63AN: Honestly, I don't know why I am writing so much. It's got to be something inside of me that is compelling me to do so. Even if no one reads them I have to write them. This story is based off of a song I love and wanted to write about for years. I just never knew what story to put it with. The song came on shuffle while I was at the gym, and bam- the story was there. All of it.
Inspired song: Panic! At The Disco: This Is Gospel
Penelope looked around the airport. This was it. She had made her decision and as of twelve hours ago it was final. None, of the team blamed her. Sometimes especially when you get older, you realize change is something you have to do. If not, you could be stuck in the same day to day life that never moves forward. That was the case for, one: Penelope Garcia.
She loved the BAU, and the people she worked with. She'd love each and every one of them until the day she died. Sometimes, though, love wasn't enough. She wanted more.
More life, more fun, more everything. And, way less gore and pain.
Plus, she was tired. Tired of everyone around her moving to the next step of their lives. JJ was having her second child, Reid was in a serous relationship with a cute girl he'd meet at a coffee shop. Rossi was married for the fifth time now. Hotch and Jack had officially moved in with his longtime girlfriend. And then there was Derek. Derek was happier than the rest of them. He was beaming with love for his wife, Savannah.
That last one, always hurt her heart a little more than the others. But, you deal with the cards that are dealt to you in life. Sometimes a shitty hand makes you realize you need to fold. You can only bluff so many times.
Virginia didn't have want she needed anymore. She wanted something different. Something for herself. Since her contract had expired a few years ago with the bureau, there was absolutely nothing holding her back.
Pulling out her phone, she looked at the background image. It was one of Derek. Shaking her head foolishly, she opened up her photos and started scrolling. Might as well look for a new background. It was time to close that door on Derek. Penelope had always loved him. More than friendship. More than she would willing admit outload. Sighing she closed her eyes. Last night at her going away party, he had stayed close to Savannah's side. She didn't think they spoke more than a few words the whole night. In all honesty, that's how it was now. It'd been like that for the better part of a year. It was another reason she knew she had to make a change.
And a change, she was definitely making.
Montana.
She still couldn't believe it. No one could. That's what made her want to do it more. It had been her secret dream for years. Owning a small log cabin somewhere she would be able to have a big garden. She'd plant everything she'd loved to eat, including many flowers. She'd completely deck out her house with all the latest technology, too. All while being able to look out her bedroom window to a view that could take her breath away.
And, that was exactly what she was doing. She'd already purchased a small log cabin in the mountains. Sure, it would take some time to adjust, but this was her dream. And even though almost everyone she told it to laughed at her. By golly she was going to do it. She'd already acquired a web design/ coding job that she could do from home. She was set and more than ready to finally take a chance and move on, just like everyone else.
Maybe, she could finally get a dog. Maybe two. Hell, she could get a full pack of them if she wanted to.
"Penelope!"
She turned to the voice. Her heart actually skipped as she saw Derek running full speed towards her. "Penelope!" he yelled again.
She stood up as he skid to a stop in front of her. "Derek?" she asked, completely surprised.
"I'm so glad I caught you before you left." He was breathing hard. "I didn't know what terminal you were at."
"How did you get past security?"
He smirked as he held up his badge. Penelope rolled her eyes. "Naughty boy. What would Hotch say if he knew?"
Derek's face lit up. "He'd only know if you told him."
They both laughed. Taking a deep breath, she gazed at Derek. Years ago, she would have dreamt of a moment exactly like this. She'd be leaving to a far off land, her lover not being able to take it would fight though everything to stop her. Funny how dreams sometimes become a reality- she looked to his ring finger and saw his wedding ring still firmly in place- only to show what you couldn't have. "Why are you here, Derek?"
He looked at her, pensiveness in his eyes. "I couldn't believe you were actually leaving."
She looked puzzlingly at him. "Didn't the going away party clue you in?"
"No- I mean, yes. I knew the going away party was your goodbye but I honestly didn't think you really meant it. That was until this morning I went into your office to have you pull a file for me and I realized all your stuff was gone. Everything was completely gone. No nick knacks, no trolls, no fuzzy pens. Anything. Then I rushed to your apartment. I looked through the window on the side and there was nothing inside. The walls had been painted white."
Penelope cocked her head to the side. "The movers hauled it all away. I haven't lived in that apartment for two weeks now. I'd been staying at Reid's. He's almost never there now anyway."
"Now boarding Flight 121 Billings Montana."
Penelope looked over her shoulder. "That's me." She bent to pick up her bag, when a hand stopped her. She straightened and looked into Derek's eyes.
"Don't go," he whispered.
She could feel the tears start to wheel in her eyes. Glancing quickly to his left hand she still saw his wedding band. Closing her eyes, she pulled all the courage she could to the surface. "Don't." She opened her eyes. "Don't ask me to stay, Derek."
He took her bag from her hand placing it on the floor. "I have to. I can't have you leave me…us."
Within seconds, her world seemed to crash around her. How could he do this to her? How could he ever ask her to stay? Especially, when he was married. He had his happiness, why couldn't she find hers? Swallowing she spoke, "I have to leave."
"No. Penelope, you don't."
She reached for her bag once again before putting it on her shoulder. "This is the first step to finding my happiness, Derek. This is my chance to find what you already have." She looked at his ring making sure he understood her. She held her breath bracing for whatever he could say next. 'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars. The fear of falling apart. And truth be told, I never was yours.
"Are you really leaving because I'm married now? I love you, Penelope. You can't leave."
"I was never yours to love," she whispered, as her heart was breaking. If she left the airport right now and went back to the BAU, nothing would have changed. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Derek would still go home every day to Savannah. And, she'd be left in the same exact spot she'd been in. Alone, heartbroken, and miserable. How dare he make her feel less for wanting a change? How dare he say he loved her and show her the truth behind his words in his eyes? But he still wore her ring. He'd still go home to her every night. She didn't blame Savannah. No, Savannah was lovely, sweet, and beautiful. She looked perfect on Derek's arm. Two perfect puzzle pieces. A jigsaw puzzle Penelope was never meant to fit into. "If you love me let me go," she said.
"Let you go? Penelope I am telling you I love you. I can't let you go. You're my best friend. My everything," he pleaded.
"Final call for flight 121 Billings Montana."
"Savannah?"
"What about her?" he asked.
"Where does she fit into this?"
"She's my wife."
With those words, she knew her choice was made. "I love you, Derek, and I can't wait for the team to get some time off. I'd love it if all of you would come and stay with me. It'll be a beautiful little get away. You will always be welcome." She leaned forward and kissed his check.
Derek stiffened. "Fine," he growled. "You know what, Garcia? I don't even know why I bothered coming here. I don't think I'll be able to make it when we get a break. I've already made plans to go see Savannah's parents."
She had a sharp intake of breath as her heart shattered. Words are knives that often leave scars. "I understand." She swallowed as she did her best to not cry. "The offer will always be open." She turned on her heel leaving Derek behind. She was off to start her new life. A life that was sure to give her some sort of happiness. Even if that was without him in anyway.
AN: First: Savannah is NOT bad in this story. PLEASE- Do NOT bash her… LOL. Two: thank you for reading. It always means a lot to me. In the end, I write stories I would like to read and it always makes me happy that others want to read them too.
Also, the Profilers Choice awards are going on. Go check 'em out.
As always. I love you all, and you all mean the world to me. You'll never truly know how much.
