1,286Dyslexia: Language disability, many grammar and spelling mistakes ahead, you were warned.
Disclaimer: JKR owns her own work.
Summary: If Harry had gone to see his godson after the Battle of Hogwarts, could Harry abandon Teddy like he had been abandoned? And how does Andromeda Tonks deal with the death of her husband and daughter? This is a story of broken people putting each other back together. No godmoding, no time travel, no Epilogue, no Cursed Child, no moving countries. No one comes back to life EXCEPT Fred Weasley never died. In this reality, Percy Weasley tells his first joke and Percy dies. Both twins live.
KEYNOTE: There is some duplicate text from my chapter 24 of my Disorder but the following chapters will be completely new material aka lack of America, Ginny, and any future plans to time travel or move countries: if reviewers are interested? I am also thinking another Luna pairing down the line?
AN: I know I am all over the place for writing. I have been having a lot of mental blocks that I am trying to work through. Easier than Falling Asleep will be done by the end of the summer, but as for everything else… please review?
Chapter 1 - The Pits
The things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect. -Luna Lovegood, Order of the Pheonix.
A few days after the Battle of Hogwarts:
There were so many holes, some many damned holes. Harry stood alone over one twice as wide as the average pit. The tomb marker read Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks Lupin.
Bellow their names it read simply: Beloved. Mrs. Tonks had not shown up to attend the funeral. Mr. Tonks had been murdered too.
Harry wondered how Mrs. Tonks was doing, she was probably in an awful state. And then he wondered how Teddy Lupin, his godson was doing, he could only be a few months old.
Staring at the holes, the demolished castle in the distance, the bodies being lowered into their holes, and Harry was just done. The Weasleys were putting their lives in order after Percy's death, and everyone else, well they were doing some version of the same.
Hogwarts was Harry's home and his family…
He stood on the edge that pit and realized he had responsibilities, that maybe there was someone who needed him as much as Harry needed someone.
Harry knocked on the Tonks's house. No one answered. He knocked harder.
A baby began to cry and still no one answered the door.
He tried the doorknob and he was horrified when it clicked open, not even a muggle lock to stop him. He walked in calling, "Mrs. Tonks? Mrs. Tonks, are you here? It's Harry Potter."
He followed the sound of crying and he found Mrs. Tonks in kitchen swaying back and forth, her back to him as she stared out the windows.
Harry walked around her to get in her line of sight. His heart lurched when he saw the empty expression on her face. He instinctively took a step back from her. She looked so much like Bellatrix his pulse began to race. But Bellatrix was dead and this mourning widow was not an evil person.
Bellatrix Lestrange was well and truly dead, he told himself again.
"Mrs. Tonks?" Harry asked taking a step forward.
She didn't say a word, her eyes didn't so much as flick in his direction.
The swaddled baby in her arms was crying so hard he had started to hiccup.
Harry looked around the kitchen. Dirty baby bottles and formula packages dominated the countertop. The dining room table was covered with a thick blanket, baby powder, wet wipes, and clean diapers. The trash was filled with the dirty ones. Harry hesitated between the mess and the crying baby. Obviously, Mrs. Tonks had been taking care of the baby, even if she hadn't taken care of herself. She looked like she hadn't changed clothes in almost a week or fed herself. There was an open box of crackers and a half full glass of water on the counter, so she wasn't starving, but Harry wouldn't call crackers self care.
The baby quieted as he was thinking, so he started cleaning the dishes. He went back to the front and back door locking them as well as adding some basic protection charms. He returned to the kitchen and the packages of the baby formula. He prepared a few meals. Mrs. Tonks never acknowledged his presence.
He took out the trash and found a baby care book on how to change a diaper. When he was prepared as he was going to be, he found the first floor bathroom which had a shower. He made sure there were shampoo and soap and turned on the heat. He went back Mrs. Tonks standing directly in front of her. He touched her wrist and as if she were moving a great weight her dull eyes slowly moved to focus on him.
"Mrs. Tonks," Harry said softly.
Brown flat eyes stared at him, waiting.
He put his other hand under the bundle in her arms. "Let me take care of the baby. You can take a break. I turned on the shower for you."
Her eyes flicked to the bathroom, she seemed to hear the running water, and she took a half step towards it.
Harry helped lead her there, keeping a hand under the baby, his other he placed on her shoulder. When they got into the steamy room she motioned to start taking off her clothes but realized she was still holding the baby. Very carefully Harry brought his arms under hers so that they were both cradling the child.
"It's okay, Mrs. Tonks, I'm his godfather, I'm just here to help you and him," Harry said not breaking eye contact with the broken woman.
Mrs. Tonks let go of the baby, the light bundle settling into his arms like it was always meant to be there. She turned her back on him as she began to strip off her sweater and dress.
Harry cradled the baby to him as he left the bathroom. He had not had a good look at the baby until he was back in the kitchen.
His godson was tiny, with a tuft of black hair on his head and blue-eyes. He stared up at Harry and Harry's whole world swung on its axle as the blue innocent, patient eyes searched his face.
"Hi, Teddy," he whispered.
The baby blinked, which was possibly the cutest action on the planet.
Harry brought a hand up to stroke the baby's cheek.
Teddy's face scrunched up and he began to cry. Not loud but definitely pitiable.
Harry bent his head to sniff Teddy and it was his turn for a scrunched expression. He brought the baby to the table and as soon as the baby was unwrapped he stopped crying, seeming to know that he would be out of his dirty diaper soon. He shivered a bit and Harry used a charm to warm up the room.
He followed the instruction to remove the poo and clean Teddy's tender skin. Getting on the clean diaper was harder than he expected, the stupid tabs didn't line up. Teddy was perfect as Harry learned what to do, his godson patiently observing him through the whole process. Harry began talking to the infant. Explaining what he was doing and telling him that he had already warmed up his next meal and put the others in the fridge.
Harry couldn't find a new blanket so he pulled off his second layer of robes to wrap Teddy in. Careful to support the baby's head as he brought both him and the bottle into the living room.
Harry sat on the couch, bringing the bottle to the baby's mouth. Teddy eagerly drank down the formula. Harry thought he was really well behaved for a baby, but then judging by the tear tracks and the dry throat sound he had been making when Harry had first arrived at the house he might have been cried out for the evening.
Mrs. Tonks came out of the shower nearly an hour later wrapped in a bathrobe that was three times too big for her. It must have been Ted's.
She sat down beside him, her bare leg was cold against his pant leg. She must have run out of hot water.
Teddy was asleep in his arms and Harry didn't say anything to the woman who looked so much like his enemy. Her tired brown eyes looked huge in her gaunt face, her curly hair was plastered to her back, and water still dripped down her face.
"I couldn't…" she said, voice hoarse and cracking, "her, my daughter's-" She choked.
Harry waited for her to get through the thought, waited for her to put her feelings into words. They were strangers, nothing he could say would comfort her in this moment.
"I couldn't stop her from leaving. I should have never let them go," Mrs. Tonks said finally.
Harry met her eyes his expression saying he understood even if he didn't know what it meant to lose a child or a husband, he knew loss, he knew grief, and he knew regret.
"What do I do?" she asked him, she asked the universe.
"I'm here, Mrs. Tonks, for as long as you need me, I'm here, for you and Teddy," Harry said.
She was silent for a long moment looking him over. "I haven't slept."
"Take the couch, I don't need to sleep anytime soon," Harry responded. Standing so she could stretch out. He imaged the bedroom she had shared with her husband wasn't what she needed right then.
"Teddy's crib is in the second room down the hall."
"I don't mind holding him for a while longer."
She turned away from him, facing the couch back Harry found a throw blanket to cover her with before returning to the kitchen with Teddy. He held the baby through the night, feeding him when he woke crying, and he only had to change him twice more, each time getting easier -well, until he almost got peed on. Harry put Teddy down when he fell back asleep around dawn.
Harry found bread and eggs in the fridge. He made scrambled eggs and toast which seemed to summon Mrs. Tonks with her wild uncombed black hair, clutching the blanket around herself. Harry directed her back to the couch after handing her a plate of food. They ate breakfast together in the growing light of dawn in silence.
When they finished Mrs. Tonks said one word, "Stay."
Harry stayed.
Keynote: Fred and George are alive. It was Percy who died in book seven. Why? Because I can (They are my only exception).
AN: Thank you for reading! Reviewers, you are my muses as mine is on the comatose side.
