden as I said this in earnest. His face was also blushing lightly. I quickly removed my hands from his, realizing I might have crossed a line. I took another nervous sip of my drink and then I remembered...

"Please, it's alright, really! I-I don't blame you for anything-" he stammered.

"…Why didn't you tell me about your father?" I asked suddenly, a little hurt tinging my voice. Lysander looked remorseful, like he was blaming himself for my anguish but didn't know what to say. I immediately regretted my little outburst and clasped my hands over my mouth. Had I had too much to drink? This was not the time to be bringing up his dead parents! Heck, why were we talking about our break up as our first conversation when my intent had been to become friends again and let go of the past?! I felt embarrassed, confused, and pathetic. I wished I could just disappear and pretend this awkward conversation had never happened. I got out of my seat and put on my jacket, clutching my purse in my hand. I could feel myself on the verge of crying.

"Will you excuse me? I think I need to step outside for a minute." I said without looking him in the eyes as I began to head for the exit door in a hurry.

"Candy, wait-" he began to protest, but I didn't stop. I needed to be alone quick before anybody noticed the tears rolling down my face.

When I got out on the street into the cool air, I let myself sob. I hated that I felt sorry for myself. I hated that I was still hurting from a break up that happened years ago.

"Candace, I am so sorry, I never meant to upset you. I-I should have told you what was going on back then." I heard Lysander speak from behind me. I whipped around startled. He had followed me outside! He had a pained expression on his face. I quickly wiped the tears from my face but they were replaced with new ones.

"What happened to our promise of being honest with each other? If you had told me the truth, I would have come down to see you! Maybe…maybe things could have been different! I-I should have known, I shouldn't have lost touch…" I sobbed like a fool. Lysander stepped forward until he had his arms wrapped around me in a hug.

"I know, I'm sorry… I should have been honest. But there was nothing you could have done. I didn't want to be a burden… we had become so distant and you had so much going on…" he explained, rubbing my back slowly to soothe me.

"You were not a burden, I wanted to be there for you! You were more important than school!" I cried some more. He pulled back, looking at my face and smiling sadly.

"Oh, Candace, you always cared too much for others and not enough for yourself… You haven't changed at all." He said as he wiped my tears from my face with his gentle hands. They were rough now compared to how they were in high school. Surely a result of hard, manual labor. My heart pounded loudly in my chest. He was so close… it made me remember the many times he had held me like this and kissed me tenderly. But things were different now. He was not in love with me anymore… he was looking at me with the kindness of an old friend. I stepped away from his grasp. I didn't want to give myself any false hope of anything happening between us if there was no chance of it anyway.

"I'm sorry, I must seem crazy to you to be this upset when we ended things a long time ago… We had good reasons for breaking up." I said trying to look away from his caring gaze by turning my back to him. I slowed my breathing to stop myself from crying further.

"Yes, I think it was the best thing for both of us at that time… However, I always regretted not keeping a friendship with you." he admitted.

"…You wanted to stay friends?" I asked surprised, turning back to face him, "W-Why didn't you call or text?"

"I was sure you would not want anything to do with me. Besides, it was too painful for me to reach out, too...You were a reminder of the life I'd left behind." He explained.

"I-I see… But what about now? You don't miss life in the city at all?" I asked concerned.

"No. I have grown to love my life on the farm. As strange as it may sound, taking over for my parents was the best decision I've ever made. Even though it didn't seem that way at first." He said this with confidence and a soft smile. I could see he really meant what he said. I was amazed at how easily open and vulnerable he was being with me. Lysander had certainly changed.

"Then… I am glad to hear it." I said, finally sounding more normal now that the tears had managed to subside.

"Thank you…" he said. We shared a moment of silence as we stared at each other, but somehow it didn't feel awkward. Perhaps we were both taking in the fact that we had just had a very dramatic conversation and that we had been able to release a lot of pent up tension very quickly. "…Where does this all leave us now?" I asked hesitantly. He stepped closer to me, making my heart race again.

"Well, I for one would really like to start over as friends… that is, if you'll have me?" he asked blushing but serious.

"…I would like that." I said, my own cheeks burning pink. He smiled at me relieved at my acceptance. Suddenly we heard my phone ring and buzz in my pocket, startling the both of us. I quickly grabbed it and saw a text in all caps from Rosalaya.

CANDY, WHERE DE FUG ARE U BETCH?! UR MISSIN OUT ON DE PARDYYY!

She was definitely drunk but still bothered by my absence.

"It's Rosa, she is wondering where I am." I explained.

"Then we must not keep her waiting." He said. We headed back into the club together to reunite with our friends, walking side by side. I couldn't help feeling some butterflies in my stomach. It's probably just the alcohol from earlier, I thought to myself. But unbeknownst to me, deep down in my heart, there was a spark that had been reignited.