119The lexus came to a jolting stop, and Tim and Damian breathed collective sighs of relief. Dick, who had no prior experience with cars, had no idea how close he'd come to dying.
"Well. That's enough of that." Damian shoved the car door open before Jason could decide he wanted to find a new location.
"Where's this?" Dick glanced at Damian, and at his nod hopped out of the car.
"This," Tim flopped out of the car, "is Goodwill. You're a big fan in your world."
"Why?"
"Basically, they've got literally the all kinds of things. Lots of insane colorful stuff… it's basically a bunch of wild cards. And since you tend to be broke, the fact that it isn't stupidly overpriced doesn't hurt either." Jason seemed more pleased than Dick had seen him for a while… exhilarated. Driving must be fun.
"What are we going to get?"
"Whatever you wish. Literally anything. We have enough money to buy the store and not notice it," Damian informed him.
"Wha-what are you getting?"
"If we see something we want, we can get it, I guess," Tim placated. "But this is about you."
"What he said," Jason grinned. "Go crazy."
Dick looked back and forth, nervously. "Can-can you stay with me please? To make sure I don't mess up?" His eyes locked beseechingly on Jason, who stuttered to a stop before pulling himself back together with a grin that was warm and sharp with fragile edges all at once.
"'Course I can."
"We'll find things you might like." Tim gave Damian a significant look, and Damian scowled, aquitting.
"Of course we will. Come on, Drake. I believe I can find more items than you."
"You're on!" Tim pelted off down the blacktop, Damian turning and racing after him.
Jason walked up beside Dick, hands in his pockets. Dick bit his lip and turned, walking toward the store, Jason right beside him. Jason stared straight ahead of him, eyes drifting in whatever direction Dick wasn't. Dick stared at his feet. "What do I do, Jason?"
"Whatever you need. If you don't know what's expected yet, don't worry. Just make a choice. If it's wrong, fine. Learn from your mistakes. No one's gonna stop... carin' about ya'. Just… enjoy yourself. If you can."
Dick nodded quickly, and let his bangs fall over his eyes. Jason didn't look down.
"Richard, are you coming?" Damian stuck his head out the heavy glass doors, right into Dick's face. "I have already found you a sweater." Damian pushed the sweater at Dick's face.
It was a light blue, possibly robin's egg, with four robins crouched in the branches of a tree, three big ones around a little robin with a broken wing. Rain was pouring around them, but the leaves over their heads kept them dry from the storm.
Dick glanced up cautiously, then reached out with trembling fingers, fingering the soft cotton with a look of wonder on his face. "For me?"
Damian nodded.
"All for me?"
"Of course, Richard."
Jason glanced up. "You got anything, Tim?"
Tim held up diamond patterned socks and a dinosaur lunchbox. "Nothing that good."
He handed them both to Dick, who took them reverently, blinking back the sheen over his eyes. "All for me?"
"All for you, kiddo. Now let's actually get in to the store, before they think we're trying to steal all their merchandise." Jason bumped Dick's shoulder playfully, freezing up at the tear that spilled over his cheek.
"No more of this, G… Richard. They are for you, and you only, and you must do your best to think of the future instead of the past, and enjoy yourself. Come along, and you shall find shopping highly entertaining."
Dick nodded, smiling and hugging his newfound treasures close to his chest. "Let's go."
Jason grinned, and pushed past all three of his brothers, spinning to grab a shopping cart. "C'mon, Dick. I've got a feeling we'll be needing this." Dick nodded, and ran to get beside Jason, gaze lingering a little too long on the item in his arms.
"Would you like to pay for the sweater now?"
Dick nodded slowly. Jason jogged over to a cashier on her last customer and motioned for Dick to come over. Jason tossed the lunchbox into the cart and held the socks up questioningly. Dick nodded and grinned.
The line moved forward, and Jason tossed down the two items. "Somebody's a little too excited to wait. We'll get the box later."
The cashier smiled, ponytail bouncing around her head as she smiled, whisking the items under the scanner. Jason handed over a credit card, and Dick finished pulling off his shoes and socks.
"Well haven't you just got the greatest Daddy!" She smiled at Dick, with a hand on her cheek.
"Yeah…?"
"I'm his older brother."
"Well, you're adorable, the both of you. Have a good day!"
Jason grinned and nodded, tossing the sweater down to Dick, who pulled it over his head, followed in close order by his socks. Jason made sure the cart was out of the aisle and helped him get his shoes back on.
"I will teach you to do these yourself, later."
"Thanks, Jason!"
"Alrighty. Let's see what we can find!"
"Yeah! Thank you so much, Chicken!"
"Hop on!" Jason offered the cart, which Dick stepped on hesitantly. Jason pushed his hands to wrap around the slim metal. Jason proved to drive shopping carts every bit as recklessly as cars. Dick shrieked with laughter and the cashier shrugged at her partner.
"All right, this is called a speed run! Grab whatever looks cool and throw it in the cart!"
Dick's laughter rang throughout the entire store.
"Well, he sounds like he's having fun."
Damian grunted in reply.
"I can't believe you found that sweater."
"...Grayson once told me that thrift stores are magic. That lost clothes and toys go there to find their true owners, and if you ever looked hard enough, you would find something that truly belonged to you. And that's why you should never hoard too many objects, because you might be holding it back from someone who would love it."
"Dick's kinda smart that way."
"Yes. And unless Father finds us, we may not see him until we are all well past our thirties."
"... Yeah. But I mean. He's Batman. We won't be here that long."
"Perhaps." Damian pulled a tie dyed shirt off the rack. "But we all know that Father does not always arrive on time."
"Would you like purple unicorn or polar bear?"
"Umm…"
"Both, good choice!" Jason tossed both fuzzy onesies into the cart, which was very rapidly piling up to the brim. Jason leaned his full weight onto the clothes, pushing down with his palms, and squishing them into the bin.
"Chicken? What kinda onesies do you have?"
"Erm… none, actually."
"Why not?"
"... You know what? I don't think Timmers and Damian have any either."
"Oh."
"... Wanna fix that?"
Dick nodded so enthusiastically his eyes swiveled out of focus.
"Okay. We'll hide it under this other stuff… I'll try to sneak it in when they aren't looking. Cool?"
Dick squinted inquisitively, and Jason huffed. "Cool equals good."
"Cool! But… will they not want one?"
"They will once they have one. We'll… do a onesie night or something." Jason could suffer the indignity if he got to see Damian in a cat onesie. He'd been dead before. He was confident in his masculinity.
Besides, he got to choose what he wanted to be… knight, rabbit, bear, santa… ooh. Dragon. Jason could go for this…
"Jason, I found the perfect one!"
…
"It's a chicken! Because you're my Chicken!"
"You know what? My best friend is a goofball who dyed my costume pink, my other best friend is an alien who doesn't understand society, my other best friend is all the feminist, and my other best friend is a literal child in the body of an adult man. I've seen it all. And this wonderful uniform will be a fine addition to my collection."
"Jason… are you sure you know how best friends work?"
"You can have four best friends. It's a thing." Dick raised an eyebrow cautiously, then beamed at Jason's supportive grin.
"My point is that nothing phases me. I've got this friend named Roy, first best friend… the point is that I will take this chicken costume and I will own it. I will be a fabulous chicken, and no one can tell me differently."
Dick smiled blankly. "Why would you… not?"
"Well normal- never mind. Y'know, I actually think you've had quite the collection of these over the years, in my world. Good times. But let's keep this a surprise for Timmy and Dami, m'kay?"
"Sure, Jason!"
"Sweet."
"Jason? What're we gonna do after this?"
"More… shopping? Honestly, it's fuzzy. We'll probably hit a mall, or something."
"A mall? A real mall? What can you get there?"
"Anything you want, pretty much. It's a lot of fun, when you have infinite money."
"I thought we did this to save money?"
"I'm doing this for fun and to build you an entire wardrobe and toy entourage. We can all have some fun while we're at it. Besides, if anyone deserves a little fun, it's you."
"But using this-world's Daddy's card, right?"
"Look, we're talking about a rich guy who actually pays his taxes. He's willing to donate to a good cause."
"...Taxes are a good cause?"
"Well, sometimes, they… how did we start talking about taxes?" Jason threw a small stuffed rabbit at Dick's face. "Take that! It's nice for kids! It's fluffy."
Dick buried his face on top of the rabbit's head and giggled, glancing up at Jason. "Really fluffy."
Jason gave him a slanted grin and spun around on his heel. "I don't suppose you'd consider yourself done yet?"
Dick tucked the rabbit under his arm and nodded. "I think we got everything good in here. Will they be mad at us for taking so much stuff?"
"Naw. We'll just leave 'em with a bonus. Or, if you want, we can order some stuff to donate to 'em. You like doing that in our world when we clean out a place…" Jason yanked around the shopping cart, and gestured for Dick to hop on. "Though the big draw for places like this is clothes, and it's not like we bought them out of those." Jason smiled reassuringly. "They'll be fine."
Dick nodded, reassured, then squeaked as Jason launched the rickety cart forward at speeds more suited to a drag race than a retail store. Jason proceeded to sprint the cart into a hairpin turn to shove into the line of the same cashier as before.
"You go grab the other two, okay? I'll get us going."
Dick nodded vigorously and hopped off the cart, not a little shaky, and pelted off to locate his brothers.
"Tim! Damian! Jason says it's time to go now. Are you ready?"
"Of course, Richard! Did you find many pleasurable items?"
"Um… I think so!"
Tim elbowed Damian in the side. "So you had a good time?"
"Yeah! Did you?"
"Oh, yes. What are we doing now?"
"Going more shopping! To the mall! Jason says a mall is a big huge store where you can buy almost anything in the whole wide world and they have moving stairs and there's so many floors you can stand in the middle and look up and see 4 whole floors all at the same time and people stop you while you're walking to sell you things! I want to buy everything anyone tries to sell me! That would make them happy, don't you think? Oops! I need to go grab something!"
Dick dashed off again, and Damian rolled his eyes and pushed his cart forward again, Tim, with his cart, trailing behind.
"At least he's acting somewhat normal."
"I suppose so. Drake, do you think we should've brought two cars?"
"... There's a strong possibility."
"Should we… rent something?"
"I don't know. It might tip someone off that we're… us."
"We could have Todd do it. People are very unlikely to identify Todd."
"Point. We'll talk about it in the car. Maybe it'll make him slow down."
"Or distract him from the road!" Damian pushed his cart behind Jason's.
"Is that heresy about my completely safe driving skills I hear?"
Damian scowled. "No. We were saying that we should ditch you for as long as possible so we can rent something to actually haul around all these… articles."
"Don't see why we have to. Doesn't Dick like holding on to all his stuff and unloading it all at once?"
"Well unless you would like to be actually swimming in all this, we're going to need to do something. Especially if we're actually going to do more shopping?"
"...You might have a point. So why me?"
Tim dumped the last of Jason's items onto the conveyor belt and pushed his shopping cart out of the way. "You're the adult. Besides people probably won't… y'know…" Tim glared meaningfully, and scooping his hand repeatedly.
The cashier leaned forward, eyes wide. She whispered, "Oh my goodness… you're the Waynes aren't you? Are you in disguise?"
Damian groaned and facepalmed. Tim did his best to not glare at Jason and Jason did his best to avoid rolling his eyes.
Tim responded, voice hushed: "Yes, mam, we are, but could you please not-?"
"Mums the word! I won't say a thing, promise!"
"Thank you."
"Of course I just… who's the kid?"
"Distant relation," Jason piped in. "Really distant. But a good kid. We're taking care of him for a while."
She bobbed her head, smiling and leaned back on her heels to continue scanning their items.
Dick ran back up to his brothers waving a blue and black jacket excitedly. "Tim, Damian! Do you like it? Is it any good?"
"It's perfect, Dick." Tim reached out to toss the jacket on top of the shrinking hill on the belt. "Is there anything specific you want to get?"
"No! I don't know anything, Tim! I want to see everything!" Dick laughed, throwing back his head, then doubling over hysterically. "I don't know about anything!"
"Well, there's a whole world out there, take my word for it." Dick managed to restrain himself and hold Jason's gaze. "We're gonna take you to see all of it."
"Weeeeeeee! Faster!"
Jason's maniacal laughter was probably a source of concern to the other shoppers, but Jason had paid good money for wheelie shoes and he had paid good money for Dick's wheelie shoes and Tim and Damian had probably paid good money for theirs but if they couldn't keep up then that was their problem. Also it was Bruce's good money. So there was that gem, too.
Jason sprinted forward and grabbed Dick's hand, pulling him into an arcing swing with both arms, Dick shrieking in excitement as Tim probably made disapproving faces somewhere in the background. Forget Tim.
Dick, as it turned out, had excellent balance. Dick could stand up while spinning in circles. Dick could stand up while spinning on one leg while Jason spun him in a circle. Dick could also do a brief one-armed hand stand on Jason's hand while Jason skated backwards, but Tim had told him to stop before they really got in trouble.
As Jason did not want Dick's first excursion include a skirmish with the law, even just the mall cops, he aquitted to Tim's suggestion. This was a compromise.
"There's a candy kiosk up ahead, Cap'n!"
"Land ho?"
"Ho!"
Dick could also stand up after being released and spun ten feet into a kiosk full of overpriced candy.
"Jason? That was amazing!" Dick double fist punched the air, and Jason slid over for a high five.
"Right?"
Dick had to jump to reach Jason's hand, then landed on his wheels, sliding backwards.
Damian skidded in behind them, and sniffed. "I give you an 8.4 for the release, Todd. Your balance was atrocious and there was no finesse whatsoever."
"Oh, come on, how long has it been since we 'trained' on wheelies?"
"A year?" Tim pulled in beside them and ruffled Dick's hair. "Big Dick would be so proud of us for remembering this well. To think we said it would never come in handy!"
"Jason, what kinda candy can we get?"
"Do you want the store?"
"Mmm… not just for me. I don't think I could eat everything in a store."
"Fine. Then just get whatever you want. If they have any laffy taffy, I'm getting it. And Snickers, too."
The dry, unimpressed look Tim shot Jason went over Dick's head; the most reaction it received was a roll of Damian's eyes before he broke off to accompany Dick.
"Hi, Damian!"
"Richard."
"What kind of candy should I get? What do I like?"
"Absolutely anything. The more sugar the better. So… try cotton candy."
Dick reached for a swath of blue cotton candy, which Damian plucked from his hands to replace with rainbow swirled fluff. "You will like this better. Believe me."
Dick grinned. "It's pretty. What are you gonna get?"
Damian tilted his head, then hauled over a 1-pound hershey bar. "This."
"Oooh."
"We will get you one too. But not yet, because you need to experience more tastes first, and this would fill you up too fast."
"And it won't do that to you?"
"I have all I need."
Dick slipped out a smile, walking hesitantly over to the cashier, and glancing to Damian for confirmation.
Damian tossed the money onto the table as the cashier eyed them like interesting but possibly rabid animals.
"I assure you that we hold no association with the two cretins behind us." Damian deadpanned unblinkingly.
Dick glanced upwards in confusion. "But aren't they our brothers?" He whispered, head tilted.
"They are adopted."
"Am I… not?"
"You get a pass for all-around superiority."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Incorrect response."
"Thank you?"
"Close enough."
"Us too!" Jason schplopped every snickers bar and laffy taffy in the store onto the counter, followed by Tim depositing an unhealthy amount of coffee candies.
"Explain to me how you plan to carry all of these."
"I have lots of pockets."
Tim held up a backpack.
"I don't suppose you'd be willing to share?"
"No, Jason."
"You're mean."
"And you almost killed us all today with your driving, so I hold no sympathy for you. What insanity are we getting ourselves into next?"
Jason grinned.
