3AN: so I have written a couple stories before this one but I am still seriously hoping I do it justice because the 100 is just so great and bellarke is amazing of course. Anyway I hope you enjoy this. And feel free to check out my other 100 fic, it's called by your side and is an alternate ending to series 4.
Disclaimer: I do not own the 100.
Bellamy pov:
Escaping Mt Weather was hard, they had lost so many of his people (their people) along the way but he was determined to make sure that they were remembered the right way; not as criminals or prisoners of the ark but for who they really were, people he had fought with, people he would die for a thousand times over, people who were his family. At this point he can literally taste the freedom in the air, as he watches the survivors cross the threshold of the ark camp and he can't seem to stop his mind from wandering back to when they lived at the dropship (when things had been a hell of a lot more simple than now) and how much things had changed in such a short amount of time; they had come a long way from whatever the hell we want. He smiles slightly from where he's stood when he sees raven hand jasper his goggles, from a time much more innocent than the one they are living.
Watching the people, kids really, he led back when they needed someone to take charge; back when they used to get drunk on Monty and Jaspers homemade moonshine, he reflects on how much their little band of misfits has grown into a much bigger band of more mature delinquents who still had a penchant for causing trouble.
Munroe, Octavia, Lincoln, Harper, Miller, Jasper, Raven, Wick, Monty, (hell, even Murphy has a special place in that group) and finally Clarke: the princess, his princess. They had all been through so much in such a short space of time that to anyone who didn't know them and didn't understand them, their lives would just be a bunch of stories, through all that pain and agony though they all came out stronger and the experiences they had gone through had bonded them for life; they were all connected one way or another.
He frowned as he noticed that among the survivors he couldn't see the shock of blonde hair that belonged to the girl who had become his partner, Clarke. Turning around he fully expects to see her there with that sparkle in her eyes and the grin that makes his heart skip a beat. Instead he finds her hugging Monty with tears in her eyes and he's confused because they had made it out of that damn mountain alive and fairly intact and they were supposed to be going home; so why does it look like she's saying goodbye?
They break apart when he starts in their direction and he's worried when he sees Monty's face because the kid looks like he is going to break apart any minute, even though he was fine a second ago and dammit they are supposed to be happy for once in their meager fricken lives because they escaped and they are survivors, they beat all the odds.
From the corner of his eye he can see that Clarke still hasn't moved from her silent vigil of watching the camp, he knows something is wrong just by the look on her face, Bellamy knows her too well not to be able to notice when she looks broken, scared and confused and all he wants to do is hold her and tell her that everything is going to be fine because she has him and he will always protect her but he is still afraid she will push him away.
He can see it by the tightening around her eyes, the lines of tension in her face, the way she looks at him as if she is memorizing everything about him and the suspicious wetness on the end of her ridiculously long lashes. The urge to just grab her and make her tell him what's wrong is almost too strong to ignore but he does, barely, because he knows that the way to get her to tell him is to act normal and pretend nothing is wrong until finally she can't take it anymore and spills what she is dealing with.
''I think we deserve a drink'' he says because he decided just that minute that he needs to tell her how he feels even if she rejects him for it, he just won't be able to do it without some liquid courage first.
''Have one for me'' she replies and he needs a minute to comprehend what she is saying but when he realizes he whips his head around to Clarke silently hoping she isn't going to tell him what he thinks she is going to tell him.
''We can get through this'' he says in a matter of fact tone because they will, they always do and he'll be damned if he lets her go now.
He hears Clarke's unsteady breathing from next to him and he thinks to hell with it he was going to tell her there and then just what he thinks about what she is saying because it can't be true, it just can't and she must be joking with him, then what she says next makes his heart freeze in his chest ''I'm not coming in'' and it's almost a whisper.
''Clarke'' his tone sounds breathy and he pauses to consider what he is going to say next ''if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you'' he repeats what she said to him all that time ago when they were leaning against that tree after killing Dax, when she was telling him how much she needs him and it feels like such a lifetime ago, but he hopes and prays that she will reconsider because god, she is the only one who understands him, who doesn't care what he's done and he needs her like he needs air to breathe.
The steely glint in her eye doesn't fade and it feels like a pit has opened in the bottom of his stomach and he knows that if she leaves he will never feel whole again because she will take a piece of him with her. A part of him feels fucking betrayed because they have been through so much and now she wants to leave him after everything. But another part of him (a very small part) understands why she is leaving and he knows he will be forced to let her go, doesn't stop him from trying though ''you're forgiven'' his tone is soft like a caress against her skin.
She looks away from him for a moment and a dull ache settles in his chest that he is sure will never fade, not until she comes back to him, he knows the look she has on her face because he has seen it too many times; he knows what it means and it feels like someone has ripped his heart from his chest and is stamping on it because it hurts, it hurts so fricken much he can barely breathe from the force of it.
''Please come inside'' he is practically begging, pleading, with her now to try and get her to change her mind even though in his heart of hearts he knows it is futile, she is too damn stubborn and he finds it ironic that her stubbornness is one of the things he loves about her.
''Take care of them for me'' she replies and almost against his will he is dragged back to when it was just the 100 on the ground and they would all mess about saying that he and Clarke were the 'mum and dad' of their highly dysfunctional family and in that moment he realizes that they were right; they were like the parents of the group, the overprotective and slightly fucked up parents of the group. Things were so simple back then he thinks, back when he used to see the world in black and white, not the array of colors Clarke griffin made him discover.
''Clarke'' he starts because he knows that this may be his last chance to tell her, to let her know just how much she means to him and how he can't live without her but she cuts him off before he can even find the right words to begin.
''Seeing their faces every day, is just going to remind me what I did to get them here.''
''What we did'' he repeats in earnest desperation lacing his tone; he can't lose her ''you don't have to do this alone'' and he means it.
She turns her face away again to stare morosely at the gates of the compound and he takes a slight step forward full intending to man handle her back to camp if that's what it takes but she speaks before he can execute his plan.
''I bear it so they don't have to'' she's so strong, so, so strong and so beautiful and he thinks he may have just fallen in love with her even more than he already was, if that is even humanely possible because he would give her the world if she asked for it.
''I don't know'' she says and his mind starts racing trying to come up with any excuse to lure her back to safety and why she has to stay, when suddenly she reaches forward and hugs him placing a wet kiss on his cheek and he freezes for a moment in shock before he hugs her back. He is lost, lost in her scent, her hair, her everything and he clings to her small body with all he has; understanding that if he lets her go he could lose her, but he remembers what his mother had told him once 'if you love something set it free and if it comes back to you; it's yours' he hadn't understood at the time but as he stared at the face of the girl he loved- he knew it was true. The problem was Bellamy had never been the sort of person to let someone go.
''May we meet again'' she whispers in his ear and he knows he has to let her go now otherwise he never will, even if it breaks his heart to do so.
She takes a step back from him and it feels like she is taking his heart with her, he is distantly aware that he is breathing heavily in an effort to keep the tears at bay because he can feel the prickling at the back of his eyes and he needs to be strong, for her. He keeps his head down not being able to watch the women he loves with everything he has walk away from him because he knows without a doubt that if he sees her walk away he will follow her- hell he'd follow to the ends of the earth just to see that smile on her face. Go through hell for her- he already had.
''May we meet again'' he repeats and it sounds like a promise.
He is halfway back to the gate when a sort of stubborn fury rises up within him- the likes of which he hadn't felt since they first landed.
Turning his head slightly Bellamy sees Clarke near the tree line and it takes him only a moment to change his mind.
''Screw this'' he growls and then he is racing towards her, running as fast as he can to catch up with the blonde before she disappears.
''Clarke'' he shouts as he gets closer; his voice sounding half strangled.
She turned just as he reached her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion ''Bellamy, what-'' she started but he didn't give her a chance to finish.
Grabbing her, Bellamy brought her face to his; claiming her lips in a harsh unforgiving kiss- she resisted at first but then gave in matching his ferocity with renewed vigor.
''I'm not perfect Clarke'' Bellamy stated as they broke apart, his breath fanning across her face as he rested his forehead on hers ''I'm no prince charming. I'm impatient, quick to anger, have a temper- among other things but most of all I'm selfish; I take what I want, when I want'' his voice went softer and belatedly he realized Clarke was playing with the strands of hair at the back of his neck ''and I want you.''
''Bellamy-'' she whispered.
''There are a whole list of reasons why we won't work, a whole list of reasons why I'm bad for you but not of that matters- what does is that you made me a better man'' he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and Clarke awarded him with a watery smile ''you took that hard headed delinquent who cared for nothing other than his sister and you changed him- you made me care, you made me realize my mistakes, you forgave me for every stupid thing I'd done and somewhere along the way I fell in love with you'' he declared and Clarke gasped.
''Bell-''
''I don't want you to just say you love me because of the circumstances- I want you to know in your heart that I'm the one for you; the one you can't live without.''
Clarke tugged on his hair and met his brown eyes with her blues ''Bellamy Blake'' she stated strongly ''I love you, I truly, wholeheartedly love you.'' She stated strongly and pressed her lips to his gently.
''Good'' he said ''because I'm never letting you out of my sight again.''
The blonde laughed softly for a moment before answering ''I can't go back there Bellamy- I can't live under their rules.''
''Then we don't'' he said simply ''we gather those of the 100 who want to come with us and we find a place of our own- build our own kingdom; together.''
''Are you sure Bellamy?'' she asked worrying her lip between her teeth.
''I've never been more sure of anything in my life.''
Clarke launched herself at him and the two opposing forces met in a heated kiss; fire and water tangling in an almost deadly dance- fighting for dominance and embracing with such passion it was almost criminal.
A vow was sealed in that moment, a promise that for evermore they would face the future head on and most importantly…
They would face it together.
AN: so guys what do you think, please let me know, I love to hear your feedback. So please read and review.
The majority of this chapter was actually written about a year ago for another fic I was going to write but that I never finished, but I guess it's also kind of a good thing I didn't otherwise we wouldn't have this.
