Those of you who have been fans of my work for a while now know to expect certain things from my stories, especially those featuring those goofballs, the Royal Knights.

This is not one of those stories.

This is something new.

This is a bit of an experiment for me, so hopefully I do a good job of it. And I hope you enjoy it, because this story is a bit outside my usual bailiwick. Let's see how I handle it, shall we?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

Alphamon's head hurt.

There were a variety of reasons for this. It could be because he had a hangover, as he often did these days, having spent most of his evening drinking himself into a stupor to try and forget, for just a little while, the unending shitshow that was his life.

It could be because the lights in his office were always too bright and hurt his eyes, but no matter how many times he put in a requisition for new lights, nothing ever changed.

It could be because Dynasmon had 'accidentally' thrown a football at his head earlier that day, and a part of Alphamon was hoping he had a concussion, because it would be an excuse to leave work early. Or possibly die. More and more these days, he was praying for the latter to occur, because it was the only possible escape could see from this hell.

Or, it could also be because of the sheer amount of paperwork on his desk. He could swear that it was multiplying, because no matter how many forms he filled out, there always seemed to be more of them when he was finished for the day then there were going in.

There were always bills to pay, because despite what some of his subordinates seemed to think, it cost a lot of money to keep this operation afloat, and it didn't help when they were so careless in their actions, nor did it help that their budget was so meager to begin with, especially since Yggdrasil seemed to delight in taking any opportunity to slash funding for the weakest of excuses, but that was just scratching the surface of what he had to deal with.

Omnimon's therapy to deal with his occasional split personality problem from being an imperfect DNA Digivolution was getting more expensive, especially since it was no longer covered by their health insurance. Another of Craniamon's experiments had failed spectacularly and blown up a good chunk of his lab and part of their headquarters, and the construction crew was going to charge extra this time for having to keep coming out here so regularly. Crusadermon had decided to paint murals in several of the hallways, which might not be so bad if she hadn't accidentally used incredibly toxic paint and a number of personnel had already died from the fumes. Gankoomon had broken the training hall, again, and the suppliers were charging an arm and a leg to replace everything. Magnamon had put in a requisition for new armor, since his most recent set had exploded again, and his lawyers were still demanding a sizable sum in restitution for their nearly killing him for contracting the X-Antibody.

And speaking of lawyers, more and more angry husbands were suing Examon for seducing their wives (Which was preposterous. Not that Alphamon was disputing that Examon had slept with all those women; it was just that the Dragon was too friendly and awkward to even think of seducing anyone without getting incredibly flustered. More likely they were just sad, lonely housewives who were desperate for any sort of affection, since they certainly weren't getting it from their cheating spouses), and the court fees were piling up. Kentaurosmon had still failed to find a new home for his Reppamon 'nieces and nephews', and the rowdy Champions were eating them out of house and home and the cleaning staff were threatening to quit from all the messes they were being forced to pick up. Jesmon had wasted millions on a scammer taking advantage of his gullibility to convince him to give money to help a deposed Digerian Prince take the throne. Leopardmon was fervently petitioning for another new name change, though privately, Alphamon suspected that even if he did get a new one, Dynasmon would still find a reason to make fun of it, and nothing would change.

And as for Dynasmon…

Well, Dynasmon was responsible for more than half of his paperwork and then some. Not for the first time, Alphamon longed for his old comrade, the first Dynasmon, who had been there when the Royal Knights were first formed. Now he had been a hero worthy of the title of Paladin. Such a pity how his successors had disgraced his legacy, especially the current Dynasmon, who was the worst they'd ever had. And unfortunately, despite all the regulations he had broken, all the lawsuits that had been leveled against him, all the terrible, awful, stupid things he'd done, Alphamon couldn't fire him because they just had to have a Dynasmon in the ranks according to their charter, and Alphamon couldn't help worrying that his replacement might somehow be worse.

And then Gallantmon...hadn't done anything, actually. He never did. A part of Alphamon was grateful, another was frustrated. His sheer purity and incorruptibility only served to throw a spotlight on how flawed and pitiful the rest of them were. It was very unfair of him, really. How dare he consistently be better than everyone else!

Alphamon would spend most, if not all of the day, tackling this mountain of paperwork, of bills and taxes and requisition forms and court summons. And then he would go home, to his lonely, empty quarters, drink himself into a stupor, and come back the next day to repeat the process, except there would be even more paperwork waiting to deal with whatever moronic stunt his underlings had committed during the hours he'd foolishly taken his eyes off them to try and get some rest.

Maybe the Demon Lords would challenge them to a fight where absolutely nothing would happen and the situation would take care of itself. Maybe Yggdrasil would tell them to go to some important political or diplomatic event just so they could stand there and look pretty in front of the cameras, or order them to go out and commit some kind of pointless errand or atrocity for petty, selfish reasons. Maybe Gallantmon or any of the others who still believed that there was hope for the future of their order, to return to the old ways when they actually righted wrongs and did things like a proper knight should, would come up with yet another attempt to try and whip the rest into shape, only to fail miserably. Alphamon didn't know why they kept trying. He'd given up ages ago.

This was his life; an unending series of gray days staring at paperwork for so long the lines begin to blur together and he started to go cross eyed, punctuated by moments of frantic chaos usually instigated by Dynasmon or one of the others, pathetic attempts by Lucemon or some other would-be villain to try and take over the world, and more and more ways for Yggdrasil to humiliate him in public and further grind his self-esteem into the dirt. It had been like this for longer than he could remember, and would continue on into the foreseeable future. There was no chance of change. No hope for something new. No hope, period.

Alphamon stared at the form in front of him; certain that he'd already filled it out, or one almost exactly like it, several hundred times before. Not for the first time, he wondered if his armor would protect him from being crushed should the towers of documents collapse on him. He dearly hoped it wouldn't.

He tried to pick up his pen to sign the form in front of him (which was either a request to add creamed corn to the cafeteria menu or another sexual harassment accusation against Dynasmon), only to discover that his hand would not respond to his mental commands. Is it finally happening? He wondered after a few more attempts to move resulted in failure. Have I finally lost the will to live, and the motivation to do anything? I'm surprised it took so long. Well, I guess it had to happen sooner or later.

There was a knock on the door. He didn't say anything, and wasn't sure if he could muster the drive to do so in the first place. Go away, he prayed. Leave me alone, so that I might die here in this chair, surrounded by these testaments to my failure to keep this organization from becoming a hollow shell of what it used to be. Leave me be, so that I may die, and be reunited with my old comrades. They'll probably be pissed at me, but honestly, I'd take them over most of the jokers I deal with on a regular basis any day.

The interloper didn't go away. In fact, they opened the door and brazenly entered the office. Well, that's just rude, Alphamon thought, offended.

The intruder was a beast-like Digimon wrapped in blue bandages over most of its body. It had two large legs and two arms, each of which had three long, red claws, as well as a large, saurian tail. The fur around the base of its neck was blue while the fur on its back and the back of its head was black. It had two black, pointed ears with blue tips and two large wings with large screws at the wrist joint. It had spiked metal braces on its arms, legs, and tail with screws at the base of the tail and wires emerging from the tip while its face was covered by a metal mask with a grill in the front. On its brow was a diamond-shaped purple-blue gem, indicated to be an old-style interface.

Oh great, a DexDorugamon, Alphamon thought in disgust. I hate those guys. Think that just because their line makes up most of Yggdrasil's personal guard means they can get away with anything up to and including murder, and believe that nobody can touch them because they've got that stupid tree backing them. I wonder how they'd feel if they realized just how little their master actually cared about them? He frowned internally. Hmm, but who's the kid? I don't recognize her species…

The DexDorugamon had not entered his office alone. Dragged on a leash at his side was a rather young Digimon, one he didn't recognize. She was a bipedal cat-like creature with orange fur on most of her body, and white on her snout, paws, and inner ears, as well as a white mane. She had many black spots on her head fur. She had green eyes with cross-shaped pupils, as well as a tail, and two scarf-like appendages on each neck. Both the tail and the scarf-like appendages had multiple black "Xs" on them, and an X-shaped protrusion on its end. She also had white hexagonal crystals with golden borders on her forelegs. She was covered in an alarming number of scars and bruises, and from the expression on her face and the way she was trembling, it was clear she was utterly terrified and completely miserable, an emotion Alphamon could sympathize with. He felt pretty despondent just being in the presence of the DexDorugamon. There was something else off about her, though… He could sense a strange power emanating from her, one far beyond her small frame, something that felt… Dangerous. And yet, familiar.

Interesting, Alphamon thought to himself. Out loud, he said, "DexDorugamon. What an unexpected surprise. If I'd known ahead of time that one of the Almighty Yggdrasil's envoys would darken my doorstep, I'd have cleaned up a little."

"Alphamon. How nice to see that your exalted throne still fits you as well as ever," the Ghost Digimon sneered in reply.

Alphamon growled at that. Both of them knew that his desk chair was far too small and flimsy to comfortably seat a Digimon of Alphamon's bulk and weight, and his Sisyphean attempts to get a replacement were the stuff of bureaucratic legend, or perhaps horror stories. "Let yourself in," he retorted. "Oh, wait, you already did. That was rather impolite."

"Yes, well, you didn't answer when I knocked," DexDorugamon said with a shrug.

"And instead of checking to make sure that I wasn't in the middle of something so that you wouldn't disturb me in the middle of important business, you just barged right in. So good to see that your kind still possesses as much tact as ever," Alphamon shot back.

DexDorugamon burst into laughter. "Important business? You?" His whole body convulsed with laughter, foot stamping the ground hard enough to dent it, the young Digimon at his side gasping as her leash kept getting tugged on.

Alphamon fumed impotently. "Yes, fine, both of us know that I'm a complete and utter joke. Say your piece and get out of here. What is it that's so important you figured it was fine to drag your latest underaged sex toy into my office, anyway? Want to show her that if she shuts up and gives you oral when asked, she can avoid my horrible fate?"

DexDorugamon sighed theatrically. "The constant attempts of you lesser beings to try and impugn our virtue with spurious accusations of all manner of atrocities never ceases to confound me." He smiled ghoulishly. "And even if any one of those rumors were true, what would be wrong with that? As Yggdrasil's chosen servants, surely every action we take is by definition pure and good, and our motivations for doing them far beyond the ken of such simpleminded creatures as yourself."

"I notice you didn't actually deny that she was your plaything," Alphamon pointed out.

"As a matter fact, she isn't," DexDorugamon admitted, and the hint of regret in his tone was enough to send shivers of disgust down Alphamon's back. "She is, however, the reason why I am here. Her name is Meicoomon, and it is our sovereign's wish that you… Take care of her."

Alphamon glanced at the unfamiliar Digimon, who looked even more frightened now, warily. "Is that supposed to be a euphemism for something? Because I swore that after the last time-"

"Not in this instance, no," DexDorugamon corrected him. "I'm amused you still seem to think that you can deny Yggdrasil any requests He might make of you, though. No, He desires that you actually take care of her. As in, raise her as your child."

Alphamon blinked. That was certainly not what he expected. "You… Want me to raise a child? But I don't know the first thing about being a parent! If you want someone to adopt the kid, why don't you give her to someone who has actual parenting experience? I mean, Gallantmon is married and has two kids and a bunch of foster children, UlforceVeedramon practically raised Magnamon – – for all the good it's done him – – Kentaurosmon is basically the caretaker of all those irritating Reppamon infesting headquarters, and Gankoomon is probably the closest thing to a parent Jesmon has… Which makes the fact that Jesmon still seems to have a massive crush on him more than a little creepy."

"Oh no, none of them could possibly do the job," DexDorugamon said smoothly. "They have too much… Compassion," he said in disgust, as if it were a vile curse.

Alphamon stared at DexDorugamon, uncomprehending. "I'm… Sorry?"

"All those Knights you mentioned are too… Gentle and caring to give Meicoomon the upbringing she deserves," DexDorugamon sneered. "We considered Dynasmon and Crusadermon, but we want the girl to grow up, not die of neglect. And if we gave her to Craniamon, the risk is too high of her dying due to some terrible lab accident, or worse, he finds a way to… Undo what makes her so very special. No, you're perfect for the role, since you hate everyone and everything, and any love for others you might have once possessed has long since withered away to bitter resentment and apathy at best. As such, you will give Meicoomon the childhood she deserves… One full of contempt and cold indifference."

There was a creaking sound. It took Alphamon a moment to realize it was because his fingers were digging into the desk hard enough to carve furrows into it. "You… You want me to raise her because… You think I'll abuse her?!" he asked incredulously.

"Not think. Expect," DexDorugamon said cruelly as Meicoomon whimpered. "If you truly lack the stomach to give her the, ah, discipline she deserves, I suppose being a distant and uncaring parent who deprives her of any form of love or affection will suffice. Still, you do have such a very hard and stressful job, so always keep in mind that if you ever feel the need to vent, well… Why bother wasting money on stress toys when you have something more, ah, resilient within arm's reach?" He smiled lasciviously. "And of course, whenever the loneliness of your hollow, miserable life gets too much for you, and you don't want to spend money on a cheap whore, you can always take the child to bed and-"

In a sudden motion, Alphamon surged to his feet, flipping the desk off the ground and onto the startled DexDorugamon, crushing him against the floor as paper flew everywhere. As the Ghost Digimon gasped in surprise and tried to shake the desk off of himself, Alphamon grabbed his computer and smashed it against DexDorugamon's head, again and again and again, until the monitor broke. DexDorugamon cried out in pain, part of his mask caved in and one of his eyes swollen shut, and struggled to crawl away from Alphamon, but the Knight stomped down on his leg, causing him to shriek as he started applying pressure to it. "What… What do you think you're doing?! You dare to attack an envoy of-"

Alphamon interrupted him by stamping down hard enough on the leg to break it, causing DexDorugamon to howl in agony. "Oh, quit it already. You're no holy emissary or chosen one or whatever you disgusting patchwork freaks call yourselves, you're nothing more than petty thugs hiding behind the biggest bully in the Digital World. You're certainly no angels, especially with wings like these!" He snarled, grabbing DexDorugamon's wings, and beginning to pull.

"S-stop!" DexDorugamon cried desperately, yelping in pain. "Think about what you're doing! If you continue to harm me, Yggdrasil will-"

"What? Make my life hell? Too late, it already is!" Alphamon retorted, pulling harder. "And besides, I don't think there is anything he can do to me that's worse than having to listen to Dynasmon singing!"

"N-no… Please…" DexDorugamon whimpered.

"Here's a hard truth for you: absolutely nobody in the entire Digital World respects you. The only reason they're scared of you is because they're worried that Yggdrasil will come down on their heads if they don't give you everything you ask for, and if it weren't for that, they wouldn't give you the time of day. But I know what Yggdrasil is really like, and that he doesn't give a shit what happens to you little bastards," Alphamon growled. "So when you go crawling back to your master, whining about how the big bad Knight beat you up, I want you to take a picture of his face and send it to me. I could use a good laugh."

With a furious roar, he ripped off at DexDorugamon's wings, causing the undead dragon to bellow at ear-splitting volumes. Alphamon casually tossed the wings aside as they disintegrated into data and kicked the weeping DexDorugamon in the stomach, nudging him towards the door. "Now get out of here, you filthy animal, before I put you down like the diseased freak you are. And when you complain to your boss about how the big scary knight gave you an owie, tell him that Alphamon, for all his faults, is not and never will be a kiddie-fucker or abuser!"

Sobbing and spluttering hollow promises of vengeance, DexDorugamon dragged himself out of the office, leaving a trail of leaking data and certain unmentionable fluids in his wake. Alphamon stared after him, grinning in exultation. That had felt incredible. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so energized, so alive! Sure, he was probably going to get in trouble for this, but it'd been worth it. Hell, he should've done this years ago! He should have-

There was a muffled yelp and the sound of scattering paper, and Alphamon turned to see that Meicoomon, eyes wide in terror, had slipped and fallen in some paperwork while trying to back away from him, quivering in fright. The (alleged) leader of the Royal Knights suddenly realized that he had violently beaten and dismembered another Digimon in front of a small, clearly abused child, and he still had its data and fluids on his hands.

"Um. Okay," he said, raising his hands non-threateningly, causing the feline to flinch back. "Don't worry. I'm not… I'm not going to hurt you. All those things that piece of shit said, all the things he was encouraging me to do, I'm not going to do them."

"… Why not?" Meicoomon whispered after him.

Alphamon blinked. "What do you mean, 'why not?'"

"Everyone else does," Meicoomon said softly, staring at him with a mix of terror and, maybe, a small bit of hope.

"… Everyone… Everyone else…" Alphamon shook his head, out of his depth. "Okay, I… I've absolutely no idea what I'm doing here. I'm… I'm going to get a friend of mine over here, okay? He's… He's better with children. Loves them. Not in that way!" He added quickly when horror flashed across her face. "And he… He's not going to hurt you either, okay? He'd kill himself before he harms a child. His wife too. They're both good people."

"That's what Miss Swanmon said back at Primary Village," Meicoomon said quietly as Alphamon carefully picked his way through the paper littering the floor looking for his phone, which had been flung across the office when he'd violently overturned his desk.

"Yeah, that sounds about right. Swanmon are very caring and nurturing Digimon. Would never abuse a child," Alphamon agreed as he located his phone and bent down to pick up.

"She did," Meicoomon whispered so quietly he almost didn't hear it.

Alphamon froze, hand inches away from the phone as he processed this. Fuck. What had he just gotten himself into?

I really, really hope Gallantmon knows what to do, the leader of the Royal Knights thought as he picked up the phone and hit the speed dial for the other Knight. He's way better with kids than me...