27It was six months after the war had ended, and Sakura was walking home from her job at the hospital. She turned a corner and noticed Naruto leaning against a wall across from a training field, seemingly lost in thought.
At the end of the war, Sakura had difficulty connecting with either Sasuke or Naruto. Sasuke had told her that he needed space and that he would see her when he returned. She watched him leave with a smile, happy that he was a changed person, but feeling no closer to him than she was previously. Naruto had told her that he was going to start focusing on training to become Hokage, feeling like an important chapter of his life had come to an end. Though Team 7 had been reunited, the pinkette felt more distant from both of them than ever before.
Though she still saw Naruto, she wasn't able to spend anywhere near as much time with him as she used to. It had been a week since she last saw him and she sorely missed his company. She occasionally saw him with Hinata. She didn't get the impression that they were very close yet, but she wished Naruto would spend that time with her instead. He had been such a close friend to her, but ever since the war ended, she could feel a distance growing between them. She knew that as time passed, Naruto was shutting himself off from her. But she didn't know what to do about it as she walked up to him.
"Hey, Naruto."
Naruto turned his head and noticed her for the first time. He smiled weakly.
"Oh, hi, Sakura."
Sakura raised an eyebrow.
"Just Sakura? You aren't calling me Sakura-chan anymore?"
"Yeah, I guess it's not really appropriate anymore. I've been hearing things."
Sakura looked at Naruto with a confused expression.
"But, Naruto... We've been friends for such a long time. Why does it matter what other people think of how you address me?"
Naruto looked away, seeming somewhat troubled as well.
"I don't know. It's not like I call Hinata Hinata-chan. And I guess since you're waiting for Sasuke to come back, I'm not supposed to be like that towards you."
Sakura thought about this. She supposed that this explanation made sense. But she wondered what this whole thing meant to Naruto.
"Well, it doesn't sound right to me. Wait, have you ever called any other girl by -chan?"
Naruto's eyes moved up and to the left as he pondered this. He met Sakura's gaze again before replying.
"No, I don't think I ever have."
"I don't let anyone else call me that, either. I remember back in the day, I tried to get you to stop, but you never did. So I just got used to it."
Naruto grinned sheepishly. Sakura couldn't resist smiling as well.
"Hehe... Sorry about that."
"It's fine, Naruto. Like I said, it sounds strange if you don't."
"I guess I made it a habit."
The pinkette narrowed her eyes at Naruto.
"Even now, this is weird. Normally you say my name often when we're talking. But since you aren't used to saying just 'Sakura', you haven't been saying it at all. It's strange to not hear Sakura-chan from you. Why did you start calling me that anyway?"
He stared blankly back at her.
"Sakura-chan... You know why."
"Well, tell me anyway."
"Because I had a crush on you. I really liked you."
Sakura nodded. She was well aware of this fact. Naruto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"So you started calling me that because you liked me, but now it's just out of habit?"
The blonde looked somewhat surprised at the question. He waited a few seconds before replying.
"No... I don't think it's only out of habit."
"Well, why else do you do it, then?"
Naruto sighed. After a moment, he regarded Sakura with a sad smile.
"I guess it's because... You're special to me."
Sakura's eyes widened. She looked at him seriously and spoke in a soft voice.
"What do you mean by special?"
Naruto's smile slowly morphed into something more genuine as he thought about how to respond.
"I mean that no one else is really like you, Sakura-chan. To me, you're amazing at everything you do and I love being around you."
Sakura stared at him in shock for a few moments, gears turning inside her head. Naruto watched her nervously.
"Naruto... You're special to me too..."
Naruto's smile took on sad characteristics again.
"That's nice of you to say, Sakura-chan."
Sakura looked at Naruto with an expression that was half annoyed and the other half devastated.
"No... I mean it...! You're irreplaceable for me... It... It always makes me happy when you call me Sakura-chan. I never want that to change. Why can't you keep calling me Sakura-chan? Why does it feel like we're saying goodbye?"
Naruto flinched, but kept smiling at her painfully.
"I don't think things can stay the same, Sakura-chan. We'll always be friends, but we're supposed to walk our own paths now."
The annoyance faded and Sakura just looked devastated.
"But... I don't want to leave you."
Naruto's sad smile faded and he frowned at her.
"Sakura-chan... I don't get it. Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?"
Sakura gave him an exasperated look.
"I... don't know! All I know is that I don't like this! You're telling me that you have to distance yourself from me because of, I assume, Hinata and Sasuke-kun. I'm saying I don't want you to do that!"
"But... I have to."
Sakura was surprised to feel tears welling up in her eyes.
"Why? Why do you have to?"
"Because... Can't you just accept it? It's not something we can change, Sakura-chan. Please don't make me explain it."
"No... Tell me, Naruto."
Naruto took a deep breath as Sakura watched him with her watery eyes.
"Well... I treated you that way because I loved you. I showed you that kind of affection because it was natural to me. Because that's how I felt towards you. So things can't stay the same, because if they do then that would mean I'd still be in love with you... And I can't love you because you're supposed to be with Teme and I'm supposed to be with Hinata."
"Oh..."
Sakura looked down contemplatively. Naruto watched her miserably.
"I'm sorry... I wish things were different."
The pinkette looked up at him.
"Do... Do you still love me?"
Naruto sighed in response.
"Yeah... I guess I still do."
Sakura's eyes lit up. She looked at him determinedly.
"Then it's not too late! Let's figure out what we should do about this."
Naruto gazed at her blankly.
"Sakura-chan... What is there to figure out? You don't love me. You love Sasuke."
"Okay, but he isn't here. If you love me, why are you just letting him win? You've already done so much for him."
The blonde frowned.
"It has nothing to do with him... I wanted you to be happy."
"And you think he's going to make me happy?"
"I don't know if he will or not... It's not up to me."
"So you don't know if I'll be happy with him, but you're letting me be with him anyway? Don't you care what happens to me?"
"Of course I do... It's just that you always wanted to be with him. I'm sure you'll be happy once you are. I'm not going to stand in the way of that."
Sakura looked at Naruto seriously.
"Naruto, do you really believe that I'll be happy with him? If you do, then I'll try to accept this. I won't cry or complain anymore, and you don't have to call me Sakura-chan if you don't want to."
"I... don't know. I guess I really don't have any idea."
"Okay, then I'll ask again. If you love me, why aren't you fighting for me?"
"I guess I don't feel like it's a fight I can win. You always loved him."
Sakura grinned playfully.
"Yes, because you always ran away from fights that it didn't seem like you could win in the past."
"Seriously... I didn't think I had a chance."
"That never stopped you before. Why did it stop you this time?"
"It shouldn't have... I don't know. I just kept telling myself I needed to let you be happy with him."
The playful smile disappeared from Sakura's face.
"Naruto... I hate people who lie to themselves."
Naruto gave her a surprised look before sighing.
"When I said that... I was lying."
Sakura raised an eyebrow.
"So you actually really liked people who lie to themselves?"
"No, but I loved you, regardless of whether you lied to yourself or not."
"Why did you say that to me, then? That really hurt me."
"Because you still loved Sasuke. I knew I could bring him back, and I didn't want you to be unhappy."
"Protecting my happiness again? It's not your job to make everyone else happy, Naruto."
Naruto gazed off into the distance.
"I dunno. I've always had a low opinion of myself from how I was treated for being the host of Kurama, so I guess I've always looked out for other people before myself."
The pinkette watched him with hurt eyes.
"Naruto... Why is it that I'm never able to do anything? I told Sasuke-kun that I loved him and that I would do my best to make him happy if he stayed, but he left anyway. Then when Sai said that you loved me, I thought about how much you were suffering over everything that was happening. I wanted to make things better for you, so I told you that I loved you. But you got so angry when I said that. So I tried to be there for Sasuke-kun again, but he still didn't want me. Even now, I'm not sure he does. Am I really so unwanted?"
"I'm sure he'll come around eventually."
"But what if he doesn't? I don't know if he can ever be what I wanted him to be."
"You can't help who you love, Sakura-chan."
Sakura cocked her head to the side quizzically as she looked at him.
"Really? But you love me, yet you're letting me be with him and trying to be with Hinata."
Naruto turned to her and frowned.
"Sakura-chan, what do you want from me? I did what I could. You're always going to love him. I can't do anything about it."
"I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy too, Naruto."
"Eventually I will be. Don't worry about me."
"But I do, Naruto. I've always worried about you."
"Well, you don't have to. My unhappiness is my business."
"Naruto... I'll never let you suffer if there's something I can do to help. Wouldn't you do the same for me?"
Naruto sighed.
"Of course I would, but there's nothing you can do."
Sakura locked eyes with him while wearing a serious expression.
"I think you're wrong. It's clear to me now that there is one thing I can do."
The blonde gave her a miserable look.
"Sakura-chan, don't. It's not what you want."
"Forget about what I want. Naruto, wouldn't it make you happy to be with me?"
"Of course it would. More than anything. But it can't happen. You love him, not me."
"What do I feel for you, then?"
"I don't know."
"Doesn't the fact that I want to do this for you mean that I feel something strongly towards you?"
"It might, but it's clearly not the same as it was with Sasuke. You had no doubts when it came to how you felt about him."
"Okay, so what? Who's to say that this isn't how it's supposed to be? Maybe it's different depending on the person."
Naruto glared at Sakura, who was now smiling.
"Sakura-chan, that's enough. This is ridiculous. Are you even attracted to me?"
Sakura nodded.
"Of course. You look a lot like your father, and it's been said that he was the most handsome shinobi who ever lived. You're handsome just like he was."
"People actually say that about my dad?"
"They do. And you're the same, Naruto. You could probably have any woman you wanted. I don't understand why you'd pick me."
Naruto's expression softened and he gazed at her fondly.
"It's because... You're Sakura-chan."
Sakura blushed deeply and looked at the ground.
"Naruto... Is Sasuke-kun ever going to think of me the way you do? Be honest with me."
Naruto paused and frowned before answering.
"... No. He was really cruel to you in the past. I really can't imagine that he could ever feel the way I do about you."
"Then, Naruto... Why should I be with him? I want to be with someone who thinks about me the way you do. Do you really want me to spend my life with someone who doesn't love me the way you think I deserve?"
Naruto stared at her for a few seconds before sighing.
"No, I don't. I wanted you to be with me. I still do."
The pinkette lifted her head to meet his eyes with a neutral expression.
"Then I'll be with you, Naruto."
"But you can't. You love Sasuke."
"But I don't want to love him. I want to love you."
"But you don't!"
"We'll figure it out, Naruto. We've solved so many problems together. There's no way that this one could be the hardest."
Naruto frowned more deeply.
"It's harder than you think. When Sasuke comes back, you're going to want to be with him. You'd hate me for getting involved with you."
"I could never hate you. There's no way that will happen."
"Well, even if you didn't, it would destroy me to lose you to him. It would be so much worse than if we were never together."
"Then, I promise that I won't leave you for him."
"Even that doesn't work. You will just be miserable with me, and I wouldn't be able to stand that."
"What else can we do, then?"
Naruto crossed his arms and bowed his head in thought for a few moments.
"Wait for him to come back. If you still want to be with me then, we'll try."
Sakura looked at him pleadingly.
"I don't want to do that! I feel like I'm going to lose you if I don't do something. Life is short, Naruto. I don't want to end up like Shishou."
"Well... I guess we could go find him and talk to him about this. I'm sure he would be open to that. Then you could make a better decision."
"Okay, but we don't even know where he is."
"Kakashi-sensei should know. I'll ask him. I'm sure I can get permission for us to go since it's to find Teme. When do you want to leave?"
"I guess we can leave tomorrow. I can get time off from the hospital."
"Well, do you want to meet at the gates at dawn?"
Naruto had a tentative expression on his face. Sakura frowned at him.
"Sure, I'll be there. But, Naruto, I don't think that this was fair to me. You never told me how you really felt towards me. Then you come to me and say that we can't be close anymore because I'm supposed to be with Sasuke-kun. I don't even know how he feels about me. He might not even want to be with me. Don't just decide things like that on your own."
"But, Sakura-chan, even if he doesn't, it doesn't mean you can just choose to love me. It doesn't work like that and I think you know that. I feel like you're just taking pity on me."
"Naruto, you couldn't be more wrong. But you can think what you want. I'm leaving. See you tomorrow."
/
The pair had started traveling to a town in Mist Country where Kakashi had said Sasuke was supposed to be staying. The journey would take about two days.
Naruto turned to look at Sakura.
"Sakura-chan, are you really sure about this? We haven't gotten far, so we could still go back."
"Yes, I'm sure."
"But, Sakura-chan. If we tell Sasuke about this, he might not want to be with you anymore."
"Then we should tell him. It'll make things easier."
"I don't think you really mean that."
Sakura glared at him with some irritation and stopped walking.
"Naruto, why is it always so hard for you to trust that I'm telling the truth? I said that I would be with you, so I will. Let me worry about what I feel for Sasuke-kun. If he doesn't want to be with me, then that only makes things simpler for everyone. I don't want my feelings for him to keep hurting you. I'm willing to give them up because I can't stand this feeling that you're drifting further and further away from me. I can't stand feeling like it hurts you to look at me. It's obvious that your feelings for me are causing this because I haven't returned them. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to see that, but I finally understand now. And I won't allow this to continue now that there's something I can do about it. I care about you too much to leave things the way they are. Can't you understand that?"
"I just find it so hard to believe that this is really what you want to do. You shouldn't sacrifice your happiness for me."
"Even if that's what I'm doing, and I don't think it is, I'd gladly do it for you. You were ready to do the same."
Naruto looked at her meaningfully.
"But I don't want to force you to be with me, Sakura-chan. Wouldn't you rather be with him than with me?"
"I don't know. What I do know is that you care for me more than I thought was even possible. And I'm almost sure I feel the exact same way."
"Really, Sakura-chan...? So if both Teme and I were falling, and you could only save one of us, which one would you save?"
"I would probably try to save both of you, even if it meant I'd fail to save anyone. I'm foolish like that."
Sakura smiled at Naruto as he smiled back at her and laughed.
"Haha... I'm the same. But what if we were really far away from each other, and you knew beyond a doubt that you could only save one of us?"
"I would save you. You're definitely the most important person to me."
"... Really?"
Sakura nodded calmly.
"Yes... I'm sure I would. And Sasuke-kun would do the same if it were you and me. There's something unique about you, Naruto. There are a lot of people who would consider you their most important person."
"But that doesn't mean you love me more than him, that just means I'm too important for the world to lose. That doesn't help us, Sakura-chan."
"Tell me, Naruto... Who's the most important for you? You're a lot of people's most important person, but there's only one of you. So who's your most precious person?"
"... You are."
"Don't you see? You're the most important person to so many people, and I'm just one of them. But you love me. How could I not feel the same?"
"I don't know if that makes sense. You've always thought about him romantically. I'm not sure how long you've thought romantically about me. I wasn't sure that you ever did."
"I guess the earliest would have been when you returned from traveling with Jiraiya-sama."
Naruto's eyes widened.
"But, that was a long time ago. How can that be? What about Teme?"
"You know, it's not unheard of to have feelings for more than one person."
"You mean... I had a chance with you the whole time?"
Sakura gave him a deadpan look.
"Naruto... I did tell you that I loved you. Even though you didn't believe me, and I was a little conflicted, you clearly had more than just a chance."
"But... I didn't want... I don't know anymore."
"Naruto, you didn't have to worry about making me happy. If it would have made you happy to be with me, you should have taken that happiness. It hurts to see you being so selfless all the time."
"But I couldn't. I knew I could get him back. And I wanted you to make a real choice."
Sakura stepped closer to him with a look of frustration on her face. Naruto shied backwards a step.
"But you took it out of my hands, Naruto. It didn't feel like you were trying to give me a choice, it felt like you were choosing for me. And that situation was not at all easy for me. I felt that I needed to give up my feelings for Sasuke-kun because they were hurting both of us. I wasn't ready to, but I wanted to do it for the two of us. Why couldn't you have just let me do it? I was trying to make things easier for both of us! The way things turned out, I feel like you pushed me towards him."
"I don't know. I just didn't believe you were being honest with the way you said those things."
"I was nervous. So many people were watching us. And I was really torn over everything that was happening."
"If you felt torn, didn't I do the right thing?"
"I really don't know if you did or not. I thought that we could be together and then it would be easier to deal with the problems that Sasuke-kun was causing. Instead, I was alone."
Naruto sighed in resignation.
"I'm sorry... I guess I should have handled it differently... I don't know."
"It's alright. I shouldn't have sprung that on you like I did. I should have told you everything so that we could have figured out what to do together, but I didn't want you to have to learn that Sasuke-kun was a missing nin."
"Haha. It seems like we're always trying to protect each other from something."
They both smiled.
"Aren't we supposed to be a team, Naruto? We should try to fix things together instead of trying to do everything alone to spare the other person."
"Yeah, but we don't have a great track record when it comes to that."
"Let's... Let's try to change that, Naruto."
/
They had walked quite a long distance. The sun was setting as they walked side by side. Sakura turned to Naruto and spoke up.
"How do you feel about Hinata?"
"I don't know. I guess I like her."
Sakura raised an eyebrow.
"But you don't love her?"
"No, I don't think so. When I'm around her, I've never felt the way I do with you."
"Do you think you could grow to love her?"
Naruto looked down, lost in thought, before looking up to meet her eyes.
"I don't know... All I know is that when I'm around you, I feel like I never want to leave. And I've never felt that way about anyone else."
"Do you think you could ever feel that way about someone else?"
"I don't know."
Sakura looked off at the scenery. They walked in silence for a while.
"Naruto... Would you want to feel that way about someone else?"
"Honestly... No, I wouldn't. Even if you never felt the same way, I feel like I wouldn't be myself anymore if I loved someone else. Loving you has become a part of who I am, so I want to continue to love you."
"And I said I want to love you, too. So we both want to love each other. Isn't that good enough?"
"Wanting to love someone and actually loving them aren't the same thing, Sakura-chan. Did you decide you wanted to love Sasuke the way you decided you wanted to love me?"
The pinkette chuckled softly.
"Actually, I did. Almost everyone I knew liked him, and I wanted to be popular. So I decided I was in love with him. But I only grew really attached to him after we became a team."
"Oh."
/
It had gotten very dark, so they stopped to rest for the night. After making camp, they sat next to each other in front of the campfire in awkward silence for a while until Sakura timidly spoke up.
"Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry I had you make that promise."
"It's okay. I wanted to. And I wanted him back, too."
"But I realize now that even back then, you must have loved me. I made you promise to bring him back even though you loved me and bringing him back would mean you would probably lose me. I'm so sorry, Naruto. I'm horrible."
"But... That was why I loved you so much. I loved that determination and devotion that you had. I just wished that you would feel those things for me."
The pinkette smiled softly.
"Naruto... I do."
Naruto opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. He was silent for a while before speaking again.
"I guess you do. I'm sorry that I keep doubting you, Sakura-chan. You really are an amazing person."
Naruto looked over at Sakura. She continued smiling to herself as she gazed into the fire.
