"Yo, DP!"

Danny looked up from the book he was reading to face a familiar person floating towards him. Not everyone will call him a person, though. After all, a one eyed living dorito with a tie and hat, having no mouth but somehow being able to talk more than average person...this isn't what you see daily. If you aren't Phantom.

"Hey, Bill," he said nonchalantly, before returning back to his reading. His tone clearly stated that he wasn't planning on starting the conversation. But Danny knew it was fruitless, it always was. And he was right, Bill ignored his tone yet again and floated closer. Phantom made an interesting assumption - the smaller magical creature is, it becomes equally more annoying. Cypher was quarter his size, which made him four times annoying.

What could be said about Bill? Besides the fact that he breaks the laws of reality by being two-dimensional yellow triangle. An utterly insane maniac, he is. How old he was, Danny guessed that Bill must have been at least older than dollar. The fact that his face is seen more often than presidents on the front side was his personal pride.

What hobbies he has? Tormenting humans in their dreams for the most part, Freddie Krueger wannabe. When Danny mentioned this fact to Mr. Dorito, he actually broke laughing and said that Krueger was his creation, his child, the last thing sounded really weird. Danny was glad that he doesn't need to sleep. Phantom always gave the demon benefit of doubt, since most of his stories were hard to believe. Speaking of, spending time with 'DP' was his another favorite hobbie. He didn't dare to torment anyone in the Ghost Zone, his power was that of a fly there, comparing to the power of ghosts, maybe ectoplasm in the air interfered, but Bill kept telling that he possesses an incredible power out of this world. He once invited Danny for tea, but he politely disagreed.

There were no proves of his power, since Bill was only in four places: his domain, Human World, namely some little town, which name Phantom couldn't recall, and around Phantom himself. However, Danny decided to keep Cypher in check, in case he decides to take over the world. That happened AFTER Bill decided to be Phantom's BFF, without the last one's agreement. Maybe it had something to do with protection, since, again, he has a little to no power in ghosts' world, and hanging around one of the most powerful ones surely grants him that protection.

And though Cypher talked 24/7, Phantom had fun in company of the dream demon. Oh, Skulker will remember what they had done for eternity. It was funny when he wasn't interrupting his personal time. In that moments Danny found Bill's companionship rather annoying and driving to the point of insanity.

"DP!" Bill squealed. If that sound escaping his nonexistent mouth could be considered a squeal, "How you are doing, buddy?"

"Just fine," Danny answered, before getting up from his soft sofa and floating towards the highest bookshelf. He needs to pay a visit to Ghostwriter soon. Phantom glanced back at his friend, "You?"

"Everything is just perfect! I have a new magnificent story for ya!" Danny prepared himself for a story full of insanity. He shuddered inwardly. That story about blood, intrigues, decapitated head and a lot of cheese was stuck in his head for the rest of his afterlife.

"Oh, is that so?" Danny asked curiously, without looking back and picking another book.

"Yeeeep!" Bill flopped on Phantom's black haired head, after becoming smaller in size. Danny would have shaken it in amusement, but his head now had a passenger. Bill didn't weight anything at all, so it wasn't bothering. "Guess what it is about?"

"Hm, let me thiink," Danny said longingly, tapping on his chin with his finger, "It has something to do with that 'Pine tree', am I right?"

"How did you know that?" Bill said pitifully, kicking hair out of the place with his small leg.

"Pal, everything you are talking about lately are about 'Pine tree', 'Shooting star' and other guys with that weird nicknames. I start to feel like I'm being replaced," he said with fake hurt.

"Oh, no need to be such a drama queen, DP, you know I can't help but be entertained by this petty humans. They are so interesting to play with!"

"Dude, aren't you forgetting something?"

"What, I do not...oh. You are half-human, riight, how could I forget. Don't worry, poor soul," he patted Danny on head, "you can always fix this thing..."

"Sorry pal, masochism is your thing, I like myself the way I am," Bill huffed and muttered 'narcissist'. "Now when we talk about this, you have never actually called me by name, why so?"

"Force of habit, I guess," he sighed unenthusiastically, waving his hand and getting in sitting position. Danny meanwhile returned on the sofa with a book in his hand.

"So what's the story?" Bill immediately brightened, if change of the form of his eye was any indication.

"Okaay, where did I stop last time...Ah, yeah. So, the laptop they found in that creepy bunker. Question mark somehow repaired it, but can you imagine? There was a password, a veery long password with eight letters. Pine Tree tried to solve what the password was. And I'm telling you, he couldn't guess it in a million years."

"And what was the password?" Danny asked, turning over the page of the book.

"He, he," ghost teen raised eyebrow, and seeing his confusion Bill continued. "I'm getting to it, buddy, be patient. You know what a kind and generous soul I am, so I offered him a simple solution. I will give him a few tips in exchange for a smaal favor," he showed how small the favor was with his tiny fingers. "The favor was giving me a puppet."

"That already sounds evil," Bill gasped.

"How could you, DP, how could you know me so well?!" He broke out laughing, floating up in the air. "Anyways, Shooting Star got yet another crush, I already added this one to the list of her failed romances," a list appeared in his hands, and glasses, monocle, something in between, appeared as he read, "yep, added. Name is Gabe, handsome, but maybe too girly in my opinion, what guys have a ponytail?" Danny coughed. Bill looked back and saw a low ponytail of black hair. "Stop embarrassing me, DP. You are interrupting. So, looks like Shooting Star has a thing for weirdos, eesh, romance with half fish is something to behold. This time it is a guy obsessed with sock puppets."

"Hm," Phantom agreed, not turning his eyes from the book.

"And Shooting Star lies to him that she is obsessed with puppets as well. And you know what happens in those situations, we both had watched this kind of movies. She convinced Pine Tree so he would help her with making puppets. He agreed, but she kinda forgets about her part of the bargain quite fast. AND THEY DARE TO CALL ME A CHEATER!" He literally became red in anger.

"Cause you are, dude," Danny said before Bill instantly became calm again.

"If I had a mouth there will be a pout, DP."

"Ancients forbid you from having a mouth," Phantom answered sarcastically, turning over the page.

"Changing the topic! So Pine Tree was making puppets at daytime, while trying to crack the password at night. He started to look like a child of coffee and death. He lacked sleep. So I granted him it once he blinked and we had a small chit chat in his dream."

"Why every your phrase must have a double meaning?" Bill ignored Danny's remark.

"Well, I already told you about the offer. Though, being the smart cookie he was, Pine Tree instantly became suspicious. He was still angry at me for trying to blow up his granduncle's mind. Oh don't give me that look, DP. I was bound by the deal I made at the moment, I was merely doing my job. Pine Tree refused my generosity, however. But, he became quite desperate once the laptop threatened to destroy all the files in five minutes. Desperate people do a lot of silly things. When I offered him a tip in exchange for a puppet, he thought I meant one of the sock puppets!"

"And by that you meant him," Danny's lips formed a thin line.

"Oh, that's why I like and hate you, DP, you always see the catch. You are right, by puppet I actually meant him," Phantom shook his head, earning a surprised yelp, as dorito fell off and landed on the sofa face down. He got on his legs and grew up to his usual size. "That was rude."

"Like you are the one to teach me morals, you are in the middle of the story how you tricked and possessed a kid. But...go on."

"Aww, you are such a sweetheart. First thing I did was smashing the laptop so he will not get any information..."

"You could just let the laptop delete those files," Bill raised his finger to argue, but stopped. Danny got the point.

"No arguing here. But smashing things is so funny! Anyways, it felt nice to be in a physical body again. I almost forgot how pain feels. It is hilarious!"

"Haha, if you want, I can beat the crap out of you."

"Eh," Bill sighed sadly, completely missing a sarcasm, "thanks for the offer, buddy, but I can't feel a thing right now. So, Pine Tree's body was so small, it felt awesome slapping him...me...slapping his body I was in. I got bored soon enough, though, so I jumped down the stairs!"

Phantom looked up from his book and stared blankly at the dream dorito. Bill noticed the slight narrowing of his eyes. That long scar over his left pale eye made Phantom look rather intimidating. Bill laughed nervously.

"Can I go on?" He asked in a high voice.

"Get closer to the end," Bill's shoulders sank.

"Okay, there was that fight with Shooting Star, when I tried to burn the journal. Pine Tree interacted with her by possessing his sock puppet," Danny raised his eyebrow. "When I forced him out he became a spirit. That sock puppet was creepy, I even brought it to you!" Bill took out the named puppet and Phantom jumped slightly once he looked at it. Bill was right, this was the most creepy puppet he had seen. "Oh, Bill, you are so smart and so evil geniused," the puppet said. Bill changed his voice, and with the absence of mouth he didn't need to be a ventriloquist. "I know, Pine Tree, no need to state the obvious." Phantom coughed and Bill set the puppet on blue fire, "Noooo!" The puppet screamed in agony, before turning into ash.

"Pine Tree's body was weak," Bill continued his story. "And it exhausted itself rather quickly. It was the weakness they used to...to beat me," a small fake tear came from his eye as he sobbed.

"Congratulations, you were beaten by a thirteen years old kids. Again."

"You are a big meanie Phantom. My pride was hurt that day, but soon, I will avenge my years of..."

"Jeez, you sound like Box Ghost."

"Even if I hate Pine Tree, and he is almost nothing without his journal..."

"Then you were beaten by nothing."

"STOP INTERRUPTING!" He became red again, "Pine Tree is a cunning little thing, and insanely lucky. And with that damned Stanford's journal he becomes smarter as well. He learns the ways to beat us and our species. Heck, he would probably figure out your disguise quickly."

"I don't think so. I fooled an entire world for two years and no one figured out yet. You are just overdramatizing so your defeat wouldn't look so pitiful."

"How dare you," Phantom only shrugged, before getting up and picking up a chalk. "No, you are not getting out so easily," Bill floated in front of his face. I'm NOT overdramatizing! You know what, how about we make a bet," Danny stopped drawing something on the floor and looked up.

"A bet?"

"Yeah, bet that you will be able to maintain your identity in secret from Pine Tree for the rest of the summer," Phantom hummed, continuing his drawing.

"And what's the prize?" He asked.

"If you win, I will stop bothering you when you don't need my entertaining company."

"Hm, sounds good to me. But. What if you win?"

"Well, nothing really, a small, such unimportant little thing, Reality Gauntlet."

"No."

"What? Why, you hate this thing!"

"I do, but only the person as insane as you will let you have it."

"Hm, then maybe you show me that thing you keep in the place no dead or alive will be able to get into?"

Phantom stopped. That was probably even more important than the Reality Gauntlet. However, Danny doubted that Bill will be able to do anything with that thing. After all, Cypher doesn't even know what is in there. Plus, Phantom will certainly benefit from it. Danny looked up and saw that Bill already outstretched his hand for a handshake, with his palm setting on blue fire. He took it and shook.

"Oh, marvelous! Tomorrow I'll show you the way to Gravity Falls, have a good day for now!" Bill let go of Danny's hand, but the ghost teen still held it.

"Now listen here, Bill. You are not allowed in anyway to interfere. You can't tell him, you can't write to him, you can't tell anyone so they will tell that to 'Pine Tree'. You are not allowed to possess anyone to tell him, nor leave any kind of message. You can't create the situations which will force me to reveal myself and you don't appear with me in public," Bill's 'shoulders' anked further and further with every loophole Danny closed. "Got it?"

"Eesh, DP, you really are a party ruiner. Fine," Danny let go of the demon. Bill finally looked on the floor and saw the drawing. "What are you..." he looked up, and to his horror Danny stood there with a special book. "DP..." Phantom grinned toothily.

"Komencu..."

"Don't do this..."

"Eterne..."

"We are friends, aren't we?"

"Demono!" Phantom finished incantation and the drawings glowed with bright green light. Bill started to swirl.

"Aaaaah, I feel like being flushed to the tooooileeet!"

And with that last scream the dream dorito disappeared. Danny grinned triumphantly, before closing the book and looking down. He needs to clean up the floor.

A.N. Read 'A tedious friendship with a dream dorito'. I got my inspiration from there.