14If there were pictures in the dictionary, the picture for "obsessed" would probably be of Davina Davis. At least, that what's Joel believed. He and Davina had been carrying (or more accurately, slowly rolling) a Dwarf Bulborb to a Winged Onion that neither of them knew existed outside of their instinct to carry things to an Onion.
At some point, they had to stop going due to how the hills they were crossing grew too steep, and immediately afterward Davina started to go on and on about stuff like 'pathfinding' and 'ultra-spicy berries' and drowned her words in a geeky jargon sauce that solidified into a rocky surface and smashed into Joel's tired 'ears'.
"...So, I'm thinking that maybe, given how we need to go in this direction and it seems we have no detour, we could use the strength provided by ultra-spicy berries to charge at the Dwarf Bulborb and force it up! Whaddayou think, Joel?"
Eventually, Joel had finally managed to start filtering Davina out without her noticing, making a couple interested-looking nods and the occasional "M-hm."
Davina kept talking for what seemed like forever, when...
"Joel?"
"Huh? W-what?"
Davina sighed. "Aren't you listening to me?! I asked, what do you think about it?"
"Uhh... I..." Joel paused. "I... think it's good, yeah. Definitely alright."
Davina's expression changed to something like a smile. "Alright~!"
Joel blinked. "Yeah...?"
Davina grabbed Joel's arm. "Let's go try it, then!"
"Huh?!"
Davina started to drag him along.
"U-Uh... M-hm."
After a minute of awkwardly being led, Joel arrived in front of a couple strange-looking plants that were thin and stood tall above the two humans-turned-Pikmin by at least three times their height. At the plants' ends were small clusters of blood-red berries that shone in the daylight, contrasting with the plants' white petals.
"These," Davina explained, "are the Burgeoning Spiderworts I mentioned! They have the ultra-spicy berries that can power up Pikmin!" She paused with an excited look on her face, seeming to wait for a reaction.
"...M-hm, OK," Joel uttered.
Davina flew up to a Spiderwort and laid a hand on one of the berries. "Let's see if I can get this..."
She hugged up to the berry, which was just slightly smaller than herself. She moved her head around, inspecting it.
Davina leaned her head back and jerked it forward to whack it. After just a couple more whacks, the berry detached from the Spiderwort, taking Davina with it.
"Uwaa~h!" Davina cried as she fell, still holding tight to the berry.
'Who says "Uwaah"...?' Joel wondered as Davina got back up.
"Whew!" said Davina. "That went easy!"
"M-hm," Joel said flatly.
Davina picked up the berry. She looked at Joel. "Now how does this work..." she murmured, fluttering towards him.
She tossed the berry at Joel.
Joel was knocked over by the unexpected berry hitting him right in the face. "Urgh!"
Davina gasped, then squinted and put her hands to her face. "PPFFVFVFFFKKHHHHNN," she uttered, trying not to laugh.
Joel sat up and glared at Davina.
"I-I'm sorryy!" Davina said, letting out a chuckle with each syllable.
Joel groaned. He turned to the berry, which had rolled off of him. Davina followed his gaze.
"OK, so in the games..." Davina muttered, picking up the berry again.
"In the games you throw berries at your Pikmin and make them fall over?" Joel said flatly.
Davina's eyes widened as she stifled another giggle. "N-no! These ultra-spicy berries can be used to power up your Pikmin temporarily... But that's with the spray. I don't know how to get use out of the berry itself..."
Davina's head perked up and it seemed like a lightbulb went off inside her head. "Oh! Of course!" she said, laying the berry back on the ground.
'I don't like the way she said that...' thought Joel.
Davina grabbed Joel's stem swiftly and lifted him by what felt like a foot to him into the air.
"AH!" Joel yelped as he was taken up. He would definitely not get used to this any time soon. "What are you doing now?!" He kicked slightly in instinct.
"I think it speaks for itself~," replied Davina.
She let go of Joel, and he fell onto the berry. It practically exploded under Joel's stiff, rocky body, as its crimson juices spilled onto him and the grass below.
"Ew!" Joel sat up immediately, cringing at the liquid sticking to his body. It almost reminded him of blood, if not for the strong scent being much more like a weird pepper than iron-rich hemoglobin. He couldn't see much of it stuck to him, but he noticed that it seemed to soak into his noodly arms.
"Huh...?"
"...OOOHHHH!" Joel shouted as he felt some sort of energy course through his inflexible body. He stood up and started jittering in place, wanting to do every activity in the world twice over and then again and holy crap what the hell is this stuff
"Wh-wh-what-th-thehellisthis?!" Joel stuttered like his mouth was folding over itself, prompting Davina to finally laugh her ass off.
Joel only glared impaciently with twitchy eyelids at Davina as she tried to force some words past her cackling but she only managed to say a weird gibberish made of the sounds "Ghk-khhh nnnnggghhrst I-I'mfffffff hahah-HAHAHA"
Davina laughed so hard she couldn't focus on flying and she just tumbled to the ground in a tornado of snorts and chuckles. Joel quickly and annoyedly jogged toward her. He kicked her slightly and that seemed to finally get her out of laughter city.
"Pfffh, sorry, Joel~!" said Davina. "That's just the effect of the ultra-spicy berry; it makes you way more energized and stronger."
"O-k-kay," Joel replied, "but culdn't'cha'vewarn'dme?!"
"I guess I coulda, but where's the fun in that?"
Joel looked at Davina like he was trying to burn a hole into her with the sheer power of will.
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. But you know that there's a reason why I did this!"
"Noidon't," Joel instantly forced out his words instead of wasting time thinking.
"Pshaw! Yes you do!" Davina put a finger to her left 'temple'. "Here's a hint: it starts with DWARF and ends with BULBORB and we've been carrying it all the way here."
"Th-the... thefuck'nbulborb?!"
Davina made the fakest gasp imaginable. "Oh! Language! But yes, it is!"
Joel facepalmed. "O-fucking-kay then let's geddon that," he said as he power-walked to the Bulborb corpse (Bulborpse).
Joel took a couple steps back, then charged at full speed into the body. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" he yelled like a man trying to piss with a kidney stone. He rolled the Bulborpse with the fervor of a dung beetle making a ball of dung as he took it over the steep incline.
Joel made it to the top of the small hill, then proceeded to keep on pushing the body like he was trying to push it into another dimension and he ended up falling straight down the hill.
"Oh! Are you OK, Joel?" Davina asked half-worriedly, fluttering down to Joel.
Joel glared at Davina.
"I'll take that as a yes," Davina said.
Joel stood back up, cursing under his breath. Davina paused.
"...Well, let's get back to moving this Bulborb," Davina said a bit sheepishly.
"Sure," uttered Joel. He jogged over to the Dwarf Bulborb with Davina trailing behind.
Joel grabbed the Bulborb, followed by Davina.
"Wait," said Davina.
Joel turned to Davina. "What?"
"I think you should grab it after me."
"Why?" Joel asked, then sighed.
"Be-CAUSE~!" Davina exclaimed, "I think I've explained this already, but basically, if something is carried by a color of Pikmin, and then an equal number of another color, the location they'll take the thing to is where the first color would take it-"
"OKyeahIgeddit," Joel said as he took his hands off the Bulborb, letting Davina grab it before him.
"Alright," replied Davina, "let's go!"
Joel could feel the ultra-spicy berry's effects start to wear off already, but he ignored it and pushed the Bulborb with Davina.
In the blink of an eye, like teleportation, they had rolled it somewhere else. They were standing at the base of a tree. It was an incredibly tall tree, even by Pikmin standards. Its rough brown bark pierced through the bright blue visage of the sky like a wooden knife cutting a cake made out of crab blood.
Joel looked around. Davina did, too.
"Huh," said Davina.
"Where's the Onion?" Joel asked pointlessly.
"I dunno." Davina shrugged.
"It should be somewhere around here, right?" Joel took a few steps toward the tree. "Let's go looking."
Johnny and Irving were standing at the edge of a large river. They were originally trying to take a Dwarf Bulborb corpse to a Blue Onion, but they had no way to pass the river.
"I have an idea," Irving had said.
"What is it?" Johnny asked.
Irving stepped over to the Bulborb, resting his hand on its side.
With a strained "HNNNNNH," Irving started pushing it solo.
Johnny blinked. "Don't tell me you're gonna push it in the-"
Irving pushed it into the water, holding tight onto it and screaming like he was doing a Tarzan impression as the river's flow swiftly threw him down its path.
Johnny stared in befuddlement.
He slowly stepped in the direction that Irving went, eventually breaking into a sprint. "Dammit, Irving! What do you think you're doing?!"
'I barely know this guy, but I already know he's weird!'
"NYEUUEUEEGH," Joel groaned in discomfort. He wouldn't say he was scared of heights, but he was definitely developing some sort of acrophobia after being lifted up what felt like a thousand miles into the air by Davina while they were trying to get to the top of the tree.
"Agh-! Stop wiggling so much!" said Davina, clearly struggling with holding Joel as he nervously kicked and flailed.
"Do we really need to be doing this?!" Joel yelled in response. He definitely wasn't afraid, though. Not at all. What do you mean his voice is cracking, you're totally just hearing things, definitely.
"You agreed!" Davina retorted. "You agreed to go to the top of the tree in case there's something there!"
"SHUT UP! I didn't agree to have you pull me into space with your stupid wings!"
"You didn't stop me and my stupid wings~! Also, how else are we gonna get up there!"
"Yeah, like I could stop a bird plant using noodle arms."
Davina was silent for a moment. "Does that mean you could stop a plant that is a bird and that uses noodle arms, you could use noodle arms to stop a plant that is a bird, or you could use noodle arms to stop a factory for birds?"
Joel paused puzzedly. "...None of those. Haven't you heard of sarcasm?"
"Yes, why?" Davina asked.
Joel speechlessly stared at Davina, or more specifically at a small sliver of Davina's pink Pikmin hands around his stem. Joel then glanced down for a moment before cringing in what definitely wasn't fear and just opting to stare straight forward, trying to suppress the obsolete feeling of needing to vomit.
'Davina's so weird,' he thought.
Scrip scrip scrip scrip scrip scrip scrip.
That's roughly what it sounds like when Johnny runs across rough gravel trying to catch up to a crazy police-officer-turned-Blue-Pikmin who decided that it was a good idea to throw himself down a river like a fish wannabe.
Johnny had been running for just a few minutes, but it felt like hours had passed, with his aching legs screaming at him to stop and with the hard gravel hurting his feet.
Eventually, Johnny came across a bend in the river. On the other side of the river were Irving and the Dwarf Bulborb he had taken with him. He was dripping wet and clinging onto it with a shell-shocked expression on his face, eyes widened like he was traumatized by a plot twist in a book.
"HEY!" Johnny shouted.
Irving didn't respond.
"...YOU ALRIGHT?"
Irving slowly pushed himself up, shivering and mumbling something that was barely audible even to Johnny. "...never going in the water again..."
Johnny sighed.
"ARE YOU OK, DOUG?!" he yelled.
Irving startledly looked around for a moment before noticing Johnny. "...I'M FINE, AND PLEASE CALL ME IRVING," he yelled back.
"OK IRVING!"
They stood silently for a couple of seconds.
"...ARE YOU JUST GONNA STAND THERE?" Johnny asked.
"Uh, NO!" Irving replied.
"THEN COME OVER TO THIS SIDE!"
"...NO."
Johnny blinked. "WHY NOT?!"
"I... I DON'T THINK I NEED TO!"
Johnny felt like smirking. "YOU'RE AFRAID, AREN'T YOU?"
Irving blinked. "HELL-uh, HECK NO!" he yelled offendedly.
Johnny stifled a chuckle. "SURE, SURE!"
Irving looked away and angrily grumbled.
"...not gonna take this shit from a fucking kid..." Johnny could faintly hear.
Joel was regretting all of his life decisions so far.
More specifically, he was regretting letting Davina pick him up and fly to the top of a tree in hope that there would be a Winged Onion somewhere around it, even though it was just looking for a needle in a haystack.
(...I'm sorry. This is over.)
